About Me

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It's Not You....It Is Me....(Fade To Black)

I agree to see this ex client/patient of mine...(yang sebenarnya terpaksa, because we bumped into each other when he was at the centre having his Depo injection) I saw him last year and I ended our work together as I feel at that time, Pakcik ni dah recover from his issues. ----Pakcik was having a nervous breakdown you...bila his wife left him------

But jantan is still a jantan...bila nak ditinggalkan, masa tu lah ada nervous breakdown...tapi bila dia dah dapat release kan his wife from his system, tak tunggu siang terus dapat pengganti.I looked at his file and that kira-kira nya, dia dah in a new relationship for a 8 months githoo...I can still see his red eye, ayaq mata and ayaq hidung yang berchuchuran...dek tak sanggup ditinggalkan.But in the end, kena jugak tinggal...yelah, siapalah yang tahan berlakikan jantan Manic Depressive kan? Hari ni okay, besok serabut, lusa sayang menyayang, tulat macam nak dibunuhnya kau bila kau lambat hidang kopi...

He told me that he met his current gf during our work together.He said that knowing her made the moving on process lot easier (eleh...memanglah, kalau dah ada yang baru, haruskah kau terus nak mengenang orang lama? Lain lah I ni...)

Since Pakcik ni only nak chat-chat dengan I...I pun okaylah...tapi sebenarnya, tak boleh tau...but, tak kan aku nak cakap NO kang buatnya dia datang gila, tak ke susah? I asked Pakcik the first time I jumpa dia, 2 days ago, if he want to be referred to other support worker? Pakcik cakap, alah...nak chat-chat saja, tak yah ikut protocol, lagi pun katanya dia tak sakit (see..first sign tau, org macam ni selalu cakap diorang tu okay...tapi, satu dunia tahu dia tu tak okay)

Psychiatrist cakap dengan I, kalau Makji nak ada casual chat dengan dia..takpelah, tapi jangan commit because Makji kan ke dah kerja lain department? (Hah..meh nak kompang..Makji dah masuk Dept. Substance Misuse tawww? Tunggulah sikit hari lagi, pasti akan slim lah diri ku hisap dadah)

Pakcik ni cerita kat I yang gf baru dia ni macam dah distant githoo...and last week, they have a heart to heart talk together and she wants sometime alone...maka Pakcik sudah gundah gulana...takut pisang berbuah for the 2nd time and gf baru akan break off. His gf cakap dengan dia yang she think that it is not working...it is me. It is not your fault. Berderai dunia Pakcik ni. So Pakcik ni tanyalah I..what do you think, Makji? Is she cheating on me ? Cehh..typical jantan kan...kalau pompuan need time off, mulalah pikir yang ada jantan dah menunggu...

I must share with you...kita ni kalau nak nasihat pun kena hati-hati...not many people will hear things they way it is, nak nak kalau dah deluded sangat dengan segala prasangka.While we had hope dengan maju moden nya Malaysia bersama Pak Lah..(eh..tetiba aje) we just can't expect people to feel like we do...

Ada opis mate dedolu, datang kerja dok cerita keburukan laki dia aje...tak leh tahan lah, tu lah, nilah..sampai kita yang terpaksa mendengarnya pun rasa naik menyampah.What I did was...offer her the bestest solution I can think of for her at that time...kalau dah rasa tak tahan dan menyampah, bercerai aje lah kan? There's a limit with patience...we can try but some people will work things out and some just don't know how to change....and how I wish, I tak bukak mulut sebabnya, after that her laki bila datang jemput her from work will give a the dirtiest look you can ever ask for.Lepas tu, one of the Sr Manager cakap kat I..eh Makji, betul ke you suruh si dia tu mintak cerai? Dah..aku pulak yang kena dah...but wouldn't you, kalau orang tu dah hari-hari cerita hal laki dia...kalau cerita part laki malas mandi ke, pengotor ke tak apalah..ni pi cerita kat seantero opis betapa laki nya ku ada problem dalam adegan konket mengongket ni....hish...well, maybe I shouldn't say anything.

We always think that the other person easy way out of a relationship is by saying 'It's not you, it is me'.I used to think that. Although in a way, it is an easy way out...when you think about it, we just don't say thing we don't mean.Yes, it is me who maybe feel a bit different now...but why do I feel this way? Because of you lah kan?

It takes 2 to tango.People fell out of love sometimes because of obvious reason. You lost interest...dah lama sangat and dah rasa boring.Unless you are diagnosed with Complex Aspergers and tanpa ada perasaan, you can just tell your the other person..eh, aku dah bosan lah dengan kau.Because that is how you feel.

It is you who contributes to the way the other person think about you.It is only normal people can just get fed up.

While we can just cry ourselves a river after the other person dah mula menampak kan sifat-sifat kurang prihatin nya, maybe we like to ask ourselves if he/she is worth wasting your tears for? We may think that we are the best, we are worth fighting for, but are we really?

I'm not the best example alive.My ex dumped me twice and I think, it was my love that keep him alive in my heart...although he professed his love, I am not the one he chose to marry...isk..isk..isk...

So tak banyak sikit, akulah yang jadi penyebab kenapa chenta tak sampai ke penghujung...

I told this Pakcik, I honestly don't think it is advice that he is after...men hardly asked for advice because they always think straight...a man will make a straight decision although it is not always a good one, lainlah kita pompuan-pompuan ni...berpikir panjannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng sangat...pikir apa akan jadi kat orang tu lah, pikir apa akan jadi kat orang ni lah..tapi pasal diri sendiri tak pikir...

Pakcik went into another relationship right away after his wife left him. The obvious reason is that he can't cope with being empty.The ego side of him is that he needs to know what is wrong with him...but maybe it is just nothing.I just said to him...it is good now that you have time to think whether this is what you want or not.

Having someone by our side is almost habitual.Human function better when they are more than 1. But sometimes, things are not meant to be. You can still function as 1, maybe not as good as 2 but bearable.

I just hope Pakcik will not start stalking his estranged gf....he was doing that with the wife before...aduhh!!!!

2 comments:

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

*Bertafakur sekajap*
this entry is sooooo deep!

Manal said...

Dah stop ke kisah nya....ler...mamat tu memang la nak kena antar boot camp tak pon pi ikut kim and aggy cuci rumah...mesti lpas tu dia akan:
1) lagi gila
2) bertaubat ala2
3) join the BB 2009 intake.
4) join The Army
5) Read blogs with Manic Depressive keyowrd in it

Anyways, depa ingat pompuan ni mcm trial and error testing period ke apa?