Update

The half part of the year was great...err..not really, okaylah..half-half.

I have been pushed back into business side of my work since last November, Boss kata only for 3 months..and come July, I am still there. But I like the challenge, mentally, it has made me strong although physically, I am so tired having to work all hours...losing touch with people and losing sight of myself.

Ye laa...losing touch with people tu...macam tak betul aje. Truth is I am not a friendly person...or shall I say, very pemalu.I am so not good at keeping in touch. I will remember you, and at times bila ada hal-hal urgent I will reach out, tapi to share pleasantries over the phone tu..or casually jumpa-jumpa tu yang takde masa. It has always been like that lah.

By having this blog, kawan-kawan pun bertambah...ye, I ni tak ramai kawan. Most of the people I met, who I get to know from this path adalah baik-baik belaka.I also have those yang tak pernah jumpa, but building all sort of assumption about me. Takpelah..satisfy lah your curiosity.It will not cost both of us anything, although likely you lah yang penat kan...memikir benda-benda yang you tak patut pikir.

Ada orang cakap dengan I, Makji..kita-kita orang ni takut dengan you. I will have to say..more fool you lah...you allow yourself to be scared.Kita ni hanya perlu takut kat Tuhan aje...and Bapak kita (Bapak saya)

Ada lagi yang cakap..oh, you ni tough lah Makji...I wish I am like you. What can I say to that...semakin meningkat umur (walaupun aku awet muda Kiah..and pasni, haruslah aku berdating dengan adik-adik 10 years younger dari aku, kan?) semakin luaslah kepala hotak.

The truth is, I grow up seeing my mother become the victim of human expectation. As I get older I said to her, you don't have to care about them...you look after you, because they never will.She often get upset as people say this and that about her.

People can say lot's of thing.People said/say lot's of thing about me. Good advice are always..buat bodo lah..but the truth is, it is hard to.

Be selective on what you want to waste your energy on. Do not depend on 2nd and 3rd information. You often get judge on the way you react, so alang-alang nak kena judge tu, make sure you get a good judgement.

Kesimpulan nya...kalau orang nak cakap apa...cakaplah.Yang elok tu didengar...yang tak berapa, simpanlah untuk bahan menulis blog ye.

And with the part, losing sight of myself...it is fair to say, although kita dah hidup beberapa tahun...(37 to be precise like Kiah) we will never know who we really are.Kita ingat kita baik...tapi sebenarnya kita tak berapa...kita ingat kita ni penyabar...tapi adakalanya kita rasa nak bomb aje Malaysian High Com tu.

Macam nilah...kalaulah memang nasib nya I kena menjilat pasir dengan org-org gomen ni, buat ajelah. Besok dah dapat apa yang kita nak dari they all tu...sumpah lah habis-habis.

Malaysian High Com Yang Jahat

I was given an assigment by a fren to pergi mintak surat cerai dia kat Malaysian High Com. Hmmm....my fren now ni resides in Malaysia..lakinya ialah orang putih. I think for formality, for him to live in KL, they need to bernikah kat London. Entah lah..I pun tatau lah procedure nya.

Tup-tup, dah nak bercerai katanya. Elok lah...she can now happily singing Zee Avi's Kantoi..and the part 'no wonder lah my fren pun tak suka you' memang kena sekali. I never like the hubby you all....ni bangsa omputih kampung bangsatan tum tum tum tu. Ceh tu dia aku mengutuk.

I don't like dealing with gomen. Seriously...Encik PHD...bukan nak ngata ni..but gomen people's attitude dah sampai London pun tak tukar. In Seremban, I kena leter dengan this kakak jabatan pendaftaran, just because I takde Mycard! Then I said..ni nak buat lah ni. I told her that I live abroad..and masa tu manalah tahu pasal Mycard apa jadah tu. Rather than akak tu jadi public spirited gomen citizen, dia boleh marah kat I. Cilako kau kak...hompuk mo kusi kang..baru tau. In London alike, I remember waiting for my passport, tup-tup sijantan yang jaga counter tu boleh maki kat this chinese lady..you suda tau opis tutup pukul 12, kenapa you datang sekarang? And it is only 11.45am. Pastu..dah di serve nya pompuan tu..dia boleh mengomel sensorang dengan kuatnya..susah lah orang ni..kita tutup pukul 12, pukul 11 baru nak datang.

Oii Cik Bangkak...nama pun counter tutup pukul 12...so, yang kau bising2 kat orang yang datang pukul 11.45 tu kenapa? He is just lucky he is still dealing with Malaysian yang agaknya dah masak benar lah dengan perangai Goverment Servant set-set kerja opis ni.Most time, we prefer to diam aje..get it over and done with and never want to see you again. Kalau lah kau dapat gagak or Mat Salleh yang dengan takde segan silu nak kasi you their piece of mind, haruslah bangkak tu tercabut seluar dalam kat situ jugak.

Since last week...disamping main Farm Town secara curi-curi kat opis, I pun cubalah tepon High Com. Tak dapek. Kok dapek pun..masuk mesen. Eh...ado mesen? I tinggal message kek mesen tu, haram lah nak ditipun eh balik.

So today, I try lagi..dapek cakap mo sorang pompuan...I pun tanyolah...Selamat Pagi kak, boleh tak sambung kan saya kat Dept ni..ni..ni.., nak tau apo jawab eh? Tengkiu! Pehtu dilotak an I dalam line..tetibo adolah sorang abang ni angkek. I cakap balik hajat I...abang sound very pleasant. Suko ati I...tapi.....

Geh gampang lah pulak kan..den ponek..berkoreh-koreh leher nak cakap melayu, abang bantai cakap omputih you.

Bukan nak kata lah bang...anak buah I lagi terrer cakap omputih...(mana tak nya dopopat jam tengok My Little Pony & Friends)...abang was really struggling with his words..I masih cakap melayu..tak..tak maun deh do.

And tup...bilo dio cakap..you're in the wrong Dept..this is political Dept..mako...Makji pun teruslah skipping London kan?

Okay..I have been calling for ages and your receptionist keep giveing me the run around. It is either the line is engage or it went straight to mailbox...

Abang...I share your feelings (apo? abang share feeling sayo? feeling apo tu bang?) Let me investigate and I will call you back..(nampak lah mongak eh..numur tipun I dio tak mintak..tetibo nak tipun I balik)

I dengan bongkak nya...it's fine...I'll call again. You goverment people never change...no matter how far you travelled. Tup !!! Terus I letak tepon. Statement tu sungguhlah tak perlu...dan saya amat menyesali sikap kebongkakan saya ittew...but nevertheless...Malaysian High Com people deserve to hear what we (saya dan kengkawan saya) think of them.

Kesian Abang Political Dept tu.....isk.

Mari Mengalerrr Rambut

I have my own private haidresser...but I must ask you not to judge his work by looking at my hair. My hair become a lion mane adalah atas angkara aku sendiri...

Today, I went to see him. I haven't seen him in ages and I really need to get a haircut. So a telephone call guaranteed my appoinment..kawan-kawan lah punya pasal.

My hairdresser used to work with someone really famous in KL. I think he is also famous...but we certainly moved in the diffrent orbit that time...because he was in his glamourous circle and I was slogging away as always.

He is now a full time 'akak'. A term I just learnt about a man who no longer want to look like a man.Tak apa..asal dia bahagia. The only disadvantage pi potong rambut dengan akak ni is that, he awarded himself a full fledge liberty to mengeluarkan komen-komen puaka kat rambut I. But it is the truth. I would rather hear the truth..walaupun kenkadang ada gak rasa nak masuk kan hair straightener yang panas tu dalam mulut dia.

He said to me after finished with my hair...you kena buat cam ni, camni, camni kat rambut you. The application of camni,camni,camni means that I have to bangun extra early to do what I suppose to do tu guarantee a hair that look like human.

I told him..a'ah..I tau..tapi I malas laa...I ni, kalau kena buat rambut makan masa setengah jam...I would rather tido extra setengah jam tu...tu diah..alasang careerwoman sangat.I told him all that dengan harapan..dia pahamlah masalah I..tidur lambat..kerja kuat..stress lagi sana-sini...it is not like I am paid to look pretty ke hapa. Lagi serabai lagi bagus la...buatnya ada assignment gi rescue patient dari rubbish dump ke..takkan lah I nak pakai baju Armani kan? or ber wangi-wangian Tresor bagai...and rambut bak Rihanna ke Sarah Harding ke...mak tak kuasa nyah...mak rela tidur.

Dia dengan konfident ala-ala Karam Singh Walia nya...eh, kita orang pompuan ni kenalah berusaha nak chantekkkk...tak boleh malas-malas.

Hah kau...'kita' orang pompuan. Sungguh terkucil I mendengar statement ittew. There was a vast different between us. He is wearing kasut tumit tinggi...and waltz his way around confidently. I would have terjelepuk patah dagu lagi ada. 'Woman' like him knows where to shop for a nice kasut..kasut punyalah tajam..bangsa kick-dog-dog-die tu.

Selepas mendapat nasihat akak tu, dengan serta merta nya I pi shopping barang penjagaan rambut...and my £35.00 evaporates into thin air. To add insult to my open wound..(I bawak chaperone gi gunting rambut ni) MB start lah berleter..tu lah..you kena buat camni,camni..camni...and making remark about me always buying shampoo and conditioner 99p. Tu lah you..thrifty sungguh.

Eh...apa kena mengena pulak rambut I dgn shampoo 99p tu? I am blessed with a low maintenance self, so my hair or body takdelah kena beli menda-menda special lagi membuang duit tu.

But, for once..I though..I dengarlah nasihat akak...see lah..if my hair jadi macam Jaclyn Smith pulak pas ni.

Then akak said..yang lain kali you datang..kita buat highlights yek? Chanteekkk yang...ditambah lagi dengan MB yang menjadi unggun api...okay lah..meh kita buat highlights sesama katanya.

And here I am thinking...I coloured my hair once...berbulan my father bising sambil mengurut dada. Ni kalau balik kampung dengan rambut blonde bagai..tak ke aku mengundang cardiac arrest tu?

Cihhh.....

You Rocked My World

Michael Jackson passed away 2 days ago. It was such an exhausting day that day...one of my friend's dad passed away, Farrah Fawcett pun meninggal...and later that night, at 10pm London time..flashing news about MJ.

It was so very, very, very sad. I have worry of my own on that same day...but less greater compare to the loss of those who lost their love one that day.

Because surat khabar dah berlambak gila cerita pasal MJ, so takdelah kerja I nak berpokpek kat sini hal dia. But MJ was so big in my generation. Walaupun Pakcik tu suka main monyet, suka buat benda tak berpekdah dengan duit dia and segala-mala kelakuan yang pelik-pelik tu, I cannot deny his huge existence in my life.

One person who really gila kat Michael Jackson is my ex boipren. Together with him, we went to Brussels and Berlin to see Michael Jackson. In KL..walaupun masa tu dia laki orang..we went to see MJ for 3 consecutive days.What I never tell you that he can muscle all MJ dance routine..and I used to enjoy watching him..(masa-masa berchenta muda remaja ni)

When I heard about MJ's concert in London, I told my partner yang I nak gi tengok (ni sebelum berperang lah ni..) and dengan gigih nya I dok menonggok online waited all that hours trying to buy the ticket. We bought two in the end. But secretly, I'm sad...I have never tengok concert MJ dengan orang lain. It was my and my ex boipren thing. Something that we do together.Apart from tengok MUFC.

Michael Jackson may probably did something horrible when he is still alive. Michael Jakson may look naive to some, but he was the obvious control freak and manipulator.For that, you have got to blame his father. But there's going to be..always be..something that you love about him.

When we were dating and so,so,so much in love...my ex boipren like to do the Moonwalk routine, all that Michael ever did, he would copy. I thought, one of the reason why I love him besides dia pemain bola..is that he can sing and dance.

Sebagaimana pandainya Pakcik tu ber Moonwalk, macam tu lah laju nya he moon walked his way away from me. Like Michael Jackson, he did something really horrible to be...tagging me along all that 10 years...and marry someone else..broke my heart, again and again and again.

But there's always going to be something that I love about him.Because he was the only man that rocked my world.

RIP...

Update

People like Kiah only know how to komplen and send text messages from KL demanding that I hupdate...but her blog dah berbulu sampai semak...and I'm not allowed to say anything.Pfftttt!!!!

Last Sunday when I was in Paris and missed my train, was worldwide Father's Day. Sebagai anak yang tidak mithali lagi tanggang, I did not called my father to wish him HFD. Nope. Instead, I posted a card 6 days earlier with GBP in it. I did not chose any lovey dovey ayahanda ku yang ingati blablabla like that. I opted for something more dry, like gambar monyet...with a naughty caption..suggesting that I'm the monyet and some of my (monyet) skills are inherited from him. I hope father will see the funny side of it. If not, maka akan adalah petir sabung menyabung and I akan jatuh tergolek bila mengejar bus 52 kat Ladbroke Grove tu.

When I was younger, I was extremely close to him.Within reason, I'll get what I want. But father is very,very strict and for that I'm blessed with a wonderful survival skills. It is not easy living here (and anywhere) alone. My father, although born and bred in Kuale Sayong...ate!!! taught us to be upfront and expressive like anak omputih however that rules only applies outside the house lah...meaning, we can only be upfront with others but with him, if you dare to back chat, pray that he will spare you his Sultan Johor's penampar.

Something happened between him and mother, he's decision at that time turned us away from him, but mother has always been fair to us and to him, and however much he has upset mother, we still love and respect him as our father.No question asked.

My father has not been his usual strong self for a while and he often talk about about passing. We think he wants it badly.Sometime, I got angry when I look back at what I have missed, the preferred opportunity that I had to let go because of him.But we have been trained not to question but to count our blessing.

I work with difficult people and sometimes difficult people have difficult parents. Difficult parents are understatement lah...kebanyakan nya. I know some who got raped, molested and abused by their father. I know some who got neglected, disown and many,many bad thing done to them by their father.Learning this, I realised that I am way much better.

Things are hard, but my father has always have best interest and good faith at heart. Morefully, I still have him around to love and to look up to.

My heart goes to those who lost their father and can only remeber them on Father's Day.

To my father, Happy Father's Day and get well soon.

All In A Day's Notes

Entry ini ada kena mengena dengan orang lain...especially Cik Evita Peroni dan Cik Wawa .

Paris 19th to 1st June 09

I baru pulang dari Paris (cehhh...kita Melayu di London musti lah berlagak...nak nak dah berbelas tahun kan?)

Trip memang last minute yang amat, Cik Evita Peroni dah kompang kata I ni mempunyai reputation Aishah (memang pun) dan trip ni ni dah berkali-kali di postponed, kerna menunggu ketibaan Ferrari Cik Wawa yang in the end, salah beli lak tu.

Sebagai frequent traveller...walaupun tak rajin ambik gambar Cik Evita Peroni oiii, konsep I bertravelling hari Jumaat lepas is that malam nya bungkus barang and habis kerja terus ber Florence-Griffith-Joyner ker St Pancras ittew. Boleh? Pukul 5.30pm train depart, pukul 5 aku masih dalam tube kat Holborn. Rasa nak tercabut gak nyawa, mana kena security check lagi.

The trip was good...infact so good that I dengan muka tak malunya nak datang lagi.Orang lain masak, buat kopi..aku bercucuk tanam dalam Farm Town, boleh? Akhlak bila duduk rumah orang tu memang takde lah...pun begitu I ni takdelah pulok tersasul memanggil laki orang 'sayang' ley? Eh Cik Evita Peroni...supik gelenyor sungguh mung! Suka tersasul kan? Dah le dulu masa berchenta...pegang tangan pun tak hengat! Teksiiii!!!! Eh, saloh..bus 95!!!!

Disebabkan ketidak efficient'an I, dengan duit pun lupa tukar, my Paris trip telah dibunga rampai kan oleh Cik Wawa.Maliewww I. Nak bus segala kena bunga rampai. Makan nasi briyani pun kena bunga rampai.Cuma sekali aje I yang bagi orang lain bunga rampai...tu pung nasib baik McD tu hambik credit card, maka merasalah Cik Evita Peroni & Encik Arsene Wenger bunga rampai I yang berupa McChicken & BigMac.

Ada lagi kejadian yang memaliewwwkan kat Gare Du Nord tu bila I nak balik ke England, tapi sebagai Melayu yang berlagak, biarlah I tak ceritakan kat sini...lainlah Cik Wawa nak kompang kan kat orang lain.

P/s..apalah khabor nya Kak Amy Search tu ye?

Note Untuk Diri Sendiri & Kawan-Kawan

Kita yg duduk diam-diam kat KL, Kat Haverhill, Kat Hull, Rotterdam or anywhere..Liverpool or Rome....anywhere alone (tetiba!!!) dengan tak pasal-pasalnya terperangkap dalam crossfire. Ye ke, or perasaan I sendiri? Maklum lah ramai betul orang yang dah terasa ni. Baca ini terasa, baca itu terasa. Hmmmm. I ni memang slow sikit, bukannya apa...kerja banyak, nak keep up dengan gossip pun susah. Now and again ada orang putih telephone I, ye lah..bila dia nampak status update orang lain dalam Facebook yang dia tak paham, bukan ke aku yang kena jadi translator nya? So, sikit banyak terambil lah tahu. Takdelah sampai nak bertelepon beremail nak tanya orang bagai...tapi kalau dah unggun api yang lain pun volunteer segala macam information tak perlu, maka 4 campur 4 jadik 8 lah kan?

Orang putih tu tanyalah...kenapalah jadi macam tu? I pun cakaplah...I pun tak tahu, but the update translate as he is surprise with so many sensitive people. Cik Putih kata..ohh ye ke? Cik Putih tanya lagi..kalau orang lain yang sensitip, kenapa dia pulak yang bertukar status setiap jam? I jawab...enough said laaa.

The lesson well learnt here is that

i) Lain kali...janganlah bagi nasihat kat orang yang tak nak dengar nasihat. Tak semua orang suka dengar nasihat pun...walaupun dia jugak yang mintak in the first place.

ii) That people not always say what they mean. Dia cakap dia tak nak makan sate..tapi sebenarnya dia nak, nak, nak makan sate. Malu lah nak tunjuk kan orang dia pelahap sate. Ikut lah resmi I dengan Kiah, kalau gi makan...Kiah dah cakap siang-siang, aku tak nak share ye. I pun begitu...I will order my own food and all this food tasting among kengkawan atas meja tu are not allowed,Ngertikkk?

iii) Lain kali, kalau ada disagreement...disagreement antara you dengan orang tu aje lah.Takyah lah nak tunjuk bukti sana-sini, apa orang tu cakap dengan you...brokbrekbrokbrek. What are you trying to achieve anyway? Communication between 2 people are private matter. This is hardly a court case that you are oblige to tunjuk bukti itu and ini.So rightly, kalau dah tahu yang kawan tu pun cepat marah, terimalah nasib kena kutuk balik, kan? As much as I hate to say this, Kak oii..you brought this all to yourself laa. Kalau you diam-diam aje hari tu, takdelah orang menghoyan cam ni sekali.

iv) Yang tukang marah tu....you already prove your point, hence explains all the self-explaination statement yang berjela-jela lah panjang nya. Read and understood. Dah la...tak payah lah nak panggil orang binatang ke, sayur ke...double decker bus ke. Ni hal kecik...you dengan orang tu, too bad it was blown out of proportion by both of you (maybe) so apahal lah orang lain pulak yang kena binatang?

Sebab posting ni pun takde moral, so takdelah moral yang boleh dipelajari dari posting ini. Lagipun yang menulisnya tak pandai...berkawan pun dengan orang yang tak pandai juga. Kita kawan dengan budak UM, Leeds-Bradford (ye ke?) and all those un prestige places people never heard about. But how is that matter? I so don't get the point, there you are hollered tak kisah, tak kisah...tak sensitive what not, but you seems to bother so much about people removing you from their list. Cik Kak, Cik Abang, orang tak nak kawan kita ke, nak remove kita ke, nak kutuk kita dalam blog dia ke..biar sajalah.Some of us don't know each other pun..so we will not be missing things that we don't have in the first place.

I never knew pulak ada orang yang dok kira berapa kawan FB dia hari-hari. Berapa kurang, berapa tambah.

Last sekali..ni nak tanya sikit...apakah fungsi nya unggun api yang seorang tu? Nama pun pelik. Tak lah macam nama kita kan, Cik Wawa. Kita tukar nama..jadi orang putih, jadi orang perongchih.Kita sendiri bayar duit Deed Poll tu. Tak mintak kat orang. Sikit hari lagi kita tukar passport ye? Alang-alang orang dah kata kita Melayu tak sedar diri, meh lah kita jadik Hasnah.

Wannekemmm!!!!

Apparently...Acceptable

I got this email from a woman, yang by reading her email is so fed up being treated like a punching bag by the boipren. 'I always thinking about ending it with him...but loves overruled every bad thing'. Kau ada rasa nak muntah tak, Kiah?

Cik Kak, kalau ni lah masalah Cik Kak...after reading this, Cik Kak boleh le buat keputusan sendiri ye? Cinta, cinta jugak Kak oii. Cinta hapa ke nama nya kalau dok nak berterajangan aje? Lagipun Cik Kak kan gilpren nya saja...bukannya bini.

Apa kata, Cik Kak bungkuslah segala kain baju (this is if you both are living together) tak pun kalau dok asing-asing, sudah lah..delete lah dia dari penglihatan Cik Kak. Pastu...Cik Kak pergilah ke Salem Power Station, beli CD The Best Of Destiny Child, and dengar lah lagu 'Survivor' sampai lebam. Nescaya Cik Kak akan terasa lapang didada.

I read in the paper about an 'executive' who beat his wife, slashed her with a knife for not making his sandwiches and then burnt her on the back with an iron because she hadn't ironed his shirt. He told the police she was a self-harmer. That's like Jackass style self-harming to iron your own back, isn't it?This 25-year-old guy, who claimed he 'couldn't remember doing it' and who earns £90,000 a year was given a £2000 fine and the judge said as she'd left him, he was unlikely to do it again. Yeah, until he meets his next wife.

Today I read about a DOCTOR who punched his wife 24 times. He earns £100,000 a year. His punishment? He had to pay her £500 compensation. Five hundred pounds. The magistrate said this caring GP had no previous convictions and was of 'good character'.Here's an experiment. Go up to stranger in the street and slash them with a knife. Beat someone to a pulp. Burn them, literally brand them for life. You will be rightly jailed. But if you 'love' the person you do it to, it's OK. It's perfectly acceptable. This harks back to years gone by when women had to obey and just get raped and beaten by their husbands and had to take it. It wasn't even illegal. I thought we'd moved on.What sort of magistrate decides a wife-beater has a good character? What sort of character must that judge have to make that call? The sort that is a fucking wife-beating and/ or kiddy-fiddler himself (because they don't like sending perverts down either). That's why they do nothing about violence against women and children, because they ALL have a hand in it. That's the only explanation I can think of. It's either that or women's lives are just considered worthless. Women's pain is just considered a by-product of marriage.Two women a week are killed by their partner in England and Wales. The message these 'sentences' spell out is that it's tough shit. Some years back they changed the system so the police could press charges against abusive husbands without the wife's consent. This was a positive step as too many wives were too scared to come forward. But what the is the point if magistrates who are so devoid from reality and emotion think a beating from the man you love is worth about five hundred quid?

Kesimpulannya Kak, blah aje lah.

Too Ugly

Or is it too vain to function? I don't have a lot of sympathy for the body dysmorphia people- it's kind of how I feel about anorexics or alcoholics, it's not a disease, it's just being neurotic x 1000 or it's a choice they've made.

You read about how some people (termasuk lah aku ni) eesh..I dah gemuk la...or ada ajelah part badan yang tak memenuhi citarasa. Sendiri buat sendiri tanggung lah kan? Bukannya kau lahir ada body deformation pun...tak! Sendiri makan nasik lemak bertambah tak hengat, pastu mulalah komplen...mak ai, manalah perginya body wash board, body Jessica Alba aku tu.

Obviously, I'm a bit harsh. But to be housebound because you think you're ugly just seems ridiculous. Walk down the street! Everyone's ugly. People are disgusting! There are some monsters out there, and they don't give a shit, bless them. Tak mandi sebulan tapi maintain macho naik bas. I rarely see anyone I think is the slightest bit good-looking (well, jantan anyway). I'll see a fanciable man once in a blue moon somewhere, but on the whole, people ming. Even celebrities who we are supposed to revere and admire are hideous. I'm sick of being told about so and so's beauty when they are just an over-paid, over-dressed, airbrushed dog. Kate Moss, who is apparently very popular with the braindead, for example, is the ropiest thing I've ever seen. I don't give a shit if she's a supermodel or half my weight: she's a hag. Don't tell me otherwise, advertising men. I won't be fooled.Anyway.

Even iklan slimming pill pun bubuh gambar pompuan size 0. Apa kejadahnya? It is more believable if you put Syanie.

I read in this blog that this girl said she spent seven hours looking in the mirror. Rendah diri lah, tak chantekkk katanya. I think dia chantekkk...(tapi chantekkk lagi Fiona Shanana) So she blog about it. What? You blog about it? Tak ke patut kau gi masuk gym? Why would you spend seven hours looking at something horrible? (Kata you lah) That's masochism. Katanya, pergi jumpa counsellor.

Sepatutnya, tok sah lah start comparing yourself to people who had a figure you could only dream of if you wasn't so addicted to hydrogenated fat. However her constant blubbing about how ugly she was just made me want to slap her. She said her eyes were different sizes and she looked like a man. It's just embarrassing that someone so good looking would be so screwed up. In fact it was offensive. People would kill to look like her. How dare she be so ungrateful! If I was her mum, I'd disown her. All I could think all the way through this show was the regrets they will have when they are older. As you get older, you just get uglier. Fatter, wrinkly.

Ish...ada gak yang jantan-jantan pun...promote tak chantekkk (since when ni kau kesah kau chantekk ke tidak) kata debab pastu hari-hari cakap makan haribo. Sajalah...nak suruh orang notice lah...orang tak chantekk tak ambik gambar diri sendiri ye tak?

One day..when they're slightly older, they'll look back at what they have written about them and think 'what a moron I was.' And if they don't? Well they are still morons. What a waste of a life. It's not an illness. Put some make up on, and go and blarrrrdy live.

Wife Swap

There's this program in Channel 4 called 'Wife Swap'. Tu dia..melayu tapi tak tengok cerita Melayu...very the berlagak sangat kan? What can I say...it has always been like that and even if I do, I am often very,very selective. Tengok siapa lah yang berlakon...suffice to say, baca blog lagi banyak drama.

I'm sure if they (TV Malaysia) could, they would copy this concept. Kang ak pasal-pasal ada pulak yang komplen..esshhh.Tak muhrim takleh dok satu rumah and why have you encourage this kind of manner/behaviour.Dah le orang berlakon main kawin-kawin cium dahi masa akad nikah pun kena komplen, apatah lagi kalau kau nak tunjuk wife swap MG & Kobau kan? (Tetiba sungguhhh!!!!)

It is always nice to see how men finally realised (took them that far, that whole embarassing process) that bini yang dah ada depan mata tapi yang lama-lama ni tak nampak (albeit dah ber size XXL) lah yang paling baik, paling terpuji..all the paling.

Ada this jantan...his wife is kaki kemas rumah, masak and all that domesticated task has always been on her ever-ready mode. Takyah suruh, bangun pagi kemas anak, buat breakfast, hantar anak sekolah all that yang tak terbuat oleh kita yang bertangan dua ni. Pikir balik, my mother have managed that all on her own.Ye..mak saya yang takde sekolah tinggi tapi mentality made in USA tu.

And this jantan (the husband of the domesticated wife) tahunya angkat kaki aje bila orang hoover, tolak pinggan aje bila lepas makan...and seluar dalam main buang cam buang puntung rokok.Tup-tup...ber swapkan bini yang set-set macam dia, dah le pemalas..kuat menjawab lak tu.

The laki (yang arrogant cam hanjing ni) described his relationship with his wife (yang ala-ala Cinderella ni) as 'like Mills and Boon' which made me laugh at the time but in a strange way it is. Certainly compared to his 'swapped' wife relationship with her gym instructor husband who seemed 25 going on 40 with the way he was treating her. Mind you, more fool her for giving up her... er, career, and being treated as a skivvy by that fat moron.

In the end, after the swap, when both couples have to face each other, the arrogant hubby summed things up very astutely when he said the gym instructor hubby was one of those men who see women as a different species. I think it's very true that there are still a huge number of men with this attitude, that women are purely there to be housewives and to shag. Mind you, women are obviously culpable in feeding this outdated stereotype. There is something profoundly lonely about a man who needs to be the macho man all the time, and leave eveything to the wife.

Of course the arrogant hubby masa nilah nak menjilat pasir pun...realised what a prick he had become and pledge to sayangilah bini anda dengan serta merta. Ye lah tuuu....and his wife, agaknya terperanjat beruk dengan transformation laki nya from Kerbau balau to suami mithali, terus lah..ohh so terharu. Kalau I lah kan..masa ni lah nak menyimbah cuka kat luka dia tu. Padan lah muka you...I yang baik-baik ni you tak pandang. And that is why I ni tak berlaki...(belum apa-apa niat dah jahat)

Lucky him, he got his 2nd chance because kalau orang lain...bini or gilpren dah terlepas kat tangan orang lain baru laaaa nak menyesal.

Question & Answer

(This is published way,way,way later.....)

My opis in Croydon is so kampungan brengsekkk! I was given a laptop and a smal opis. Okaylah...saves me from menghurung laptopku merata-rata.But opis property more than always are the lap kaki type. The laptop given to me keyboard nya pun siap dah tertanggal-tanggal.But..enough lah to get by.

The problem is, bukannya keyboard yang dah nak tercabut tu, but the access allowed on the computer itself. Mak aiii..Facebook takleh masuk. Blogspot? Langsung tak boleh. So that explain why, blog page ni dah lama mengamalkan konsep sawang.

I best keep this short. I remember one anon asked a question in my comment box about Makcik Pakiam. Pehal nya lambat ditanam?

So Encik Sekian-sekian...here's the explanation,if I am not mistaken.

If a person died of unnatural causes, the procedure is, kena ada post mortem and followed by toxicology test ke tah hapa-hapa lagi. Because she died of an apparent drug overdose, there's plenty of test need to be carried out. In the end, baru tahu kena arrested, induced by level of drugs in her blood.

Because Makcik Pakiam takde family (masa tu laaa) her case was not the priority. Ye lah..kalau takde orang push, takde lah nak rush kan? That could have explained the delay in releasing her body. This can take weeks and weeks.

Bila body dah release, we the Social Services are left with the task to contact the family. Nak contact family sometimes takes ages too...buatnya tengah meminum cocktail di Carribean Island ke ? Tak ke kena tunggu they all tu balik?

So in the end after all that drama (and penipuan dari yours truly) maka selamatlah Makcik Pakiam dikebumi.

So, harap Encik berpuas hati and semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas Makcik Pakiam ittew. Aminnnn.

Relight My Fire

To my secret love affair (albeit kau dah berlaki, ber anak and menternak kekucing)...

Reading your latest posting about your zest to become a rimau, although I strongly believe that after ko menengok Anuar Zain gyrating his muscular bon-bon, zest kau akan ke mana, kau pun tah ke mana lah agaknya.

Oh tidak....aku tidak jaki. Not for your Anuar Zain concert, and not for your upcoming PHD. When you said you have all his CD, adakah kau ada CD lagu Kain Pelikat Lalalala tu? Apa sangatlah nak ku jaki kan...sebab aku sendiri akan pergi berjemaah kat Wembley Arena me 'relight my fire'. Kau ado??? Takdo...kau hanya dapat tengok bontot Anuar Zain aje. Aku? Bontot Gary Barlow, Mark Owen, Jason Orange and tah hapalah nama sorang lagi tu.

However, konsep jakidiri bukanlah menjadi tema posting ku untuk kali ini. I do...walaupun kau selalu berkata kutidak berperasaan...identify with your predicament. Ye lah..umur dah lanjut (and 37) jangan kata belang rimau, belang Zebra crossing pun takde you.

But you know what, gasak pi lah orang nak manjat gunung ke, lari marathon ke...a success will not manifest itself by membuat menda-menda takde pekdah cam tu. Like, kalau tahu diri tu gayat, tak ke memanjat gunung tu satu kerja yang bodoh? Dah tahu diri tu sometimes depending on Salbutamol 5mg inhaler...ko gila kah nak lari marathon?

Kesimpulan nya.....

Count yourself lucky la kalau your fren tu takat-takat tayang gambar aje dalam pesbuk. Buat nya kau ada kawan yang bangsa guna pesbuk untuk mengata orang? Lagi celaka wa cakap lu. If this still does not make you feel any better, compare ajelah diri kau tu dengan aku.

a) You got better job than me. kau mendidik anak bangsa, berkhidmat demi negara. Aku? Sikit lagi nak jadi gila.
b) You got laki..you got babies...aku? Babis pun tarak..Laki? Lagi laaa...
c) You still have all your molars intact. Aku? (pssstt..jangan lupa to remind that DBO to attend to my 2nd casualty)
d) You can make tauhu sumbat (and who knows...aksi sumbat menyumbat comes naturally for you kan?)

Enjoy the bum. Aku redhakan pemergian mu dengan hati yang amat perit. (Mintak-mintaklah masa concert ada power cut)

Tarrraaaaa (style Cilla Black ni)

Update at (just after) Midnite

What ever happen to all them people in my previous post you all love to know? Hehehe...read on. sajalah memalam ni, takde benda nak tulis, so teringat kisah-kisah tergantung orang-orang yang berkenaan.

Kak Katak and her abang sayang. - I sum up that she has got fed up in maintaining friendship with me. She called, I didn't answer....she texted...sometimes, I texted back. It is really a one sided affair.What can I say, me and my mobile phone are not siamese twins. More often, much to my boss dismay, I suka tertinggal phone kat rumah. People say, barang tertinggal biarkan dia tertinggal, tracing back steps is a bad luck. As it is my run in with bad luck sungguhlah banyak.However, I do speak and see her now and again. I just don't blog about her anymore. She is doing her PHD and as it is, I have incurred all the wrath tak perlu dengan puak-puak pandai ni. Not that I care but benda-benda yang menyakitkan mata janganlah di undang.It is not their fault kan, they were born so pandai. Maybe it is just me yang bangang.So, duduklah den ontok-ontok.

JT - Also another PHD scholar. But I like him, Not only that he is my ex schoolmate and has grown tak hensem and me transforming into Jodie Foster perasan, he is the epitome of the latest human terminology yakni, jantan and Iguana are almost simlar. He can be needy,pushy, pundek and all that sort...enough to send me berbatu-batu away from him and within seconds, he can be as charming as Jalaluddin Hassan trying to chat up Aida Rahim with Bahasa Meklayu ber accent confuse English/American tu. All those we love to hate facial and verbal expression. If I do blog about him, only when he come out with the latest self-pity episode or tak pun, percubaan mengorat tak serik-serik kat I ni.

Abang R - Oh yes....lupalak nak habiskan cerita. Ceklat pun dah habis kan, Kiah? Yeah...jantan, kangkung ke, buluh betung ke, semuanya sama. Takde spinal cord. He told his mom that I'm not interested...and all have been a wasted journey. so selamat lah dirinya. My naughty thought is to.....a) Call my mother and say, okaylah..Angah nak lah kahwin dengan dia b) Write on his FB wall...how's was Soho the other night? Plenty bum-fun? (uiisshhh mulut Hjh Esah) c) I will tell his Mum what he said about her...mati sakit jantung Mak dia (and aku pun berdosa besar)

Cannot win.

Another One Bites The Dust

Couple of months ago when I wrote about Pilah & Co, ada pulak anak cucu yang sakit ati...kata I durhaka lah..nak kena saman lah..hapa lah. Sampai la ni, takdak apa pun. Saya masih menunggu jugak Cik Cucu Tuanku Jeff nak saman saya but I guess in the end, you must have realised that you got better things to do daripada melayan kata-kata puaka I kan? I was wondering too, on what ground pulak you nak saman I? Takde. Unless Malaysian Goverment posted a new bill that rakyat are totally disallowed from disrespecting the Royal Family. That is okay lah...I was been disrespectful kan? Orang dah arwah, lagi mau kutuk. But you know what, it is better that (being disrespectful in that manner) than having my own flesh and blood...belum kering lagi tanah kubur Nenda, cucunda-cucunda dah pi clubbing kat Hotel Istana tu. Pastu suruh satu negeri berkabung 100 hari. Isk..isk..isk.

Someone got annoyed with my Manohara post. Nak marah, marah lah. Like the family rightly said, this is a personal matter. People like me can only express opinion from what we see, and people like you can just read and take in. Tak payahlah nak kutuk saya.I have got better thing to focus my attention to. I still stand by what I said, I don't take side, I just think that both hubby and wifey are dimwit as each other. At the risk of offending the parents of both parties, the gravy did fell on the right spot.

However I applaud your loyalty...I would too, if the Tengku is my friend. I would have said...eleh, takyah lah nak kawin budak Indon tu, pelakon Malaysia kan ada? Stupid is a stupid does. Nak buat camana kan? Sabar aje lah. Next time when you read a blog, knowing that this is a free platform for people to express opinion, baca aja lah. I am hardly slandering anyone.Making comparison is not an offence. I did agree he look like a psychopath, because I have worked with many.However psychopath look does not guarantee a psychopathic behaviour.It is all very unfortunate for both parties. Please read carefully next time. I don't have a judgement, and there is certainly no cloud.

Who cares, she hire/ he hire a lawyer. More money and work for the legal people. Todays news is tomorrow's toilet paper. Next year or so both, if still not together may jumpa orang baru. TMF can start looking for woman with passion for bondage and S&M, and that little gold digger can start digging elsewhere, maybe for oil and gas this time. Tak pun, gi lah belajar masuk U. Muda-muda ni kenalah ada wawasan. Janganlan hidup nak makan duit laki aje....(siapakah ittew) Ingat ye...you all yang ngabiskan duit laki tu..sementara ada laki ni, pakai lah duit they all tu sampai abis ye. Belikan I karipap inti ayam frozen satu kontena pakai duit laki ye? Berkaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

You will be surprise how many people can easily be provoked and meghoyan tak tentu pasal. Bila kita kata dia insecure kang, kecik ati pulak. Dah laa...gi lah kacau orang lain, we don't want to play with you anymore. You pun untung nasib tak tahu lagi.

(Bila lah keta Ferrari Diva Debab tu nak sampai ni..kaki dah gatal nak gi Paris dah ni)

Prahara Manohara

He is the Prince from Kelantan (and tak hensem) and she is just 17. From Indonesia. Quite pleasant. I am half Indonesian, so I will take an interest. When was the last I indulge on good celebrity gossip like this? Unless Norman Hakim and Abby would like to remarry, re attack at film set and gadudgaduh-nangis-nangis, then I better find something else lah kan, Kiah?

He is 31 and with status like that, he could go looking for more mature wife who is likely to understand that marriage is not a bed of roses. It is about time lah Kelantan ada cerita baru...long after the Sultan ran away with the sport cars without paying for the duty.

I saw the interview, it seems genuine. Saya dipotong-potong..disuntik-suntik...and all that toot toot toot (cilaka kena mute pulak) The journalist asked, adakah family Tengku Temenggung know what is happening...Manohara dalam ghun-ghun serabak nya madah..they don't care, their son ada permainan yang dia suka.

The poor girl is only 16 when she married him. Whisked away by a private jet, I pun ndak jugak...although I think she may have a better ending if she marry any Prince from Brunei. He must be a bujang terlajak looking for love all that way to Indonesia and picked up an immature girl. She claimed he is a psychopath. He looks like one anyway, his only saving grace is that he is the son of a King. I shall reserved my comment about the father lah ye.There was this long standing jokes about him and the roman numbers.

She is now back in Jakarta after all that drama menjerit-jerit dalam lift. God forbid Sultan Kelantan jadik bertambah sakit. People call her family, her mum in particular a gold digger. Yeah..right. What a place to dig a gold at Kelantan kan?

Of course Malaysian Press will defend TMF. All this orchestrated to smear his good family name.They said he kept her passport, why lah? Lucky enough, this happened in Singapore. She may tried to run away before but Pak polisi in KL may have been kautim by TMF. Eh..tak baik I petnah Pak Polisi kan? For some reason, domestic issue is to grey to masuk campur.

She claimed she was subjected to penderaan sexual. Girls, you can go bang on about it but jangan haraplah they will take action againt unconsented sex with your husband.Most likely he will use the agama reason, that wife must not defy and refuse husband.

I'm not taking sides. She is young (and stupid) and he is just weird. Bad match. Hope all is well with them lot.