About Me

Monday, April 02, 2007

Angelina Jolie - The Seven Degrees Of Separation

Can you really believe that I have all this time to write a blog, amid my busy schedule as a UN Ambassador, Actress, A Mother and Brad Pitt partner? Well, I have a totally separate life from that, I live in West London, I work odd hours, I don't know Brad Pitt personally, I don't have kids, my father used to work for the UN, my mother is not French...and I am 2 years younger than my usual self. One of my ex husband live in London and we sometimes meet up for a quickie, although I must say, after I rampas my current beau from that JA, I'm very keen to show the world that I am a one man woman. I have also ceased any kind of sexual contact with my on off gf, Jenny Shimizu...although I quite fancy someone called Hajah Esah. I really hope one day we can meet for coffee....(teruskan merapu)

I started off as a runaway teenager. I'm a bit daredevil and like to do something that tak masuk akal like memanjat jambatan keretapi. I befriended this goody goody school girl and we all in one gang will hang out in this fleapit hole where some of us will emerged out as a piss head or snorting cocaine. I didn't do all that.I just played with my knife, having fun mutilating myself. My friendship with this goody girl become erratic and complicated as we were involved one incident that at first, was supposed to be a mission to balas dendam kat satu cikgu sekolah yang gatal ni. Things went wrong and I accidently tertembak cikgu ni. I have no choice but to run away....the only good thing that happened at this time is that I met that Calvin Klein androgyny model - I hardly get noticed for this stint...except from Hajah Esah. (Case Reference - Foxfire)

Getting tired of running, I arrived in Chicago and developed an interest in learning computer. I learned and learned and become so genius that I was involved in this mega mission. We were badly sought after by this IT criminal that is up no good. I met this guy, an Englishman, very very good looking and he is a computer genius too. Together, with our friends, we exposed this bad man. We crashed and burned. I married him and wear a leather outfit and scribbled my arm with his name using my blood. I don't really know what I was doing that time but I told the whole world that I love this man to death. ( Case Reference - Hackers)

Fed up with computer, I re invent myself as a supermodel. Gawd....I was so famous and wealthy that I keep spending money on drug. I fell in love with a make up artist and in the end asked me to make a choice, either she goes or the drug goes. She need to learn not to issue that kind of ultimatum to a junkie, because we never care about anything when we were drugging. The drug abuse has cost me my one and only love, my family, my career and in the end, my life...as I was diagnosed with HIV. (Case Reference - Gia)

I reincarnated as a mentally disturbed woman and live in a institution. I hated it and tried several time to escape. I annoyed everyone in there but however, I'm quite clever than the rest. I become close to this very petite girl that is also emotionally disturbed and together we escape again. We bunked in the flat belongs to this girl that likes to eat her dad's chicken. Not only that she likes his chicken, she also loves his sausage. I was so disgusted with her, I mentally brainwashed her that led her to hanged herself. I stole her money and make an escape, leaving this Winona Ryder behind. (Case Reference - Girl,Interrupted)

With the money I stole, I mengembara ke Arizona (pray tell if I get the location wrong), befriended some men and together, all of us make a living by stealing cars. We were so good that we can make them gone in a minute.Of course, we were working on target. (Case Reference - Gone In 60 Seconds)

Buhsan gila mencuri kereta, dah lah kerja takde National Insurance or EPF, I travelled again following my new husband. He landed a job as a air traffic controller. My husband is so laidback and good at what he does and was envied badly by his workmate. I was at this time, tak kurang jugak gatalnya, haven't a clue what I was doing, slept this man who is also married. Oh, I forgot to mentioned that my new husband ni, dah lah dah tua, tak hensem and we both thought it was cool to wear a vial of each others blood. I tattooed his name on my shoulder. Macam sial....our union didn't last that long...we decided to go separate ways after decided to adopt that rambut cacak cambodian boy. I also have to removed the tattoo. (Case Reference - Pushing Tin)

So what next? Wild girl dah, computer hackers dah, orang gila dah...I must now start looking for a decent career. So I decided to become a hitwoman...camouflaging my activity in a very nice enterprising business. Masa nilah, I jumpa Brad Pitt and I bekerja keras atas bawah nak rampok dia dari Jennifer Aniston tu...We were both pembunuh upahan and we were asked to kill ourselves. Sesudah ku rampok dia, we went and adopt this Somalian girl, having a natural baby together in that godforsaken country and now,adopt lagi from Cambodia. Banyak duit lah katakan... (Case Reference - Mr & Mrs Smith)

Well, I have to go to sleep now....busy day tomorrow.


sarafina said...

Mesti you bosan banget ni...

Lee Novotny said...

kann??? mesti buhsan sampai jadik macam telenovela yang bersimpang siur.. nok, hope u r okay!!!!

Yours With A Vengeance

Hjh Haleemah Aniston

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

memang bosan nak gila ni...tapi masih anggun

Montymelly said...

Ya allah tolonglah hamba mu ittew...(kah kah tengah high and mighty mode..ko punya cite ngalahkan the Bold and the Beautiful!)

Makcik Kiah kidman