About Me

Saturday, June 26, 2010

13 Hours, Shortest 2 Weeks & Three Impossible Months

16 years and 6 months ago...I met MC. I was already with the one yang dah mati. But something did happened. When I finished doing things that I was supposed to do and kembali single (the one yag dah mati pi kawin pulak dengan orang lain) I met MC again. And something did happened.

My heart was broken by quite few people til today. While I was mourning over the loss of the one yang dah mati for leaving me, I was too deeply hurt by MC because we were such a good friends.

We took 3 days and 3 hours to re question our feelings for each other and I had to leave. We spent 4 months getting to know each other again via Skype. We made this plan that I'll come and visit. Skyping, yahoo messaging is really not the best way to know people. You have to know who you getting yourselves involved to in flesh.

We spent 2 weeks together. I am happy. But after 2 weeks, I had to leave. Again. I am looking at best possible ways to be close to MC. Practically, I can't.

Life is about being happy and stay happy for me at the moment. Unfortunately, there's no traditional way for me and MC to get overly committed to each other. We best pledging love to one another without greater commitment.

Long distance relationship, without knowing how this could end for both of us is not easy. When I was a student, at least I knew before that we have numbered days of separation. None of us can leave what we do now. Gone were the days that a young love would do anything for love. Now is, chenta, chenta jugak...but I have mortgage to pay.

Goverment in Malaysia has less compassion for the learning and mentally disable, so that restrict jobs opportunity for me. MC has way bigger responsibility, so asking to relocate would be too much (plus, orang tu sayang mak dia...bukannya anak derhaka cam I ni you all)

Now, there's one additional thing that I love about Summer in England. The daylight saving time...meaning its 7 instead of 8 hours time difference. But my work always made it impossible so we agree on weekends date via Skype, where both of will sit by our pc, talking to each other, watch TV together, MC winding me up about the nasi lemak pyramid yang dia beli bawah pokok and the roti canai banjir dia dok makan kat kedai mamak pepagi.

Humans always yearns for more. Skype is no longer enough. I made a drastic financial commitment by volunteering to visit every 3 months, using all my 33 days leave up quarterly. MC would come when time permit but, it would be cheaper if I make the trip than the other way around. (tapi..kata nak datang..dok tak jaadikk aje, pehal?)

There will be times when I needed MC badly. There's time when we skyped, where I can't talk but cried instead. But this is what I choose.

My world is empty after 5pm. I often look outside my window, hoping that instead of living in greeney SW15, I am at PJU7 instead.

In often say, that it is good to have each other space. I tak kacau you..you pun tak kacau I. It always work with me. Bila dah depan muka kang rasa nak menelan aje lah kan pulak?

But I had the wonderful 2 weeks. Waking up next to the one you love...muka pisat-pisat tu la yang suka nak ditengok pagi-pagi. Getting up knowing that the person you love who loves you back as much is there.

The two weeks ended quicker than we thought. We were sad. Very sad that I cried a week before, 6,5,4,3,2 & a day before my return flight. We forgotten about all the stupid argument via skype we can't even remember why we had it.

We asked ourselves, do we want to do this? Can we cope not seeing each other everyday? Can we cope only to meet every 3 months? Can I cope spending all that money, depriving myself from concert Bon Jovi la..Arsenal Games etc?

We said we can......but I am struggling. Struggling to understand why, we want to do this.Love aside lah...the agony of being apart (kan Sally?)

The August meeting is looking bleak, with ticket being so expensive and puasa/dekat nak raya. One ticket in August can pay for 2 trips, so...we would rather see each other twice.

Time like this....when I am really alone (after 5pm) it is good to have someone, if not talk to..to look at. Knowing that the person is there...ease many, many pain.

Sabarrrrr aje lah kan?

(Sila lah muntah ye....)

10 comments:

Iron Butterfly said...

owhhh.. patutlaaa senyappp jer masa balik. dok berasmaradana kat PJU7 rupenye. he he he.

pulut coco said...

hjh esah,been reading ur blog silently sokmo...

kawe pehe perasaan hjh,kawe pong dok gitu jugok,tidak kesampaian.
tah la bakpo hari ni kawe poyo pulak...

Anonymous said...

Hajjah..!!!

Reading this post is just like 'reading' my own journal.. *pose2 kesat air mata,hidung bagai*

I feel you..

'PJJ' does work to some ppl, but not to some. Apa org puteh cakap, distance makes the heart grow fonder?!.. True enuf the agony of being apart is torturing, nak2 lagi time demam2 yang kena lebih TLC, kan..?

But Hajjah, its wats 'inside' us that makes the relationship go stronger.Distance can also be the loyal-o-meter (?!)
To leave everything behind to be with the most beloved takes a lot of courage and sacrifices, we may be happier or maybe not. Been there, done that, dear... (ops! kisahku kisahmu pulak!)

May you be 'strong' inside out. *hugs*
Sally Mally

cik said...

Oh kagumnya! iols sangat kedekut bab nak spend duit beli flight tickets. kalau sekali dua bule..3 bulan sekali..errrkkk :P

Anonymous said...

touching nyeeerrr...*sob* *sob* *sob*

ain - silent reader gaks..kt PJU8

aking said...

well nok,time mak berchenta dulu sanggup tak request flt KUL semata2 kerana._____ *isi sdiri pls*. Walaupun chenta itteww NON ADO. now sudah berakhir....kiew doakan uosl bahagia

Cik Kiah said...

Sudahlah! Apesal dgn ku ko tak pernah nak skype ke hapa benda?

Budak Lurpak said...

muntah dah tadi.. tapi sweet la.. hahahahah

Anonymous said...

cik esah
Hope your emotion and financial investments bring satisfactory returns.

Different sally

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

IB..mmg tujuan balik sekejap that day, tu lah hal nya...:)

Pulut Coco..timo kasih la deh...poyo itu kenkadang adalah dibenarkan..hahaha

Sally..you should know better.Seriously, internal security is needed, kalau tak tu berprasangka selalu.

Cik...terpaksa ni....

Thanks Ain...nanti, bila I kat Area tu, kita gi date ye? Cepat belanja I makan nasik lemak kat Dat Sunway tu...

Aking...mung punya dah dekat...syukurilah nasib miewww. Suci Dalam Dengki ni...

Kiah..ko tgh ber PHD, ku taknak kacau...

Budak Lurpak..ish..gi cuci muntah cepat..ko makan hapa tadi ni?

Diff Sally..I sure hope so.