About Me

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hati Mu Yang Kering

Getting involve with another person should really come with a warning....that it is bad for mental health...and few others e.g. pocket health...physical health i.e. tak cukup tido and not forgetting how we can so easily influenced to change the world......kununnya. We often say..ada susah..takde pun susah....bila ada, menyakitkan hati...bila takde....hati lak sakit tengok orang yang dok berjiwang-jiwang karattttt.


I must painfully admit that..dalam 3 orang ni. F is the attentive one. Selain daripada tak suka I bersosialan dgn kengkawan I, I takde menda lagi dah nak komplen pasal dia. Semenjak I dah nak menuntut cerai ni, lagi dia cuba berubah...mula mengaku yang selama ini yang buruk-buruk itu adalah salah dia. Kalaulah tak kerana hati I yang dah sememangnya dah sangkut kat orang lain since forever, maunya I balik kat dia...works things out etc etc.


If the monkey one didn't count, I belum pernah lagi nak merobek hati orang cenggini. Walaupun MB's amat suka yang I dah jumpa orang lain, heaven know that parting ways is not always easy especially when the attchment is greater in one side.


On the other hand, I dok syiok dengan orang-orang yang kenkadang lupa yang I ni ujud.


What should we ask for..actually?


We want someone to love us unconditionally.....and nothing else matters. But we know that this is only available in text not fact. Sebelum I balik KL bebaru ni, I often asked MC...how do u feel about me? Cehh...insecurity kills sungguh! And dia cakap...balik lah..and you will see. What did I saw? Well, not much la...but reassurance tu bertambah lah sikit. (Read..self-reassurance!)


We want somene who care about us deeply. Tapi idok le sampai kena tunjuk bukti ticket bas, kapal terbang bagai....(siapalah ni, Kiah?) Yes, we should count our blessings if kita ni dapat partner yang bangsa tak kisah....but deep down, knowing us...we don't really mean exactly what we say..and hoping that dalam kitidakkesahan mu ittew...kalau tak banyak, kisah lah sikit kan Kiah? We need to know what we actually mean to them. Kau ni, tak kisah pasal ko tak sayang ke..or kau terlebih sayang? Having said that, people express themselves differently, although Kiah has dismissed this action as being consumed by overnumbered pride.


Relationship,I'd long time ago realised, is for extreme sport enthusiasts. Its a high wire act without cushions or safety net. Bad enough you hardly find time to get to know each others (flaws), (ni kata kawan I lah...) then came the kids...whom all parents loves with a primal passion but I think some mothers actually got morning sickness after they were born.

One of my colleague said that all men think they're gods. If only their wives and girlfriends weren't atheists....we developed tinnitus in our twenties, but after that you realised that it was just the endless wedding bells, actuals and sosek-sosek batu api from your other friends who has more considerate boipren yang tak nak berchenta lama-lama.

So..again I want to ask me this question again....what is it that I want? I want to love and be loved...I want what I want...perfect relationships is that when we still fancy the pants of each other...we want to be near each other. Somebody to sleep next to us and pass us the towel when we were rushing to go in and realised towel tak bawak.

Somebody who will dilligently ask...kita nak makan apa...are you okay sayang..every now and again...take a bit of interest on what we do and share light banter, mainly discussing people who didn't matter to us.

That's whats important to me....but of course la...kalau orang tu sanggup menjilat pasir or drop everything in a heart beat demi kita, dikira bonus la kannn....but if dapat orang yang kata-kata romantisnya hanya akan keluar bila dia dah takde benda lain nak dicakap or masa dia dah minum air yang ada more than 5% alcohol...and cuma akan mempamerkan rasa chenta nya bila kita dah buat pose pose tak heran...bak kata Kiah, tak semestinya orang yang tak demonstrative itu tak committed...maka, kalau macam tu lah dia nya berfungsi sebagai manusia...what choice do I have?

It is far better than Abg Hakim yang nangis-nangis tak nak cerai bini..sayang kununnnn nya demi hanak-hanak....tapi dibelakang bini, kena tangkap basah na????

7 comments:

NenekPenne said...

abang hakim jugak yang kena.... ha ha ha.....

jantan jantan..sukar ku mengerti tingkah laku kamu....

Manal said...

I guess wanita bergelar isteri dan ibu lagi banyak nanges dari avang2 yang hanya tau belakon menangis pastu pi mahkamah shariah pakai sedondon dengan awek dia...hmmmm


And ramai jugak laki yang lagi rapat dengan janda dia tapi masa diorang halal dulu, porak peranda.

We also want someone yang beriman, kerana kalau dia betul2 memahami kehendak agamanya secara lebih menyeluruh, dia pasti lebih membahagia kan kita (kalau muslim case la) daripada some jantan durjana yang kalau i lawan dia bila dia kata pompuan better duduk jadi housewife, polygamy itu halal segala , secara puaka dia menjawab: Saya bukan nabi.

Now, what do we really want really? To forgive each other for the sake of the sanity and kids or that there just nothing much to work it out? payah kan makji

zamyraland said...

Dear Hjh Esah,
These things u want, they exist, and NOT just on text. BELIEVE ME. Coz I have it hehehe ( been married for the second time n been very smug ever since). Don't settle for less coz I did that and it was stupid, felt lonely , even though married ( to the wrong person).Lots of things happened after that , but to get a second chance after a mistake is hell, susah to undo a bad marriage ( even worse, if its a mediocre relationship, coz there d be no solid grounds for divorce). Just open up ur horizon to other cultures, or even of younger men. Yg pasti, lelaki melayu mmg jrg yg mcm yg u nak tu...Better be alone with some hope of finding ur soulmate than being married to a jerk.

Desert Rose said...

Chesss tak abis2 ngumpat aku hu hu.

Esah wei, kalau ada boifren yg sanggup jilat pasir kerana kita , tu bukan cinta lagi, tu namanya dia dah gila, silap2 cakap kita yg bagi nasi kangkang , haaa.

Tapi aku rasa setelah membaca entry ko neh, aku pun dalam category mangsa negligent gak la waaaa *call kiahhh nak shoulder to cry on, kol ko bil tepon mahai"

Gembo said...

Mrs G;

Hope u find someone who understands (& ofcourse agree) what 'perfect' means..

Going to londeng in July - any good B&B or hotel u could recommedn (or shud avoid!)...

Anonymous said...

kakji, i pun selalu ask myself -ape la yg i nak. dulu orang kata kat i love is accepting imperfections (read: tiada rupa, tiada harta), i did that and settled for less. selain dari the great sexperience he offers (oops, too much info ka?:P), he could offer nothing much really and hati sakit sentiasa. skang ni i dah jumpa lelaki yang almost perfect tapi we've got this religion issue pulak. tolong la kakji, nasihatkan hadik miew inniew (tiba-tiba!)..

- kak nam

Anonymous said...

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