Update

Because most of my favourite blogger mengambik cuti tanpa gaji and not updating their blog, so I thought, I should follow suit. Hari-hari I masuk, tengok orang2 ni update blog ke idak...haram. I can understand maybe one or two person, that had to mind their newborn babies in between sneaking out having a me time, bloghopping (or tengok porn dalam Internet...siapakah ittew? Adakah aku meng spekurama tak sudah menuduh wanita suci tengok pornography?)

I was insanely busy at work.Disamping stress-stress tak perlu (did I tell you that I had to attend this investigation meeting because one of my colleague accused me of being a racist?...uh,uh,uh...) I am also so behind with the paperwork...tapi Allah itu maha kaya, dalam pada I dah lambat sangat nak mengejar deadline and risk to incur the wrath of my Boss (yang aku hampir nak jatuh chenta pada suatu ketika dulu...ohh, chenta orang utan) my Boss tu boleh terjatuh dalam sessi-sessi gallopping nya and patah kaki...maka, dalam pada dia sakit kaki tak leh jalan tu, I took the opportunity to finished up my work sambil berdoa lambatlah kaki dia baik.

Well, I managed to finished my work on time and in between, I had few casualties. My new Line Manager decided to berambus, I had to sack this Liverpudlian girl (I was fighting with my conscience) and I must have upset few gagaks at work that made them lodge a complaint against me. Sakit jugak hati I...to have a gagak bangsat branded you a racist, padahal dia tu terang terangan so insecure about their own identity sungguhlah memualkan.

Let's start with having to terminate the contract of this young lady from Liverpool. Well, things is not working at work and my deputy was gravely annoyed with her.We arranged a counselling meeting and ghopa-ghopa nya si adik ni mengandung...and dalam dilema pulak whether nak simpan ke nak buang, pasalnya 2 weeks before that, dia baru dapat tahu yang boifren nya dah main kayu 3 belakang nya...laaahhhh!!!! So, adik ni decided to abort her baby...I'm sure the decision is not easy but she became the victim of her own hormonal imbalance. My Line Manager (MLM,the Italian woman) pressed me into terminating her.MLM cakap, oi Makji, you already dah banyak problem, you don't need another one...get rid of her.She is a snake.

I must say, I am a bad judge of character.In the past I always, have been making the bad decisions...and my head was not in the right place couple of weeks ago.I agreed with MLM to terminate her contract.It must be hard for her, had to get rid of her baby and now, getting the sack.It is hard for me not to get very personal but it is about time for me to learn...to detach business and personal.

MLM decided to leave. Towards the end of our working relationship together, I started to think that she is a bit meroyan and I was telling MB how, during our supervision session, MLM terus bukak Holy Bible nya, buat reference. I was very uncomfortable.I'm nothing against other religion but I really hate it when I am subjected to this very uncomfortable situation.But being 'suka duduk atas pagar' that I am, I diam saja.Cakap lah apa you nak cakap.MLM was very surprised when I told her that I am Muslim, she said that I don't look like one and don't sound like one.Whatever that means. Do I really have to act/talk Muslim? How to talk/act Muslim? In London, the moment you say that you're one, your faith will be automatically link to the 7/7 or 21/7 suicide bomber. You long to hear the kind of Muslim who keep their head down, always helping others, mengaji, sembahyang and not at all threatening.My parents are the kind, the Muslim I knew are the kind...

When MLM finally left, I told my Boss (Cik Puan Besar) what I really think of MLM. Berani sungguh!!! I think what it is with me is that I spent all this years working with mentally challenged people.People always say, you can't change people but you can change you.But I think, nobody needs to change here.You just have to try harder not be affected.People does have an effect on you, good or bad.If we keep on changing just to suit other, what is left for us to know who we really are? What am I? What am I like before all this? 20 years ago, I was this very shy, quiet girl who can't even stand up to herself. And now, I analysed every little thing and lost sight of my real self. I can't even remember my original self.

The Racism...this is new. I don't even know what to say. The sensitive me is wondering what went wrong but the reality is, however hard to swallow, although you always hope that life is wonderful, dalam pada yang baik-baik tu, ada jugak setan bertopengkan gagak.Gagak is very good at hitting you where it hurts.And gagak is the type of people who will use your weakness against you.What is ideal is to have a fight head on, using all strength. But if you have bad leg and your opponent sussed that out straight away and mulalah start menyepak kaki you...tak ke hati pun jadi sakit?

I only now realised that I have typed the entry this long and I forgotten what it was all about in the first place.

Apakah ni? Certainly not mid life crisis.