Post Partum Update

Ehem..ehem..ehem, by the time this is published, it may have been 2,3 days too late. But, mana satu kau ndak, Kiah? Ada hupdate or takde langsung?

My laptop is still lying low in Kingston's PC World. I should have jenguk to give them the more go ahead, but Kingston is not near any place I should visit, apart from our HQ. Tapi kalau sesaja pulak nak datang Kingston time-time kerja, buat apa ada pulak spy-spy yang nampak kelibat I and report kat Boss besar yang Makji Esah telah di google earth berada di kawasan Kingston-Upon-Thames, tak ke naya? Nanti Boss kata, ohh Makji, you bila suruh datang miting, dolak dalik kata Kingston tu jauh, tapi apasal pulak ada orang nampak you bersidai kat area-area PC World ittew?

I am one of this people yang tak suka masuk miting, especially miting dengan puak-puak sendiri i.e. rakan sekerja, rakan sekerja lain branch and Boss-Boss besar. I adalah sangat pemalu and rendah self-esteem so sitting duck in front of plenty of people in that meeting room is way,way too daunting for me.

In Social Services, the common issue and concerns people like to bring up in the meeting is Policies & Procedures. We discuss cara-cara nak menyelamatkan pesakit-pesakit, cara untuk mengelak orang ramai dari kekejaman pesakit-pesakit, cara untuk menemubual pesakit/keluarga pesakit, cara untuk mengelakkan pesakit menjadi lebih sakit dan cara unutk menghalang orang tak sakit dari menjadi mangsa orang sakit. What we never discuss in meeting is that how Social Workers/Support Workers/Outreach Workers like we all ni is greviously underpaid and should be paid as much as English Premier League footballers or Perdana Menteri Zimbabwe. Tak kan ado lah.

Sometime, I am so fed up dealing with human issues. People like you (siapakah you?) always think that people like us (like me) kerjanya discussing you. You ingat I suka ke menghabiskan masa 7.5 hours daily (the legal working hours) bercerita, berbincang and menyelesaikan masalah you? Ish..kalau le I ada benda lain nak dibuat, tak hingin I. Speaking of which, this is a choice I made.Memang ada benda lain...tapi benda lain semuanya tak tercapai dek tangan. Hasrat hati nak jadi Doctor bersettee empuk kat opis, apakan daya, penilaian darjah lima dapat 4A 1B, so takleh masuk TKC, SRP and SPM secukup rasa...yang dapatnya masuk PiPiPi buat course yang ber learning subjects aje, takde nak belajar anything technical yang menyeksa otak. So apakan daya, terimalah nasib diri yang tak berapa bistari ni.

Two of my colleague was signed off sick, having a nervous breakdown recently. Cuti 6 bulan lah tu, meng overhaul kepala hotak. Bila nanti kalau dah kepala dah irrepairable, maka bolehkan claim sickness benefits and tak kerja sampai bila-bila.Hmm...tempted nya.

I spoke to JT recently (aih..berdating kah aku, Kiah?) JT was making all these comments how I was so different now compared to before...(Encik Bahalol, sekarang saya dah 36, dahulu saya 16...kalaulah saya masih berperangai macam budak 16 tahun, bukankan saya hanya akan mengundang sangsi yang saya ni mengalami akal yang terencat and associate developmental issue?)

Tapi, tak banyak sikit, I agree with him. Once upon a time I, I am so quiet, timid and fearful. The only thing that didn't change is the way I process my thought. I have always been blunt. In a quieter version before however I'll say thing as it is. I remember once I defied my father (berani nya...) I was asked to do something. I am the usually very docile young woman but on this particular ocassion, I was so against his instruction. No exchange of words but world was shown kekerasan badan and mogok lapar. In the end, I was challenged to expressed my thoughts and I did, and father later (to my surprise) conciliate with his conscience.

However now, I don't need to be challenged to expressed my thoughts, and goodness, the problem I got myself into and the people perceptions.

I told JT that I made comments about how some people who were so taksub with the superficial things, makan, minum kopi and beratur tunggu bas pun nak cakap hal itu saja.To me is merely drawing attention to themselves, ye lah, nak lah orang kiri kanan tahu apa fungsi kita ni kepada agama, bangsa and negara lah gamak nya.

I said to JT I think people like this are so desperate for community approval so that they can reassure themselves.JT tanya I, apo makno tu Makji? I pun cakap, ala..macam budak2 MCKK lah, kiri kanan kiri kanan pun dok nak cerita Fiat Sapienta Virtuos (betui ka ni?) aje. Yes, kita semua tahu lah budak MCKK tu pandai-pandai belaka, tapi mestikah orang lain pun nak tahu jugak? So I said, well, tu maknya nya they are not convinced themselves, so kenalah cakap berkompang-kompang depan budak MRSM tak pass add math cam I ni, for reassurance. That's what I mean by community approval. It is normal for people to feel mega insecure, ye lah..belajar kuat-kuat tapi nanti tak pass, tak ke sakit jiwa?

JT jawab..oooo, gitukah Makji? Ye lah..gitu lah.

Tapi biasalah...some people don't like to be told and reminded that they're insecure. Mega chip stucked in their shoulders since birth.

JT tanya, so who have you annoyed Makji? I said, plenty people lah...yang tak kena kata pun paranoid yang bukan-bukan.

So, are you upset, Makji? Takdelah upset, menyampah aje.

Ye...menyampah aje.Menyampah sungguh. Nyah kau dari sini, Kiah.

P/s I think someone got confused between Dr Evil and Austion Powers. Dr Evil punya trademark taruk jari kelingking tepi mulut and Austin Powers punya trademark senyum mulut ternganga. Tak malu....salah konsep!