About Me

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Emotionally Affected Post

Begini lah....

In a space of 2 bulan (not sure if my maths is correct, maklum lah I takdelah pandai kira-kira macam Shilpa Lee kan?) I have managed to upset Kak Katak and mangsa terbaru, Si Badak. Am I sad? Am I emotionally affected? Yes/No/Not sure.

My ECG test indicated that I ada cardiomyopathy. Apa kejadah nya tu, tuhan aje yang tahu. I have been having palpitations lately ni. My GP said this condition is developed from a viral infection. Lagi I pening. I have a slective hearing defect. I hear things that I want to hear. So bila GP cakap macam tu,ni,tu,ni...what I heard and processed is what is written here.Do not ask me anymore than I know.If I understand what he explained correctly, I sekarang ni dah ada heart condition yang berkena-mengena dengan jangkitan virus.

The GP dengan tanpa rasa bersalahnya teruslah bagi ucapan-ucapan dasar....which is not helping at all. Make you wonder that they should be trained also in psychology or solution focused therapy. Some people macam aku ni, takut jumpa doctor, walaupun membesar dipersekitaran hospital.So giving me speech about my condition in a foreign terms or sungguhlah tak user friendly term, really didn't help.AT ALL.

So what I did was, macam pandai, I google my own condition for information and read it, understand it in my own terms.

So, inilah padahnya bila

a) Bila badan rasa nak demam and tekak rasa macam tertelan katak, my quick solution ialah beli Lemsip,Night Nurse,Beechem what have you.Makan every 4 hours until I rasa sihat sikit.Nak jumpa GP kat sini macam nak jumpa Agung, kena buat appointment.By the time GP is free to see you, kalau sakit teruk dah terus mati gamaknya.So, kalau boleh dapat remedy off counter, takyahlah nak buat appoinment.

b) Kerjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aje. Tak gak kaya-kaya.

The bigger factor that probably the contributing factor is the stress that I acquired from having too many responsibilities.My own fault.

So, I was given a BETA BLOCKERS. To treat the symptom of high anxiety.40 mg a day.

I cried in my last two therapy sessions.

When I took over the project in Harlesden, the main problem over there is the employee. Believe me, I am so good at what I do...(eksyen kan?) but my weakness is people. Although I appear like I don't care, I am too emotional. If you come across someone who like tak kisah,couldn't be bothered about stuff or people, apa nak jadi, jadilah that kind of thing, be aware that this is all a front for not to be trapped in a emotional tangible, simply because they just cannot cope.

Last week in the opis, I called this lady 'Silly'. Memang dia betul bangang pun you all...tapi, tak patut lah aku cakap macam tu kan? To just said it direct to her in her face, 'Oh, this is silly. You're being silly'. Talking about cakap kenalah berpada-pada, knowing the Hitams can use it against you kat Employment Tribunal, citing racial discrimination kan? I'm glad that I verbalised my thought to her but on the other hand, I succumbed to her emotional provocation to me, making me said things that I said which can be prevented had I not get too involved dalam perperangan mulut dalam opis hari tu. I should have just said that her behaviour is unacceptable, and tak payahlah nak voice out how I feel about her (part kebodohan melampau ittew)

Bila I mengadu kat my other colleague, like any other batu api...si polan ni cakap...ahh, if I were you, I called her fucking cow. Lagi dassat kan?

Boss suruh I take it easy and don't be too hard on myself.

But, on 3 ocassions now, I can't hinder myself from getting too emosi. Kak katak dah kena, Si Nigeria (bukan Miss Nigeria yang baik ati tu ye) tu dah kena and now Si Badak tu dah kena.

I'm not saying that I menyesal ke hapa,but I could have just control the situation and rise above it. Nothing is personal, none of this is personal but being emotionally charged (as always) that I am, I'm making it way too personal for me that I feel the need to show them how it is affecting me.

Sungguh lah tak mature nya.

We always say this, that everytime we are having difficulties, we want to run. Nak lari kat mana ye? Flora marathon ke or Race For Life?

15 comments:

Lee Novotny said...

Uols, feel sos oryy for uols!!! Whatever happened to you?? Tu lah..kerja teruk teruk sangat! Sampai bila pun takkna kayo rayo uols selagi bekerja untuk orang lain ni - nak melancong lencong every now and then dan beli itu ini bolehlah tapi nak kaya raya?? jangan harap!

Uols, biasalah dah kita ni sebagai kaum perempuan, mulut tuh mestilah laserrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yaamat! :P

take care pls...... calm down and have a good rest!!! PLEASE!!! I mean it!

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

ye lah..kita kawum pompuan...bermulut lasser lagi puwaka!!! hahahahha....

Anonymous said...

penyakit apo tu esah? nampak eh den kono google jugak lah nak tau apo ko bondo eh ni...

as someone yg 'kenal' you melalui blog saje i tak tahu le nak bagi nasihat camana (eh macam lah ekau mintak nasihat den kan?? hehehe)...walau apa pun esah, you take care and look after yourself, sementara masih muda ni (ekau mudo laie kan??) memang le kita kena kerja keras tapi kalau keras sangat sampai merusakkan jiwa dan raga, baik le take it easy je buat masa ni...

yatie

Anonymous said...

salam hjh esah,

hmmm i just hope u're getting better ler, both emotionally and physically...dealing with people ni memang susah ler, i've done that, been there and promise myself i will try to get away from managing people lagi, ever!!....i quit my so-called-demanding job few years ago and my hubby acknowledges that i'm way much better off with my new job; walaupun with less gaji but i'm a happier person...but in your case, i'm not sure if you have other choices...

i thought being in UK, kena marah with degrading(by our Malaysian standard)words such as "f* stupid" is considerably normal---tu laa padahnya tengok banyak sangat Gordon Ramsay's shows!!...if you let the guilt eats you up inside everytime you marah orang, hmm you yang akan sakit at the end....life goes on, we have to face the fact, it's part and parcel of your job...tapi jgn get used to it laks, nnt byk buat musuh dari buat kawan....hope this would help

-ina
dr. tak bertauliah ..but nak bagi sikit pendapat i...

OOD said...

i dont think having cardioamendentah makes you worth saving lah laling. Mashitah, the soul savior, only saves mumayyiz girls with masalah akidah. Mr Bean too, i think.

u take care lah hoh. And take it easy too. Work is not worth it if it affects your health and state of mind, kan?

peminat ramai ambik berat ni - not that i say you berat (kok tongah sensitif, hayo, kono sombur achik).

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

You need my tender loving care (trust me to come up with this kind of comment)

Anonymous said...

Lari kat mane? dtg middle east nak? ciaaan dia..~hatiriang~

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Yatie...nasihat mieww senantiasa kieww alu-alu kan...

Ina, musuh dah selori dah ni, ngalahkan Robert Mugabe...

Ood,eden ni pun termasuk jugaklah dlm category akhlak rosak gak...so, mano eh Raja N ni?

I'm still waiting Kiah...dok berjaji kelly aje kau ni...bila kau nak bunuh laki kau?

Hari Riang...lari kat Israel boleh?

Manal said...

"Maybe you should go to the gym" ...eh eh macam penah dengar jer nasehat ni....di mana yea...ade kaitan dgn JT me think so...

But not working out alone la...join some aerobic lessons.

By the way, I ter come across an interview with Anuar Zain and he said: " I feel best".

I pon dok menelan sebiji sehari beta blocker for the past 2 years, but alhamdulillah setelah i bersauna2 and join akak2 lain senam-robik, i rasa terkontrol my blood pressure gitewww with or without ade bopren pon! (but dalam hati kekadang MAU berlaki, voley?).

[danial][ma] said...

hej! pity you hjh esah...don't let stress affect your health...i hope you won't depnd on beta blocker for the rest of your life...take care...

captlukman said...

sabar ya hajah, sometimes kalau dah begang emosi tu control segala nya, i pun begitu jua. No more belas kasihan, main sembur je, nampakllah aku kdg2 cam set2 romanian yg tetiba je naik hangin, terus keluar "Malaysian not like this".boleh?

anyway, im romaian when its comes to talk....**matilah mak kurang ajar katanya**

sabar-sabar akak, jangang maroh2 ya

:: cheezzy cheese :: said...

.. aku pilih race for life.. erk-

im feel sorry to u too, jgn la stress2 kn diri dgn dunia katak di luar sana, tp mmg iya tau nok, if kerjaaaaaaaa je mmg tekanan, like my fren's daddy, dia meninggal kat ofis coz of stressful dgn keje.

have a gud & enaf REST makji esah! idop mulut laser! *tetiba..

Manal said...

Makji, cuba carik Lingzhi tea, atau pun mintak cik kiah postkan from malaysia (nak mintak i postkan kah?). It shud help with your blood pressure/stabilizing the blood pressure without relying on betablocker in the long run. Coba la this ikhtiar, sbb i pon tengah mula amalkan. My mum yg start dulu and now, her blood pressure kembali normal.

Selamat mencoba, and kalau makji nak do marathon, try la peringkat sekola rendah ke tak pon yg below 10km. Kang larik bersungguh2 lain jadinya pada muskels dan urat2 sekitar peha, betis dan buku lali.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Manal...apa kejadah nya anuar jin pi cakap 'I feel best ' tu? baru habis pukul telur ke? Ling zhi? bukan ke tu cendawan tahapa-hapa tu? haiyoo...pahit la..

Lukmnag..mung tak habis-habis masalah perkauman kat atas nung...

Yanz..mati kat opis? mak datukkkk....

Belladonna said...

Ko tu fragile sebenarnya.. tapi ko pura-pura macho. Sebab tu ko selalu terlepas geram. Oleh ittew, dont be too hard on yourself. After all we are human kembar siam ngan mistakes.

More info on cardiomyo tu and beta blockers --> http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001105.htm

Maybe ko kena balik bercuti lama sikit untuk menikmati kuih muih dan makanan melayu :)