About Me

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Jadilah Kawan Yang Baik....

Reading all your comments on my post, reading other people's life blog on how life is not so bed of roses and nasik lemak bawah pokok made me ponder.

I am trying to get a divorce...and susah lah pulak since the other party tu taknak acknowledge. I dah lama tak bercakap dengan dengan dia. I tanya MBs should I hantar Xmas card...mereka kata don't bother. I know they meant well. After a while of on again, off again..in terms of how I feel about us (me and the recent ex) bila dia dah keluar dari system, janganlah nak visit area sensitive tu lagi. Susah jugak masa nak lupakan orang tu...nak kata chenta sesangat...after series of unreasonable behaviour (yang betul2 unreasonable) yang me warrant kan dia tu ditinggal, chenta sudah tinggal sikit dan chenta sudah jadi chenta tahap lain. Tapi lain orang, lain kelebihannya. Kalau I nak compare dia dgn MC and dengan yang dah mati, orang putih ni sangat thoughtful. I memang tak pernah kena ignore dengan dia...and kalau ada masalah, sama-sama bercakap sampai sama-sama rasa tenang. Kalau I cakap dengan dia, I sedih...mulalah dia pun nak sedih sama tanya..kenapa..kenapa..sampailah I rasa tak berapa nak sedih.

Cuba bagitau si arwah tu dengan MC, ahh, you sedih? Laa..jangan sedih2...ceria-ceria selalu. Erkk...macamlah kesedihan tu satu hobi kannn?

Yes, its true that we can be blinded by love. But becoming a perfectionist wouldn't help either. Just because orang ni tak macam ni, kita nak angkat kaki. Things are not easy when we are not geographically near. Things get even difficult when the other one bukannya bangsa nak bagi tahu you benda yang you nak dengar.

Bebaru ni masa Xmas party, Boss I tanya..macam mana you dengan dia? I cakap..okay lahhh....habis nak cakap apalah kan? Tak kan nak cakap..eh, dah lama nya tak jumpa hatta dalam skype sekalipun sebab memasing busy (and dia tu pulak bukannya bangsa berkorban apa saja..waktu tidur ataupun nyawa) Tu belum lagi orang tanya..bila dia nak datang visit you? You dah galak kali pulak visit dia...well, what can I say bila orang tu bukannya macam I yang daredevil, besok pagi nak fly malam baru nak cari passport? I have live and go out with the like of MC well enough to know yang mereka-mereka ni set-set yang 'I'll do it, not because you asked me..but when I am ready'. If I want...memang molek sangat lah nak dijadikan punca gaduh dan alasan untuk ku jalannn...

So I decided, I dah malas nak tanya. Malas nak harap. Dah le seriknya duduk jauh tak dapat jumpa, so buat apalah nak menghabiskan masa lapang dengan berpanas hati?

Secara dasarnya (or is it a reality yang aku tak nampak-nampak) perhubungan ini macam sehala saja. Sadness is hard to hide from one's face. Mulalah ada yang bagi cadangan...why don't you buat cam ni..and why don't you carilah orang-orang yang tak menyakitkan hati you.

Whilst I appreciate all that..I think, we must acknowledge the fact that we know the devil we're with. I have opinions of other people's relationship too...ada yang nampak macam dead end lah..ada yang kena guna lah..taken for granted lah...macam macam. But, kita tak hidup dengan orang tu. One person perangai huduh is another person way to understand him/her.

I ni kuat merajuk. Kuaatttttttt sangat tau...and I must be a nightmare to be with.

It must be hard listening to others disapproval of your choices. You can't win with your family and your friends. We are expected not to moan but to singing praises for our partners. Sometimes we really ran out of praises to sing.

We are not talking domestic physical abuse or partner kita tu terajang/rogol anak-anak kita. Kalau tu kita kata kita masih chenta, memang lah kita gila. What is love when hideous attitude is involved? I ada jugak dengar cerita kawan yang kena pulau because she took husband sides yang menyampah gila dengan keluarganya. Orang yang nampak akan cakap lah..sanggup dia buang family nya. Tapi adakah kita tahu apa puncanya? Buatnya family macam pariah jugak...tak ke patut dibuat dek saja? (Okay not suggesting you buang sedara mara you..tapi, kalau yang buruk, tak kan nak ikut kann?)

Bila orang cakap pasal MC kat I...(padahal orang tu cakap sebab I lah dok selalu komplen kann?) I rasa macam terkedu pun ada. None of my close friends suka si dah mati tu. Rata-ratanya cakap..oh you can do better. He never call, he always forget...he is way too selfish. Ish..bukannya I tak tau. Masa dengan F dulu..yang langsung tak suka dengan dia tu jangan cakap la ramai nya.

But, no one knows that these three have their own special ways of making me happy. Tak lah banyak mana...but there's only happiness that only a spouse can give :) ----Kiah, I am not talking aksi ganas ye...

We don't always like what we hear and what we see. But is sure comfort to know that you have someone around you who will not judge and what matters to them is knowing that you're happy...although your definition of happiness tu adalah macam cinabeng. I remember when MC was seeing someone else back then...how unhappy, how abusive. And I keep saying the same thing....I want you to be happy. That is important for me. Takde pulak I suruh dia ditch orang tu...

If we care, if we love..if we genuinely want to see people happy.... just make them happy. However disapproving. They will see sense and will thank you for just being there for them...when they need you (and not your opinion or approval)

5 comments:

Yati Harvey said...

Hjh,
The kind of friend yg you sebut very rare in my pengalaman...it calls for a mature individual who is at peace with his/herself.

Dibiee said...

I know how it feels.. sb people around u can say bad things about someone that u care so much.. (bcoz of ur complaint) but u r the one yg in that situation.. Maybe one day it will come to our senses that "yup! we know the answer but we are too keras kepala to admit" and still torturing ourself in the name of love..

Anonymous said...

makji dearie,

reading urs kind of reading mine.. i am in ur position now >> "malas nak tnya, malas nak harap & mmm tgklah mood".. but deep inside, sy masih menaruh harapan.. it's silly rite when u can still hope for d best even how bad that jerk treat u.. May Allah shows His guidance, amin

Manal said...

Ini karangan saya:

Maybe diorang taknak uols kuaq2 ayaq mata sedey lagi. Theyols nak yang make u the happiest bunny hopefully nya la. I am sure none are in the jelesi type.

In the meantime, i reckon u may want to exercise "Classified 1st before breaking news". One thing is not to jinx ur newly built up relationship lah. As u progress so will the many angles u will cover on how much u could perceive the particular man. U can hint2 la but i am sure with all those years of having affair with a few men, u r wiser enough to go thru it your way.

And 2ndly is always ready with the gear and brake pedals. If its going towards some bumpy rides, u know what to do with them.

3rd, if u still insist on having few opinions from ur dear close mates, remind yourself that this fella is not like the previous or that u r not acting like the way u have been with the previous and that u have been discussing with him personally on the differences.

4th, be a little bit threatening to the man himself. You are both consenting, mature adults with establishments and accomplishment to your own certain level in life. Once in a while, put some few forcing words on where this would go and how you would want it to go. And who shud be visiting next too. Sacrifices one-sided may be lopsided sooner than we know. If one party thinks that the other one should accommodate to his/her needs 1st based on the few strong reasons then the other 1 must be ready to sacrifice for the survival.

And of course, banyak la berdoa. This i remind myself too. We can try bagai but God has the best laid plan for us all. Tawakkal ok beb.

pakmat said...

..the river is wide, lady..

..and reading your post reminds this oldie of Karla's song..