About Me

Monday, May 27, 2013

Sakit Ke?

Idea idoklah mencurah ye....but ada kerja tertangguh. This blog...contrary to the legend yg orang dak ingat suka menyindir (eleh..kalau tak buat salah apa ke hal nya mau terasa, ye tak?)  adalah juga blog yang diwujudkan untuk menolong set-set pemalu nak gi spital.

Disclaimer lagi..gua bukan doktor tau. Feeling doktor pun takde.

Antara soklan-soklan yang ditanya ialah...how to check whether or not I got mental health problem? Is there a test I can do?

Disebabkan saya ni nak benor memegang prinsip, no question is a stupid question, maka akan kujawab la soklan itu dgn rasa berhemahnya padahal hati kecil nak je cakap..hek elehh ko kenapa Seripah oi?

Jawapan nya..tak ada test oii. I think a psychiatrist would vouch for this. Maybe there's a test done by a psychiatrist. I think there is. To ascertain facts. But as far as I know, self-test mmg takde. Yang I tahu..orang yang ada masalah, tak selalunya tahu depa tu ada masalah. Ni bila dah sampai tahap serious la. Setakat sikit2 tu..bila kita rasa perasaan dah mengatasi segalanya dan kita ada rasa suspect, maka kita jumpalah pakar yang tahu.

Yang saya tahu dan biasa tengok, adalah makan berbulan-bulan jua nak dapatkan diagnosis. Idoklah sekali kau kena histeria meroyan terus besoknya kau dapat Schizophrenia Type 2. Ada symptoms yang mesti ditunjukkan secara consistent.

Masalah perangai, emosi dan mental ada hubungkait but in my opinion one category should not be use to evaluate the whole 'mental illness' package. Be mindful that I only work in the recovery process and how to manage penyakit yang sedia ada. So kalau you tanya I, I takdelah boleh menjawab dgn tepatnya. Penyakit mental ini ada penyertaan chemical symptom nya. Setakat meroyan secara berperingkat tu rasanya gangguan emosi. Gangguan emosi adalah physical stress dan boleh juga mendatangkan kesan-kesan chemical. Bila gangguan emosi adalah konsisten dan tanda-tanda chemical juga adalah konsisten, maka doktor pakar sahajalah yang boleh bagi you diagnosis. I tak boleh ya.

But what I have done is...in early stages, I may work on some technique you may apply for you to live with your conditions.

Ada orang yang adakalanya confuse dgn tabiatnya yang semulajadi sensitif dan 'kecacatan' otak nya. I always believe that every one of us is autistic. We have our own trait. This is how our own personalised brain works. Unlike mental illness, people do born with cerebral defect. Kalau tak ada, alhamdulillah. Cacat otak is not always a bad thing. People tend to make do with what they have and make the best of it.

Orang yang sensitive, secara am nya, akan cepat terasa. Orang kentut sebelah rumah pun dia akan terasa jua. Sensitive people have their brain 'aroused' very quickly. Cepat sangat terasa bila orang cakap. Sensitive people read between the lines too, when they don't have to. For that, they become expose to a lots of unwanted information's. Some useful and some not. If you are sensitive, you might wonder how suddenly you 'know' things. This is why. Because you 'absorb' things. More than others. Bila kesensitivitian tak digunakan secara betul, maka terbitlah remark dari orang kiri kanan yang kononnya kita ni berperangai 'pelik'. Ye lah..pelik lah kan..sikit2 terasa, sikit2 nak emosi...sikit2 nak suspicious. Padahal tu biasa aje..ye lah..macam orang yang panas baran lah...kita je rasa dia pelik sebab kucing kentut pun dia nak melenting..pada dia yang pemanas tu..biasa aje sebab dia sensitif.

Yang buat onar nya, masyarakat. Why I say that is..like I always said...we sometimes do not know how to appreciate people's weaknesses. But accepting weaknesses is not easy I can tell you that. I tend to appreciate only yang bermasalah. Orang yang rasa dia takde masalah tapi feeling bagus tu yang I dok ringan je mulut mengutuk. Hishh...sama teruk.

Fact is, we might find some of our friends...err, maybe just one of our friend tolerated us. The rest lari. Then we wonder why orang lari dari kita. Nak nak orang tu lah yang kita sayang lak tu. I ran away from people too. Yes, in some case, I do care a lot about them. But the moment I rasa dia dah takde hormat dgn I, I blah je lah. Buat apa nak tunggu. Orang yang kalau mintak tolong dgn I berguni-guni, I tolong tanpa banyak songel. Bila I pulak mintak tolong, bukannya nak cakap maaflah tak boleh...tapi buat tahik pulak kat I. Pastu boleh timbul dgn rasa tak bersalah nya. Yang jenis macam ni...boleh lah gi mampus ye, Kiah?

Bila kita ada hubungan dengan seseorang, tak banyak sikit kita tahu mana button sensitifnya. Buatlah perjanjian..okay, this is my weak spot..jgn usik. Tak buat janji pun...kita kena bagitau lah dgn kawan kita part mana yang kita nak hak exclusive. Then friendship becomes bearable. One of my dear friend, the amount of time I rasa nak jerit kat dia sebab dia tu suka benar melemahkan dirinya dan menjadi mangsa keganasan sosial. But being friends, I also get to know, sebaik-baik hatinya..dia berenjin passola. Dia hanya mahu dunia ber speed passola saja. Biarlah motor RXZ hembus2 asap carbon monoxide kat dia. Tapi se slow2 nya passola, bila gear dah naik, maka dia akan laju juga. Tapi bila gear dah laju maka brek pun takdelah berapa nak makan. Kebarangkalian untuk eksiden adalah tinggi. Tapi dia passola. Dan dia kawan saya. Mati hidup balik pun saya mahu dia terus jadi passola...and I will secretly hope she can overhaul her engine for a better. Passola is a very beautiful and intertesting motorbike.

Okay, kesimpulannya..just because you are different, does not mean you are mentally ill. It may affect they way we think and how we react, but we are certainly as fit as an arrow.

We can change the way we think. We can manage our emotion in moderation. How we function as a person is different. Ada orang yang boleh menolak segala yang negative ke tepi dan memfokuskan kepada positive. Ada pulak, bila angin negative melanda...misti selesaikan masalah dulu baru dia boleh aman. Lupa agaknya yang tak semua masalah boleh diselesaikan. Adakalanya kita kena hidup dgn masalah itu dan cari cara untuk hidup disamping masalah yang takleh selesai itu.

Tapi..kita kenalah ikut kemampuan kita. Jangan kerana tak mau di associate kan dgn sakit emosi, sakit mental, kita melawan arus pulak. Terus tak nak jumpa orang. Tak apalah orang kata kita sensitif, perangai pelik etc etc. Kita nak berubah, kita ikut kemampuan fizikal kita.

Next, I will write about fantasy & reality. Yes, I do have your question about that. All I can say is not to worry :)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Yang buat onar nya, masyarakat. Why I say that is..like I always said...we sometimes do not know how to appreciate people's weaknesses"

How true! My hearing is impaired since I was small but I still manage to live like a normal person. Yet when it come to socializing, I prefer to keep quiet unless there is something important because I hate being laughed at for mishearing something.

Should not be a problem as I am working as a software programmer but after a year, I started losing it. It is a Malay company dominated by males and they were forming boy-club at work. I did my job to their specifications despite 1 of them saying that he told me this and that and then when I said it to his face that he was bluffing, he said "Adaaaa maybe you tak dengar". The others knew that he was bluffing but they prefer to talk on his back rather than confronting him.

The back-stabbing and boy-club landed me in psychiatric ward for 5 days, seeing psychologist for 7 months and taking Lorazepam for almost a year.

How did I know that I was sick? I had uncontrollable urges to cry every now and then. I started smoking all by sudden. I woke up 1 day and thought "I need help" so I checked myself into the hospital.

And yetttttttt they didn't see how serious it was and poked fun about it. There were numerous occasions where I was thinking "I could punch him to death and get away with it, using my depression as a reason". Willpower helps. A lot.

Anonymous said...

As salam.tq for this post.you have helpd another dr diagnosed scizo knw tht at least ada yg knw how it feels and understand the 'take it at your own pace'part.i used to be so called normal..trying to achive all i can.but now am learning to take turn my used to rxz style to a pasola..tq

Makji Esah said...

Anon No. 1 ----I hope you are NOT still taking lorazepam? Think about the good things here, you have the harmful thoughts and didn't succumb to obeying it, unlike those yang tak berapa bernasib baik.

Anon No. 2 ----what is normal? believe me, those who think they are NORMAL are most certainly NOT. They are probably just good at hiding behind 'ordinary' people and ordinary action.

Anonymous said...

Lexapro and Lorazepam *facepalm*. I always confused them both. Was prescribed Lorazepam til I had no problem sleeping. Lexapro on the other hand, I was taking it from February til November last year.
I no longer work at the company since I didn't feel respected and appreciated. Working in an international company now with foreign manager and colleagues. Orang Melayu konon terkenal dengan sikap bersopan santun dan berbudi bahasa tapi biasanya kaum lain yang dikutuk kafir berperangai lebih baik.

Anon 1

Makji Esah said...

Anon 1 ---for you to be prescribed Lorazepam for sleep induced (am I reading you right?) is drastic, in my opinion. But honestly, I do not know how the physician works over in Malaysia. Could be because they have no facility of aftercare. You are lucky. I can't begin to imagine the bumpy journey you may have ride but rather than harping on how masyarakat kita tak ada budi bahasa, ohh correction...budi bahasa ada, ilmu aje kurang (their ignorance of yr condition made them seems kurang ajar to u) I like to suggest that you stand up to it. Id there's people out there who fight for equality, saya GAY dan saya okay, you can do the same. Of course yours is more on noble cause, tak ada larangan dalam agama lah kann..as oppose to being homesexual. But by saying that..usah lah kita start hating the gaus pulak ye. Focus yr positive anger on good cause. You what it is like to be sidelined. :)