About Me

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Entry Kepala Serabut.....Lagi

Pernah tak merasa bila bangun pagi, or bila-bila masa tidur pastu terjaga and start thinking....

What am I doing here? Why do I bother?

Macam tu lah rasanya hari ni. For over a week, I was forced into attending 'Positive Practise In Behavioural Support' training kat Bristol sinun. I don't carry my laptop, kununnya, tak memerlukannya sangat.Ye lah tu...plus, ada 2,3 manager lain yang pergi, so Makcik2 ni misti pakat bawak laptop memasing, so kiranya, bolehlah I ni menumpang guna gittew...

But in the end, I was the only person that the company sent. To make matters worst, bawak mobile phone..pastu charger nya tertinggal. Merasa mencatu-catu bar battery telepon.Sengsara sungguh hidupku.

Before I went, I bergaduh dengan orang tua tu. Tak ingatlah pasal apa....always like that, bila bergaduh, we fought hard like adalah gross misconduct ala-ala I was caught having an affair ke tapi after a while, tak ingatlah piula pasal apa punca gaduhnya, tapi yang nyata, HATIKU INI MASIH SAKIT YOU ALL!!!!!!!

I am not happy at work. I am now decided not to take up the promotion, walaupun dapat naik over £3k gaji (bongkak kan..siap cakap dalam blog lagi pasal gaji)...I emailed Boss my decision and the reasons behind. In fact, I am thinking to leave the service all together and to find work in more non-profit environment.

I realised today that I desperately miss my family.I haven't call my parents for months...I sent them postcard but I'm too, not sure if malas or malu to call.

Leaving me alone on my own if my father's greatest fear. I have let him living in fear for the last 9 years. Sihat ke, selamat ke...

When you feel like shit, all you can think of is that, it is the consequences of all your bad doings,to your parents.

I bought my flight ticket home yesterday...and yes, I will telephone home soon. My mother is a calming influence. And I desperately need to feel calm.

Take care all.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

eloklah tu esah, balik malaya jumpa mak pak kejap, inshaAllah dapat semangat baru :) macam i ni pun, kekadang tu bila rasa down sangat2 kat sini tapi lepas je cakap dlm telepon dgn adik beradik terus rasa segar bugar gitu...

take care
yatie

:: cheezzy cheese :: said...

alaa Esah, b4 hang reveal gaji hang tu, ada lagi sorg umat yg dh bongkak reveal dulu.. sapa tatau.. kikikiki. (ko tau sapa la kan)

kikilili said...

samekom makji, manader ghaibbbb

nanti weols story mory keh! jgn stress2 makji, kedut muka tu nantikkkk hihi

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

Pesanan dari penaja:
1. Walaupun dilontarkn dgn kata nista, i'm glad you're still alive and kicking.
2. Jaga diri baik2 wrt the gagak..takut ditikamnya you satu hari, kalu tak pun di voodoonya. therefore, selalu baca ayat kursi tu, sebelum tidur and nak keluar rumah.
3. Ko tinggalkan je la si tua tu and come shack up with me.
4. Jgn bagi those 2 mamat hensem tu berenti, we need some scandal woman! tapi make sure ko tak dicharge dgn sexual harrassment krn mengambil kesempatan ke atas subordinates gitu..
5. Call2 la parents you tuuuuu...

Goddess Selene said...

Makji, sabar yer. Mak pon miss my parents jugak. As well as all my friends... Mmg sometime ada rasa like "what the hell am i doin here?" tapi still kat sini jugak canne?

Mak pon plan nak balik KL tapi dinch beli tikit lagi. Uols balik naik ape? Emirates is £599 (cheapest so far that i know).. MB pon balik skali?

Dina said...

Makji...bila baca n3 ni disulami plak ngan lagu Nora kt background, tetiba lak rasa nk nangis....

**Kannn ? Tak pasal2 je emo !

Anonymous said...

Heloooo Mak aji esah,

It's perfectly normal what you felt today, once in a while our sytem memang meragam sikit, tambah pulak dengan hormon progesterone yang mencanak-canak, memang bole sakit jiwa dibuatnya...

I woke up this morning feeling the same weirdo feeling, and tambah pulak tengok muka gagak kat rumah ni yang telah berjaya 'men-'javel'kan baju anak2 i dengan jayanya.
(javel = cloroc - baju orange, seluar biru dah jadi tompok-tompok putih macam puppy kat tingkat bawah rumah kitorang)

Those gagaks memang tak bole tegur, one common universal thing about them, diorang takkkan tergamak say "i'm sorry, my mistake', walaupun kita cabut spender diorang pun ( ohhhh... tergamak kah kita mencabut spentot mereka yang gulap gelita itu...).
Lagi tegur, lagi naik kepala... buat reverse psyco, dont speak to them, let them speak to you.

One more thing, they love this black magic thing... ( bukan nak takutkan you, but reminder for myself, kalau maki lebih-lebih mati la pulak i kena voodoo dek gagak-gagak yang sombong berlagak innniewww). Here yang fofular dipanggil 'jujubes', 'things' threy put inside food to make a person ill... verryyy ill. Juga glamer dikalangan moroccon yang suka 'mandrem' kan suami-suami masing-masing yang tak cukup 1.

Sometimes, when I feel really really feel down, I call my sister, share some bitching bits, she can change my gloomy mood to sunny sun just by sharing some bitching bits. Pas tu kena membebel by suamiku cos phone bill beribu-ribu CFA ( tak leh sampai beribu-ribu hinggit, currency kat sini yang beribus-ribus , 1000 CFA= $2 USD gitu).

Hammmpooonn mak aji I conquered your page pulak... tapi sama-sama orang Somban... halaaaal yer!

p/s bila berangkat tanah melaya??

Sally

LadyKuWeen said...

Makji...Lama i tak meninggalkan ucapan keramat kat sini kan... :)
Well, makji apa ke he nya asik-asik gaduh, pastu baik..baik kejap, gaduh lagik..camner tu? fenin la fenin...takde ke mamat lain selain 'orang tua' tu..?? Neway, bila nak balik sini? Ok la tu, jenguk2 org tua sementara masih ada..kang jadik macam aku, bapak dah takde..huhuk...

captainlukman said...

kannnnnnnn takpa makji, balik nti berhat, jgn dok kampen kes minyak plak nti, awak kan anak jati kg paroi kan*pandai je aku reka cerits**. Anyway balik n berehat.... i pun cam tuh jugak rasa jugak cam tuh, tapi rasa happy sebab so far tiap2 bulan balik kg**matilah aku kene tikammmmmm** ya ampoooon