Jejantan Sewel

Ye..tajuk bakal menimbulkan kontrobesi dan memanaskan hati kawum laki-laki. But hey..you bound to be reading something you don't like. So, kalau dah tahu I ni selalu berfeeling macam bagus, sila lah dan pergilah baca blog ilmiah yang lain ye?

The truth about me, which Kiah will be the 1st to differ ialah, I ni adalah sangat pemalu. Ye, Kiah..kau nak gelak? Gelak lahh..but you know the truth and so do I.

Because of my kepemaluan tahap Empire State Building, I ni tak ramai boipren. I can count them with one hand. So I do remember the man yang pernah jugak menterlibatkan dirinya dalam sejarah hidup I. I do know a fren yang tak hingat mana satu boipren nombor 4 and nombor 5 nya. Punyalah ramai ex. Well, girls always remember their first boipren...monyet pun monyet lah but that is one thing the law of the nature human can't beat..the first person that captured you, will remain the first one who captured you. If your 1st happens to be Abang Drebar Van Tadika you, nak buat cemana lah kann? Terima ajelah kat orang tu yang kau pernah syiok.

I want to talk about boipren. Mine and others. In my life time...I only ever had 3...tu pun yang 2 tu macam takleh nak kira aje, sebab takdelah serious I lapyu yulapmi. One was introduced to me. One guy wanted to date my fren so he thought by pairing me with his best mate si bujang terlajak is a good idea so that my fren ni nak lah keluar dgn dia. Yang my fren ni pulak, tak syiok sangat kat jantan tu but dgn pandainya selalu menjual nama I kat jantan ni. Ohh..I tak free nak tengok wayang dgn you sebab I dah janji dgn Makji Esah. But jantan gigih ni..sebab syiok sangat dgn kawan I, terus buat I jadi kawan nya dgn harapan by befriending me, being pally pally...aku ni kira boleh lah tolong dia jual minyak. Bless him. They're both now happily married.

But not the case of me and his best fren si bujang terlajak ni. But I'm telling you..this bujang terlajak is now a multi millionaire. Well...sometimes in life, you missed the boat..or in my case, luxury yatch. But hey...aku kan mabuk laut. Kalau kapal cruise boleh lah tahan.

This guy...is the jantan sewel number one. As decent as he is..driving Pajero (hello..mid 90's Pajero sport is so onnnn okay?) adalah desperate nak berbini. But man being man, nevermind him being slightly imperfect but calon bini musti nak yang grade A. He said I am...to him is grade A. Cibai nya. Dia nya grade apanya, might you want to ask? Hmm...entahlah. Well, I kan baru grad dari obersea and masa tu gigih nak sambung master so he is dreaming of an educated pair. Pulak masa tu I was in between Siamang & MC...who was messing me about..leading me to uncertainty. This man is a real deal lah konon nya. But I was only 25. Settling down..beranak pinak...bermesra alam dgn ipar duai really was not on my agenda. He keep talking about he is just few years away from being 40 and and the need to 'produce' his generation dicampur pula dgn saranan sedara maranya kat Kelantan nunn.

He was really behaving like that guy in that Bachelor movie. Like, kalau tak kahwin by the end of the month, he is at risk of losing billions gitu. Rimas..rimas..rimas I. He sent me to and fetch me from work. He will terpacak to pick me up for dinner. He made it like he is being sweet..ala-ala boipren mithali gitu. But he is so critical of what I wear to work. Skirt belah kiri kanan tak boleh...but janganlah harap aku nak mendengar kata ye? You don't like skirt belah kiri kanan, maka mini skirt ku tunjukkan. One day I told him that me and few friends nak gi joget2 nak Picadilly. Maka dgn konfiden nya dia kata..awak pergilah, nanti saya masuk tarik awak keluar. Sambil gelak2..thinking that the controlling boipren act will deter me from going joget. Tak ke I rasa nak menjerit mendengar nya? Yes..memang I menjerit kat dia masa2 tu jugak...lantas dia menangis dan kata, janganlah break up dgn dia. Bila I pun sejuk hati cakap..okay lah...okay lah...terus dia buat doa syukur dalam kereta, menadah tangan baca doa dan baca tah hapa2 lagi dek happy nya. To cut the story short, all I did after that is to annoy him deliberately. He will nangis tarik tangan I tak bagi keluar kereta (of course, banyak betul adegan nak keluar kereta tengah2 Subang Jaya----seriusly, I eksyen je lebih) dan I pun..okay lahhh...okay lahhh. But no, how can I marry a man like that? Control freak. In the end, he got fed up. I am so thankful. But I have been telling him that I am not his grade A and never will be. But he is a Datuk now.

The jantan sewel number two is this young man I briefly had fling with. Fling ye Kiah..jgn marah. Ohh..I don't do younger man, okay...(tak tau lah sekarang) but this guy seems mature for his age. Yes, I was introduced to him. Ramai betul kengkawan yang susah hati I single masa tu...lantas dalam ramai2...dengan dia ni saja yang boleh lah to me. Memilih ke I? No...my heart really is with somebody else.

Like the number one, he'd do anything for me. He is kaki rendek so he goes out a lot and I think he likes it that I don't really care dia nak melahu kat Modesto sampai pagi. But of course walaupun dia balik lambat, dia tetap akan call I pepagi tanya I nak makan apa for breakfast. Jantan....biasalah, kalau belum dapat you, you suruh dia jilat pasir pun dia sanggup. Satu aje I tak berkenan dgn dia...dia bawak kereta macam pelesit! The persona of a caring boipren akan berubah sekelip mata bila sampai ke Federal Highway. Bila I tegur dia akan bad mood terus bawak kereta speed 30 mph. Memoncong kan muka sambil kata..okay I dah slow dah ni..u happy? Nak tunjuk kat aku dia tak puas hati lah tu kannn? But the amount of time I menjerit tarik lengan dia begging for my life masa dia berfeeling Ayrton Senna tu (drama nya I) tuhan saja lah yang tahu. But what did it for me is...one day tah hantu mana yang menyampuk dia...we were at Bukit Damansara T junction. This oncoming car takde nampak gaya nak slow down..and so is he. He keep saying that it is his right of the way and that car should slow down...and proudly say, I will not stop...head on..head on lah. He accelerated. I can see the car flashing and nak kata I can see my whole life flashing before me macam tipu lah pulak..sebab I dah tutup mata, but I was so so scared, I screamed, I begged...and yes...I punched him. Out of desperation. Stop the car you stupid bastard!  He stop. He was shocked. I walked out..walked to the nearest Shell (Jalan Batai ke hapa nama jalan tu) and get a taxi home. Both of us didn't call each other after that. But from his frens...I know he bad mouthed me. He even said..alah..Makji tu bukannya lawa pun..I am glad I got rid of her..etc etc. Mature lah sangat kann kau jantan?

Jantan sewel 3, ni boipren kawan I. Tapi the amount of time I dengan kawan2 yang lain mengumpat pasal jantan ni..tuhan aje lah yang tahu. Tapi takdelah nak ngumpat depan gilpren nya takut minah tu kecik ati. But every little thing he does is annoying to high heaven. Only when the gilpren moaned about him, we were all more than happy to menambah perisa. You know for some reason you allow yourself to cope with pompuan ngengada...but can you imagine if it is jantan? Kalau call gilpren masa pompuan tu tengah makan...ayang makan apa tuu...the girl jawab KFC...ohh..sedapnya, tolong makan kan untuk I sekali ye...tak ke kau rasa nak pijak muka dia yang tersongeh-songeh masa tu jugak? Tu belum lagi nak letak phone..you lah letak..you lah letak dulu..you la..you la...rasa nak mintak petir turun sabung menyabung sambar phone line rumah dia aje masa tu. Tu belum lagi dia merajuk...leave him alone katanya. But when the gilpren did leave him alone...marah lak kata, you tak peduli kat I. Monconggg....moncong...and he wants the whole world to know he is hard done by.

He was dumped after 2 years. My friend told me...I can't deal with his drama.


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