About Me

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Going It Alone Guide...

I should have added 'yang tak berapa boleh nak pakai sangat' on to the subject.

I received this special comment from an anon who wished not to be published, but she didn't mind sharing her story, katanya. Yolah dik...

So, katanya she only just came out of a long term relationship. Long term tu berapa lama lah dik? Ye lah..bebudak sekarang...6 bulan pun long term. Bukan macam akak kau ni yang dah seploh tahun dan 2 kali kena tinggal. Sungguhlah long term tu, since I ni barulah nak akil baligh (bulan pun tak datang lagi masa tu tawww)

Si Anon ni khabor lah kat I betapa sengsaranya nak mengeluarkan mamat ni dari system nya. Apparently its a mutual decision..okeh lah, I believe you. So, now you and your lover is finding it hard facing the life alone without another...but above all this you both know that there is no future in the relationship.

Perlukah akak speku dik??? Takyah lah...like I always said, relationship with another person is never an easy thing. Kalau you tak end up ikut dia, dia kena ikut you. Macam tulah, barulah tolerable...if not happy.

So si adik Anon ni mintaklah nasihat kat I. Ayoyo kadawale dikkk....salahnya orang kau ni mintak tolong. Can you not tell that I am a dreamer and a constant dreamer? I've been in 3 relationships so far...and married to one, for a reason I come to realised is to get the current one out of my mind once and for all. I was ever crazy about the two, one died and his demised was a perfect excuse to moved on. One that still alive whom I thought I will never see again, called me out of the blue almost a year ago, and we have been together since after 16 years hiatus.

So however takde future nya my relationship was with them...I was never able to get anyone out of my system...just like that.

But, because I get paid to talk sense to people and apparently come to be very good at it, I find it easier to preach on people...and live a hypocritical life. So what does that make me? The next Anwar Ibrahim? Shouting reformasi on the top of his lung but living like a reformed multi-colour Iguana?

Speaking from experience, that I am so proud to claim the success rate, what actually was hard but not what we immediately want to admit is the fact after spending/enduring time with another, is the difficulty to adjust to being alone. If we fight and argue, we do it with the other. If we sleep, we either sleep with the other or know that before we go to bed, we have the other to say goodnight to. Life can be hard with the other but for some practical reason, it is way much better than being alone.But we know at some point it has to come to an end, especially after nothing has worked and the relationship has become a burden. So, why don't you try this...

1. Stop talking to each other. Of course, there will be this urge to call...or the other person might call. Jangan call...and jangan jawab. Keraskan hati......keraskan sekeras-kerasnya...until sampai hari ke 3, you will feel that, okay...you have managed 3 days without and surely the day after and after will be easier. Talking to the person that we used to talk to on daily basis is one of few things that we need adjust. So now you have to get use to not talking so much to the other.

2. After a while...(sebulan, 2,3 or 4 bulan of not talking) if you do talk again, elaklah me reminisce benda-benda yang boleh membawa kepada keinginan untuk kembali ke keadaan asal. Bercakaplah tentang kambing lembu takpun, berboraklah hal gossip hangat siapa tido dengan siapa kat opis mana-mana. Jangan sesekali...ohh, I keep thinking about you blah..bla..bla...or, I saw that sabun cap rimau, and I teringat betapa sukanya you beli sabun brand tu. Ohh..that will certainly lead you to a more dangerous zone.

3. Find a hobby (tak pun..pengganti) secepat yang mungkin. Joinlah gym..buatlah kerja kebajikan...ke, gilah menyapu sampah kat belakang rumah Uwan you.

4. This should have come top, but although very essential, it is not necessarily a positive thing to do. What I want to say is, you should allow yourself moping, wallowing self pity or anything yang mengeluarkan air mata or making you look like kucing beranak tak lepas. Tak apa...grief have stages. Depend on how your system works...you either feeling in denial first..or maybe sad or even getting insanely angry first.

5. Always tell yourself that menaruh harapan pada orang, samalah seperti menaruh harapan pada kucing dan makhluk-makhluk yang sewaktu dengan nya. If we believe in a religion, we put a faith in god. Tu memang boleh percaya. Even makbapak kita pun kadang kadang, adakalanya mengecewakan kita jua. I'm not talking serious thing but you know lah the term, manusia hanya mampu merancang ni. Janji nak beli kasut sekolah Aliph...kesudahnya dapat BM2000 tapak hijau garis kuning jua. Remember, if we want something so bad, we will work on it. Soal takde jodoh...takde itu takde ini hanya keluar dari mulut manusia saja. Like, you nak pi ngorat pompuan mana and eventually bini you mintak cerai, jangan lah dok kata jodoh dengan ex wife tak panjang dek takdir tuhan. You yang menyetan gi nyundal tu takdir tuhan ka banggg? Ptuihh laa...so if you think, things can't really work and no way out for you both...what is actually stopping you? You either do or don't. Memang lah susahhh kan..but kena gak buat.

I takde sebab nombor 6. But if any readers yang amat saya hormati walaupun tiada kesempatan masa nak balas komen you all, ada cadangan yang lagi bernas or sadis demi menolong si Anon ni, silalah bantu dia...dan silalah bantu saya dan project CFC saya dengan membeli benda-benda yang telah di iklankan kat online shopping kat belah kanan atas tu ye...(sempattt ni)



pulut coco said...

I pun ade masalah tk kesudahan mcm tu jugak.
sampai dh naik bosan even to think bout it...

i nak follow nasihat u mak ji,tapi hati belom kuat lagi,sbb that is actually what i have in mind..cuma tunggu nak istikharah je blom buat lg.
time is ticking out.

Yati Harvey said...

When my brother in law went through that phase, I kakak iparnya yg kejam told him to keep busy and surround himself with people.Loneliness can play havoc with one's resolve and the company of well meaning friends/family can go a long way to ease the transition from a goodbye.

cik said...

no 6. kahwin la dgn kerja. :D

Manal said...

Banyakkan ingat Tuhan, talk to him, baca quran and berdoa la , find the peace of mind back...Yeah i so agree on allowing ourselves to mope grief woteva, call it the mourning period tapi jgn la sampai bertahun2...and find some good buddies and activities to do kalau sumer ni mengganggu kerja/study dia.

I baru jer kua dari 3 thn relationship yg in between breakup nya 3 times. So ape masalahnya sangat nak carik balik the person yg mmg tak de masa depan dengan u? ape , desperate sgt ke sampai org tu jer yg bisa membahagiakan kita dan juga merosakkan minda dan jiwaraga kita? sure there were those wonderful times together and that he/she brought something happiness and made u so happy and that life look like so meaningful and all that BS and then come those bad times too that made u bawl ur eyes out. Bahasa yg paling koman dia akan jawab ialah: u all tak paham our hubungan bla3...and then mula la sad tgk kawan2 lain happy jer dgn laki/awek masing2...

Move on. And try not let ourselves go for a rebounce either. It is hard and I today spend the whole day in the house sampai makan pon tak lalu tekak sgt sbb know that this is the final , the end to the 3 years after I got his email but I bersyukur kerana walau apa pon terjadi, it happened when we both know it will. Call it amicable BS separation but to reconcile is a Big No. I akan teruskan solat hajat and istikharah to kuatkan hati and to ask god for a better life and better man soon. I plan but He has the best laid plan. N I masih sedih!

And i find it strange why la byk muslim cant see God as their bestest buddy and confidant? the christians do it ever so faithfully. Maybe sbb muslim ni see God as God, as the most powerful being, and God. But God always said in the quran: "ask me, invoke me, call me (du'aa means call/invoke) and i shall respond to your invocation" (Ghaafir 40:60)

Anonymous said...

*baca komen no.1* hmmmm..

*baca komen no.2* hmmmm..

*baca komen no.3* hahahahaa..

*tengok komen no.4* *cringe* *muntah ijo*