About Me

Thursday, July 01, 2010

For You

I received a message from a friend today. Quite lengthy one. Sounds hysterical too..but in her way. Her subtle way.

While I love to be near her and tell her this ( and boleh juga aku singgah PJU7 dan memadu asmara), I must resign to the fact that I can't always get what I want..and what I want is not necessarily perfect. Sometimes, we just have to make do with what we have.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with what seems to be a perfect man for me. I must have done everything in my power to keep him around. I was young and not that wise. What's normal and perfect was to have someone to call a boyfriend, whom the existence and presence is vital to the world (at that partcular time). Come to think of it, I would have done okay with or without.

I think, me and you..we are quite fortunate to have control on what we want to do in life. Despite our exterior yang nampak cam arnab jinak, we are such a keras hati person. Things happened because we allowed it to happened, kan?

If I am allowed to give you advise, it would be this. Although it seems like we are such a caring person, the person we really care about is actually ourself. We may not realise this but if we sit back and look at our priorities, it is our needs that stands out from the others. As bad as it may look and feel to you, this is not actually a bad thing. It signifies we know what we really want. We just have to find peace in our heart to accept that we are this selfish person we hate to admit.

We are not a bad person. We have been in the back burner long enough to know this.

What do you actually want in your relationship? People often say that they want a loving partner who will love them not matter what. Chances of that is like England winning world cup. We have our own way in expressing ourselves. My konon nya chenta agung sejati whatever told me that I was the love of his life when he has only months to live. But when he was alive and kicking, he decided that someone elses was more suitable bride.

You may sleep with the same person for the rest of your life, unaware of his/her real motives why they're with you. We will never know. Unless they tell you..but how can you be sure if the words are true?

We may not love our spouse deadly, but deep down we know that he/she is the one we can't live without. He/she may not be the perfect one, most likely the one who always make you cry but until the day you both agree that things can't go on any longer, that will be the day you stop being with each other.

Nobody knows about you more than you, so people can only guess and keep guessing. Happy is very subjective. Some people are happy being miserable. When our life involves another person with their own mind, it is hard to expect anything let alone control. They, walaupun hati sesejuk ikan Salmon di Tasik Scotland ittew is the one that sticks around. Don't waste your energy to 2nd guess or to please others expectation.

For once, let it be about you and what you want. Unless he/she says otherwise. There is no bridge in sight, so keep walking. Cross the bridge when you come to it.
As for some mulut puwaka, don't hold your inner thoughts. Some sharpey little reminder that you can only tolerate certain type of crap need to be told to certain person who cannot differentiate the boundaries. You sometimes have to spell out what is okay and what is not okay. If this going to cost you having less friends, then be it. Those maybe the useless bunch that you should rid off long time ago.


aking said...

semut pernah berkata kpd mak --->'cross the bridge when you come to it'.tp jambatan mana yg mak nak rempuh uols? hope u r ok nok.....

Izuan Kunang-Kunang said...

Wish you all the best Esah. Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.. xx