We always want things we can't get...kan?
Let's not talk material here..sebab kalau kita tak cukup duit nak beli henbeg yang sama mahal dengan kereta (UK standard) kita boleh menganggap laki kita tu jelmaan ATM yang tak putus2 duit nya. Some women had it easy I tell you. Walaupun mereka kata mereka tak bahagia kerana kurangnya centa dan kasih sayang...benda lain takpayah di top up pun akan senantiasa ada saja.
Longing for someone you can't get can become overwhelming juga. It can be a dreadfully painful state of mind and body. When the unattainable person starts to occupy your thoughts, dominates your dreams and causes an aching.
Begitu sekali? I always say, best thing is not to think about it. To not think about it you must have something good to do to take your mind of it. But when the loneliness kicks in, maka the dream about that person akan datang jua.
People always say they know what they want....and this is before they get what they want. Most of us just go along with what we have. At some point, we can't choose or make choices, so apa yang datang, as long as it is not bad, kita ambik.
Trust that I suka cakap meraban-raban kann? Onto the subject of we can't always get what we want, I want to talk about that desperate jantan. Hehehe...of course jantan takkan mengaku dia desperate lah, but action can interprets. Okay....JT actually called up to apologise disamping mengucapkan selamat berpuasa kat I. Sebab masa dia call you I memang ber mood yang agak baik, disamping berpuasa hari kedua, I pun cakap lah...well, I am sorry too because my words are harsh. Of course jantan, kalau mintak maaf dgn kita, rule of thumb nya, usahlah kita memandai nak counter mintak mahap juga because that will automatically give them the ammunition not to focus on their fault but straightaway to yours now. Of course sebagai seorang yang sudah banyak pengalaman dgn orang yang berperangai cenggini, he will not a chance to reap his benefit with my sorry admission.
Maka terperanjatlah oleh nya betapa express nya I nak blah from the conversation because dia barulah (I rasa lah) nak start ber friendly-friendly balik.
I can be direct when I want to and when I have to. I tell you, orang kata...kalau kita dapat exposure budaya2 luar dari budaya kita maka kita akan terikut-ikut budaya luar itu. Salah lah sangat. You can be so well traveled, belajar sampai PHD segala...but if you think beating up the bush gives you more chances of getting your point across or achieving result and still thinks that is (the cakap pusing2) okay, maka that is how you like yourself to be. Cakap pusing2.
I certainly get this from my Appa yang I secretly think mempunyai simptom Asperger..sebab kalau dia nak cakap apa, dia cakap saja. But of course lah he is better than most cases I come across.
So I told him that what I think of him and I think, apart from occasional hello, there's really no point of keeping in touch. Would you, kalau orang tu akan senantiasa salah membaca radar nya.I was very upset of his accusation, yang aku kononnya telah menggoda dia...okay, upset is understatement, but goda? Honest truth, for the life of me I don't think I ever goda anyone. I was actually offended. Goda2 is not me. I don't do first move. If my action interprets aksi godaan melampau maka I like to think those yang rasa tergoda tu adalah sex maniac yang boleh tergoda even if you sneeze in front of him.
JT said that I should have been direct with him (have I not already?) and not letting him building up hope. Of course ku jawab dgn senang hati yang..tah bila lah masa nya I tahu yang dia sedang membina harapan..and for an engineer, he should have known that membina harapan atau bangunan, kena ada foundation dulu, and I tanyalah, apa dan mana foundation nya and do I know about this foundation? He said that maybe..maybe he misread my attentiveness (hello, I am a Social Worker) and assumed that two single person together and then there shouldn't be anything stopping. Jantan kan?
Then I told JT that I am actually seeing someone for the last 2 years...walaupun pada hakikat nya, hubungan I dengan manusia berdarah sejuk itu adakalanya bak telur yang baru dibeli tapi diletakkan kat boot kereta. Bila2 masa aje boleh tergolek keluar kotak dan pecah. Maka agak marahlah jantan itu katanya aksi-aksi I adalah sangat deceitful (seriously, I don't know why he bother...dah la tuduh I cockteaser and now deceit pulak?)
JT dengan bangga nya menuduh I made my 'seeing someone' up and mengeluarkan fakta2 bahawasanya he can't understand women at all. Like when there's one good and available and willing, and women itself is looking for jalan susah.
Oh yes, I let him talk and talk...in between talk, he provokes my thoughts jugak lah adanya but I buat tak tahu saja and buat statement selamat, well if you think that it is, then it is. What more can I say?
But I don't know if his action flatter me....ye lah, obvious memang tujuannya nak kat I...tapi sebab dah tak dapat, he then come out with so many points that is so pointless to me. Ye lah..we were not in a relationship and I can understand if one want to try and save one and put his reasons across on why we should try and try.
But we are not. He obviously on a rebound and I just happen to be there.
When he asked dengan bongkak nya, what have I got to say for myself, I just cakap..nothing. I don't see any point in this conversation at all.
Pastu Kiah, dia kata..well, I hope you're happy...katanya. Pun I tak paham.
But I know for sure, he is all women should avoid. Psycho!