Note To Self

Note Satu : -
I went to Laura Ashley homestore today. Betul lah orang kata, rich people have more money than sense. Tah hapalah yang cantik kat dalam kedai tu, tuhan ajelah yang tahu. I only went there to get a paint sample...so, kalau orang tak suruh, tak masuk lah. Although my taste ala-ala pariah and cheapskate, I think what I like in decor hugely stand out from those on display. Ala rumah maknenek mana tah!!!

I am not having fun time at work at the moment, so...untuk menenangkan kepala hotak, I have to incorporate activity mengular juga. Nasib baik orang bagi lists beli barang, so I can do a retail therapy, only not for me. Rumah baruku really wiped out ongkos tabanas ku. Iskkk...

Yang tak bestnya, (pada I lah...) is that just some people take liberty to treat others like idiot just for easy way out. See, I have the list of things to buy. Siap dengan serial number nya. Barang in most UK stores adalah senang nak cari...(unless lah you masuk kedai kaplam) If you are prepared with lists, life is easy. Bangang cemana pun...you can just refer to your list and get the exact item you want or asked to buy. Bukan macam kedai kat Paroi..(iskk, mengata orang Paroi pulak I) you masuk kedai...you tanya item ni, item tu...the shopkeeper is likely to say..ntahhh...tengok kat situ...blahblah. Nama nak menolong you, takkan ada lah kan?

The Laura Ashley in Richmond ran out of stock but they kindly offer to order me one and call me once the item is in stock. I ni malas nak tunggu-tunggu, I am not a shopaholic you see...kalau kedai ni takde, I cari kedai lain...as long as the responsibility membeli barang tu terlepas dari bahuku. Off I went to Laura Ashley Twickenham....I dah perasan dah tak ada atas shelf, but sajalah tanya this young girl..manalah tahu, ada satu ke dua dalam store diorang. Lovely that she was, she took the sample similar to what I asked, only not the precise one and convinced me that that was the one I was looking for. Elehhh..bodoh nau ke aku? I told her, nope, I want this type...dia cakap, they are the same, only differeny name...pala hotak kau!!!!

It is so obvious that she knows not more than I do but just because I was reading my list, she tried to tell me the orang is apple? Nak aje I cakap...eh...I did go out with an engineer yang buat building besar-besar for a good 10 years, so don't tell me that all white paint is the same. tak ke sakit hati ku, Kiah diperlakukan sebegitu rupa?

So, I decided to take up the earlier offer from the Richmond store, maknanya..hari Jumaat ni, kenalah aku gi balik kedai tu. Iskkk.....as if I am so free.

Note 2:-
Kepada adik adik dan kakak kakak yang menghantar private comment kat saya...mekasihlah banyak-banyak. Namun, saya perlu mintak mahap lah nah bahawa saya takleh nak entertain private request, saya bukan tak sudi nak menyambut salam persahabatan dan juga salam salam yang lain-lain.

It has come to a stage now where I need to separate work and leisure.I don't intend to become a private counsellor here nor that I am your psychoanalyst. Paling sadis sekali, I don't think you who seek 'help' from me here private, ada genuine problem. Okaylah..you ada masalah emosi terganggu but aren't we all prone to have our emotion disturbed once in a while, if not...daily?

Marriage/Relationship
Mana-mana yang tetiba sekarang pulak rasa terperangkap in the marriage, in the relationship and been painstakingly unhappy, kenapa pulak tanya I apa nak buat? See...I can understand people who asked me for opinion, ada yang terpaksa membelakangkan kehendak diri dulu demi laki la, anak la.At least you know what you want to do and just asking me how to cope. Ni yang problem-problem tak perlu like dah tahu laki main kayu tiga, zero point, konda kondi and galah panjang belakang dia or kena seksa dek boipren..lagi mau tanya apa mau buat ke?

Ye, ada yang kata..terpaksa bersabar demi anak-anak...financial security. Okay...takde siapa yang akan judge you. I will ask you..so apa tindakan you after this? Some will say..okay, I need the bastard for this, for this and this. My kids needs ther father..well at least for now. So, I will need to do what I have to do for the time being. Hah..itulah coping mechanism nya...and pikir apa akan dibuat next, give herself some time to plan. And duduk diam-diam. Takyah lah nangis sana, nangis sini...mengadu domba..mengutuk laki yang dah sah-sah macam puaka tu. Ye Kak, nangis pun, kenalah nangis jugak kan...we have got to go through the bereavement process...laki kita dah lari..serupalah macam laki kita dah mati.

Kalau dah taknak tunggu, tak boleh tunggu and menyampah gila...blah aje lah, tanya saya buat apa?

Socialisation Crisis/Self Esteem
Hmm...ada pulak yang kesepian. Hidup berpuluh tahun untuk laki, anak, yam dan kambing saja. So tetiba, terasa macam missing out pulak, ye lah orang lain boleh buat tu, buat ni..awak tu kerja pun tak pernah..habis kahwin terus ikut laki and jaga anak. Iskk...bukan ke tu jugak satu kerja? Takde pulak dia cakap dia kena seksa dek laki or laki dia control dia pi kawan orang lain. So, kalau rasa tak ada kawan..bukan ke patut sekarang ni dah start masuk social club dekat-dekat rumah? Nak kawan dengan saya, apa hasil nya?

Nilah susahnya...bila nak meniru orang sangat, letak expectation tinggi atas kepala...pastu wallowing self pity..ohh, I tak pernah merasa itu, merasa ini. Cubalah you pi tanya pompuan-pompuan yang terpaksa kerja plus jaga anak and jaga laki tu, surely dia jugak ada juga perasaan...eh, aku dari dulu lagi membanting tulang..tak pernah pun merasa dok umah.

Kalau you rasa rendah diri pasal you tak pernah kerja and tak ramai kawan, maka tanyalah diri you sendiri...sampai bila you nak rasa camtu? Ada ke orang ngata you? I always think that orang yang ramai kawan ni, sebab they all tu yang suka berkawan. So, irregardless self esteem kurang ke, kurang exposure ke, kalau rasa nak berkawan ramai...pi lah cari kawan kan? Cari kawan pun, ikutlah saluran yang betul...jangan pulak kita angkat kawan orang lain jadi kawan kita yang kita tak kenal batang hidung pun.

If you feel mistreated by the universe, maybe it is because you allow yourself to be mistreated. dah dah lah nak hantar comment saying that you berendam ayaq mata ke hapa. I bukan nak cakap apa lah ye, orang yang bagitau I dia berendam ayaq mata ni, kenkadang..ada borderline personality disorder pulak kisahnya.Dengan I kononnya dia berendam airmata, tapi dengan orang lain main ugut-ugut pulak...Allah Karim!

I don't know about you, but cerita air-air mata ni membuatkan pahala puasa I makin sikit aje.I am likely to sympathised if orang yang kononnya teraniaya ni dok diam-diam ank tak freely meghoyan.

Pastu, takyah nak bagi pujian or hoping that you can be strong..kononnya lah like me. Kalau you dah terang terangan make youself vulnerable, dengan orang sana nangis, dengan orang sini pun nangis...sendiri buat diri sendiri lemah, maka sendiri tanggunglah.

Kalau nak jadi strong sangat..minumlah Milo...habis cerita.