Berblogging gaya blekberi yang cinonit tu adalah sangat payah dan tidak menjanjikan kepuasan nafsu yang maksimum. Ditambah pula servis tenet Malaya yang rata-rata macam...entahlah. Tatau nak cakap. There are certain things yang I rasa Malaya adalah sangat maju dari UK. Kedai makan 24 jam. Err..bukan tu aje..banyak lagi but you know lah, motivasi kita kan makan, makan dan makan? And for that, saya bangga menjadik orang Malaya.
Okay...umum (Kiah aje lah kott) mengetahui yang I jugak berpotensi menjadi drama queen. Thing is, I pick and choose kat siapa I nak tunjuk perangai. And must god forgive me, I tend to do it to my Amma.
Since I menjadi anak yatim, akak yatim dan adik yatim, I have made more effort than usual with her. I know I should not even mention this, yelah dengan mak sendiri...menjadi anak yang baik adalah tanggungjawab yang wajib not something that need 'effort'. But I will ask not be blamed. My Amma was a careerwoman and she has a overbearing husband who just know how to ask for things. She barely had time for herself.
Looking back, if I am her, I am thankful for anak yang tak banyak songeh. I get things that given to me, I do as I told and if I am upset, I be quiet, sulk a little (ptuihhh menipu) and moved on. I am so not like her eldest who always, always made a big drama in every little things and of course the more drama you made, the more distinguish your existence be.
So yes, I have since making quite a bit of a drama with Amma. But instead of bersiaran depan-depan dia, I aired my drama through my sister who will then, repeat it to her beserta dialog-dialog ad lib lagi.
Like....I complained to my sister that Amma is always abrupt with me over the telephone. Of course I am upset...weihhh, anak mieww telepon berjuta batu jauhnya and not to mention the cost of the phone calls. The drama of me mulalah mengadu to my sister yang pada suatu masa I visited her and she was sleeping, cakap dgn I macam terlampau ngantuk sangat but dalam pada ngantuk2 tu, anakanda sorang lagi telepon lantas boleh pulak dia borak macam orang tak ngantuk, leaving me thinking...eh, adakah aku ni anak angkat? My over the sea status tidak kah membawa makna? Drama ke tak drama tu, Kiah?
Then of course as the one who lives over the sea, I always come home bearing gifts. This time I have got many courtesy of 90kg baggage allowance. So off I went and see her with the gifts and to cut the story short, I ended up feeling like a waste of space.Because I went and visited her with some friends tagging along, I asked my friends if they think Amma liked my gifts. Because I certainly did not get the impression that she does. Of course bila hati dah merajuk, orang cakap positive cemana pun kita tak berapa nak dengar lah sangat, kan?
Amma lost her first born recently. And she has been sad since then. We lost our adik and Appa, but her sadness is diminutive compared to the demise of anakku Sazali. Bad, bad me. I have tried my best to cheer her up. It saddens me to see her sad. But of course after a while when I am 'ignored' the drama starts to kicks in. Maka terkeluarlah statement...kalau I le yang mati, sure dia tak sedih cam ni kannn?
Maka aku pun terus di sound oleh adik I yang juga mak orang...eh kau, mak mana yang tak sayang kat anak! But what I said was meant to be a lighhearted joke. But I do mean it deep.
So yes...sebagai anak durhaka yang tak mau kalah, I decided that, tak apalah. Effort sebesau rumah orang kaya kat Glenmarie Residence tu pun tak akan memberi impak kat Amma lantas, effort I pun kembali la ke size sediakala. And keputusan mengurangkan siaran drama telah disampaikan pada adik I.
Before I balik UK tu hari, I visited her. I insisted my other sisters to join me so that atmosphere dalam rumah tu takdelah tension you could set fire to it. Ye lah, kalau I dgn Amma aje, memang I will sit in one corner and she will watch TV.
But she was different this time round and more chatty. I think she must have excited to see her cucus (tetap nihh) and not me. But all was good. On my way back to MC's, I told my sister that Amma look pleased to see me today. And ropanya adik I dah telephone dia before that and bagitau her that I actually sudah merajuk and think that she is only an anak angkat because you dont talk to her. My sister sort of warned her that she (my Amma) should be worry if I dah merajuk because knowing me, I will just vanished.
Errr...err..errr. Thanks heaven I takde anak. I so do not want to be in this situation with my own.
6 comments:
Hemm..mak dah merajuk anaknya dah jadi orang henglang.
Takde nya dia nak merajuk. Anaknya ni bukan nya baru sehari dua dok henglang.
I think your relationship with your mom mirrors mine. There needs to be someone else in the house, then we can talk.
I am not sure who resented who, might be me, but I think she resented me too.
Thouggh dengan kehadiran cucu dari womb aku (hahahaha) , it lessen the tension. My mom make more of an effort to talk with me.
Kenkadang I wonder how it comes to this bile tengok hubungan mesra yg dipaparkan oleh rakan-rakan di FB with their mom.
Dils...I should think there's no resentment between me and my mother. Its an old habit. I am closer to father than her and naturally, I am not tactile, so is my mother, I'm afraid. We have good mother daughter moment but maybe my absence have things 'uneasy' for her. I am the one who should try harder, not her. I am certain she love me the same. In a way, we are the same person..me and her. Not good at dispensing affection. Tu saja..
You are right that the children need to make more of an effort. Thought about it, struggle with it and take one tiny step forward. All I know is that I am terribly bad with phone calls. Bile dah depan depan is a bit better.
Relax je ... kadang-kadang kita tension sebab sangat-sangat berharap ...
HS
Post a Comment