About Me

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Update

The Bunga-Bunga Chenta

The day I travelled home is the date of my 1st date after many years hiatus with MC. It's been a year already. Kawan and berscandal sudah lama...haiyaaa.We met at Subang Parade for lunch. We talked-talked-talked like 2 old friends.Little that I know MC got plan to kidnap me for the day that I missed out my another date with the then mak buyung NBNS.That night after dinner kat rumahnya,I balik tempat lepak sepenuh masa I kat USJ and cannot shleep.I then realised feelings is still there.I was sad.Sad because I know with MC, I will never stand a chance.Then and now.We continue to flirt-flirt via text messages.But while boarding my flight back to LHR, I cannot tahan and say...I still have feelings for you. MC reciprocated.And after a year, thanks to delivery girl patah tangan, I sent MC something spesial. I know dia takkan ingatnya benda-benda camni (walaupun dia kata dia ingat tapi tak sure hari bulan..eleh..srupa lah like tak ingat kannn?) But I just want to remember the fact that we are still together after a year, far from each other, in between tantrums, episode merajuk-rajuk yang tak kena pujuk and all that long distance travels yang memenatkan badan I.Both of us really not into bunga but bunga seems to be the most appropriate (and economical) option to show chenta. MC is not so generous with compliments (especially untuk I) but after the bunga, merasa aku dapat message-message feeling jiwang selama 3 jam berturut-turut. Okay laa tu...I have small demands okay?

The 'I Tak Nak You Balik....'

I hear this words so often from MC and it may as well almost ringing true. But deep down I know that as much as I want to be near, we are better off far from each other (but not la this far) but how lah? And everytime we talk, I will remind MC, you lah punya pasal ni...siapa suruh you cari I..kan dah susahhhh dah sekarang? (Chewwah..marah la konon kannn?)

The Always Not Easy Goodbyes

I always admire the fact that you made it very easy for me to leave. When I cry, you will buat taktahu and I will always pick myself up again.But this time, I cried so many times it becomes so difficult for you to ignore.But its good that you didn't pujuk.Always I ask, do you think this will work? We are very far from each other. We don't have any ties together, what is there to keep us? I told you to carry on doing what you want to do...see whoever you want to see. But you must tell me when it is over for you. I don't want you to feel guilty. I am too boring for you. I don't do things. You said you have accepted this. I keep asking if its bothers you. You said no. You said, past is past.

This intervals will be a long one. I am already besides myself missing you. The situation is not perfect. You are not and I am the same. We always want something we can't get. Tak apalah if the situation is not and we are not. The idea of you itself makes everything perfect for me.

Now I want to go and nangis...(again)

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa, ikut kepala la baguih.... but being analytical Hjh Esah is, susah kut nak ikut kepala. Ikut hati lah lagi senang

if you love somebody, let him go. If he comes back he is all yours, if he doesn't, he never was.... he came back, did he not?

sorry menyibuk jap, I'm just a stalker....

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

I love being stalked...

i am Naa... said...

ikut hati jer la...sumtimes it is really hard to decide...

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum Hajah,
Dahulu kerana sesuatu berlaku , saya rasa kalaulah ada orang yang boleh jaga dan terima diri ini seadanya.

Bila bercinta, berkahwin dan beranak, saya bertanya adakah cintanya bertambah mekar? Jawapannya tetap sama … kerana Allah.

And Hajah, I do hope that one day Allah will grant your doa. Sabar ya.

Another Stalker

Dibiee said...

Syahdu.. but easier said than done...

Anonymous said...

Easier said than done indeed.

Maybe Makji Esah kena tanya diri sendiri, has the trust developed thus far? Of course there is nothing certain, but with trust, a lot can be achieved.... lautan api sanggup direnangi.

stalker

ColourfulSock said...

Hajah, kalau kita dapat apa kita nak kan, saya dah jadi bini number 2 and ada 3 orang anak and can only check out your blog selang saghi saja ok! Anyway welcome back ... teriak jgn tak teriak if that will at least release your emotion yg haru biru. Id do the same if id be in your shoes.

Used to be your stalker but now dah berani reveal diri ;)

Anonymous said...

Hello Hajah,

kan lebih baik je you beraffair dgn i...boleh makan pisang and i suh maid i gorengkan karipap hari2 utk you...

-i tak stalk you tapi you yg stalk i-

starla said...

Cry it out babe, I've been there and still am there actually. The last time I cried was yesterday. Prayers make it fell better and God really had answer my prayers. Kalo tak I would still be kicking myself guling2 atas katil sambil meraung kecil (cannot too loud, nanti housemate lain dgr) dlm bilik on my bed.

Ahhh....the S&M of love

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Wah ramainya lak stalker...hehehe. Thanks guys. Your input is greatly appreciated.