Entry Sesak Kepala

It took such a long time to have this published...kan? Apahal nya? Busy...that's why...

Peperangan mulut dan emosi antara puak-puak berhaluan kiri Jamaica & Nigeria yang berkerja dibawah arahan supervisor nya yang didatangkan khas dari Paroi Jaya, Seremban semakin berlanjutan and menyesakkan kepala. Hish...kalau kepala diorang yang sesak takpelah jugak...ni kepala aku yang jadi mangsa...speaking of which...their kepala is literally sesak tau..with their rambut. Sometime you don't know what sort of pesen rambut they arrived with when they come to work...ada yang macam tocang lipan...and pulak yang macam kena karan...but let me tell you, gagak don't wash their hair for weeks...mana yang good hygiene tu,takdelah berbau...mana yang dah le BO nya dah tak boleh nak tolong, kalau yang lain dah tak berbasuh berkurun lamanya...harus kau boleh mati keracunan toxic tawww....

Their attitude at work aggravates the hell out of me. Hari-hari I datang kerja, I kena ugut. Kalau kena ugut dengan patient tak pelah kan...because selalunya dengan patient ni, kita dah mentally and emotionally prepared...tapi kalau dengan kaum yang tak di officially diagnosed ni, payah jugak.Bagi arahan sikit, ada ke dikatanya aku cuba nak threaten dia? When you try to rationalised...dijawabnya dengan kata-kata 'hey, I'm not deaf'.

I started to employ my own team in that unit. One Australian guy and another cockney guy. Very efficient...and Boss is very happy. We got this massive complaints from other unit of Social Services (the unit that pays) and now, dengan pertolongan jantan-jantan yang efficient (dan hensem) ni, maka terlihatlah sinar-sinar positive dalam pesakit-pesakit mental dalam my unit ni.

But, last week, the guys..my new guys dah berura-ura nak berhenti.Katanya, mereka menyampah sungguh dengan puak-puak hitam neraka sisa tu...(amboi..emosi lah ni) The treatment they received from puaka-puaka tu sungguh mematahkan semangat.

Some may ask, Makji, you kan Boss they all...apasal you tak nak sack aje 3 ekor burung gagak tu? Okay...I think, yang sorang tu bakal dipecat middle next month...sebab selama 3 bulan ni, puas I mengumpulkan bukti-bukti kukuh yang dia tu sungguhlah tak berguna nya. Bukan senang nak sack orang...especially kalau orang itu orang hitam. The common (and boring) consequences ialah mereka-mereka ni will then counter attack you dengan racial discrimination. Tak kuasa nyah..nak berlawan-lawan dalam court!!!

To be quite honest, I find this task...eliminating people off their job is very depressing...maklumlah kan..aku ni sensitive.

I am really struggling here...so, ni nak mintak jasa baik orang-orang yang tak berapa hitam yang tengah berpantang tu...kalau blog ni tak active, janganlah nak meroyan macam orang kena Paranoid Schidzophrenia Tahap 3 pulak....kang I suruh DBI prescribe Risperidal Consta injection, kau nak ke? Terus kau diam 2 minggu kan?

To Puan Zaiton, yang kembali semua kealam blogging setelah di Pushing Daisies oleh Abg Leeds (matilah tatau cerita tapi nak nompang sekaki), selamat kembalian...kamek mauk visit kitak dia sia kelak.

To Hjh Leemah...yang tak tau as we speak ni kat Europe ke, kat Scandinavia ke..kat mana-mana crusing or cottaging ke (matilah mulut ku yang jahat inieew) akan ku laksanakan Tag mu ittew...after I balik from training nanti...

To Bini Mokhtar....ghaib terus nah? Apahal?

To Lokmang............mano nya Samperna Ijau?

Cya soon.

Must Have Bad Streak

Tadi I bukak blog kat opis and terkantoi....

Takdelah major sampai nak kena disciplinary ke apa, it is just that my opis mate notice the 'It's Too Late' yang secara automatic will come out when I'm on the page. My opis mate tanya..eh Makji, you suka dengar lagu ni eh? Ada apa-apa ke Makji?

Because my opis mate ni baik ati,I takdelah rasa nak menyumpah dalam hati 'mind your own business' githoo...sebagai meng cover line, I pun cakaplah 'Ohh..I just like Carole King'.I think masing-masing in the mood ber gebang...maka teruslah bercakap pasal music and how it affect our lives...boring tak tempat kerja I? Hajat hati nak jugak bercerita pasal laki orang tu ada affair dengan saikoteri dia or bini orang tu ada affair dengan drebar taxi bla..bla..bla..but really, there is no one of that kind of occurence to be gossiped about about, Hah!!! Lagi boring kan? Like I said, orang putih ni kalau ada masalah-masalah cam tu suka gi kompang dalam daytime television...biar satu negara tahu.I think it is better like that...alang-alang nak bercerita sangat hal kain dalam, buat lah terang-terangan aje...semua orang pun akan tau and there will be no such thing as 'I or you talking behind our back'.

My opis mate ni, on work placement kat opis I...dia ni lagi experience from me you...in terms of qualifications nya...compare to I yang qualifications ala-ala hidup segan mati tak mau ni, bila nak buat decision aje, kena refer buku.Si Makcik ni, segala info ada dalam kepala, fresh from the oven githoo...

Opis mate I tanya...is that song about your current partner, if you don't mind me asking? I pun cakap...I'm not sure, maybe yes and maybe no. Hmmm...interesting.

Tapi bila I thought hard...the song was about arwah my ex...maybe it is 10 years too late, tapi aku bukan ke ada syndrome delayed reaction...kalau orang buat joke semalam, hari ni baru I bantai gelak sensorang...

Opis Mate I terkejut gila bila dapat tahu yang pakcik ni baru mati and that we actually separated over 12 years ago...apa ke bangang benau kau ni Esah...dah 12 tahun? Orang mati laki pun dah kawin baru tau...

I ada dengar-dengar orang kata..to be good at mending the broken subject, one must have been badly broken too.Kiah reckoned I'm a psycho...of which, aku dengan hati terbuka nya menerima kejian nista kau itu...but, kalau lah aku tak psycho, kau pikir, aku boleh ke bekerja dengan MH patient ini? Or shall we re word this as, the professional with the highest passion on his/her job? To be a lawyer, I believe the person have got to be manipulative...I said this to my lawyer friend yang pastu terus dah tak nak cakap dengan I.

It's nothing personal lah...it is just an adaptation of a character, ada orang boleh bawak, ada orang belajar sampai 3rd pastu fail...siapakah orang ittew?

I am an avid fan of Alan Sugar's 'The Apprentice'. To become a successful businessman, you have got to have that domineering streak and shrewd. But orang business often mistaken shrewd for criminal. My point is, yes, lawyers is manipulative...that is how you get things done...but although manipulative will remain a character, what you believe is totally different thing. If you believe bad is bad, then it is bad.Take tukang gantung...person specification...muka and character kena garang and believe that silahabau yang akan digantung memang patut kena gantung...but they can always be a good family man and friend with a kind heart.

So, salah ke ada bad streak?

But, apa kena mengena nya dengan 'It's Too Late' ni? Takde apa-apa...

Come Clean Solution

Cik Kiah, ibu beranak dua yang femes di Lembah Klang itu, remarked in my tag board about the previous post.Apakah moral dari kisah separa sedih I ittew?

Well,Cik Kiah yang dikasihi oii...semenjak bila pulak posting-posting dalam blog I ni bermoral? Boleh dikatakan semuanya mempunyai unsur-unsur hasutan, enough for the cybercop to detain me under tah hapa-hapa ISA act.Takde satu pun boleh dijadikan iktibar. But since you asked, I think the slightest idea of suggestion from the posting is that...kalau hati dah terluka,sakit.benci ataupun yang sewaktu dengannya, maka buatlah keputusan mengikut kata hati and bukan nasihat orang.Sebabnya, hati sakit, sendiri yang tahu.Although nasihat-nasihat berguna will not go amiss, yang kena menanggung consequences ialah diri kita sendiri sendirian berhad. So, is that good enough for you, Ma'am?

My patient at the new workplace asked for a private chat with me today. Pakcik ni suka lari dari rumah pi ngisap ganja katanya...and akan hanya kembali kepangkal jalan (ermm..meaning the house) bila dia terhoyong hayang tepi jalan and kena angkut dengan Police.So, kami-kami nilah yang kena pergi menjamin sebab kalau tak dijamin, maka ke hospital bahagia lah jawabnya...but lately ni, semenjak I selalu buat pep talk dengan dia, jarang pulak dia lari.I cakap kat dia, kalau you nak hisap ganja hisaplah..tapi jangan hisap dalam bilik you nanti bilik you terbakar pulak.I think, he is so used to people judging him and when comes to me, I selamba je kata...nak hisap ganja, hisap lah...and that psychology works...because dia dah start

1) Mandi

2) Makan and

3) Bersosialan dengan patient lain.

Si Pakcik ni tak kasi I take note, takut I gi report kat psychiatrist katanya...but I cakap dengan dia, I need to take note anyway so that I can remember things better.

Dia tanya I how to come clean about a guilty secret (mak datukk..part ni paling lah I tak gemar tau...pasalnya, most of the guilty secret yang aku dengar semuanya kejam-kejam belaka that I have to report...but be mindful jugak, kenkadang secret they all semuanya buatan sendiri as in karangan sendiri...so, buang karan aje kan?)

So, I decided to play it safe. I let him talk but selalunya, jantan kalau ada rahsia, dia akan simpan sampai mati...lainlah kita pompuan ni kan....kalau boleh iklan dalam Berita Harian cerita kain dalam, harus kaya NSTP. Si Pakcik kata he can't take it anymore as the secret is killing him but on the other hand, confession can mean more trouble ahead, so dia nak mintak pandanganlah ni. Selalunya I will ask...'apa rahsianya, bang...cerita la kat I'. But I think 'I raped my own mother' tu enough to put me off mendengar confession-confession gila babi orang-orang ni.

My suggestion to him was not to be selfish. Dia tanya..kenapa lak Makji cakap camtu? I pun explain la..no matter what is your transgression, the first thing to decide before you decide to confess is whether it will help anyone apart from you. Think about how it will affect people who is involved, sebabnya..clean conscience isn't always a best reason to confess. I know this guy from school, he forced himself to this girl yang dia syok gila. This girl pulak dalam benci-benci tapi rindu githoo...so, it happened. This girl was shattered but didn't reported it sebab malu or for whatever reason. Years later, this guy, agaknya dah join Al-Arqam and terus lah nampak cahaya kebenaran...pergi la confessed dia rog pompuan ni. Hah!!! Enough said...sampai bercerai pompuan ni dengan laki nya and it caused a lot of hurt feelings to plenty people. Kesimpulannya, pengakuan dibuat atas sebab nak clear kan conscience....so, kalau nak clear conscience, bukankan kau patut mintak mahap kat pompuan tu rather than mengompang kat orang ramai yang kau tu perogol bersiri? Ciss..sel pish sungguh!!!

This lead to another suggestion to confess quickly, and tak payah lah kau nak tunggu 40 tahun or sampai kau dah kena throat cancer or dah tertelan ikan pari baru nak ngaku...'ayaaa..unuhhh...ia....uhukuhukuhukuhuk...' pwekkk, terus muntah darah and kena cardiac arrest!!! It is best to come clean quickly as possible, however terrifying it may be.Very often it is not the deed itself that's upsetting, but the deceit that followed it. Confessing quickly also keeps the situation in your control.You might not want to hurt the other person, but imagine how much worse it would be if they found out later on through someone else. (Aduihh..terasanya diri ini...)

Another we might want to consider ialah tatasusila.Practise lah what you're going to say...gunalah ayat-ayat yang macam lengkong.Bear in mind that grand announcement might not be the best approach.Takde guna organise family dinner, panggil the whole family and announce that you fell in love with your adik ipar.Kau ingat ni Eastenders ke? If you're not sure how the other person will respon to your confession, introduce the subject gently and see how they feel.They may be far more or far less sensitive to situation, which will affect how you handle it. Don't ever do this at your sister's wedding ke, majlis adik bersunat ke...'Abah...6 bulan lepas, kak Long and boipren Kak Long buat project kat dalam reban ayam belakang rumah...Kak Long bertobat Abah.....'. You may feel that honesty is best policy and owning up is grand...tapi, tengok tempat lah ek?

I think we all should be prepared that semua pengakuan ada consequences nya.Saying sorry might ease your guilty conscience, but it may not be enough to truly make amends.If you confessed to your flat mate that you ate her Cabdury Whole Nut giant bar...bersedialah, maka that is probably the last time you'll be eating her chocolate and be prepared to be accuse of the same everytime ceklat dia ghaib dari dalam fridge. You far more better off cakap kat your flat mate yang tikus bawak lari...semua orang bahagia.

Sekian.

Bila Hati Dah Patah...

***Cerita ni ada kena-mengena dengan orang hidup and orang yang dah mati***

I was reading the Sun newspaper today...(alaa...suratkhabar yang ada model Page 3 tu la..semua pompuan pakat-pakat tunjuk blow up breast masing-masing tu) Tah macam mana, tiba-tiba hati tergerak nak baca the Dear Deirdre column tu, yang ala-ala Cik Sri Siantan.Problem mat salleh ni semuanya ganas-ganas belaka,ada affair dengan mak,nenek, makcik or adik kakak girlfriend sendiri lah, affair dengan receptionist or secretary kat opis la...bini jiran sebelah la...selagi ada pompuan/jantan yang sedia rela untuk di kongket semuanya boleh jadi and the day after, mulalah rasa gundah gulana and terus tulis surat kat Deirdre ni.

The problems and questioned asked is all so similar, like whether or not si mangsa penipuan ni patut maafkan and terima balik si pemangsa yang masa kongket tak ingat dunia.I think 8 out of 10 will forgive tapi tak forget and 2 out of 10 will fuck off the relationship for good. The number of people that forgive ni selalunya ramai, chenta lah katakan, walaupun hati membara.The one that fuck off and forget selalunya akan berdepressed lah sepanjang zaman mengenangkan nasib malang, why me? why me?

Sebagai mangsa penipuan kekasih lama yang sangat ku chenta...2 kali pulak tu, this subject remain the hardest for me even offer my opinion, let alone nak advice orang.

The first time, ramai betul yang nasihat supaya lupakanlah si Shamsul tu...ye lah, masa tu I makan pun tak lalu.Friends reckons that it is a clean cut case, he married another woman, good enough reason untuk kau ctrl-alt-del kan from your kepala hotak.But he was my first love, although takdelah perfect nya...and bila pikir2 balik, all the years together, aku ni yang sebenarnya macam a stagnant perigi and he is like a wheeled timba and bebas mengambik air kat perigi-perigi yang lain.

But, trusting my own judgement that I know him too well all our years together, there goes our 2nd attempt together, only to be hit with more heartbreak.

In 35 years, I only ever loved one man...(Raja Nazrin tak kira okay?) he is dead now but towards the end, I know that despite all the penipuan he committed, he still feel the same about me.Things just didn't happen the way we want it.

Ada gak orang tanya, Hjh Esah oii..you dok cakap pasal dia aje, nampak sangat still holding a torch.Jawapannya, memanglah...lampu suluh memanglah dah terpasang since zaman MRSM lagi...ada zaman malapnya...tapi lampu tetap menyala.He was single before his death, which I have known for a while.Kiranya, bolehlah nak mencuba kali ke 3.

I guessed what it is, is whether or not I can live with my conscience, dengan jantan yang kata chenta kat I, tapi dalam chenta-chenta, tergamak sungguh menipu diriku yang suci ni.Ciss!!!

You often read about a person emotional struggle, whether or not to give their relationship another go, for the sake of it.This is not something accidental like, Diet Coke kena spike pastu berlaku lah segala perkara yang curang, or secretary super gedik yang jenis will come on to your husband gila-gila punya.You are able to consent an affair, be it emotionally or sexually.So, sudah-sudahlah nak bagi alasan 'I don't mean it like that'.You damn right know what it mean or what it can lead to in the first place.

Understandably, we can't cope with loss.Especially if its orchestrated.It makes it harder.I think, the moment we realise that is not quite right and we started to fell different about it, as a human, we should really start grieving.Part of the grieving process is saying things that you've never said.

When Shamsul cheated on me the first time, I know I can no longer feel the same about him.I just follow my heart because I loved him.I have another lifeline when I agreed to have a second go with him.That in some weird way made it bearable.

My current partner knows how much I love my chenta agung.It seems unfair emotionally.But when your heart is shattered, it really takes your feeling to a different place, where love will stay but whether it will be strong enough to withstand the complexity of the relationship,only your heart will tell.

Susah...bila hati dah patah ni.

Pesanan Kemanusiaan

Sebelum Makji berkompang dengan panjang lebar nya, ni nak le mengucapkan takziah kat all the Chelski/Chelsea supporter, atas kebangangan Drogba kerana dia dengan tak malu nya gi menampar tahsapasapa MU player tu and dapat red card dan menyebabkan si defender nya yang gaji dekat sejuta sebulan tapi nak gi hairdresser pun tak mampu, si John Terry yang kaki pengkar sepak penalty pun tak lepas!!!!!

Sebagai penyokong Arsenal dan juga kekasih sulit Emmanuel Adebayor, I tak heran la siapa kalah ke, siapa menang ke...tapi sebagai tanda simpati kat sorang lagi kaki pengkar penalty tak lepas Frank Lampard yang baru 2 minggu menjadi anak piatu pasal mak nya mati, it would be nice if Chelsea win, for Frank Lampard.Tapi, dah takde rezeki kan?

Actually kan, I ni nak buat pengumuman plus peng kutukan kat certain-certain orang yang kononnya live above board githoo...laki kaya raya...shopping setiap masa.Tapi tak jadilah, takut nanti naik syok pulak I kutuk sedar2, ada yang sakit ati and tetiba, aku pulak yang kena santau.

Tapi macam nak kutuk jugak lah sikit2.Orang kata, style one must possess and can never be bought.So, with hubby earning 30-40k sebulan, shopping nak rak kat segala mall dalam dunia ni pastu siap kompang kau-kau lagi kat orang.You can wear $500 worth of shoes but still tak jugak transformed into Girls Aloud.You can dressed your baby of segala mala designer kit tapi tetap gak budak tu comot macam baru lepas main tepi longkang...

See, Victoria Beckham pun tak cerita kat orang anak dia pakai baju brand apa...or how much DB made monthly.

Shall I say, over berlagak not allowed la kak oii...sungguhlah desperate hoswipe nya!!!

Lastly, sesapa yang suka pinjam duit kawan tu, ingat-ingat lah nak bayar balik ye?

Taraa...(eh..aku cakap pasal siapa ni, Kiah?)

Facebook Response

Ni nak bagitau kat orang yang baru lepas beranak tu...udah-udah nak buat demand tak menentu ye, tak baik. Dah le akhlak masa mengandung macam Britney Spears, ni dah keluar anak pun, akhlak macam Amy Winehouse.

Tapi, nasib baik lah chenta kan? Maka ku turuti kehendak mu yang rakus itu. Nak hapdate sangat...ni hapdate lah ni. Since kau pun tak pernah bertanya apa khabar diriku, ni nak bagitau lah yang aku ni tengah ber demam.Sok sek sok sek githoo..sambil menunggu kopok bantal yang tak tiba-tiba dari Post Opis Putrajaya...

Disini jugak, I nak ucapkan selamat menjaga kesihatan diri kat Budak Convent Seremban kat Negara gagak tu.Sakit tekak tak leh nak menelan katanya..tapi, telan benda lain boleh kan?

Cik M kita, dimana jua awak berada, this is the answer to your question....yakni, macam mana cara nak mengatasi and how to cope with a pathological liar and kaki kebas kat opis you.I have to say that I am no expert but hopefully, my thoughts make sense.

Pencuri ni biasanya mencuri because they really wanted the thing that they have stolen. Ni category pencuri berhemah pasalnya, they don't strike that often and they will only steal if the desire to own what they can't afford presses their naughty nerve.Long time ago, my brother was apprehended (ni tak termasuk kena terajang macam nak mampos dengan my father) because dia telah mengebas Game & Watch (permainan mahal nak mampos yang femes di tahun 80an, sebelum wujud nya playstation bagai) our neighbour.

Kesian my brother.Game & Watch that time cost about $48.00. Boleh katakan budak-budak jantan kat Taman Perumahan yang kitorang duduk tu ada Game & Watch sebutir sorang.Papai lah, Miki Maus lah, Oktopus lah...many types of games. I can only suspect that my parents thought that spending $48.00 for a game is way too expensive when they can easily buy Snake & Ladder game for $3.00, plus alasan klasik mak bapak taknak beli dango** (Lizs, kitak tolong explain apa makna dango ya) is that nanti lalai tak nak belajar.

My point is, his motivation to steal is because he wants it and in normal circumstances, he can't have it. So he resort to steal.Macam ni pun bahaya jugak, because it show an abnormality in a person behaviour.Yes, you have reason for the action but the failure to understand this is still wrong and criminal is highly questionable.My brother carry out his abnormal thoughts, which at that age is forgivable since kau pun budak lagi, cannot comprehend the consequences (but I am sure he has after kena belasah dengan father) But still, if you still can't understand why certain things is unjust, maka adalah ketidak seimbangan chemical dalam badan.

Cik M is experiencing an office thief, yang before dah kena tangkap and lepas tu dah bersumpah demi Allah tak nak re offend tapi tetap jugak mencuri.What can we make out of this? It is very obvious that this thief is not a kleptomaniac, since dia dah mintak maaf and bersumpah bagai. Kleptomaniac selalunya tak boleh register what they do in an instant but shortly afterwards, baru sedar yang dia dah mengambil barang tanpa permission and had to carry out still because they just can't cope with the consequences being caught.

For the non-kleptomaniac orientation ni, the obvios reason ialah they know what they're doing and they're aware of what is expected of them bila tertangkap and masa tu, dengan automatic nya, dia akan bersumpah mengalahkan Comissioner Of Oath promising sun and moon yang dia tak kan mencuri lagi.It is pathogical since there's no way of stopping and it's kind of built in their blood stream.The only way to stop them is potong tangan aje...as that will be the indication to them psychologically and blatantly to stop stealing. Although this is not a guarantee yang mereka-mereka ni will no re offend. Takde tangan, boleh mencopet pakai kaki pulak nanti.

I am afraid, until they have comprehensive psychoteraphy that will make them realise and rationalise, si pencuri-pencuri habitual ni tak kan berubah. So Cik M, my advice to you ialah, bila you keluar lunch ke hapa, silalah kunci pintu opis, all your cabinet drawers and jangan lupa bawak handbag sekali. Simpan ayat kursi ke hapa tak kan menjadi, pasalnya pnecuri-pencuri yang macam ni telah men brainwash diri masing-masing yang they all tu masih ada masa nak bertaubat nasuha.

Sekian. Hope this helps.

Agony...Part 2

Maka Dr Mahathir pun dah keluar UMNO sebagai tanda protest to tiDOLLAH. What should I say...,entah lah.I don't know why tiDOLLAH bother, the job is very stressful and he is certainly not very good at it.If there is an opportunity to blah and still get hefty pension, pergi ajelah kan?

Then came the loyal supporter...or shall I say, the ardent boot licker.Nak tunjuk taat setia pun berpada-pada lah...si loyal supporters ni bukannya under educated macam I ni, semuanya pandai but is this just an act of desperation? Semua bangsa duduk atas pagar.Waste of space betul.

The situation in my other work place pun begitu jua.This Demoted Manager, walaupun tak pernah lagi kena tangkap tido dalam opis, she might as well be labelled as sleeping on the job, hypothetically speaking.Dah le pemalas, kebijaksanaan nya sungguh diragui (and this made me sound like super duper bongkak)

I tried to make connection with her emotionally but kesudahannya, I yang rasa macam nak pengsan and geram sungguh dengan kebodohan melampai batas nya tu.

I really don't feel good about this. I'm sure if my nature contributes to how I really feel or this is just a bad thing to do.I took over her job.The resentment from her is so clear.I told her that this is not personal, I shouldn't really said that but somehow, I feel I should because for some reason, I am consumed with guilt...padahal pada dasarnya, she lost her job because she is not up to standard.

Things get really difficult each day, I hounded her like a wild animal, pointed out her mistakes blatantly.I keep telling Boss that this made me feel bad.Boss cakap, if you ask them to do their job then, that is not wrong.Betul lah tu, Boss tapi I started to feel like a big bully, knowing that DM ni takdelah sepandai mana (mak datuk..terserlah kebongkakan ku) but keep on expecting that DM will do wonders.

CPB kata, let find more evidence to get rid of DM. This is business, when you can't deliver, there goes you.DM cannot deliver and I agreed with CPB that she should be sacked. Tapi, I pulak rasa bersalah...everytime I look at DM, rasa nak cakap aje...sudah sudahlah, janganlah nak melawan Boss lagi.Do yourself a favour and step down, your standing ground is wobbly.I heran betul, setelah si DM puas mengadu domba kat CPB katanya I ni tak pernah berpuashati dengan her work dan tak termasuk gossip liar yang ditaburnya untuk memburukkan nama I, I still feel so kesian and hoping that CPB tak sack dia, transfer her to another level and just let the able one work.But si DM ni, arrogance nya boleh tahan...

Betul lah orang cakap kan...your greatest enemy is your own conscience.I am struggling and I don't know if I can live with it.Semua orang cakap kat I, kalau si DM tu kena pecat, tu salah dia sendiri...tapi tah macam mana, aku pulak lah yang terasa aku nilah penyebab utamanya.Adoiii!!!!

I strongly believe in retribution.Takut jugak bila memikirkan kalau lah Makcik ni berdendam kesumat dengan I, maka suatu hari nanti, aku akan dapat balasannya.We never know...hari I ada kuasa, besok segala-gala boleh ghaib dari mata.Siapa tahu?

How I wish I don't accept the challenge in the first place.Emotionally I am so very weak.Dia ada anak kecik pulak tu...

CPB asked me to decide if I want to take the promotion.Mula-mula macam nak jugak...tapi bila pikir balik, duit banyak hati kelabu asap pun tak guna juga...

Macam mana nak masuk The Apprentice ni, Hjh Leemah oii?

Agony...Part 1

Ohh..hari guru kan, hari ni?

Well, to my sister yang mengajar kat Sekolah Budak-Budak Bohsia kat Shah Alam nun...Happy Teacher's day lah hah? Padan lah muka kau..siapa suruh buat TESL dulu...kan ke dah kena jadik cikgu?????

I am a bit liat dalam update mengupdate blog ni...bukan apa you all, first nya...laptop MB dah kena hantar service.Sudahlah sidua orang tu tak ber laptop,maka I yang baik hati ni kasilah pinjam laptop I.Maka, I pun terpaksa bergantung harap kat office computer.Ni lah padahnya browsing internet sambil ber hisrok kan? Puas dah ku nasihat...jgn hisap rokok masa pakai pc...but towards the end, bagi nasihat kat MB serupalah macam bagi nasihat kat Amy Winehouse or Pete Doherty supaya jangan isap dadah...bak air lalu aje laa...

Ni nak cerita lah kat you all.Sebelum I gi berchotti that day, I pun buatlah lawatan muhibbah sekejap kat workplace number 2 kat Harlesden, area gagak tak bertamaddun tu, Manal oii...tak kan kau tak tau? Kurang ajar tak I? Ada unsur-unsur racism lak kan?

If I'm being honest, which I am..brutally...I always find gagaks is a racist git themselves.Talking about being discriminate by the Putihs...yang obviousnya, gagaks always made themselves stood out for a wrong reasons, pastu tuduhlah orang lain unfair la..tu la ni la....

Adalah sorang council Registrar ni...job description kata Registrar ni one of the responsibility nya kenalah mengahwinkan sesiapa aje yang nak kahwin kat Registrar Office tu.Civil Partnership ceremony is included.Tup-tup, The Registrar, wanita gagak yang boleh tahan jugak la religiousnya, refused to perform the Civil Ceremony for 2 mamat ni....(ayo..kesian kan...jantan selalunya liat nak diajak kawin...bila dah nak kahwin sangat, tak dibagi kebenaran gitu...cesss) Kata wanita gagak ni, as a Christian, harammmmmmmmmmmm !!!! And because of that, she refused to do her job yakni me register kan civil partnership kat 2 jantan ini. Nak jadikan cerita nya (nak jadi cerita apa...memang dah jadi pun) kawan-kawan se opis pompuan gagak ni, macam dah tak happy la...(katanya sigagak ni lah) and she claimed that her work colleague treated her badly, singled her out...dah tak nak minum kopi sesama gittew....

So, wanita gagak ni rasa ter pressure sangat (pressure hapa nya..kalau orang tak nak minum kopi dengan kau..kau gi lah minum sensorang) maka she had no choice but to leave.And now she is suing the Council (surprise..surprise) on the ground on discrimination based on religious belief.

Okaylah....look at her point of view, as a Christian, same sex marriage haram lah kan.But this is a job.Religious belief aside la..she could have been more subtle...tak yah lah terang-terangan discriminate si jantan 2 orang ittew.After all, this is UK, same sex marriage is already legal.Lainlah kalau kat Paroi Jaya kan? But knowing the gagak...to get their point across (especially dalam part-part homophobia ni) kalau satu dunia boleh tahu, lagi bagus.Talking about discrimination kan?

In line of work, our hands are tied sometimes.But there is always a choice.

Okaylah...since I dah melalut sangat (janji nya nak cerita pasal my trip to the other workplace kat Harlesden tu) let me tell you what happened to me on that lovely Saturday, 2 days before I jet off to Isle Of Sicily.A day earlier, hati I memang dah panas ni pasalnya I dapat tahu telepon opis dah kena potong (pasal HQ lambat bayar bil) and si Demoted Manager (DM) ni boleh buat McDonno and tak report kat I pun.Berhempas pulas lah I gi buat call sana sini and kesudahnya bayar bill telepon dengan my own money and si Puaka DM, boleh buat tak tau, padahal I dah put her in charge.

So bila I jumpa dia that Saturday, I pun tanyalah...kenapa you tak bagitau I? You tau tak, kalaulah ada emergency, macam mana orang nak call you? DM masih lagi menunjukkan muka McDonno nya kat I.Dalam pada dia tahu I tengah hot/bengang tu, boleh pulak dia buat last minute request nak mintak balik awal.I pun kata, apsal you selalu buat request last minute? Dia boleh kata dia tak nampak rota...padahal benda tu dah terpampang atas dinding.So, I pun start la cakap..eh, you tak boleh buat macam ni..blablabla...and selamba badaknya, dia blah je from the opis.I pun cakap la...don't walk away when I'm talking to you.Nak tahu dia buat apa? She kissed her teeth at me...gagak silent way to say PakYu gittew...

Wah..bertambah panas darah ke...I cakap balik, Don't kiss your teeth at me.Terus dia menjerit kat I, why are you quarelling with me...(eh, siapa yang cari gaduh ni?) Terus dia cakap kat I, I'm older than you, be careful when you talk to me. Boleh tak, melawan boss macam tu?

I left earlier than expected that day...it must have been 5 minutes after I left and I was told, laki si DM ni datang kat unit, sambil menjerit-jerit cari I.Katanya, mana Hjh Esah ni? Apasal dia suruh bini aku kerja lebih-lebih ni...ohh!!!

Boleh tak? Panggil laki dia serang I kat opis.Nasib baik I dah balik, kalau tak...haruslah aku berperang mulut.But knowing me yang penakut sungguh ni, ada yang mati sakit jantung kat opis nanti.

When I came back, I terus bagitau Boss si CPB tu.CPB punyalah marah...terus bagi dia warning.Dia sekarang ni ada sebulan to shape up.Or else, she will be ship out.

Ohh Bosss...aku chenta padamu.

I was really shaken after that...and I think that is why, I haven't been writing. I do feel uneasy about the whole thing.But I'll tell you about it soon.

Tarraaa....

Untuk Tatapan Hjh Leemah

Mak datukk...ada ke orang nak makan kat kedai ni?

Ferry to Gozo Island,Malta

Mediterranean Sea from the Catamaran

Island of Malta from the Catamaran

Best Blog?

Mutalib (tak tau lah if this is his nama sebenar) has likened my blog to RPK.In term of popularity, if I understand him correctly.

If I also remember correctly, he is the same person who persistently torturing me, when I had that accident with Baby Sam.Ahh..cerita sudah lama.Sam turned 2 yesterday.He was singing happy birthday to himself non-stop when I saw him.To my delight, he has successfully managed to pronounced my name correctly.Ah...really amazing anak yahudi yang comel tu.

RPK.I read his blog sometimes.I am not his biggest fan, infact, I don't think I like him at all.I really have instant disliking to NATO type of people.But NATO type of person seems to gather massive follower.Biasalah...kan ke manusia ni gemar menda-menda superlative ni. No Action,Talk Only.I met him in person some long yeas ago at a wedding in Istana Perlis,KL.My best friend was married to his cousin.He is what he is in writing.Quite brass to my liking.

He is now in jail, if I'm not mistaken.Awaiting trial or for whatever reason.He wrote something quite provocative.He must have a good resource for that.

Nevertheless, Malaysian needs someone like him.Someone who can really stand out to point and verbalise all wrongdoings.But I think, Malaysia needs some action.Berating non-stop dalam blog takdelah gunanya.It is quite unfortunate that Malaysian Government practise 'selective freedom of speech'.They let Khairy Jamaluddin lambasting all the oppostion right up centre but people like RPK, get his point and frustration across through his blog.

We are indeed quite similar in objectives.Expressing ketidakpuasan hati.Berkoyan-koyan and sampai sakit tangan I menaip.Marah dengan orang tu, marah dengan orang ni.I labelled my blog as a cheap humour yet another container to offload my stress.I have a very stressful job and I am constantly not happy.

I don't take pleasure mengumpat dalam blog.I still live within the society yang masih lagi 'kena cakap berpada-pada'.Because of certain behaviour restrictions in my real life, maka this page is dedicated to people yang tak dapat ku maki direct to the his/her face.That will ultimately made me talam 2 muka.Lantak lah...mangkuk bertingkat pun tak pe.

RPK is way above my league.He has great insight and passion.I just don't share his interest and I think,I don't like to be asociated with his musings.RPK is like many other disgruntled anti goverment supporters.He called names and derogate them.Just because they have different views.

It is like, ppl hates Tun M, and called him Mahazalim.I still can't understand why, but there's really no need for name calling.Lainlah I yang sah sah jahat ni.

If you want to enjoy cheap humour, read on. This is certainly not the best blog after RPK. I think the BEST is the one that is link to mine.That worth reading daily.

Sekian for today.

Sekian.

Tuesday Thoughts

Kalau tak silap I, last week when I was at Weymouth, terbongkar lah kisah si Tua bangka from Austria tak sedar diri kubur kata mari rumah kata pergi kambing gurun bangsat..eh, cukup-cukup lah.Kang tak habis pulak posting ni dok nak menyumpah aje kan? Alaa..you know, that story about 73 yr old father who kidnapped his own daughter, forced her down into the cellar, persistently raped and abused her leading to the birth of her 7 children, dah mati sorang tapi dah kena buang masuk incinerator for the last 24 years.

For the life of me, I can't even begin to comprehend how it happened.Kalau boleh imagine pun tak nak.Begitu kijam nya.

Sekarang ni Si Tua tu pandai pulak nak kata yang kepala nya tak centre itulah yang menyebabkan dia jadik begitu (committing all these offences). Sakit betul hati I mendengar nya. Jantan memang macam tu lah kan...bila dah menyetan tu, mula la kata kepala ada sikit biol la, tak centre la...likened it to his manhood yang centrally positioned tu, macam lah takde excuse lain kan?

In my work, without given a choice, I have to work with a convicted paedophile yang kalau boleh jangan kata muka nya, yang itu-itu pun rasa nak ku potong masuk food processor.But my hatred for them will not beat my disgust to the puaka who melantak darah daging sendiri.Mana perginya perasaan kau pundek oi??!!!! (Hish..ni emosi gila babi ni...)

I think in Malaysia some years ago, adalah satu generation Datuk,Bapak and Abang dok merogol cucu,anak and adik kandung.Kalau lah si 3 beranak ni masih lagi tak kena gantung, patutlah justice system in Malaysia tu dilontar dengan telur busuk aje.

I have plenty of clients who was abused and raped by their own father, brother, uncle or apa aje segala sedara mara jantan they all.The effect on them as a person sungguhlah menyedihkan and I really salute those who emotionally has risen above it, sebab nya, susah sungguh nak move on apabila digasak oleh the love and the dependable one.

Rape is always about taking control for someone who unable to perform so emotionally.That seems always is the case.The predator always know the effect this may have on their victim and that bring ultimate satisfaction.

Boleh kata 9 out 10 jantan tak centre kata kat I dalam session-session teraphy they all, yang the best way to show frustration to woman is by raping or killing them.Ni yang tak centre, yang separa tak centre pulak akan membuli dan menyeksa bini or girlfren memasing cukup-cukup.Kalau boleh, 20 jam sehari tu perlu dihabiskan untuk stalking pompuan-pompuan lemah ni.Jantan, tak dapat control directly, remotely pun jadik.Puaka sungguh.

The children affected by the abuse is very much a damaged goods.Their mother was raped by the man they thought were the father but is actually the grandfather, in front of them.She was shunned away for 24 years, made to give birth alone 7 times and now, facing the world carrying her father's sin.How is she going to cope emotionally, tuhan aje lah yang tahu.

When I was working with the one of International Carrier, one of the office girl was raped by her father.Obviously, she was the topic of the relatives hot gossips.She moved away, father was sent to jail.She told me that her mother blamed her for her father's inprisonment.Already disheartened by the where the loyalty lies, she build herself slowly away from them.I can only imagine that being a victim of a sexual crime is not easy.It can scar you for life.Being done by the supposed protector is the hardest truth to swallow.This girl developed hideous attitude and wasn't well liked by the people at work.

If I know what I knew now, I would have different attitude towards her and maybe, I would try harder to be her friend rather than sympathising unconsciously of her tragedy.Because of how we were, she may never recover from that ordeal.

People always say that you can run, but you can't hide.But I think the truth is, you must hide your pain and keep on running from it.

If this make sense.

Well Deserved Break

Yes you all...Makji telah kembali.

Sepanjang masa Makji diperantauan (eleh..takdelah jauh..2 hours flight aje) masa-masa terluang telah dihabiskan dengan tiduran, memanjat bukit bukau, mengukur pekan,menjamu mata and mulut.

When I arrived Catania Airport yang sungguh tak glams ittew...eh, let me tell you this ye..sebagai rakyat Malaysia, bersyukurlah kehadrat Ilahi kerna chantek nya KLIA itu berbanding dengan airport-airport kat Europe yang kebanyakannya dah seasoned ini. Dah lah airport tak chantek, pegawai-pegawai Immigration nya, harapkan lawa...tapi budi pekerti non-ado gittew.I spent almost an hour in custody. Macam lah aku bawak drugs ke menda. Kunun nya procedure...habis segala tulisan dalam passport ku dipersoal kan...apsal nama dalam passport lain, apsal nama kat driving licence lain...apasal ini, apasal ittew...malah, berapa duit ku bawak ,nak ditanya nya jugak.Pulak tu, siap mintak nak check tengok. Purse ku yang mungil tu pun habis dibelek-belek nya you all...

When all is clear, mulutku yang mungil ini dengan takde insurance nya tanya, is that all really necessary? Normal procedure, Madam. Is it because I'm a Muslim? No Madam..normal procedure. Hah..lantak kau lah...apa-apa pun, nasib baik sandwich chicken salad ku tak dirampas nya.

Kesianlah si Tua ittew (On yes, I travelled with F, kan ke longstanding honeymoon ni?) menunggu kat baggage area. I dengan senyum dalam tangisan nya (takde lah nangis..drama aje) cakaplah...if same thing happen in Stansted when we get back, can you give the Officer the dirty look for me?

Sesampainya di hotel, I terus melompat atas katil untuk menyambung tidur yang tak cukup.The hotel where we stayed ada Indian Restaurant.We decided to have our dinner there and sekali lagi, mulut ku yang extra peramah ni, after dinner, terus tanya kat the Restaurant Manager, are your chef really Indian?

Bukan apa you all, I ordered Chicken Vindaloo...nama aje Chicken Vindaloo, tapi rasanya macam Chicken Bolognese aje.Not only the Vindaloo tasted un-Indian, the Tarka Dhall rasa macam air mata and the Briyani rasa macam Celaka!!! Honestly, I am not fussy about food at all...apa orang bagi, I makan.Tak cukup garam ke, kurang apa-apa perasa ke,asalkan boleh makan, I makan saja.But the food is a total abyssmal dengan tah hapa rasa membuatkan diriku ni tanpa segan silu menanya soklan kat Manager tu.Ghopa-ghopa nya, Chef nya orang Nepal.But Nepal-Nepal pun, ni bangsa tak reti masak, nak masak ni.Ciss...habis 25 Euro ku berterbangan tanpa haluan. F dah warning I, jangan komplen kuat sangat...bagilah compassion katanya...eh, baik lah pulak? But I am passed the mood to be nice.

Seperti yang dijangkakan, bulan madu selama seminggu itu juga sangat meriah dengan adegan-adegan pergaduhan nak bercerai berai!!! Boleh? Orang lain, pergi bulan madu kat Bali terus mengandung, I pulak, jangan kata nak mengandung....nak berbunuh lagi ada.But, we both tried very hard to be civil, so selepas puas 'Fuck off, go to hell, you bastard, drop dead' and bermacam-macam lagi kata nista, we all ada jugak berbaik-baik and ber romantik-romantikan and bergaduh balik, baik balik...cam tu ajer lah cycle nya.

While F is quite happy to menghitamkan kulit macam omputih-omputih yang lain....ish..tak paham nya.Apalah kejadahnya nak menyakitkan diri? I ni, kalaulah boleh berpayung, harus aku ber Siti Tanjung Perak bawak payung kulu-kilir, but tak nak lah pulak dikata weird oleh orang sekeliling.I ni, selagi ada tempat redup, selagi tu lah I berlindung.

I often wonder, kat UK ni, the risk of the omputih dapat skin cancer is so high, dek suka berjemur..tapi they all masih jugak suka berjemur.Suka benar nak membunuh diri kan? Tak dapat bunuh diri immediately, they decided to do the slow death type of suicide.I sempat lagi warning F, you janganlah nak berjemur sampai hitam legam, nanti you dah tak putih, harus I cari orang lain...boleh tak aku ugut camtu? Very the immature kan?

I ate a lot of Pizza and Fish. Nak paparazzi banyak-banyak, kang dikata gatal pulak oleh si tua tu.Jantan-jantan sungguhlah hensem membuatkan diriku yang pemalu ni rasa nak merogol aje diorang tu...tapi aku kan wanita melayu Islam lagi solehah....(diiringi batuk kokol)

But, I had fun.I even went on a ferry trip to Malta for the day.Dalam gumbira-gumbira, dihati kecil I teringat kat MB.Maklumlah kalau kemana kan selalu kitak duak aja? Tu lah kan...sebagus-bagus berjalan dengan kekasih hati, tak sama dengan keseronokan berpoya an dengan kawan karib lagi sporting and tak kisah if you nak bergolek gelantang pun.

Till then...see you in my next post.

Quickie

Kawan-kawan yang dicingtahi...............

Atas arahan diri sendiri, I will be away from the 5th to the 11th May 2008, atas urusan Kerajaan Pusat supaya berpoya-poya dengan duit sendiri di Kepulauan Sicily, Italy.

By the time this notice is published, I am probably already back in London that is as you already know from Ratu Musim Panas kita, is hot and bothered.Ish..tak kuasa taw panas-panas ni..(matilah Melayu tak sedar diri...)

I will endeavour to update this blog as soon as I can...mana yang ternanti-nanti, maafkan diri ku lah ye. (Perasaang kan...?)

Seperti biasa, I yang gila glamour ni akan senantiasa cuba sedaya upaya nak memuaskan nafsu rakus peminatku ini...and tak akan sekali-kali lari dari peminat macam Bini Frenchman ittew....(siapa kah ittew ye?)

Tadaa............