First, I would like to thank those who follows this blog. Tang mana yang Cik-Cik semua rasa minat, saya pun tidaklah mengerti. This page is hardly informative. In addition, ada yang dah sakit hati. Laa...kepada mana-mana yang ada syndrome cepat terasa tu, tak apa lagi yang hendak ku kata selain dari berhentilah membaca, kan?

I don't read (leisurely) a lot. Kepala otak sudah tepu, yang hanya boleh dibaca pun blog-blog yang penulisnya adalah manusia yang hidup dibumi nyata. I tend to read more flat tales tak menyakitkan kepala, something that can induce laughter and of course lah, sebagai seorang melayu, saya suka membaca gossip berunsur kutukan-kutukan membina dan memupus.

Secondly, Cik Amris...(or Encik?) no, I do not fancy si JT tu. So, being denial about my feeling (supposedly for him) is rather irrelevant. Maybe JT fancies me, who knows..(you know) but I think, I am far too old to main tutup-tutup mata teka siapa disana now ni.Orang ajak keluar minum kopi makan cake, saya pun keluarlah...lagipun, kek dan kopi ittew ditaja oleh JT. My travel expenses di taja oleh company saya so kesimpulannya, saya tak keluar duit sesen pun. Being in the postion 'I've got time and nothing to lose' ni adalah sungguh indah. Although JT in between coffee and cake tu adalah jugak hint-hint 'kalau padi katakan padi, idok le aku ternanti-nanti'. I'm not saying that we did the Pesta Pantun, but I think kalau dah 10 kali hint, orang rabun cam I pun can read between the line. But I think he know where he stand with me. Like any other kucing, although ikan tu duduk diam-diam dalam aquarium pun dia akan cuba makan, sebegitu jugaklah si JT ittew. Selagi terdaya, Kiah..akan kucuba menangkis cobaan-cobaan berani nya itu. Soon he'll grow tired...and mula mencari ikan lain yang lebih receptive.

Thirdly, Makcik Pakiam dah mati. Drug induced heart failure. Apparently she was unwell and her illegal drug intake corrodes some of her internal system, and she was arrested. Died almost instantly. My memory of her for the last few months knowing her is that she has already dead inside. I was suppose to be helping her, but reading back my notes, from what she had told me, there's really nothing to live for.

Makcik Pakiam never really open up to me. I guessed she must have suffered emotional trauma badly. When alive, life was taken away from her. My last meeting with her, we talked casually about life. She asked me how does it feel to have it all?

I asked, what do you mean..'have it all?'

'You got good job, you schooled alright...normal '

I told her that Social Work is the lowest paid job, considering the responsibilities it carries and we are not well received in the community.

'But you clever innit?'

I told her that I go to school like she did. I don't have a choice...or my father will kill me.

'I never listen to the shit my parents told me'

I said, lucky you.

In many of our conversation, we sometimes compete about who dares the most, who's in bad childhood competition, siapa pandai competition etc. I always admire the way she think and how I wish I was that daring.

We both agree that secular education is not that important. It may affect they way we think but in no way education will make people's life happier. I told her that the only thing that I value when going to Uni is it sharpens my survival skills. I learned about people more.But I always remarked that she is smart.

Makcik Pakiam asked, what you mean?

I said, I wouldn't know how to survive without money, food and roof over my head. Somehow you managed...your survival instinct is better than mine and anybody I know. You get through you day, until today...and that is a big achievement.You don't need a degree for that.

Makcik Pakiam smile and put her arm around my shoulder...'thanks mate'.

I am just glad that at least she know she is smart and clever, in her own way. At the rate she is going, she will never find happiness because long before someone had put a stop to it. So although this is sad, I'm thankful that she is now in a better place. She died alone, no relatives willing to come and see her. We can't contact her son as he is now adopted.

I pray Allah forgive her sin. That's all I can do.