Pembuli Pasif

Swomi kepada kawan baik saya kata..kalau kita suka cakap pasal orang..kita adalah tergolong dalam golongan busuk hati. ------->So, jangan lah kita sesekali bercakap pasal Maya Karin ataupun Julia Rais ye?

MC ----> ye, dia masih hidup cuma publisiti terpaksa dikurangkan sebab banyak exposure, macam2 pulak yang terpaksa di voluntarily exposed. Ni pun, selalu tegur saya kerana saya suka cakap pasal orang. Nak kutuk Pasah Sandak pun susah tau depan dia...terpaksa saya whatsapp Kiah untuk melepaskan kata-kata umpatan.

Okay. Ini pun posting cakap pasal orang juga. Dah namapun manusia kann? Orang yang mengaku alim ulamak kat Malaya tu pun lagi berceramah maki-maki orang apatah lagi I yang serba kekurangan pahala ni.---analogy yg sangatlah tak relevan

Mangsa umpatan I hari ni ialah rakan sekantor I. Dia ni memanglah rajin menyakitkan hati I dari dulu tapi disebabkan I ni sokmo busy, I takdelah nak melayan sakit hati I tu. Tapi dua tiga menjak I menyampah ni, nak nak pulak dia tu dah semakin berani menyakitkan hati I secara terang-terangan..maka he deserved lah to be umpat kan?

I ni kira tergolong dalam professional yg tak berapa 'professional' lah dalam kerjaya I. Maksudnya...dalam reramai employee kat jabatan I, I ni takde kelulusan academic la. Kaya dek experience and sijil-sijil training paksa aje. Mamat ni pulak mmg siap masuk Uni ambik bidang yang kitorang kerja ni. Maybe, pada perasaan dia dia dalah pandai la sikit. Banyak betul benda yang saya buat dia ragui dan pada pirasat dia (sebab dia lagi tahu sebab dia dah belajar) teknik saya kurang lah berkesan. Tapi saya tahu, client dia semua benci kat dia dan dialah salah sorang pegawai dalam jabatan ni yang selalu dapat komplen.

Disini, sukalah saya nak bagi nasihat kepada mereka2 yang kerja dalam memberi perkhidmatan ya. Kalaupun you all tu expert..tak kisah lah expert tang mata..check mata ke, check gigi ke..check puk* ke, kelebihan yang you ada tu bukanlah ticket untuk you rasa you lagi pandai dari orang yang menerima service you ye? People always feel that they know themselves better. Kalau orang tak terima pandangan you, you terima ajelah. You pun tatau pandangan you sesuai ke tidak kan untuk orang yang mendengar tu. Like a doctor..doctor can give advice on his/her knowledge based. Terpulang la patient tu nak dengar ke tidak. Doctor suruh kita exercise and jaga makan kalau taknak gemuk, tapi kita tetap lah nak mempercayai kata-kata pil pecah lemak. Sebaagai Doktor yang berwibawa, biar ajelah orang tu nak terjun dgn labu-labunya. Takyah nak kutuk orang tu takde pelajaran ke, bangsa dia bangsa bingai ka..takde pekdah. For all you know, orang tu yang berlagak bodoh sebab tak suka kat you.

Back to this guy. He has couple of favourite phrases. He never say hello to you but start every other sentence with his faux disclaimer, I'm not being funny but....

His 2nd favourite thing to say is to say 'Can I just say something?'.

Either way, both phrases will end with something that is really menyakitkan hati. He will say..I'm not being funny but....I think your approach is wrong. To me, he is right though. He is not 'being funny'. He is just horrible.

Then another one...is it possible to say 'can I just say something?' without it being followed up by something you don't want to hear? To me, if you have something acceptable to say, you don't need to frame it with that 'can I just say something?' piece. Very lah annoying okay? To make matters worse, this guy is an Australian, which means his voice is annoying at any volume.

This guy...I must say, rarely talk about others. Rarely as in, if you ask, he will tell. He is so proud with fact that he doesn't do 'back chat'. He claim he got 'integrity'.

Like, when he say...'Can I just say something?' and tell you his piece of mind, he is delighted that he is able to say it as it is directly to you without bush beating. Mind you...he doesn't filter his thoughts. His choice of words maybe a lot better than our penyokong parti BN or pembangkang, this guy doesn't swear but he sure cakap tak pakai otak.

If a girl came to you in distress telling you she think she might be pregnant, wise word to say to her is something like..you want to talk about it, kan? This guy would just say things like, how on earth you forgot the risk etc etc..do you know what harm are you bringing to yourself. Camtu. Tak ke kau rasa nak bunuh dia tak pun nak bunuh diri jamjam tu gak?

So tadi I dgn geng-geng pekerja Sosial teraniaya (I and 3 other persons) berdiskus lah pasal politik opis and etika kerja. Dari tepi mata I I dah nampak dia jeling menjeling...ye lah, kadang2 when office people have discussion, more than often benda yang didiskus tu adalah benda bodoh. Kerja dah la stress so kadang2 nak de stress kita kenalah cakap merapu-rapu kan?

Yess, we do have off days you know..from jaga tepi kain orang. I must tell you in UK, kerja I ni takdelah dipandang tinggi sangat. Macam kerja Jabtan Pencegah Maksiat gitu...siapalah yang suka kan? (only yang tukang adu lah yang suka)

Tetiba dia menyampuk...Can I just say something?

I look at him and said NO. Maka semua orang terdiam. As if I just set a trend, by saying NO to 'can I just say something?'.

I think that must have prompted the moment of awkwardness for all, lalu kami pun terus balik. Tetiba kawan I (yg sama2 cakap merapu tadi whatsapp I cakap...'don't you think you being a bit harsh to Steve Irwin?'. -----yes, we called him that. I jawan, no. I told my friend that the reason I said NO is that I don't want to hear what he have to say because one) he is not in our discussion and  second) I am not interested to hear his opinion. He always come up with either condescending stuff or full of judgement. That was why I said NO. kawan I reply, true that.

I am sure in your walks of life, you pernah jumpa orang yang sangat cekap dalam memutarbelitkan fakta demi nak menutup kekurangan dirinya. I suspect this guy is one of them 'passive' bully.

Books always refer those passive bully as ‘covert-aggressive personalities'. Macam orang yang nampak baik tapi..tidak lah baik pun sebenar nya. (Macam I kan, Kiah?)

Sometimes we can experience witnessing two people talking, possibly arguing with one another. Argument doesn't always have to be aggressive but one party may want to win over another by his/her opinion or fact about stuff they argue. Say a wife telling her husband that she thinks their marriage is doomed. Sana salah, sini tak betul. A defensive husband will always turned the discussion into criteria-bashing speech dan dengan selambanya. He can be blatantly abusive and think nothing of it. Again, abusive doesn't really have to be physical, tau.

A bully will always find a way to win...even in a discussion. If he/she doesn't have a strong point, they can always resort to not letting you get your word out and raising their voice, enough to put people off and walk away.

So this guy sangat suka belit fakta dan sambil dia membelitkan fakta tu, he will use your weakness (that he knows of) to pin you down. Macam kalau you tengok video Nik Aziz berceramah pasal Umno tolak Islam and the reporter keep quoting the words he used. Padahal Tuan Guru tu bagi contoh cerita zaman Rasulullah minta doakan orang yang menolak Islam tu supaya hancur. The reporter 'framed' him with that knowing very well the whole context of the speech. Jahat betul. Tak ke membully namanya tu?

So yes, I memanglah tak akan menyokong kepada pembuli. Some people kenkadang tak sedar pun dia tu ada unsur2 pembuli. Tapi, kalau ada disagreement, bila kala you rasa you tak incline nak setuju dgn pendapat orang malah menuduh orang tu bukan2 demi nak tutp kemaluan you, tu pun adalah sifat bully jua, ye?

This guy, hobi nya mmemang cenggitu. Salah dia terang2 dia tak kan mengaku but nak judge orang tu tersangatlah laju nya. Kalau you bercakap dgn dia and dan-dan tu pulak you tersasul, maka sasulan you tu lah akan digunakan untuk menjatuhkan you. What worse was that people listening to it believe what he says. He knows this and he keeps doing it.

Punyalah nak jadi cerita kann..masa I nak sign out tadi, I terserempak dgn mamat tu. Bila dah berdepan macam terpaksalah cakap hey camtu. Terus mulut dia cakap kat I, I think you're being defensive.

Dengan gaya bodoh nya I jawab...was I? I didn't realised.

I was only trying to give my opinion...

I cakap, you mean being judgemental? Okay, let's just drop it okay. I was doing you a favour actually. You a far too clever for my mindless discussion, so by not allowing you to say something just now is my way of protecting you from being stupid. Unintelligent is pandemic, you know? You best stay at the top. If I had let you say something, you will say how this and this wrong and offer a right solution. Thing is, we don't want any right solution. We are happy as it is. Being silly.

Okay..I was mean. Tapi takpelah..I kan kaki bully gitu.