About Me

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Not In So Much Words...

Ohhh....Abang Navy Dublin Port....
Aksi Perlakuan Kejam (Matilaaa...RSPCA Tangkap Pasni)
Makji Esah Dengan Aksi Nak Tergolek Kat Phoenix Park

Hari ini and besok, Makji Esah akan mengambik cuti sakit.Sakit apa, tatau...tapi yang nyatanya...hati memang sakit.Masa nilah nak mengambik kesempatan menggunakan allocation cuti sakit yang my office bagi in a year...4 weeks.I belum pernah ambik cuti sakit since the financial year started, tapi omputeh-omputeh kat sini, selambaaa aje...hari Isnin, ramai betul yang call in sick.Hangover tak sudah lah tu.

I was taken aback with Manal comment in my previous post.Something about buat Sembahyang hajat katanya, 7 hari 7 malam.In my life...dah 34 tahun ni, belum pernah lagi sembahyang hajat.Sembahyang mintak tuhan tunjuk boifren mana nak pilih pun tak pernah (ish..macamlah banyak boifren kan..) I remembered my father taught me of it, but for some reason, tak ingat pulak nak buat macam mana.If I want something really bad, I do pray...in a way that I only understand and I hope Tuhan terima lah sembahyang I yang tah hapa-hapa tu.Mintak pun cakap melayu aje.I tend to live with my own heart-leading theory since I was young, and my mother (bless her soul) selalu cakap...tak kisah lah salah-salah pun and Allah will listen.

If I am being honest,I'm so ashamed with my own religious-conduct.Haiyoo...I keep telling myself, bilalah nak sembahyang ni.It seems very hard to do it...no facilities in the office, kat rumah orang itu jgn nak harap lah...kat rumah sendiri, tahan main game sampai tak tidur malam and my telekung masih cantik berlipat in my drawer.

I read about Razak Baginda vow to buat umrah if he lepas and he, like me...admitted yang all this while he was so lalai and now, bila dah sengsara, barulah nak terkenang.

My own theory pulak lagi, I would call myself anak yang solehah...I obeyed my parents (ada jugak hati tak puas...but that lain cerita kan?) My parents never asked for anything and now and again, I will tt some GBP to my mother (only to kena leter....you should keep yr money for yrself..you're too far for us if anything happen) I never fight them...especially my mother and for that,I know I'm far better than the real muslimah (haiyoo kekwat) I never pointed out my parents mistakes..., all this cummulative, and I keep talking myself out by convincing me that 'my hati is bersih'.But, cukupkah saja dengan hati bersih?

I have read about how defensive one can get over religion issue, sampai bagi death threats...and here I am thinking that Allah is very merciful and takdelah nak hukum bunuh or rejam dengan batu...funny how people can make decision on other people's religious faith based on what they see and hear, macam court case.

One of the comment I received before, saying that my rationale on religion is based on my guilty-conscience.Yes, there is a guilt, but, I honestly cannot believe that one can excuse their guilt.It is very hard...for me it is.

I guess, I can only do what I can.Obviously hoping that the 'can' bit will increase more and more each day.I don't literally pray, but unlike Lina Joy, I pray hard that I will never lose faith (but i do feel sorry for her though), I baca bismillah everytime I start the car engine, before makan and most importantly, bekerja dengan tekun as my ibadat (albeit ber blogging masa bekerja..there goes 1 hour of gaji buta daily) I want to beramal...but I think for now, the amal that I can do is towards my parents, adik beradik and maybe, to kawan-kawan.I'm sure my parents (my mother especially) will pray for my wellbeing.I'm looking forward to balik kampung (yang tak kampung tu) and berbuka puasa dengan my family and kawan-kawan this coming Ramadhan.BTW, ni nak eksyen sikit...I kuat puasa tau...


Kepada my friend yang 2,3 menjak ni malas nak hapdate blog tapi tak pernah lupa menyindir aku dalam blognya, terimalah ucapan...bila nak hapdate, ko pemalas! tapi sms ex boifren rajin pulak!!! (Buat dosa lagi kan?)

6 comments:

Manal said...

I didnt see that coming but am glad that i've actually sent a good message.

Yeah, u r one good woman,makji oiii....we aint perfect kan, after all we r human, segala unsur evil and good exist in us. And u have much better relationship with ur parents. Sejak i balik msia nih, dah setahun lebeyy ade gaduh sama my mama. I think it's much better for me to not stay under one roof with me parents, lagi jauh lagi better. At least the absence cud make our hearts grow fonder....

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

Esah, Ko miss aku ke? Asik sebut2 pasal aku je dlm blog ko.

Lee Novotny said...

Ehh nok..gambar atas sekals u ols posing dgn abg jerung tuh kan ala ala pose mak masa kat manchester last eyar or two ago...hiks...great minds think alike kah?? :P harus pasnih amk korek semuls gambar tu and compare dgn uols...

iwalah, Cardiff said...

Esah,
Someone taught me how to perform regular 5-times-a-day prayers and would like to share this with you.

But then, I was in Brunei at that time and it worked very well...

This person said to me, everytime dengar azan, JANGAN SEMBAHYANG, however, NIAT IKHLAS DALAM HATI and ask from Allah TO RINGANKAN HATI UNTUK MENGERJAKAN SEMBAHYANG...

I did exactly what was told. Everytime azan, tidak sembahyang tapi niat dalam hati minta di ringan hati untuk mengerjakan... (Afterall, salah satu masa mustajab untuk berdoa ialah selepas mendengarkan azan) Five times a day, niat saja... and finally only after a week or so, I tak tahan berdoa saja without performing... then... Alhamdulillah... As you said, Allah listens to us.. and HE listens to my prayers.

I have been reading your blog for quite a while and you seem to be an interesting woman... (*flabberghasted*)

Well, this incident happened 18 years ago...

Wish you all the best & Good luck!!!

Rockafella Gurl said...

i'm not even know u at all Mak Esah.. but i believe u r a gud person..

'bout smbhyg hajat ni kan, its not really u must do str8 7 day jer, but buat la byk kali, it's ok. stakat 7 hari ingat bleh ke hajat kita di makbulkn Allah? we never noe kn.. ckp jer dlm bhs melayu tak pe.. Dia Maha Mndengar nok..

nk kata aku ni perfect dlm agama tidak la jugak, but aku tetap buat apa yg di suruh laa. (wehhh.. mak pon pose penuh jugeks ek) cuma hajat aku nk p umrah bulan lepas tak jadik.. huhu :(

satu lagi, if uols nk buat smbhyg hajat kan, ape kata buat smbhyg istiharakh sekali? sembhyg tu bkn saje utk kepastian jodoh, tp utk juga if diri uols dlm mncari jawapan dlm ape jua masalah insya'allah.. aku ada prnah buat 4 kali dulu, alhamdulillah aku dpt mimpi petunjuk dr Allah.. ada skali tu xdpt dlm mimpi tp dpt petunjuk yg baik dariNya.

so, dun give up nok, buat smp uols rase puas hati & satu2 nya uol kena ikhlas do it.. all da best nok =)

p/s:
aku ke ko sound tu yg tak hapdet blog? tp aku tak de plak sindir ko..

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Manal, life is not perfect.I'm sorry to hear abt you and yr mother, but, don't envy me.While I takdelah pernah pulak berperang dgn my parents, I do believe genuinely, takde sapa yang suka bad things happen between them and their parents.But, keep on giving the good advice, believe me, I do need one!!!

Kiah..yes I miss you..although, Yanz pulak terasa aku sindir dia.Kiah, perlukah aku name and shame kau sebagai pompuan yg pemalas hapdate blog itu?

Yes Lee..korek, jgn tak korek...gambar itu idea photographer professional I yg dok kat Dublin ittew...

Iwalah...(I have been trying to speak in Welsh accent) that is indeed a good advice.Yeah...I am flabbergasted!!! Pecah lah bontot I pasni.Hello Cymru!!!

Yanz.....haiyoo...bukan uols lah!! Tapi adalah desperate hoswipe sorang tu.Tks for the thought...apsal tk jadik buat umrah? Habis nak buat apa pasni? Pergi Melachorrr dgn si Bella ke?