One Raya

I was in United States of 9, from the first to the 5th Raya. My calculation was bad, when I booked my flight, I thought Raya is going to be on the 22nd, because we (in the UK) puasa on the 22nd also.I was battling jetlag and suddenly after buka puasa, the Mohor Besar man kata, raya is Ahad! Weihh....how lah to go home late-late like that? All means of transportation e.g. Komuter, Express Bus and Express adik-adik sure cannot accomodate one. So on the malam Raya, I decided to brave the jet lag, try not to fall asleep and even if I did, I must bangun very early. I did!

I arrived Paroi Jaya, courtesy of Express Sepupu Mulut Puaka, who is driving pepagi raya to his Mum house.

Raya was fun. There was a sad and happy bit. I'll spare you the sad bit.

Atas arahan Bonda yang terchenta, I tagged along with my sisters when they did their Raya round. While some would wish to have laki during Raya to save them from nasty interrogations, I am so glad that I am single (however not really emotionally available).

I think, when you are partnered, you are so obliged to make all the raya rounds.My sisters are like walking address book. They know who lives where. I keep asking, ohhh..must we go? They said,ye lah. Kau nak kena marah ke? Because I am already in their car with no where to go, I had to follow. Even to the houses where I hated the host the most. But it is Hari Raya. I must have the spirit (and the money too) United States was so hot with no hujan like KL.With me feeling so,so hot, nak makan pun tak lalu.I ate so little I may have upset my aunties.

I also went to Kuala Pilah.(If you must asked, Tanjung Ipoh...alaaa...Kampung Mompeh) I was laughed at when I struggled to segregate the tulang from the ikan salai. I was pursuing the betik more than the nasik (tapi still susah nak berak)

My cousins are now with laki, bini and kids. The used to be the younger ones are now either married,getting married or spoken for.

My uncles and aunties complimented how slim I am (or I was????) Ye lah..by their standard, slim lah. They all eat nasik everyday, drank air manih-manih and snacking like hell. One of my cousin menyampuk...ye lah, dia kan orang Putih. Mana makan nasik!!!! Cilaka sungguh.

This time in years, I survived the Bukit Putus. Dedulu tak lopeh...sure muntah belalah and after that, sumpah takmau pergi lagi. So many relatives came to the rumah pusaka, some I haven't seen in years. My aunties decided that we should do a kenduri tahlil for the departed one and so, we stayed overnight. We borak and borak.

Surprisingly this year, the older generation didn't ask Mega questions. Cehhh..lega rasanya. They must have been so tired asking about bilalah kau ni nak berlaki...etc,etc. Nothing sadistic like the previous years when oe of them macam cilako cakap, ohh..you are depriving your parents of a grandchild. Cam kimakkkk je kan?

Tapi yang tak best nya....

My sepupu-sepupu...yang kononnya terasa that they're in the safe zone i.e. dah berlaki/berbini pulakkkkk yang inherited soklan-soklan puaka ni.

I like to brush off questions with answers yang bangang lagi macam kelakar like...ish..takde orang nak, tunggu Sultan Brunei lah...Brad Pitt lah.

One of my male cousin yang bentuk mukabuminya dah sebesar Pahang (Dulu Perlis) semenjak dah berbini ni, siap cakap...apalah yang susah sangat kau ni...Nenek Wook tu pun dah 23 laki eh. Kau sorang pun tak lopeh. Ptuihhhh! Adakah aku disamakan nya dengan Nenek Wook tu? Rasa nak aje jawab...ye lah,if I want to have a laki for companion sake, buat jaga kita dimasa tua, baik aku bela kucing....if I want that kind of relationship.

Another female cousin....pun mulut cam lahanat gak.I ni very memilih lah (bukan ke kita kena pilih orang yang seswai dengan kita?) I ni too selfish lah...siapa nak jaga kita bila kita tua lah...potpetpotpet. I ni rasa nak cakap aje kat my female cousins yang dah kahwin beranak pinak ni, just because you all ni dah berlaki...don't think the laki is going to last forever ye? Jantan nowadays....ish,ish,ish..can divorce you via text message with no valid reasons. While you mengandung also can kena tinggal. Buat nya adalah Memey ke, or tah sesapa artis-artis or pompuan-pompuan genit berjaya merampok laki you, tak ke kau nanti yang kena tinggal? Don't be overconfident lah...hang on to yr husband while you can....jgn sesebok hal I ni.

That is the unfortunate bit. You can always choose yr friends, but NOT your relatives. I wonder why Anita Sarawak, Wan Zaleha Radzi ke or Zara Davidson are not related to me. Sure masa raya was spent talking about beneficial things like masalah kat Peghak ke, Equesterian ke or cara-cara menghalau tukang samun tanpa menggunakan kekerasan..kan Kak Nita?

Because of our relationship, I decided to diam and senyum aje...walaupun hati pedih, macam Joyah yang anaknya baru mati semalam (Al-Fatihah) There was a time, I rasa macam nak meletop, as my cousins tu kalau melaser I pun depan ramai orang, especially budak-budak. Mulut ku yang ber insurance ni rasa nak aje nak je menjawab...things like rahsia-rahsia keluarga yang selama ini tersimpan rapi (tapi keluar jugak dlm sessi-sessi gossip masa lalu)

Those cousins of mine really berlagak like houlier than thou depan anak-anak they all...and other extended and additional family members. Alangkah manisnya kalau masa dia laser I tu, I can happily announce kat seantero Kampung Mompeh tu yang

a) My Female Cousin yang potpet...adalah bohsia sekolah yang pernah lari ikut boipren...tak balik seminggu. That she, was the kelapa yang dah kena tebuk tupai Mat Motor and menconteng arang kat muka makbapak nya. Yang I tahu, habis duitmakbapak nya cari bomoh ubatkan dia supaya jangan ikut Mat Motor tu. How nice if her sons and daughter to know about their mum's sordid history.Including laki dia yang macam orang alim tu.

b) My Fat Male Cousin....dulu,bertunang-bertunang-bertunang...tak jadi. Bukan masa bertunang aje kena reject, masa berchenta dgn mana-mana pompuan pun dok kena tinggal je.Nasib baik lah...ada tukang recommend, tu pun pompuan (bini dia sekarang) tu macam dah nak tarik diri, until my aunty (his mom) nangis-nangis pujuk2 pompuan tu and her family. Elehhh...kau pun kira nasib baik lah kan....ada bini sekarang (in which, at this rate, kalau kau tak jaga badan, macam Usain Bolt lah bin kau lari nanti...)

But.....biarlah rahsia tu pecah diperut aje.It's Hari Raya....I hardly see them anyway. Let's just hope they still have laki or bini to hang on to, next Raya.

Taraaaa.