Though most of us wouldn’t like to admit it, envy between friends is an archetypal emotion. It is not a female or male domain, but this particular deadly sin is intimately connected to notion of competition and unease between friends. Especially woman. Envy underlines many of our relationships with other women, and yet we find it difficult to understand or diagnose.
When I start doing what I do now 5 years ago, my supervisor at that time was a psychology graduate from a local uni. How I landed in this job was a pure luck at first, where I have no idea what job I was applying, and I told my interviewer that time that what made me answer the ad is because it is just interesting. Nampak sangat yang aku ni sucker for advertisement
Back to this line Manager of mine, she actually is younger than me, but we East Asian, always blessed with younger look
For me, this unfamiliar emotion was permeated by shame. When I saw her beaming with pride after every review meeting she attended, I recognised my reaction as the age-old emotion of envy. But, was I envious of her? Look at what is shown on TV or magazines nowadays. The perfect standards of femininity we can’t possibly achieve; and advertisers exploit our envy of the other women’s lives to sell everything. We are so fascinated by them and at the same time, feel so envious of their show offy perfection if lives.
My psychology graduate Line Manager has now gone to pursue another similar brighter posture in
Like her, I feel like that too (only I didn’t tell her this) The past experience of always being the second choice contributes to the already insecure feeling. I’m not sure what I feel of her but for sure, the feeling is such a discomfort one. After a year of working under her supervision, I got promoted and work alongside her but not having any qualification of the same always making me feel incompetent. I was able to recognised my own envy that time and feeling the painful realisation of the issue.All the time that we were working together, I was so envious of her but the feeling was generated by by own insecurity.
While many of us want to believe that ‘be yourself, don’t ever change who you are’, there is a possibility that we may want to be like someone else who we thought perfect. Comparing their lives with us and later, inundated by unwanted distressed. However hard we try to define it, the object of our envy remains elusive and can be confused with jealousy (although I strongly believe that jealousy is more concrete and involves possessiveness and covetousness of someone else’s things)
We can also envy on something that we don’t even want. Especially towards people that have done so much in life and how you wish you done the same, but tend to forget the reality that we may have no interest at all of things that they’re doing.
I spent a day long with bunch of people I hardly knew yesterday. Well, I was supposed to be a driver to this friend of mine that is visiting from KL and I got to meet his friends and friends of the friends. I often got introduced as a person with high flying job and what is assumed as ‘successful living’. I can see few jaw dropping and I can really see that the envy is coming. The last thing I want is to draw attention to myself. Well, is true that I’m working and holding a better post and there’s plenty other people too. I wish people can just see this as a path that I choose, not base on my location and how I live. I guess, by right I should really be envy of you, who still have the fortune to go and makan
Til then, you take care.