Worst Nightmare

Kan ke betul sangkaan kiewww....

Wilderness Camp kat Weymouth tu takde mobile phone signal and wireless connection....macam mana I nak bertenet ni? Cilakak lu Boss!!!!

Yang ada hanyalah itik,burung gagak and tupai....berserta ramainya tourist yang berpakaian separa-separa...maklumlah England dah ada matahari sikit....semuanya bantai sunbathing. Tak kuasa lah aku nak berjemur...puas betul nak putihkan kulit, alih-alih nak kasik hitam balik.Sah lah takde kerja.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh......bertambahlah stresss.

I have to make a short trip back to London this Thursday...nak gi ngundi Brian Paddick.

Gigihkan....kalah British Citizen yang dok kat Cambridge ittew.....

Notis Umum

Over the next 2 weeks, I will be travelling to Weymouth (South of England) untuk mengerjakan tanaman gandum yang dusahakan oleh my opis.Macam lahanat je bunyi ye kan? Nope...I'll be having a Crisis Resoloution Assignment for a week dengan patient-patient substance misuse. (Silap-silap, I might end up hisap dadah ni)

I am now feeling physically tired from all the travelling...travel dalam London, travel luar London...berbatu-batu jauhnya.Badan pun makin debab lah gamaknya dok makan fast food aje kan?

I'm still having massive problem at work...yang tak dapak ku gambarkan dengan kata-kata.

Balik je dari Weymouth, dengan tak sempat kentut and berak, I will be flying to Isle of Sicily...(sila jeles Hjh Leemah...bukan uols aje yang jetset yea...harus tak nak kalah) for my delayed honeymoon (tetapi yang betul nya, make or break trip ni)

So, if you don't hear from me (ni tak termasuk 2,3 menjak dah malas nak update blog) makna nya, seperti pelem star antarabangsa, I will be adding my carbon foot print and of course, my airmiles. This will be my out of England trip for now, sebelum Makji balik KL. Tapi, kalau Bini Mokhtar dah duduk France and jemput I makan nasik kerabu, insya allah, tunggulah ketibaan ku dengan EuroStar nah??? (eh..tiba-tiba aje...muka tak malu kan?)

Janji manis Boss ialah my accomodation kat Weymouth tu ada Wifi connection...so, dapek lah eden baca blog kengkawan dikala sunyi dah stress...but, it is very likely that Boss sebelum I travel cakap macam-macam, nak entice I gila-gila, pahtu bila aku dah sampai sinun...tempatnya tersangatlah ceruk macam Gua Niah. Jangan kata wireless...mobile phone pun takde signal.

If this is the case...siap kau Boss!!!!

Taraaaa....

Entry Menyampah Gila

Still can't rest from being morally violated yesterday by JT...I decided to call him.Well, I did promised though.I so want to ask why dia masih lagi berani telepon I, lepas ku maki hamun dia that day.I have already made the nastiest remark (in my standard)...like, I rela melayan anjing kat dalam opis I...kalau you dengar, tak ke rasa nak bunuh diri?

Make you wonder what sort of pathology men has.

Was I stupid? Udah udah lah kan patutnya? Orang kata...don't ever try to upset a man more that you already have, buruk padahnya.Tengok lah apa dah terjadi kat Altantuya itu...or that girl that was murdered by her policeman boifren pastu kena lipat masuk kotak TV.

But what can JT do? Selain dari mengata his soon-to-be ex wife that he thought bleeding him dry, apalah kekuatan yang ada selain dari his body fat? For a man who berkira who gets to keep the pasu sarawak, I don't think he is wealthy enough to visit any available witch doctor.Lagipun, mana nak cari voodoo King/Queen kat UK ni?

I was merely annoyed.But then again, kalau setakat kena panggil BITCH, in my work, tu kira minimum lah tu, we got called lot worst than that.

So, K answered his mobile dengar saluran suara ceria anda nya...and I really need to get my mean message across.

'After what you said, I really didn't appreciate your call.Can you just stop please?'
Kenapa? You marah ke? (perlu ke nak tanya)

Yes I am. Since I can be civil, ni nak cakap baik-baik lah ni. You are so disrespectful, so I malas lah nak berkawan.Kita tak jumpa lagi pun tak apa.

(With his mengada voice) Ehh..tak baik tau..memutuskan silaturrahim...

I let him talk and talk.Benci punya pasal, I can't even remember what was said, but his tone of voice really annoying.After a while he realised I didn't respond.

You okay ke? Diam aje?

Are you really that stupid, K? I've said, I'm not interested.Shall I hang up now?

Ey..janganla....blablablablabla.....(really, tak kuasa aku nak melayan nya)

Okaylah..kalau you takde mood nak cakap dengan I hari ni...we talk later yeah?

I am so not going to answer witheld number anymore.

Or better still, my contract with Vodafone is up for renewal this June.I might end up switching to O2. Ahh.....masalah betul.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

a) Jantan Tembam
b) Kak Katak

Scene 1 - Take 1

Usually, I don't entertain calls from witheld number. Macam jahanam lah kan? Nak telepon orang tapi nombor block pulak.To me, they don't deserved to be picked up.But tadi, I got like 10 calls from a witheld number.Bila dah nak masuk 10 kali tu, hati pun terpikir, manalah tahu kot-kot my family ke telepon.So in the end, I pun jawablah..thinking that it is my sister ke (yang perasan glam tu...macam artist lah pulak nak block number)

Alangkah puakanya nasib bila suara Si Tembam tu bergema kat dalam corong mobile phone speaker ku!!!!!!

Because I lately ni busy mengalahkan Mayor London, it only occur to me after 5 minutes yang si lahabau ni that day panggil I bitch.I decided not to think about him or his stupid remark anymore.Banyaklah lagi benda penting dalam dunia ni.But he sounded cheerfully over the phone asking how I am.

This is so typical of man untuk mengcover kemaluan nya or he is just naturally bangang to realise that you cannot just barge into woman personal space once you upset them.Kurang-kurang misti sanggup jilat pasir dulu.We may easily to forgive but we sure don't forget easily. I doubt la dia ni hilang ingatan...because he tried calling me before and I ignored his calls.Now, he resorts to witholding his number so that I will answer.10 kali you...ni bukan mengalah ni, simply because I just worried that it may be an important phone call from adik beradik ke.Panas betul hati ku ini sebab terpedaya tawww!!!!!

Sebab aku dikelilingi rakan-rakan se opis, tak nak lah nak buat scene.I really feel violated letting him talk his way through...eheyy...you apa khabar? amboiii..busy nya, susah lah nak dapat cakap dengan you (tidak kah kau tau yang aku amat benci mendengar suaramu yang macam lembu tercekik ittew?)

Obviously, dek gelinya telinga I mendengar suara lemak babi nya tu, I excused myself as quickly as I can...'Can I call you back...I'm in a meeting?'.

I was really disturbed after that phone call and switched off my mobile completely.Nasib baik I ada office mobile phone.It is only now that I realised how JT managed to welcome himself into my space without a single apology, for upsetting me...for calling me BITCH!!! Sialannnnnn.....

Scene 2 - Take 2

It is only normal that we all mengalami hari-hari yang macam celaka.I bumped into Kak Katak on my way to the other place of work.I swear I didn't see her coming...and tetiba bahu ku ditepis dengan manja nya (cesss) 'Eh..apa khabar..lama tak jumpa'. Inadvertantly, aku telah merelakan diriku ini dipeluk cium oleh Kak Katak ittew. Tercabul betul rasa nya. Dia dah lupa ka betapa hatiku telah diguris luka? (Let's do that Sweet September suara sengau thingy..lalalalalalalala...) As I do not want to create a scene, I pun buat-buat excited jumpa dia walaupun hati rasa menyampah sungguh.We chat briefly but I was so desperate to get away.I did, after 5 minutes.Tu pun rasa lama taww...

They both at different ocassions, remarked how 'English' I have become...but,being a Melayu that they are, did it not occur to them that they need to apologise for hurting my feeling?

What do you expect eh, budak TKC kan?
And the jantan...deluded by his body fat.

Birthday Wish

Hari ini birthday orang ittew. Alaaa..orang yang I kejap suka, kejap tak suka, kejap rasa nak tembak,bunuh,tikam and buang masuk longkang and after a while, rasa suka balik. Well, too many cryptic remark kan?

Although si tua ni puas betul ku kutuk dalam blog ni tanpa rasa malu, I can't imagine being with another person.I don't have many special relationship in my life. We have been together for over 8 years now yet, in between perperangan, ada juga terselit saat-saat aman damai yang membahagiakan (yikss..rasa nak muntah nya!!!)

I have a very unconventional taste in partner. The person that I am, so self-centred, career driven, pathological worker and not forgetting panas baran yang diluar tabii, memang susah nak commit. We can go on not seeing each other for couple of days because I was busy working.

See, I am very close to my father. I think that he is one person that always make me feel worthy, special and strong. I guess, as a father, he realised my weakness and my strongest point.And he never stop to pull that point out from me.My father is always there to pick me up when I was down.

I find that exact quality in my partner now.Always, always made me feel special. Sadly, the similarity is, them both a not very likeable person.And because of that, the relationship is in constant complex. But, its true that you can't have all. As much as I want to be in loving and understanding relationship, I have now resigned to the fact that I just have to love the way my partner is. I don't want fancy holidays or anything corny most couple do. I'm afraid what I am looking for is more than that. The feeling of worthiness, special and strong is very important to me.It may not be as wonderful and pleasurable.These are the quality in F that I have to remember that I can't live without if ever aku rasa nak terajang dia.

Sebagai seorang isteri yang mithali...I pledge to try my very best to make this day special. I kemas rumah, I masak and I buat kopi. For once, I did not moan having to wash up pinggan mangkuk yang bertingkat-tingkat. (Celaka kan omputih ni, suka simpan pinggan sampai penuh sink)

Sebagai tanda kasih sayang (plus si tua ni boleh tahan jugaklah mata duitan nya) I have agree to pay for a new computer, supaya si tua ni boleh duduk diam-diam main game and let me watch Frasier and Friends tanpa gangguan.

Happy Birthday, Darling....(uwekkkkkk!!!!!)

Mulut Lain..Hati Lain...Otak Biol

Kak Katak sent me a text, asking if she can come over to my opis. I replied 'If this is about your coursework, can I suggest that you ring xxxxxx and she will assist you' and sekian terima kasih. Bunyi macam ganas kan? The sensitive part of me berkata 'Eh, tabbaik tau buat sombong like that' but when I troll back, and look at my words one by one, I quickly snapped, and defended my response.I mean exactly as I said it. Kalau nak datang opis pasal kerja, datanglah...tapi jumpalah my assistant. I doubt pulaklah dia nak datang opis I to meramahs mesra bagai, after kejadian tak mesra that day.

But my hati kecil mungil tetaplah terasa tak kena, don't know why but rasa macam Kak Katak at the end of her mobile phone, dapat message ganas tu terus nangis guling-guling. Kalau tak nangis pun, harus jam jam tu dia akan telepon all her kengkawan at Persatuan Semelayu London and terus mengata I. But bila pikir balik, mulut dia pun boleh tahan celuparnya that day and takdelah pulak terserlah any tanda-tanda keinsafan, bah kan dikatanya I yang berlagak. But then again, if betul la she took the time or trouble to mengata I, why should I feel uneasy about it? Yang I ni pun, mulut pun boleh lah tahan puaka nya.

Setelah di sound oleh my Boss si CPB itu, I tried to tread on things more carefully now, trying very hard not to let emotion overtake any of my decision.Tetapi, what is that pepatah that ends with 'berat lagi bahu yang memikul'? Macam tu la keadaan nya sekarang ni. Not only bahu I sakit dek memikul tah hapa-hapa beban kerja yang tak perlu, beban-beban emosi yang datang menenggek free atas bahu pun nak tak nak terpaksa dipikul sama.At time I feel that my bahu nak putus pun ada....

When you get to a stage where you have a bit of power and at the same time, boleh main kerah-kerah orang 'oii..kau buat tu, kau buat ni'...you can't help but to get involve in the office politics.While I really believe that politik Pak Lah and Co adalah sangat kotor, my office politik lagi kotorrrrrrr.Hoover lah 2,3 round pun.Although this does not involve smearing campaign besar-besar macam orang BN dan mengabiskan boreh and duit rakyat, our smearing campaign does involved secret phone calls (not to mention ngabiskan duit opis bayar bill telephone) between kaki-kaki gossip (macam I), si pesakit hati and si Boss Boss besar (yang juga berpangkat besar, bergaji besar tapi tidaklah mempunyai workload yang besar macam I ni)

Misi utama CPB sekarang ni ialah untuk melenyapkan si pemalas-pemalas dari opis. Kerja-kerja kotor ini telah diserahkan pada I semenjak 2 bulan lepas. Dan juga kerna kerja-kerja kotor inilah, kepala hotak, jantung and sistem pencernaan makanan I telah mengalami kerosakan teruk.

Sebagai pelanduk di tengah gajah-gajah yang mengamuk and mengawan, I like to think that my role is the mediator between CPB and DM (you can choose either demotivated,demoralised or demoted Manager) I have been working with DM closely for over 6 months now.All the way from her rise and fall. For DM to last this long in the organisation sungguhlah menakjubkan, considering yang dia ni lembab, malas and anything yang sewaktu dengannya.Since I was promoted to line manage her, I have sent numerous concern letter to her in regards to her conduct at work.I'm not talking one...I'm talking 6 in the space of 2 months. While manusia biasa like me, you and Kiah boleh nangis terjun gunung kalau dapat surat macam tu, si DM tetap memaintain kan keanggunan nya, persis tak kisah yang her job is actually on the line.

Mengikut kata politikus utama yakni CPB (sikit hari lagi..jatuh chenta I taww dgn CPB ni) DM might be playing us up, supaya kami-kami ni semakin membara dengan sikap McDonno nya and ultimately will proceed to dismissing her from her job.And DM in return, will then sue the company for unfair dismissal, citing racial discrimination.

I have come to a stage where I now hate her guts and can kill her myself if need to, tak yah tunggu main politik haram jadah, if they want rid of her, just upah aje lah sesapa hitman kat luar nun.But words remain words, and I am still the penakut that I am.

It is very hard to remain straightfaced when hati dah menyampah gila.But people around me said, don't get too emotional..remain professional.Senang lah cakap kan...

So, when this text message from Kak Katak, kalau lah di ikutkan hati, nak aje I balas...amboi boi..that day panggil I melayu sombong ye, dah tau I sombong, pi lah kawan dengan melayu Syed Nahar tu...cari I buat apa?

Tetapi, macam biasa, Makji Esah...hati lain, mulut pun lain.And atas nasihat kengkawan...supaya jangan tunjuk kat orang sangat yang kita ni easily affected, maka, dengan se professional yang mungkin...I jawab lah message dia tanpa ayat-ayat yang tak perlu.

Tapi, hati ni macam di garu-garu pulak nak menambah perisa kata-kata, supaya Kak Katak itu tahu yang budak MRSM seantero Malaysia tak kan tunduk dengan kebiadapan budak TKC. Eh..ni cerita lain dah ni...

Facebook Notifications

I received a friend request from a very unfamilar name on my Facebook. I am certain that he is not from my school,NCUK or SU for that matter. This was 3 days ago.

Today, came in a message from him. He has been reading my blog and now he wants to be my friend.He already has 203 friends in his list (apalah I kan? Tak minat tapi pergi check pulak profile orang tu) and some of the pompuan-pompuan in his list are all type-type supermodel yang survive on asams and kerepek pisang.Bangsa tak makan nasik punya.

For someone yang in real life tak ramai kawan, a request like this to me is like a job offer.But being the anti social that I am (so sial more like) I don't respond easily.I feel really bad that like him, I also did send out friend request to people that I only know virtually, and get accepted without any red tape or soklan-soklan puaka.And now, bila orang dah nak kawan, kita bebuat jual mahal pulak kan? Apa? Ingat diri tu glamer ke?

Having a lot of friends is overwhelming for me.I'm not sure if I know how to react. I don't know what to do with you.I'm not good at keeping in touch, I'm not a pen pusher and it has now become obvious to people that know me that I'm not good at contacting people either.

I really do believe in, don't know if this term is correct, jodoh. Kalau ada jodoh nak jadi kawan, kawan lah kan.Kalau tak ada, tak adalah.So to this guy, if your request of friendship is still pending and you maybe wonder why, ni lah pasal nya ye...

I really do appreciate you who bother to waste your time reading my rubbish thoughts, seriously rubbish!!! I need time to know myself, I need time to be friend with myself and I certainly need more time to make sense of myself before I can offer anything sensible to you.

I may not be the type of person you even want as a friend.You'll probably be next in the list to be assasinated in here, character wise.

Like you, I'm just a usual hujung kampung lady (dare not use the girl next door type) who happened to have a bit of luck in life by being accepted to sekolah glamer tepi sempadan tu, that UK preparatory college kat Section 6 tu and finally,that most prestigious uni in South Yorkshire (siapa lagi nak puji kalau tak diri sendiri kan?) and now, compared to my other school friends yang most of them dah jadik loyar and majistret and tak kurang juga yang dah jadi penternak anak yang berjaya disamping mengabiskan duit laki (better than any career I know) I have the most shitty job that drives me nut.

Nevertheless, I am extremely touched by the thoughts.

But for those yang masa kita sekolah dulu tak nak geng dengan I, nak berkenalan dengan yang cantik-cantik aje tapi sekarang nak menjejak kasih pulak dek I dah glamer (and you tu dah debab gamak nya), boleh jalan lah ye.I really don't have time for you.

Hati Melayu

I was in HQ today. Alaaa...kat Kingston aje, area-area Thames Riviera tu. Everytime I pergi Head Office, hati ni selalulah akan membuak-buak dengan perasaan cemburu yang teramat. Maklum la, Boss Boss besar punya opis chantek-chantek, ditepian sungai lagi...tapi opis I? Tikus pun tak nak bermastautin you...

I kena panggil mengadap Cik Puan Besar hari ni. My Boss la. Dah agak dah...Cik Puan Besar (CPB) hantar message to my mobile suruh I datang jumpa dia. Pastu masuk another message katanya 'you're not in trouble'. Manalah hati ni tak berdebub debab kan?

(Terdahulu dari itu, biarlah Makji berterus terang dengan you all, semalam, masa I tengah on duty, adalah sedikit scene menjawab cakap CPB yang boleh tahan lah jugak kurang ajar nya. Apa lah nak jadi dengan I ni, sekarang dah pandai melawan Boss lak tu, nak kena buang kerja sangat ke?)

Makji ni you all, bukan apa, masih lagi mengamalkan konsep, kalau hati boleh sabar, sabar lah.Kita ni dah le merantau tempat orang...amma ilek, appa ilek, laki? Lagiiii ilek!!! So, kalau dah solo-sailor tu, buatlah cara solo-sailor kan? Yesterday was Sunday. I was at work. Semasa segala macam manusia dalam England ni pergi berpoya-poya kat Cologne lah, kat Brighton lah..kat Weymouth lah...I bekerja dengan penuh tekun kat opis. Kenapa kau kerja hari Ahad, Esah oii? Masa nilah masa bagus nak focus kat paperwork, sebab takde orang kacau.

Tah macam mana, adalah wakil keluarga Paki-Taly yang celaka puaka ni membuat panggilan kecemasan. Kononnya.Padahal, takdelah cemas apanya but with this family, kucing tersedak bulu pun diklasifikasi as cemas gak. Too make thing worst, I am not their favourite person. Ye lah..aku kan bukan orang putih.So, beranilah mereka-mereka, ingat aku tak reti nak jawab. To begin with, si Puaka ni dah terjerit-jerit dalam telephone, dalam hati I, kalaulah I ni ada English accent persis gagak-gagak British yang boleh masuk Pidato Piala Perdana tu, mahu diorang ni tak berani nak bully I cam tu sekali. Betul ni you all, dengan colleague-colleague I yang speakang London tak berani family puaka ni nak berkurang-ajar dengan begitu sekali.

So, I let her talk. Between talk, she threatened.I can't get a word in. Not wanting to spoil my mood as I am still on duty, I cuma cakap, okaylah..kalau you nak komplen kat Boss, you komplen lah. That day pun you cakap nak komplen jugak. What else can I say? Tak kan aku nak nangis pulak kan?

My colleague reckoned that I'm too soft, but her brother is one of my patient. Giving in to longstanding friction will not help anyone. Orang gila akan tetap gila and yang tak berapa gila macam kita ni, what else can we say, selain dari membuat bodoh aje.

Really. Some people do live in their own world sometimes. The world that, by their own imagination and standard is perfect. Some just couldn't be happy no matter what.The need to extend the misery to others is so crucial and failure to do so will result in major psycho-catasthrophic. Family ni, mak gila, bapak dah lari...anak jantan sorang, pun gila jugak.So, the anak sulung,pompuan umur dah 41, hidup terpaksa menjadik jurucakap pada mak dia yang cakap orang putih pun tak berapa reti, tapi bongkak ya amat. I would be similar, if not worst, if I'm in that situation.

Keluarga si Puaka ni, agaknya sakit hati sebab tak dapat menyakitkan hati I, terus buat komplen kat CPB. CPB sent me email menyatakan rasa tak puas hati nya sebab I tak handle case ni betul-betul. And that, really telah menyirapkan darah ku.

See, bila orang gila tu buat kacau, maki hamun I, I boleh sabar. Tapi bila CPB tegur I sikit aje, I panas hati terus I jawab cakap nya. And kesudahnya, I yang kena panggil datang opis besar hari ni.

Actually, CPB panggil I pasal benda lain, tapi mulutku yang extra popcorn ni tanpa segan silu terus aje cakap, I am not happy now. Why are you upset with me? Krungg krang...krung..krang...

Tupp...I kena sound dengan Boss balik. Makji, I dah lupa dah benda tu, kenapa you dok simpan dalam hati lagi? Tak kan you tak tau macam mana I kerja? You dah kerja dengan I berapa lama dah Makji...You tak boleh buat macam ni Makji, you kena belajar get past this thing...we got to move on.

Isk..terasa melayu sangat I hari ni you all....(matilaaa melayu tak sedar diri)

Emotionally Affected Post

Begini lah....

In a space of 2 bulan (not sure if my maths is correct, maklum lah I takdelah pandai kira-kira macam Shilpa Lee kan?) I have managed to upset Kak Katak and mangsa terbaru, Si Badak. Am I sad? Am I emotionally affected? Yes/No/Not sure.

My ECG test indicated that I ada cardiomyopathy. Apa kejadah nya tu, tuhan aje yang tahu. I have been having palpitations lately ni. My GP said this condition is developed from a viral infection. Lagi I pening. I have a slective hearing defect. I hear things that I want to hear. So bila GP cakap macam tu,ni,tu,ni...what I heard and processed is what is written here.Do not ask me anymore than I know.If I understand what he explained correctly, I sekarang ni dah ada heart condition yang berkena-mengena dengan jangkitan virus.

The GP dengan tanpa rasa bersalahnya teruslah bagi ucapan-ucapan dasar....which is not helping at all. Make you wonder that they should be trained also in psychology or solution focused therapy. Some people macam aku ni, takut jumpa doctor, walaupun membesar dipersekitaran hospital.So giving me speech about my condition in a foreign terms or sungguhlah tak user friendly term, really didn't help.AT ALL.

So what I did was, macam pandai, I google my own condition for information and read it, understand it in my own terms.

So, inilah padahnya bila

a) Bila badan rasa nak demam and tekak rasa macam tertelan katak, my quick solution ialah beli Lemsip,Night Nurse,Beechem what have you.Makan every 4 hours until I rasa sihat sikit.Nak jumpa GP kat sini macam nak jumpa Agung, kena buat appointment.By the time GP is free to see you, kalau sakit teruk dah terus mati gamaknya.So, kalau boleh dapat remedy off counter, takyahlah nak buat appoinment.

b) Kerjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aje. Tak gak kaya-kaya.

The bigger factor that probably the contributing factor is the stress that I acquired from having too many responsibilities.My own fault.

So, I was given a BETA BLOCKERS. To treat the symptom of high anxiety.40 mg a day.

I cried in my last two therapy sessions.

When I took over the project in Harlesden, the main problem over there is the employee. Believe me, I am so good at what I do...(eksyen kan?) but my weakness is people. Although I appear like I don't care, I am too emotional. If you come across someone who like tak kisah,couldn't be bothered about stuff or people, apa nak jadi, jadilah that kind of thing, be aware that this is all a front for not to be trapped in a emotional tangible, simply because they just cannot cope.

Last week in the opis, I called this lady 'Silly'. Memang dia betul bangang pun you all...tapi, tak patut lah aku cakap macam tu kan? To just said it direct to her in her face, 'Oh, this is silly. You're being silly'. Talking about cakap kenalah berpada-pada, knowing the Hitams can use it against you kat Employment Tribunal, citing racial discrimination kan? I'm glad that I verbalised my thought to her but on the other hand, I succumbed to her emotional provocation to me, making me said things that I said which can be prevented had I not get too involved dalam perperangan mulut dalam opis hari tu. I should have just said that her behaviour is unacceptable, and tak payahlah nak voice out how I feel about her (part kebodohan melampau ittew)

Bila I mengadu kat my other colleague, like any other batu api...si polan ni cakap...ahh, if I were you, I called her fucking cow. Lagi dassat kan?

Boss suruh I take it easy and don't be too hard on myself.

But, on 3 ocassions now, I can't hinder myself from getting too emosi. Kak katak dah kena, Si Nigeria (bukan Miss Nigeria yang baik ati tu ye) tu dah kena and now Si Badak tu dah kena.

I'm not saying that I menyesal ke hapa,but I could have just control the situation and rise above it. Nothing is personal, none of this is personal but being emotionally charged (as always) that I am, I'm making it way too personal for me that I feel the need to show them how it is affecting me.

Sungguh lah tak mature nya.

We always say this, that everytime we are having difficulties, we want to run. Nak lari kat mana ye? Flora marathon ke or Race For Life?

Bitch Talking...

I think all of us didn’t get called BITCH on regular basis. I certainly don’t. I may appear like one or sound like one, but I like to think that I don’t have any or that many attributes that can likened me to one.

But Jantan Tembam decided to call me that. That word came in text message format.For all I know that word can either be a silent BITCH, the bold or was just said for the sake of it.You know, ahh..bitch..ohhh bitch...bitchbitchbitchbitch. Like, takde makna githoo....

It was so unclever of him. I was too busy to notice and at the same time, he is not the type of friend I want for keeps.Really takde hasil.We bumped into each other where I can’t even recognise dek gedabak nya dia. We were not even close at school, he was mingling with the popular one and I was this very plain girl that even tikus makmal pun tak notice.

I was working at East Dorset a lot last week. In the office full of people who I think constantly watching me. Aku je lah manusia tak putih kat area tu. Let’s be positive about it, the orang putih is probably enjoying the view of my perma tanned skin. It must be quite a curious sight when someone brown tetiba boleh bagi arahan eh kau, pergi buat tu, eh kau, pergi buat ni kat si putih-putih ni.Country people are the nicer one.They’re very,very polite.Tapi, semuanya bangsa datang kerja bawak anjing. Dah le I ni takut kat anjing. Tapi dalam pada nak jaga hati si orang punya anjing tu, kugagahi jugaklah dengan senyuman-senyuman pahit perisa lemon kering. Anjing they all pulak yang bangsa nampak orang aje, terus dia pergi tergolek gelantang atas kaki you. With their owner depan mata, tak kan nak aku sepak pulak anjing tu kan? Makcik-Makcik t uterus cakap...stroke her love...say hello to her. So dalam hati yang berat-berat ni, I gosok-gosok jugak lah badan anjing tu. Harus kalau adalah paparazzi amik gambar tunjuk kat orang kampong I kat Paroi Jaya nun, macam anak Poziah Latip, mau mati sakit jantung omak abah den. Hallamakkk..anak aku...pogang anjing!!!!

Okehh...tujuan meng hapdate ari ni, tak lain tak bukan ialah untuk mengumpat si polan JT ni. Jantan kan, memang dianugerahkan dengan kulit extra tebal and bermuka tak malu? So, si Debab ni, persis hilang ingatan yang dia bebaru ni hantar message yang sungguh keji telah menalipon I. Ye you.....telephone I. JT called me and without hesitation, depan omputih-omputih ni I pun jawab lah call nya. I decided, okay.I am so going to cakap Melayu with him so that orang keliling tak leh paham and I think, I will do well in telling off people in bahasa, as well as in english.

I did not do my usual salutation. I let him talk.He went all friendly Owhhhh...hello dear, I really thought we are breaking up. You broke my heart for not calling me....(he is now probably wish that he didn’t said that)

I ni sibuk sekarang. I tak tau kenapa you sibuk-sibuk nak telepon I. You lain kali, tapis sikit bahasa you nak guna bila cakap dengan I. (He tried cutting in but...) Bagi I cakap, you nak sangat bercakap dengan I kan...sekarang you dengar.

Macam nil ah K, masa kat MRSM pun, kita bukannya kawan rapat sangat, I tak ingat pun kalau kita pernah bertegur. So, you ada ke, you tak de ke, tak jadi apa dalam hidup I. I senang lagi ada kalau you tak kawan I, bosan lag dengar cerita-cerita you. I lagi baik tengok Antique Roadshow.

I betul takde masa nak melayan you merengek-rengek ni, and sudah-sudah lah tu. Tak kan you tak perasan I takde nya nak bersungguh kawan dengan you. I jumpa you pun kalau I ada masa, kalau I boring. Kalau tu pun you tak paham, tak tau lah. Jangan nak demanding, you are not in a position to be demanding. Kalau you tu in demand tak pelah jugak. Takde pun I tengok pompuan kejar you?

So, sori lah yek. Okaylah...I nak kerja ni...I layan anjing buruk kat opis I pun lagi bagus. ( boley cakap macam tu?)

TUPPPPPP!!!!!!! Pose pose picit telepon. (nak hempas tak leh...insurance only cover accidental damage)

Super BITCH tak aku?

Genuine Victim

Note to self : I struggle like hell to have my web blog updated, jangan kata 2 hari sekali, seminggu sekali pun payah lately. Well, not as if aku banyak peminat kan?

Cerita-cerita sana,situ,sini,sinun yang kadang-kadang membuat aku rasa nak pitam membaca antara lain ialah

1. Pak Tidollah & his cronies kata, TDM janganlah dok himpit/critisise dia lagi.
2. Pak Tidollah dengan confident nya kata, Tengku Razaleigh misti cermin diri dia sendiri dulu...
3. That engineer has now cleared completely from Noritta's case
4. Malaysian mission to safe 'Shilpa Lee'

I really malas nak komen apa Pak Tidollah cakap and safest bet is to pretend that I never read or heard what been said by him.Really memalukan.He is treading on thin ice anyway, baik tidur full time aje, tak yah lah susah-susah Pakcik oii...

I went to same school with Haniff Basree's younger sister. Although the ordeal is now over, I'm sure building back trust is sorely difficult. When I was in KL, I was agonising whether I should call her to meet up, takut nanti katanya aku nak korek rahsia,walaupun hati macam kena garu nak tahu jugak cerita as Noritta's murder case has always been unclear to me, and I only start reading it 5 months too late, so siapa,kenapa and apa-apa yang berlaku semuanya tak clear. MB is friends with Berita Harian 2nd big boss and his account is more dahsyat, but now that there is no convicted killer, only the poor deceased know what happened.Biarlah...

Shilpa Lee? While segala macam orang kat KL nun dok bersakan nak buat action plan nak menyelamatkan si budak ni, she is happy posing provocatively in the NOTW, takde pun tanda-tanda yang dia ni perlu diselamatkan.

Do we not have more important matters back home? She made her choice, she achieved her aim to detest her father, to proof a point however ridiculous it may sound (boley, nak sakit kan hati bapak, deliberately jadik pelachorr?)

Dalam macam ni pun, Malaysian masih lagi nak claim to fame kan? Sufiah is not even Malaysian not that I ever heard she acknowledge it anywhere.

The one that need saving now is me. At this time of the night, aku masih lagi kat office.I am surrounded with segala macam predator, and yes...desperately need saving from.

The perfect saviour must have money yang berkoyan-koyan, so that I can call my Boss and resign serta merta..eh..kesian pulak kat dia, okaylah..I'll become a NHS volunteer.

The perfect saviour must let me watch TV, sleep all hours and keluar berpoya-poya dengan kengkawan tanpa batasan.Without question.

I have long wish list and by the time I finish tell you what it is, I am the world most deluded person.

But I am the genuine case, so..selamatkan lah saya.Selamatkan lah saya, Raja Nazrin oiii...

Sekian.