The End Of An Era?

Well, ada yang menanya, regularnya you update your blog...well, if I may give advise, here it is, jangan ditegur...because for all you know, I might be back to my usual life of a recluse.Either way, take this (my kerajinan berhemah) as a hint kepada yang malas-malas tu, sudah-sudahlah nak gunakan alasan sibuk dengan anak, laki and kucing.When there's a want, there's a will!!! Or, dimana Dunkin' Doughnut, disitulah letaknya berkoyan-koyan doughnuts...kan?

I'm so pleased that I am now finally resting my arse in my house, after the 27 hours stint kat tempat kerja.I'm so mentally tired I can merapu cam nak gila.This is similar to the drunkard, the drunken you get, the friendlier you will be.

In case you might wonder, I haven't reply that man email and after the chat with Kiah,my latest scandal,I no longer feel the need to.Thanks Kiah...I lap yu, sesungguhnya, aku dah nampak cahaya-cahaya kebenaran itu.Apasal aku tak nampak cahaya kebenaran tu 8 tahun dulu, tuhan sajalah yang tahu.Well,beginilah susahnya kalau kegatalan puk* mengatasi segala-galanya.Hah..hambik kau.

I was reminiscing on my way back home, on the top deck of the 267 bus.Got started thinking...what with this man...why was I so desperately in love with him to ignore ciri-ciri orang utan sepilok dia tu.Was I desperate? Probably yes.At 16 and gawky, male attention is like ayam in the tomyam, where if you ordered Tomyam from that SS15 stall, you're likely to see the 'sampah' more than the ayam.Begitulah perumpamaannya...,if any of you can stand up and tell me, berapa banyakkah jantan hensem kat MRSM nun? 1 dalam 150? If looks wasn't the important attributes, baik hati, penyayang,kelakar, murah hati, pandai main bola pun tak ramai.Yang ramainya ialah jantan sialan...yang kerjanya menulis surat nak berkenalan to all the girls.Break up hari ni, besok hantar surat nak kawan-kawan dengan pompuan lain, boleh?

The only thing that is appealing of this ex bf of mine is his determination nak mengorat I, 18 years ago...lama tu, kalau beranak, dah anak daralah anak I...he was a friend before upgrade jadi boyfriend.And so, everything is casual, termasuklah adegan dating-dating...from Malaysia to England and back to Malaysia again. I have all the reason under the sun to hate him.

I realised today that I can now casually refer him as an ex without a tinge of emotion, something that I haven't been able to do for a long,long time.Suddenly, I feel sad.I think I can now say goodbye and therefore, answering his email to kill my curiousity seems like a bad idea.I think,I am better of saying goodbye from my heart.Because every part of me have already let go of him, apart from hati ku yang berdegup-degup ni...

18 years was a long time, enough for him to made his choices and I, sadly wasn't the one. My life now (however gilababi pun) is what I want. Kiah said that relationship is a gamble.How very true. This man was very happy stringing me along. Yes, I love him, I love him so much that I can ever imagine, but, it was only me that said that. I said it to him, I said it to myself. He probably have said it more than twice but in the end, I wasn't good enough for him then and so what will be the difference now? It is two times too many to be led on like that. Never again.

Currently in here, some of the soapstars are leaving the soaps.I might be leaving my soap too. Boring kan...dok cerita pasal dia aje...


Sekian.