Not In So Much Words...

Ohhh....Abang Navy Dublin Port....

Aksi Perlakuan Kejam (Matilaaa...RSPCA Tangkap Pasni)

Makji Esah Dengan Aksi Nak Tergolek Kat Phoenix Park

Hari ini and besok, Makji Esah akan mengambik cuti sakit.Sakit apa, tatau...tapi yang nyatanya...hati memang sakit.Masa nilah nak mengambik kesempatan menggunakan allocation cuti sakit yang my office bagi in a year...4 weeks.I belum pernah ambik cuti sakit since the financial year started, tapi omputeh-omputeh kat sini, selambaaa aje...hari Isnin, ramai betul yang call in sick.Hangover tak sudah lah tu.

I was taken aback with Manal comment in my previous post.Something about buat Sembahyang hajat katanya, 7 hari 7 malam.In my life...dah 34 tahun ni, belum pernah lagi sembahyang hajat.Sembahyang mintak tuhan tunjuk boifren mana nak pilih pun tak pernah (ish..macamlah banyak boifren kan..) I remembered my father taught me of it, but for some reason, tak ingat pulak nak buat macam mana.If I want something really bad, I do pray...in a way that I only understand and I hope Tuhan terima lah sembahyang I yang tah hapa-hapa tu.Mintak pun cakap melayu aje.I tend to live with my own heart-leading theory since I was young, and my mother (bless her soul) selalu cakap...tak kisah lah salah-salah pun and Allah will listen.

If I am being honest,I'm so ashamed with my own religious-conduct.Haiyoo...I keep telling myself, bilalah nak sembahyang ni.It seems very hard to do it...no facilities in the office, kat rumah orang itu jgn nak harap lah...kat rumah sendiri, tahan main game sampai tak tidur malam and my telekung masih cantik berlipat in my drawer.

I read about Razak Baginda vow to buat umrah if he lepas and he, like me...admitted yang all this while he was so lalai and now, bila dah sengsara, barulah nak terkenang.

My own theory pulak lagi, I would call myself anak yang solehah...I obeyed my parents (ada jugak hati tak puas...but that lain cerita kan?) My parents never asked for anything and now and again, I will tt some GBP to my mother (only to kena leter....you should keep yr money for yrself..you're too far for us if anything happen) I never fight them...especially my mother and for that,I know I'm far better than the real muslimah (haiyoo kekwat) I never pointed out my parents mistakes..., all this cummulative, and I keep talking myself out by convincing me that 'my hati is bersih'.But, cukupkah saja dengan hati bersih?

I have read about how defensive one can get over religion issue, sampai bagi death threats...and here I am thinking that Allah is very merciful and takdelah nak hukum bunuh or rejam dengan batu...funny how people can make decision on other people's religious faith based on what they see and hear, macam court case.

One of the comment I received before, saying that my rationale on religion is based on my guilty-conscience.Yes, there is a guilt, but, I honestly cannot believe that one can excuse their guilt.It is very hard...for me it is.

I guess, I can only do what I can.Obviously hoping that the 'can' bit will increase more and more each day.I don't literally pray, but unlike Lina Joy, I pray hard that I will never lose faith (but i do feel sorry for her though), I baca bismillah everytime I start the car engine, before makan and most importantly, bekerja dengan tekun as my ibadat (albeit ber blogging masa bekerja..there goes 1 hour of gaji buta daily) I want to beramal...but I think for now, the amal that I can do is towards my parents, adik beradik and maybe, to kawan-kawan.I'm sure my parents (my mother especially) will pray for my wellbeing.I'm looking forward to balik kampung (yang tak kampung tu) and berbuka puasa dengan my family and kawan-kawan this coming Ramadhan.BTW, ni nak eksyen sikit...I kuat puasa tau...


Kepada my friend yang 2,3 menjak ni malas nak hapdate blog tapi tak pernah lupa menyindir aku dalam blognya, terimalah ucapan...bila nak hapdate, ko pemalas! tapi sms ex boifren rajin pulak!!! (Buat dosa lagi kan?)