Two years ago when I was clearing up my old room to make way for bilik pengantin..ish, motif nak berbilik bagai padahal buat kenduri bertandang aje...ish..okay, masa I dok kemas2 kan buku and CD yang yang melambak-lambak itu, I saw this old novel 'Senjakala'. Ada notes, Selamat Membaca & Harap Awak Suka. Katanya. A boy who secretly 'admiring' me masa I kat Konben dulu (I think he was from KGV) yang bagi kat I. For the life of me, I cannot remember how he look like walaupun sesama pergi tuition Matematik.
He didn't give it to me personally. Maybe he had wanted too but I already relocated up north. I was later told that the novel was used by Art Class student for their SPM.
I like the story. Sedih jugak lah...it is about a hunter who had to hunt for the vey last time for his sick daughter. She is called 'Noor'. Noor ni ada boipren, tapi centa tak kesampaian. Tapi dalam diam2, cousin nya syiok kat dia...tapi tak cakap. Set2 simpan dalam hati aje. I think the guy who gave me this novel pun macam cousin si Noor ni, suka kat I tapi tak nak cakap. In the end Noor pun mati dengan tak sempat makan daging rusa.
I am sure that the guy who gave me his sastera book agaknya dah kahwin dan beranak pinak. Some people memang slow pergerakannya. The whole time we were at that class tuition, he could have written me a letter, ajak I pi minum kat A&W ke kan? But he didn't.
I don't always get presents. I'm more of a giver than a receiver. Because of that, I always berperangai pelik bila orang bagi hadiah. Sebab I tak biasa. Bila MC suruh I beli henbeg yang I nak from Malberik tu and hantar bill kat dia, I dengan mithali nya cakap takyah laa...padahal hati digaru-garu. Pastu dia marah..nanti you jugak yang kata I tak pernah bagi you present...pastu sindir2 I kat pesbuk (oops!) Truth is, I like people to make special effort for me..walaupun setelah di hint2 banyak kali. Apalah salahnya menjadi romantik macam I ni...kan?
But ada orang memang cacat bab2 camtu. Nak kata dia tak ada hati dan perasaan, tak juga. I think it is normal to expect exactly the same effort we put on others to be reciprocate back to us. But then we often forget that not all of us are the same.
When we know about people we care being mistreated, our first reaction is to hate the mistreater and go telling the one we care about that they are better of without the mistreater. Often we again forget that the mistreatee' feel deeply for the mistreater and to hear bad thoughts about the one you love adakalanya menghirislah jugak hati dan perasaan.
To make someone change their feelings and mind overnight is like moving mountains. Yes, sometimes and most of the times the other person is right.We are better of without the one who can't appreciate or don't know how to appreciate us.
Ada orang yang sepanjang hayatnya..tak reti nak appreciate orang lain. I'm sure they know what they're doing, but they just can't help themselves...now and again akan rasa guilty and depressed..pastu balik ke asal.
Fact of the matter is...is good to be appreciated but one must never hope to expect to get appreciated. It will come eventually or it may never be. Babi pun akan berterbangan....
Or, sometimes we don't know that deep down the person yang nampak macam berhati kering tu appreciate the pants of us...cuma tak pandai or tak nak tunjuk.
(tapi..apalah salahnya menunjuk...hidup ni tak lama)
Cerita ini ada kena mengena dengan yang hidup dan yang dah mati.