About Me

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Nice, But Not Perfect

Women moans about their husband a lot. I guessed, that must be the healthy way to express their little, if not a lot, displeasure of the man they marry who has no intention to change and blissfully oblivious to the fact that perangai mereka tu baik sikit aje dari Robert Mugabe. Ye lah, nak simpan dalam hati kang jadi darah tinggi pulak kan? Nak tak nak...tambahlah dosa dengan menceritakan kebaikan laki they all yang tak banyak mana tu. I suppose, how ever much dosa they amassed from one of many gossip sessions with friends, maka account ledger buku pahala dosa they all tu akan ter reconcile balik when they are back to square one at home melayan their husband, memasak, basuh baju etc..albeit badan rasa nak roboh, kan?

One of my closest friends have been married for 10 years to a man she knew barely just before they got married. She was one of the sought after girl in school (also known as anak ketua kampung, as in...dah le lawa...menjadi pojaan ramai lak tu..) I would have thought that she might ended up with a guy with similar criteria. Tak...her husband is just an ordinary man...idok la nak kata kawan I ni extraordinary, but she is a medical doctor and busuk2 pun, kenalah cari yang seangkatan pangkat and darjat jugak kan? When she met him, he was just a bank teller or worker, and he was the one who sorted out her hire purchase payment. That's how it started. My friend ni, although academically pandai, menda-menda practical camtu dia kurang arif (couldn't be arsed more like) sikit.

My friend was here 2,3 years ago for some fellowship program (apa benda ni, jgn la tanya I ye...things that them GP's does, beneficial for their career) and we saw each other regularly. This lady is not the moany type, but she does moan, maka...adalah yang dah panas kat dalam yang dia takleh tahan tu. She opens up a lot to me...one of which dia jealous dengan ke 'single' an...that I can just do almost anything in a heart beat. Ye la tu...

Masa berjauhan dengan laki, masa ni lah dia boleh nak reflect balik her life for the past years being married to him. The perfection...the imperfection. Of course this time, I was having problems in my own relationship at the same time, still reeling about chenta agung (im sure masa ni dia belum mati lagi...but somehow he is in the mission nak membuat my luka lama berdarah that shite. If I only I knew that he has terminal cancer...but then again, terminal ke, in remission ke...all clear ke..he had his chance kan, Kiah?

My friend ni dok nasihat kan kat I..move on laa...hidup ni jangan terlalu banyak expectation. Asalakan tak menyakitkan kepala dan hati...harung saja lah katanya. We agree that ada orang, yang kahwin sampai mati pun tak semestinya bahagia, tapi the marriage situation is liveable and bearable walaupun the partner is not 100% perfect.

She told me that her husband is the most boring man she ever met. Rupa pun idok la hensem and nak kata kaya, as my friend put it..duit aku lagi banyak dari duit dia. Although katanya in all the years hidup bersama, belum lagi meletus perang besar only adegan terencat akal sana sini from her husband mostly. But on top of all that...walaupun adegan terencat akal lakinya tu bisa membuatkan dia ni rasa nak lari dari rumah...one thing she realise is that he loves her unconditionally and he is such a nice man.

So my friend ni cakap dengan I....nak cari lelaki yang sayang kat kita and most of all berakhlak mulia, macam nak cari kasut size 9 kat KL. Susah nak jumpa....order pun belum tentu ada stock you...so, katanya...tak payahlah nak berlakikan jantan interesting or menurut citarasa kita yang tah hapa-hapa ni, dapat yang baik aje cukup lah. Dapat yang banyak duit kang...lain pulak activity nya.

So, looking back, she said that was the reason why she married him. They dated for a little while. Masa pompuan ni belum dapat lesen kereta, this guy sanggup pi hantar jemput naik motor nya. He called her everyday..even until now, just to tell her everything...tanya dah makan ke belum. When they had their first child and the husband accompanied her to the labour for a day and a half, he cried profusely..not because his baby was born, but he was sorry that he has put her through that beranak ordeal and told her, ikut you la kalau you nak beranak lagi ke tidak.

My friend said...her husband is not rich..so nak dapat Svaroski ke, or makan2 angin hotel 5 bintang ke memang tak ada lah. He is not ambitious either. He is happy to just maintain a self-sustainable life...and buat jokes bangang. So, intelligent conversation or whatever that mean memang nggak adalah dengan laki nya. He is just like a surirumah in a man's body. ( I am not saying that suri rumah takde class ye uolss...but I'm referring to more typical woman who prefer jaga laki and anak dari bercita-cita nak jadi jutawan tupperware tu)

My friend said that because of his imperfections...when she is away from him, that time..she realised how ungrateful she had been to him and resigned to how lucky she is not to have that insecurity feelings around him. Ye lah..tak yah pikir dia ada affair ke, apa ke kan? As kampung or boring he might be, he is the one that sticks around without komplen.

Moral sebenarnya dari karangan diatas ialah....I bukannya nak sarankan kita menutup mata akan ke biolan or ke huduhan perangai laki or partner kita. kalau kita rasa the other half kita tu is sustainable...maka, janganlah kita nak ber stress 24 jam.

Apa yang patut dijadikan iktibar daripada cerita diatas ialah, betapa baik nya kita pompuan ni menerima apa saja keburukan and kebaikan partner kita. Because some guy I know, stray around bcos bini terlampau baik (aiyoh, cam ni pun ada ke?) or DD, who finally had enough of his wife sebab pompuan tu kg.com katanya. I wonder if we can leave our laki/partner dgn alasan dia dah mengembang macam pau suri?

I know a man who divorced his wife kununnya sebab dia perangai macam lahanat and wife don't deserved him. But then he married another woman. Bukannya kalau perangai dia cam lahanat ke cilanat, no other woman should be subjected to more tortured life? Alasan lah kan? So, type pompuan cemana kah yg perfect? Yang kikis duit dia kah..ke yang gediks?

Is there such thing as perfect partner? MC admittedly cakap kat I yang masa lampau time dia reject I tu, dia tak tahu apa yang dia nak apart pun tgh gila kuasa nak joli katak. And now bila dah mellow (tua) dah malas nak menyakitkan otak and teringatlah kat I yang sungguh boring ni. So, being nice does not make you the first choice...or getting a good treatment for that matter.

And that's why we moan.

9 comments:

mokjadeandell said...

Jangan tak percaya,yang tak perfect pun ada tendency utk cari perfection diluar rumah.Sbb rasa yg ada too perfect for his imperfection. Tu yang jadi dapat isteri baik pun,rumah tangga tak kekal because the spouse sees his imperfection in the perfectness of the other.
Marriage is a gamble .Its true.

NenekPenne said...

mcm ex ai, chewahh ceraikan ai sebab tak nak menysahkan i konon2 dia dah diistihar bankrupcy, tapi kahwin dgn betina lain konon2 mcm nak tengok whether betina tu sanggup or idok hidup dgn dia mcm i yang susah selama 8 tahun kahwin dengan dia..

rasa mcm sengal jer kan jantan mcm tu...

seriusly i tak penah mengadu kat mak bapak atau adik beradik ai kesushan yang ai alami masa kahwin dgn dia... bercerita keburukan dia kat mak bapak pun tak pernah...

amik kooo bini dia la ni sikit2 mengadu kat MIL perangai ex laki ai tu...

ex ai kahwin baru pun hati tak tenang jugak...

entry ni memang best walaupun tak ada gambar... yang penting isinya yer...

edelweiss said...

alamakkkkk!!!! kak aji...

tajam betul kekata...terinsaf teruih....hehehhe

dalam tajam ada teladan.... :)

tinkiu yo mak ji.

Cik Kiah said...

Adakah entry ini ditujukan kepada keww??? Mengapakah mulut ku rasa pedasss??

Cik Puan Kamil said...

Mak Aji..

so true...

Kenkadang I rasa nak karate je si Kamil sebab asyik2 nak nengok tv bila balik... Habis daku yang memerlukan perhatian ini (kakakakahhh.. muntak hijau...) Or bila dia buat perangai super peliknya yang cukup buat I rasa nak lari... Tetapi bila ada org minat kat dia, bergegar jugak dunia ku ! Sbb bila pikir... Si Kamil ni orait gak... hahahha...

Nobody is perfect... Especially org yang expect perfection itu (yakni aku....)

Lee Novotny said...

kata orang better the devil you know than the devil you don't kannnn..tu fasal dalam moaning moaning ponnnnnnnn tetapppp bersama...stand by your man kekdahnya walau dalam apa segi sekaliponnnn **matitak mak? *ops!

p/s bukan senang nak cari ganti ni...cari jantan memang senang tapi hakikatnya nak hidup bersama laut sama direnangi, nasi sama dikangkangi ops melalut..tu yang payah :P

Anonymous said...

thanks makji...

u dah bukak mata i. =)

Anonymous said...

mak aji, nangis i baca your blog today, believe it or not your friend's story tu, almost like my story ....

Ayda said...

best nyer entri mak ji.... cam baca email best fren i....