Update

I was shadowing a patient out in the community today. Apart from having Unipolar disorder, this guy also has M&S and mobilise by wheelchair.

The conversation....

UP Man - I have been wanting to ask (referring to my wedding band) you're married?

Me - Yes.

UP Man - You don't look it.

Me - And how do I look. Can you tell me how married person suppose to look like.

UP Man - I don't know, but I don't think you look married.

Me - Now that's very interesting. I don't usually like to discuss my personal life, but today I'll make an exception.

UP Man - Why wearing the ring?

Me - Because technically I still am married and another silly reason is that it cost so much to be abandoned in my jewellery box.

UP Man - I don't understand the term 'technically'.

Me - Well, when laws and papers still rules, I'm afraid you are going to hear a lot of that.

UP Man - So, you are technically married and practically not?

Me - That's right.

UP Man - You prefer the latter?

Me - Not really.

UP Man - Describe.

Me - I wish someone had told me that loving other people is a gamble. You may gain love or worst, enemy. I think I may create an enemy for myself, just because the gamble I took didn't paid off well.

UP Man - Okay..talk to me like I am stupid...

Me - You met someone, you fell in love. You like them..love them for a while until the person made it impossible for you to feel the same anymore. So, you had to break it. In my case, I had to break the marriage. That can cause heartbreak for some.

UP Man - But people change. What is the surprise in that?

Me - Well, if I am married to a BMW and after few years fancy a Renault, that's a different story altogether.

UP Man - So you changed your mind ?

Me - I don't know. Relationship with another thing that is capable of changing is very complex. You can end up disliking them completely or die unhappy. I don't like both, but relationship is a battlefield.

UP Man - That's a poo. Why bother in the first place?

Me - We always have the urge to hurt ourselves....but like I said, with another person is always a gamble. We don't know what we going to get, how we going to end up.

Dan bus pun sampai.

Mari Mengejek Bapak Ayam....Part 1

Meh sini I nak bagitahu kat you all........


Menurut kata my friend Zila BNS, Debab Durjana itu...as JT is now officially re-branded as, pi kompang kat dia dan lakinya yang I ni COCK teaser. Hah????? Aku ke Kiah, yang nak dipanggilnya COCK teaser ittew? If he is referring to his ayam jantan that I have supposed to have teased (aku yang menulisnya..apatah lagi mendengar perkhabaran ini menerusi Zila yang Al-Jazeera tu rasa nak muntah kayap) I sebagai pompuan Melayu yang ke 8 terakhir ini (I'm in a long list behind Kiah, Desert Rose, NBNS...and few others) merasa amat terhina. Never in my life have I ever teased (or tasted..if you want to know...) that particular ayam jantan. Kalaulah I ni digossip liar dengan Vell Parri ( aku sampai la ni gelak dengaq nama dia tawww, Desert Rose..) pun I tak la rasa terhina.


Zila BNS ----> Makji, semalam DD mai datang makan rumah I. dalam borak-borak, I told him lah, I ada plan nak jumpa you bila you balik dari KL. You tahu tak dia panggil you apa. Dia kata dia dah banyak kali jumpa you...and you are such a cock teaser. Sort of playing him up when he is most vulnerable.


I yang terkejut Gajah Mada -----> Cock teaser?


Zila BNS ----> He said, you both sort of going out for a bit...and you seem genuinely interested and he can see a spark between you both. He said you know when to pull his strings (whatever he means by this???) and made him feel at ease. But when he want to take things further...you treat him like a scum.


I yang terkejut Gajah Mada Square ----> Masih dengan aksi terkejut tak tercakap apa....


Zila BNS ----> Makji...are you serious ke? I thought you have better taste than that. What you do..who you see, I know is not my business la Makji..but, dia kan baru bercerai...and we know all the details...aiyoh Makji...I really tak berkenan lah. He is not the same we used to know.

Masa ni kan you all....kalaulah time-time kemarahan maksimum kita ni bangsa yang boleh keluar asap, I am so sure sudah habis ku trigger smoke alarm kat opis I (when I heard this, I was at work)

I was angry..infact, I still am. Bad enough dia panggil I cock-teaser (ke aku patut rasa flattered, sebabnya..setahu I, I belum pernah berjaya lagi memikat mana-mana jantan yang I betul-betul sokaaa, apatah lagi to convince them yang aku ni chenta kat they all...ada ke, if ada, maybe I tak perasan la) but he must have been really convincing yang si Zila tu pun boleh percaya yang kami ni betul-betul ada something.

I asked Zila...weh, buruk sangat ke aku sampai aku terdesak lah nak pi kluaq dengan si gedabak tu?

Zila profusedly apologised. I reminded Zila how DD masa dia jadik sportsman jaman sekolah dulu sambil berkepitan dengan ex gilprennya yang lawa bak Assila Emir tu (masa time ni, anak Izat Emir yang hok ni mmg famous) takde nya dia nak memandang kita mawar terpinggir ni kan???I told Zila, how it all happened by chance, he accosted me in that very Southwest train and he often turned up unexpectedly for coffee. Of course la, kalau kawan ajak minum kopi ditempat terbuka cam Costa ke, Cafe Nero ke, takkan aku nak kata NO kan? Pulak tu, I was often caught red-handed yang aku tak sempat nak pikir idea nak mengelak pun.

I said to Zila, kalau dia yang datang kat kita sambil meghoyan mengadu nasib, takkan pompuan baik hati cam I ni nak buat aksi mak mentua Kassim Selamat pulak?

After all that free consultation, free counselling...free therapy..and sometimes (ye la, I ni bukan bangsa kapur kengkawan, harap orang bayar bill kita lepas makan..pastu, duit balance simpan poket..ish..siapa ni Desert Rose?) I do picked up the bill...apa yang aku dapat????

COCK Teaser.....cis!!!!

Amarah ni pasti akan bersambung.

Aku, Pompuan Itu Dan Facebook

Hari ni, I dapat 3 friend request. 3, 3 pun tidak syiok..sebab satu ialah friend suggestion, satu adalah sepupu dan satu ialah entahsiapapuntatau.

Friend Suggestion
Nak kata tak kenal....memang kenal. Tapi dalam 365 hari or less...beberapa kali kita akan terserempak dalam compound sekolah tu pun boleh dikira dengan jari dalam satu tangan. bagi menghormati yang tukang suggest tu, I pun accept laa....pikir-pikir balik, I ni idok le pemes macam Desert Rose, so kalau ada orang nak kawan dengan kita tu, kawan aje lah kan...nak nak, dulu satu sekolah lak tu. And of course, being a freak that I am, kepala hotak I akan menjalar memikir benda tak perlu macam...nanti sibudak yang kena suggest ni akan mengadu dengan situkang suggest (yang agak rapat jugak la dengan I) yang ammmmboiiiii...Makji Esah, mentang mentang dah dok UK na..tak mao kawan dengan I pun. Okay lah...if you think having long list in the social networking is far more important than whether or not kita ni akan akhirnya berjumpa kembali ke tidak. I ni nak mengurangkan tanggapan negative orang kat I..yang kata I sombong la..ganas la...so, okaylah..get to know me laa...then you tahu la...memang I ni sombong orang nya...tak caya, tanya Kiah, kan? Bukan nak kata apa la...lagi ramai kengkawan I dapat tahu I ni dah dok negara 4 musim ni (ye lah 4 musim kan, Izuan???) ramai benar yang nak kawan. Then tanyalah...sedap ke dok UK, bila nak balik...kalau I mai UK, boleh I dok dgn you tak...tapi selama ni, nak tanya khabar pun payah. Nama I pun tatau hingat ke tidak. What if I dok kat Zimbabwe...mau ke kau nak kawan dengan I?

Sepupu Yang CNN
Ini tidak dapat dielakkan...kerna perbuatanku mendelay kan request nya telah disusuli dengan message-message yang macam sial...oiii...copek la approve..den nak nengok ekau ni semonjak dok UK dah makin putih ko? Ada ke macam tu? Okaylah...she is my 1st cous...kang dia ngadu kat mak I...(mak I pun dah tahu apa pesbuk la ni..ye lah, nak keep up dengan cucu-cucu...nak tengok cucu buat apa..pergi mana...) Dengan niat yang ikhlas..I pun tegur lah si sepupu I ni...cakap lah..eh, kau makin cantik sekarang (takde nya pun Kiah..aku lagi lawa...dia dah ghope tempayan beroda)...nak tahu dia jawab apa? Kenapa? Selebet sangat ke aku dulu? Seburuk-buruk den pun dulu..den berlaki yo...kau tu bilo laie? Wah......haruskan ku upah penembak bersiri untuk membunuh dia anak beranak? I sabarrrrrrrr.....sabarrrrrr.....sabarrrrr (habis satu tub Hagan Daaz)

Friend Request Entahsiapapuntatau
Ada budak pompuan ni. Sumpah I tak kenal dia. Dia muda banyak tahun dari I...tidak mungkin I kenal. Tapi ada 2 kawan I kawan dengan dia. Mana diorang berkenalan, I pun taktahu...and I takde sebab nak ambik tahu. Adakah dia Fauziah Latiff? Tidak la..kalau Fauziah Latiff yang request, ko hingat I nak tolak? Dia ni pulak...takde nak msg I introduce diri dia ke hapa. So I pun mengambil inisiatif la pi menanya. Kita kenal kat mana ye? Dia jawab...dalam pesbuk la. I betul tak paham maksud nya and I tanya balik...dalam FB macam mana tu? I cakap..I tak perasan dia..and tak perasan laki nya (Kiah, her profile pic gambau dia satu family berderet anaknya..tapi umur belum 30 lagi) Then macam biasa I cakap la..FB ni untuk I keep in touch dengan kawan-kawan...so, kalau yg I betul betul tak ingat, silalah ingatkan I. Nak tau makcik anak berderet tu cakap apa? Memang lah tak kenal. Tak apa..kalau tak sudi reject aje la. Whaaaa? Kalau lah dia kata dia nak berkenalan dengan I takpelah jugak...ni dah le dia tak cakap apa-apa..tahu-tahu main add aje, bila kita tanya lelebih...tak sudi dikoba eh?


Rumusan : FB adalah jahat.

My Notes

You are about to separate, breaking up or worst filing for a divorce. Not good. Especially when the reason you marry and become together is to be forever. But, you can't help it if things that you had hoped would change but it didn't.

When you were courting, you know somehow that you are not entirely happy. With that person...with the situation. But you have invested so much time and love...and at one stage you feel that you can live and you can't function alone. You needed to be together. Together, you will solve everything. Together..what feels wrong can eventually be right. Will it?

What made the person change? What made the situation change? Why are they not the same person we know, or has it always been like it that we are too in love to take notice? Or...we fell in love for a wrong reason? That we were so fed up being alone or we were hoping to leave and discard bad memories behind?

When things reached to crunch, we are forced to make decision. We gave the person everything...we are hoping that the person will be with us in this together, and become the dependable one. The reason why we are together because we don't want to be alone.

We are tired of working things out. We are tired of hoping that things will change. The person will apologise endlessly and promise things will get better.

You made your decision...and like always, the irony is...the real regret only emerged after ties is severed.

I am sorry...but I have tried. I have loved you so, so much. We never wanted to change and unconsciously, we have stop trying. Apology will not warrant a better relationship. It just hides away problems temporarily.

There will always be something that I love about you, but I am sorry that is all it is ever going to be.

JT's News

Masa I balik KayHell bebaru ni....ada jugaklah peminat setia I yang dok menanya pasal JT. Masalah nya, I pun tak berapa nak tahu sangat apa perkembangan Mat Kembang tu since our last coffee date. I hardly work in Twickenham anymore since I pun dah macam tak berminat nak menyambung kerja-kerja locum dengan government sebelah West itu.

Pastu...adalah jugak I terdengar sosek-sosek yang JT dok mengata I dengan kawan I jugak. Talking about men and gossips...dah tahu nak mengata aku, yang kau gi brokbrek kat kawan-kawan kita jugak, pehal? Tak ke you pikir yang cerita tu akan balik kat I jugak? And another thing with men yang suka bergossip ni, when they have gossipped about people...they pretend to act so vulnerable in front of their victim...macam..eh..bukan I la... that's not what I've said and mati-matilah mengatakan yang sipembawa khabar tu salah dengar...(meaning..orang lain la yg dengar tak betull..kau tu cakap betul..podah la)

Apparently JT now idok le keseorangan kat Reading nun, setelah tibanya another ex schoolmate dengan lakinya datang buat PHD kat Uni yang sama. Tapi yang tak best nya...kawan I yang dari taktau apa-apa tu...dah diganggu gugat kehidupannya oleh JT. Bad enough dia menyakitkan hati, mata dan telinga ku, si pompuan nan sorang ni..terpaksala la ni menadah telinga mendengar rintihan perantau kacau-bilau si JT ni...

I tell you lah kan...nasib baik budak Beseri batch 7 ada 3 orang je (yang I tahu laa...so if you are and nearby, owned up la...boleh kita buat reunion...sambil I dengan my fren ni nak transfer responsibility kat you all) kat area West ni...so between I dengan ini pompuan..yang akan ku namakan Zila Bukan nama sebenar...we all dah tahu yang JT tu duda bercerai dgn bini nya...yang bininya has intention to take him to the cleaners (Oih..JT, hang ingat hang tu Datuk Effendi Nawawi ke?) that he has made a worst mistakes in his life and how Amira Bukan nama sebenar (his ex gf, chenta agung dari MRSM) telah menodai kesucian chenta nya dan berkawin lain kat US nun.

I tanya Zila...did he told you about the pasu Sarawak? Zila said he did...and also the tuntutan hak penjagaan keatas pinggan mangkuk jenama tahapa-hapa yang dikemukakan oleh JT. With Zila, we mengumpat, what sort of man, who..dah le nak blah..nak tinggal bini..takde pun nak bagi ample notice, the fact that he is likely to be here for more than 3 years, apa kejadah dia nak buat dengan pasu and pinggan mangkuk (hayun) tu?

Cerita terkini nya...they have now bercerai talak satu...done and dusted. He is quite bitter with the fact that he has to pay a large sum of nafkah edah...but apparently, cerita yang Zila BNS dengar dari kawan-kawan kat Kayhell, the Tok Kadi sort of told him off about his reluctance to give in to harta sepencarian request by the wife. The Tok Kadi (ke hakim?) said..yes, I know..you are the main earner..the sole breadwinner, but I am sure you know what you signed yourself into when you take her as a wife...and your wife is entitled to what she earned into the marriage as well. JT dengan bongkaknya cakap kat Tak Hakim tu, she don't earned enough to pay the mortgage and the car and if you can see, those were under my name. Tok Hakim asked...apalah sumbangan isteri kamu? Tak tahu katanya...mungkin barang-barang keperluan rumah, makan sikit-sikit..tapi saya yang bayar semua. Tok Hakim said..baik, since kamu pun dah berkira dengan dia, jadi tak salah lah dia nak minta bahagian dia dalam rumahtangga kamu...hatta duit sayur sekali pun. Kamu pun makan jugak ikan,sayur yang dia beli dengan gaji dia yang kamu kata tak banyak mana tu kan? JT menjawab..dia tak pernah menyumbang dalam pembayaran rumah itu, Tuan. The Hakim said, itu awak pergi mahkamah sivil, buat tuntutan sewa rumah tak berbayar lah. Jangan lupa kemukakan resit dan kontrak sewa. Hambikkkk kau jantan!

Zila said, his own lawyer must have told him off, and pressed him into not contesting more than he should.But JT tak makan saman...although, technically he is within his rights to claim back all his safekeepings...but, muka tak tau malu dengan bini pun nak berkira, macamlah bini dia gi sapu licin duit dia tu. In the end, the Hakim awarded the wife 20% of his earnings for 6 months and 20% of the value of the house and she may collect what is hers in the house. JT of course la tak puas hati...but Zila BNS and the hubby told him, biarlah dia nak licin kan rumah you pun..you are not there anyway...but apparently in between after the divorce proceeding, JT has managed to get PDRM to stop and to reclaim harta-hartanya yang berupa perti sejuk, ketuhar gelombang mikro dan TV flat screen nya. Isk....malu nya I dengar!

Zila BNS cakap dengan I, the pahat tetap berbunyi hinggalah sekarang...but Zila BNS being a wanita melayu terakhir as she is, idok le nak pi sound si Pakcik tu. Malah dia dan lakinya cuba menjadi radio teman setia anda mendengar luahan rasa JT yang kalau I lah...mesti dah keluar dah ayat-ayar chenta lagi puaka yang macam ni

-----> Macam ni lah...boleh tak kau record kan cerita kau dlm CD ke DVD, so kalau aku boring ke nak hafal script, aku boleh pasang kat radio aku sendiri. Tak jumpa over lunch ke, dinner ke nak dengar cerita sedeyyyy kau tu.

-----> Eh, bukan kau dah bagitahu aku cerita ni, 119 kali ke?

Ada banyak la lagi...but I'm sure you can come out with more nasty one.

Tapikan....cerita hal cerai-berai ni, idok la menyakitkan hati I sangat (sakit la gaks..but takde la sampai tak lalu makan kan, Kiah?) Zila BNS kata...JT pun ada jugak mengompang pasal I. Ehhhh?

Ni yang aku hanginnnnnnnn ni.

Bersambung.

p/s KIah, I know this is published late..but....bukan ke lebih baik kau puji inisiatif diriku untuk ber blog, walaupun aku sibuk/mabuk berchenta ni?

Amaran Kerajaan Baru UK

I am writing this while I am still at work. I have to tell you that...I ni jarang sungguh membuat kerja-kerja tak bermoral seperti ini (menghapdate blog diwaktu memakan gaji) but...sementelah FB adalah dibenarkan dan salah satu daripada cara saya berhubungan dengan orang (bukan katak), saya adalah terdedah kepada anasir-anasir yang bisa meng induce sakit hati melampau.


Too bad (unless I ni dari kuwarga hendia yang boleh pilih menantu pakai catalogue) we can't choose who we will be related with.


I am quite traditional in terms of forming relationship. Meaning (if I ever get this right...) kalaulah kita nak berkawan ke berkawin with people with low level of consanguinity dengan kita...bukan ke kita patut mempamerkan sikap jatidiri yang comel? As in, kalau boipren/gilpren kita nak kenalkan kita dengan makpak or kakbang nya, bukanke kita ni kalaulah boleh...ambik crash course from ladette to lady something like that lah..kan?


Adalah sorang budak pompuan ni....nak kata sekolah tak tinggi...boleh la. Mula-mula jumpa...tak nak make effort pun nak berkenalan dgn bakal kak ipau nya. (ke kak ipau yang sombong?) But..dalam sombong-sombong kak ipau yang sorang ni, perasan jugak la yang bakal adik ipau tu kureng sikit ceciri kemalu-malu an nya..yakni..kalau datang bertandang 1st time umah makpak boipren you, idok ke..kalau tak nak volunteer basuh pinggan mangkuk, kau bawak lah buat moktan setangkai ke se plestik ke kan? Tidak.....kau bawak karipap kau saja...dan juga telepon bimbit kau yang berbunyi setiap sepluh menet tu.


Kau boleh pulak dok atas kusi sambil pose-pose Donatella Versace sambil makan kuih. Pastu..tanpa menghiraukan orang lain..kau hambik kesempatan lak menyambung episode dating dengan sibudak lelaki tu...didalam umah makbapaknya!


I remember when the deadman memula introduce I kat mak and adik pompuan nya...dihari konvo, I punyalah tertib mengalahkan penari ballet. Orang tanya sepatah, I jawab sepatah...kalau bersalam dengan mak sidia tu cium tangan you...tunduk macam kepala berat 20 kilo...jalan macam Puteri Cirebon Jaipong lagi. Senyum jangan cakaplah....nak dapat approval punya pasal (last-last anak jantan makcik kawin dengan bohsia Kuala Selangor gak, makcik)


I sent my MIL-to-be-tak-jadi postcard gambo Lady D lah..gambo Bakingem Palace lah..gambo Big Ben lah..not forgetting little souvenirs yang boleh masuk dalam envelope, tu dia punyalah nak ambik hati.


And majority people I know did the same. The 1st impression is the 1st hurdle. Walaupun mak boipren kita tu idok la sebaik mana, ada pulak yang selamba aje mengomen pilihan anak jantan mereka didepan bebudak pompuan tu...as if anak jantan dia tu Prince William. Ada satu case yang I takleh lupa...my fren ni anak datuk you, but so down to earth. So she was introduced to her boipren's mum. nak jadi cerita, anak jantan makcik ni bakal loyar githoo...and this girl, had to repeat her final paper tah hapa pasalnya....so makcik dengan kaw-kaw nescafe tarik terus tarukkk ini pompuan anak Datuk yang kununnya dia tak responsible, periksa dah fail and tak sepadan dengan anak jantan nya. This anak Datuk terus terkuciwa, merasa dia telah di hena oleh bakal mak mertua nya. And this makcik boleh pulak pi cakap kat this girl anak Datuk, mak bapak awak tahu tak awak ada boipren ni??? vah,vah, vah!!!!!


Kebetulan, parents this girl yakni Datuk/Datin ada kat Sheffield masa tu nak visit anak pompuan diorang plus nak lah jumpa for the 1st time bakal menantu (si jantan anak makcik berlagak ni..) Hah kau...terdiam makcik tu bila on the spot dapat tahu yang sipompuan ni anak Datuk/Datin ni...


I don't know what happened to the couple in the end, but some years ago, I nampak kat Majalah Mona, ada gambau kawin this girl dgn another anak Datuk jugak..(so, padan lah muka kau Makcik oiiii!)


So, back to this girl yang sadly, menjadi pilihan adik ku jugak untuk dibuat bini. Dah jadi bini tu pun satu...with world latest technology with many disadvantages...aku telah dipaksarela menjadik kawannya alam pesbuk itu.


Dan bermulalahhhhhhhhh adegan-adegan yang boleh mengakibatkan muntah darah yang kronik...tak pun, perputusan sedara via pesbuk. Hish..memang nak jadi sangat dah ni. Bebaru ni, I mintak lah nasihat...kat barisan kakak ipau yang lain...ni dah kes takleh tahan lah ni. Kakak ipau yang terang IT (FB) kata..alaa..kau hide aje laa status dia, so kau takleh lah nampak adegan 'too much information' dia tu. I cakap..sudah..lama dah ku buat menda tu. Tapi malangnya..sebab ku berkawan dengan si laki nya, maka sebagai bini..dia berhak lah meroyan tak hengat kat page laki nya (yakni adik I)

I told the 2 kakak ipau...perlukah aku sound aje dia, sebab macam tak syiok la mengata belakang-belakang kan? hasrat I macam dihalang pulak oleh kakak-kakak ipau yang lain, kununnya, nak menjaga hati adik kesayangan yang dah persis dibagi makan nasik kangkang aje gamak nya.

Sekarang ni...ada perkhabaran terbaruuuuu lagi sensasiii...yang dah diannounce secara berjemaah laki bini dalam pesbuk (I doubt ni kerja lakinya...but tataulah, sejak dah makan nasik or minum air kankang ni, dah terlain pesen ke) I should be happy lah akan perkhabaran gumbira itu...but trust me the perkhabaran gumbira bukan setakat terhenti at the actual reason of announcement malah.....yang terbaru ni, as in today...(nampak benau kau makan gaji buta berpesbuk sokmo) ada pulak terselit the chronology of event leading tu x meeting y. Sial tak Kiah?

Yang aku palinggggggg tak larat....rakan taulan sahabat handai and adik beradik sebelah sinun kemain handal pulak encourage banter-banter yang berbau semi lucah yang memang tak sesuweiiii untuk tontonan kakak ipau yang prude ini.

I was made involved in their banter involuntarily..and aku benci,benci dan benci.

I am so sure I have one less friend in FB tomorrow. Cakaplah sepatah lagi...ku remove kau tanpa belas kasihan. Nak kecik ati, kecik lah!!!!

Sekian.

Hati Mu Yang Kering

Getting involve with another person should really come with a warning....that it is bad for mental health...and few others e.g. pocket health...physical health i.e. tak cukup tido and not forgetting how we can so easily influenced to change the world......kununnya. We often say..ada susah..takde pun susah....bila ada, menyakitkan hati...bila takde....hati lak sakit tengok orang yang dok berjiwang-jiwang karattttt.


I must painfully admit that..dalam 3 orang ni. F is the attentive one. Selain daripada tak suka I bersosialan dgn kengkawan I, I takde menda lagi dah nak komplen pasal dia. Semenjak I dah nak menuntut cerai ni, lagi dia cuba berubah...mula mengaku yang selama ini yang buruk-buruk itu adalah salah dia. Kalaulah tak kerana hati I yang dah sememangnya dah sangkut kat orang lain since forever, maunya I balik kat dia...works things out etc etc.


If the monkey one didn't count, I belum pernah lagi nak merobek hati orang cenggini. Walaupun MB's amat suka yang I dah jumpa orang lain, heaven know that parting ways is not always easy especially when the attchment is greater in one side.


On the other hand, I dok syiok dengan orang-orang yang kenkadang lupa yang I ni ujud.


What should we ask for..actually?


We want someone to love us unconditionally.....and nothing else matters. But we know that this is only available in text not fact. Sebelum I balik KL bebaru ni, I often asked MC...how do u feel about me? Cehh...insecurity kills sungguh! And dia cakap...balik lah..and you will see. What did I saw? Well, not much la...but reassurance tu bertambah lah sikit. (Read..self-reassurance!)


We want somene who care about us deeply. Tapi idok le sampai kena tunjuk bukti ticket bas, kapal terbang bagai....(siapalah ni, Kiah?) Yes, we should count our blessings if kita ni dapat partner yang bangsa tak kisah....but deep down, knowing us...we don't really mean exactly what we say..and hoping that dalam kitidakkesahan mu ittew...kalau tak banyak, kisah lah sikit kan Kiah? We need to know what we actually mean to them. Kau ni, tak kisah pasal ko tak sayang ke..or kau terlebih sayang? Having said that, people express themselves differently, although Kiah has dismissed this action as being consumed by overnumbered pride.


Relationship,I'd long time ago realised, is for extreme sport enthusiasts. Its a high wire act without cushions or safety net. Bad enough you hardly find time to get to know each others (flaws), (ni kata kawan I lah...) then came the kids...whom all parents loves with a primal passion but I think some mothers actually got morning sickness after they were born.

One of my colleague said that all men think they're gods. If only their wives and girlfriends weren't atheists....we developed tinnitus in our twenties, but after that you realised that it was just the endless wedding bells, actuals and sosek-sosek batu api from your other friends who has more considerate boipren yang tak nak berchenta lama-lama.

So..again I want to ask me this question again....what is it that I want? I want to love and be loved...I want what I want...perfect relationships is that when we still fancy the pants of each other...we want to be near each other. Somebody to sleep next to us and pass us the towel when we were rushing to go in and realised towel tak bawak.

Somebody who will dilligently ask...kita nak makan apa...are you okay sayang..every now and again...take a bit of interest on what we do and share light banter, mainly discussing people who didn't matter to us.

That's whats important to me....but of course la...kalau orang tu sanggup menjilat pasir or drop everything in a heart beat demi kita, dikira bonus la kannn....but if dapat orang yang kata-kata romantisnya hanya akan keluar bila dia dah takde benda lain nak dicakap or masa dia dah minum air yang ada more than 5% alcohol...and cuma akan mempamerkan rasa chenta nya bila kita dah buat pose pose tak heran...bak kata Kiah, tak semestinya orang yang tak demonstrative itu tak committed...maka, kalau macam tu lah dia nya berfungsi sebagai manusia...what choice do I have?

It is far better than Abg Hakim yang nangis-nangis tak nak cerai bini..sayang kununnnn nya demi hanak-hanak....tapi dibelakang bini, kena tangkap basah na????

Update

Yasmin Ahmad never fails to confused me. From her debut to the final film. Haram satu pun tak ku paham apa yang nak disampaikannya. I am a slow burner. I laugh today for yesterday's jokes. Oh yes..and I am missing Kiah too. Only today...padahal we parted way on Wednesday night. I think, had I not caught that taxi yang drebar nya sewel, sesewel-sewel ikan laga dan ikan arowana yang mahal nak mampus tapi satu habuk takde mendatangkan hasil, I might have miss Kiah a lot sooner. Nantilah I cerita..nak kata trauma, idok le...but MC was so takut bila I bagitau dia.


I went to KB's Tesco and got myself (amongst other things) 2 DVD melayu. One is Papadom, yang bila keluar wayang tahun lepas, takde sekor manusia pun sudi nak temankan I pi tengok. So, lama jugak I memendam rasa...tup-tup jumpa that DVD kat KB (walaupun salesgirl nya memula kata tak ada bila MC yang tanya...ish..pehal nya Aking, nge puok-puok dio pung tok wahi laye ko?)


Because there's so many good review in FB and I am such a sucker for cheap advertistment, especially from kawan-kawan yang tak boleh diragui pendapatnya, I thought I should give 'Talentime' a go.


Kesimpulannya...orang yang 'bagus' kadangkala jua mempunya citarasa yang kurang bagus.


Today...is my first day back at work after 2 weeks. The routine starts again..kejar bus, kejar train..panjat tangga Clapham Junction...order Mochaccino hok yang regular and dapat biskut kecik free, tarik sokabar free and dok cokoh dalam train. After 2 minggu dipandu-supir oleh kengkawan and kekasih hati yang setelah ku observed, baik loyar..baik doktor gigi..baik MC...semuanya tak makan saman. Langgar traffic light..potong kereta depan tak indicate...pastu yang lagi sorang...had laju 80 tapi dia pecut 120. Bila I tegur, apasal you tak ikut arahan...and dia jawab, kalau bawak slow, bila nya nak sampai yanggg....haiya! Ini macam munya olang pun ada ka?


Tapi oleh kerna ku ni menompang, kenalah buat cara menompang. I sentiasa remind diri I yang KL punya public transport adalah puaka dan I diberitahu yang drebar-drebar nya kalau tak high on drugs, memasing pakat karaoke dalam bus siap boleh joget Poco Poco lagi and nyanyi lagu Kucing Garong. Hambikkkk kau!

So, apakah sebenarnya motif entry ni? Not wanting to discredit Yasmin's effort, I think somehow or rather, certain people have their own ways to express themselves. Maybe she wanted to tell stories how all races can be united through singing competition, but why do the contestant need to be picked up?

Why that not-so-English looking lady speaks in awful Scouse accent? Me and MC was trying so hard to work out how to switch on the subtitles...merasa aku confuse nengok yang cakap cina, yang cakap hendia...

And the Doctor who blatantly told the boy that his mother has no hope of recuperating, where is the work ethic laa? And why Jit Murad macam takde kerja lain nak ayat Azean Irdawaty?

Do we just worship someone just because they have unique way of expressing themselves? I still cannot understand the fascination with Anwar Ibrahim, who is hardly lah ensem like Anuar Jen. He was sacked..so? He formed the reformation, to revive his PM ambition...he screams out Justice, Justice..like he know what Justice really means.

I read about people's admiration towards Yasmin Ahmad. Hmmm....taste is hard to justify, but I suppose, we know what we like...walaupun orang lain kata tak sedap.

I will try to watch it again...to feed a benefit to my doubt. Afterall this was her last. I really need to know what the fuss is all about.

Siaran Dari Jalan Sabung Ayam

Sorry, for I have dissapoint you...with my lack of effort and enthusiasm to write things you like to read.

Had I not care, I would have dismissed this with such statement, I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO...(memang iya pun....) in 2 weeks, 2 short weeks, I have far more better things to do, like jumpa kengkawan, making them aware that I am here and making plans to meet up.

My sister remarked that I have complained lot less than before. I told MC that, I have never enjoyed my trip back home.Now I feel that time is against me. I dare not call up my Boss to extend my leave, for she will salai me the moment I touched down in Heathrow.

Often I say, I want to come home for good....of course la statement ini telah memeranjatkan kengkawan ketat. But I am such a flake. I say lots of things. I maybe the only Malay in party MIC (key..mouse) Today I say, I want to quit work and write books. The next day I say I want to be a community activist...seeing so many ill mental health people being ill-treated (why do Police opted to shot dead people just because they ran amok?) The day after tomorrow I will say that I want to run a day centre for complex individual with unexplained disabilities. I'll say anything that suits my swinging mood.

I am lonely wherever I goes. KL, Melbourne and London. I don't make friends easily. I don't fall in love more than 3 times. I love the same person as much as jangkahayat kucing. I gave in to something I shouldn't in a relationship.

The truth is, I dream a lot. My hyper sensitivity kicks in nearer the time I am leaving. I have always known how insecure I am with myself. I have started to question my ability to practise positivity, as I am so easily led into feeling negative.

Yesterday, the Pak Guard in Giant upset me. There I was unassumingly walking through their barrier with my knapsack (I am so not into handbag in Malaysia..mana taknya, sepanjang masa ku disajikan dengan cerita-cerita ganas rampok merampok, mana ada branik nak totting handbag kulu-kilir?) and the Pak Guard look lot younger than me, dengan suara hujan panas nya pi tanya I...beg you ada computer ke? Kalau ada komputer, boleh bawak masuk..kalo tak..pi hantar kat sana...him pointing towards some direction yang ada underlying message berbunyi..blah lah hang!!!!

I asked him back....what can I steal with such a bag on my back? Dengan ghope as Desert Rose described as 'pecah rumah' he announced...nanti you jadi 'suspect'...curi asam..curi barang mandi. Sial nya....I rasa nak cakap aje...hello, I tak pakai brand cap Giant okies???? I paling cikai pun will pakai BOOTS punya product yang against animal testing tu. Kau tahu ke apa tu, Adik Guard oiiiiii?

Days earlier....the Giant McDonalds girl decided to feed me with her own recipe of humble pie. Unsuspectingly, dengan innesengnya...I tanya, while ordering for Milo Ice..adik, kat mana nak bayar bil Celcom? Jauh sekali la aku nak test tahap intelligence nya dengan menanya soklan gitu...but I really don't know where the hell should I pay MC's celcom bill. McD girl dengan kasar lagi sarcastic nya terus jawab...Kat CELCOM lahh!!!!!

I was taken aback. Nak nangis tanda kemaluan besar pun ada.

I told Desert Rose, which confidently said, if I were you, I would have replied...oh ye ke Dik..ingat kan boleh bayar bill celcom kat McD, sebab McD cawangan Wangsa Maju boleh bayar bill handphone. Tu diah.........if only I can come out with such onslaught of sarcasm. And that was why, I didn't get my LLB.

So, what is my plan now?

With David Cameron dah ada feeling nak jadik PM, that spells not-so-better Britain. Kepada kawan-kawan yang dah lama bersekedudukan, this is the time to register your civil partnership,as such facility was awarded by the Labour Government.

Over the last 10 years or so, my zest towards enriching life increased greatly. I no longer have passion for keparat-conglomerate-kejadahbapakyou kind of things. I am into small things like running 10 miles for Cancer Research, Disability Awareness and kempen jangan bayar toll. I still want to marry Anuar Zain since Zara Salim Davidson beat me up to me the Queen of Deghoyan.

Kiah want me to get a master in whatever-kejadah studies, as Malaysian are still taksub with papers.If only Kiah knows how difficult it is for me to get that blarrrrrdy 2nd class honours B.Sc. (read..teman ni idok le pandai macam kome...)

I want to spend more time with MC. But I must realised that I am far to old to berkepit-kepit, mandi tak basah and makan tak lalu. I must tell myself all the time that I must love myself more. Falling in love is beautiful. The practise is awful.

There is the type of people who can look above feelings and live their live the way the wants it. There is the type of people who let their feelings rule them. I am the latter. And I hate it.

I am still indecisive. But as long as you want to read...I'll write. But please...if you're in the shopping mall, please be polite when you need to walk in someone's way and please apologise if you hit their back with your shopping trolley.Please talk to people nicely...please don't ignore people who is loitering in your 2.5 million a unit bungalow show room....and please don't give me the look like I want to rampok your husband, for god knows, I never will have interest in men who let their eyes strays while bini is still in sight, who don't comb their hair and unscented. Bau beruang hutan does not count.

Salam.