About Me

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Self-Psychoanalysing


First, don't believe this.A recent census done by Hjh Esah among the doubles (as in, people that are not single) shows that approximately 100 percent are neurotic.That estimate is the problem on the low side.The reason for their neurosis is simple enough. Is them.Is me and It's you. Consider this. Your partner loves everything about you: your car, your living room couch, your laptop,the food you eat, the bed you sleep on and anything.Yet, if you live with them, they take up more space than you, and change television channels indiscriminately and refuse to offer a seat at the most comfy spot on the couch.

Unbeknown to many of us, our partner may find us boring and vice versa but for the sake of the longevity of the relationship, food and money supplies and sexual favour, this are not up for discussion and mention. Nak mati? You can only say it to their face if you have no intention whatsoever to see their face again. For their mental health, if not yours, it is essential that you take time to amuse your partner.Inadvertantly, you will also amuses yourself. This is not necessarily a full time job; you can stop trying the moment your partner falls asleep.There are several ways to catch his/her attention.The good one is to pretend that you are intrested in whatever they're doing, like their job (even if you don't know sepatah haram jadah pun) or anything else that they take pride into doing although that might includes emptying their bowels,farting,eating what not.I appreciate that this (pretending) is not easy. Your interest will probably strike your partner as something less than spectacular, but he/she may still find it amusing enough.Your partner can sometimes yawn in the middle of anything.Subconsciously letting you know how they feel.Size of gap indicates extent of their boredom.You can make up exciting games with rules. It is not true that partner's don't play by the rules.They do as long as they're the ones who makes them up.There are seven cardinal ones, and that is use force,confuse,cheat,lie,double cross,sulk and ignore.

Our partner are notoriously bad losers.Is that familar? Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as us (kununnya) grates their ego and sensibility.The only plausible explanation they can think of is that they have actually been outcheated - a thought that makes losing an even more traumatic experience.Should our partner lose, he/she is likely to remove themselves from the scene and head for the bedroom.In there, they will probably think about the insult (in their head) they have been made to suffer, and then sulk.We often want to know: should we try reasoning with my depressed partner? Hug them maybe? Give them hope? Kiss and tell them all is not lost? Ask for forgiveness? Sex? The answer is, that it all depends on their mood and temper.They may want to be left alone for a while - a day or two (lama lagi bagussss) will do it, for them to sort things out in their head.Remember this, if your partner doesn't laugh at your joke, try again.You'll get better with practise.Explain the rules to your partner and then, follow theirs.Don't insist on winning, that will them them into loser.Remember that they are not there to entertain you.You are there to entertain them.

You must never scold,nag,insult your partner - especially when they can hear.If must, lock yourself in the bathroom and do it there or get out of the house and mumble to yourself.The key to success is patience,fortitude and positive reinforment.Show them that you care, loving expression like 'how was your day',or something even corny like, 'I really miss you at work today'...(mampos lah kau) or anything fancy will go a long way in maintaining communication with your partner.Massaging their back for 10 or more minutes is more effective than words alone; it shows that you are willing to make a physical effort to please them.If you find neither words nor deeds help you in establishing a good rapport, try appealing to their more basic senses. That means food.Spend time and invest money in search for good receipe book.Your partner will still ignore you, of course, but they will appreciate you and show their love for you by eating the food you prepare for them.Soon, you will see a visible result of your effort, a well rounded partner.Again, remember this, be nice to your partner.Living in partners resent too much control.Give them plenty of space,like the entire couch and the remote control.

Professional counselling can be expensive, especially if you both must undergo treatment.Therefore many of us will choose to psychoanalyse each other, without each other knowing and like me, blog it for people to read.This is not difficult as it sounds.Tranquillisers may come handy if you're the nervous type.To be successful in your analysis of your live in partner, you must first of all understand them.Ask yourself what makes them act they way they does?

There are two likely possibilities: you and the things you do and the food you serve.Having explored these two areas, you may then proceed to examine other more complex causes, a newly arrived baby or another partner.Maybe cat or dog.But I quite like to venture to another person.All brand new kan?

Stay with the therapy as long as necessary.You cannot expect to change deeply ingrained habits overnight.In good time you will begin to see some changes, if not in your partner, then in yourself.

4 comments:

sarafina said...

Yes, good suggestion.If can't make things work, replace sajalah kan?

aizee said...

I agree Sarafina,it is a good suggestion.I think, married couple after a while, need a catalogue of fresh faces for substitution.

Lee Novotny said...

It will take probably a lifetime to understand your partner or at least as time progress, you will know isi hati your partner just by looking at them. You will develop that somekinda "pshycic" thing with your partner; you think the same things especially. That's not scary..that's great! :)

Masalahnya, it will not for everyone to find his/ her soul partner that easy. Kalau dos sakit kepala, memaki manjang, like everyone else said - REPLACE je lah! :P

Sometimes, the second chance is the best one b'coz u know u need to be careful and when you've finally met the person..BAM! it's yours forever!.....

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Sarafina, the thought of replacing will submerge after gaduh and within 24 hours...paling kuat 48 hours, pastu, benci tapi rindu lah balik...thanks!

Aizee,what can I say? Hence, catalogue book is a good idea.

Lee,nak replace mmg lah senang, but its hard to find someone who have seen yr good,your bad and your ugly.Tapi, kalu nak replace dgn Brad Pitt, kecik tapak tangan, stadium Emirates ku tadah kan.