The Perfect Thing That Don't Exist

Being the hopeless romantic that I am...I commemorate every important dates in my life. Yesterday was the 2nd month 'anniversary' of lovers reunited....version Makji Esah. This date last January (juga hari aku buat janji pelsu dengan NBNS sampai rasa guilty I hangkut paksa Kiah gi hantar Walkers Crisps rumah dia) I re-dating my ex who is now my current. (apa punya bahasa lah ni...)

Of course la dunia itu tak selalunya indah. Orang tu tak ingat until I remind dia. Pastu dia dengan confidentnya kata..eh..dah 3 bulan dah kita bercintan-cintun ye, which of course...salah perkiraan because kalau ikut bulan, baru 2 aje. Then seperti biasa, a sucker for punishment like me, dengan sukarelanya menyakitkan hati sendiri dengan membagitahu dia...eleh..you baru chenta-chenta dengan I dua bulan. I dah 15 tahun dok chenta kat you. I'm not sure if that statement will fit into category taknak kalah or category bongok lah hang...hang ingat orang berchenta ada masa ke nak kira-kira menda bodoh camtu. But what can I say...I value the smallest thing in the relationship.

I really have put a lot of effort in this...knowing...sadly...pessimism kicks in...and realised that this will not end in bunyi kompang berdegar-degar or me living happily ever after dibawah lampu sinaran bulan.

I had dinner with my Boss this week and she started grilling me about my forthcoming annual leave...tanya...kan ke you baru balik that day. Ada apa-apa ke? Of course my Boss tu dah tahu because ada informer dah bagitau dia.

Then followed by MB's who volunteers plenty of information regarding the home truth e.g. pukul berapa aku bangun semata-mata untuk ber YM and how I am so confined in my bedroom macam orang yang receive palliative care la gamak nya. MB's has openly said how I have changed the moment I walked into her car when I arrived from KL and that they hardly see me anymore walaupun tinggal satu rumah.

Tu belum lagi sora-sora langsuir dalam blog, dalam FB yang kata aku macam-macam nah?

Kenapa you all????? Salahkah Makji merasa bahagia????? Chewwwaahhhhh!!!! I tak dera orang gaji...I tak dera kanak-kanak...and I tak ikut cakap bini nombor satu pi cerai bini muda talak 3 terusssss (siapa lah ni)

People say that cinta itu satu pengorbanan. Ada yang pengorbanan positive...ada jugak yang pengorbanan negative. My colleague tanya I..hish..ada ke pengorbanan negative? I cakap..ada lah. Cuba you tengok case-case cinta extra marital. Of course the party yang terjatuh chenta kali kedua nya will say that he is making pengorbanan kat gilpren nya as in menipu bini, cakap pi business meeting tapi gi kongkek gilpren kan? And another pengorbanan of his juga is to ask the gilpren to understand that dia dah ada bini and anak, so janganlah nak berharap yang lebih-lebih. Pundekkkk la.Pompuan disuruhnya paham...yang dia tu?

Since my return from KL, the workloads macam jahanam lah banyaknya. I am really struggling to find time to do what I like to do. But chenta punya pasal...my biological alarm clock starts ringing at half 3 in the morning. By the time orang tu dah free...I pulak kena kerja ( I am now operating on a snake-mode during work) and by the time I free, dia pulak dah tido.

Chenta punya pasal...I am the one who gets up early and I am the one who mengkaya kan Lebara Mobile. Because of my work, I had to do all the calling sebab I bukannya boleh bertelepon selalu and that dah berapa kali aku dapat dia punya missed call, so I cakap...let me call you la...

You really need to have a higher level of optimism and Red Bull energy to embark on love affair. Long distance is even worse. As much as nak menurut kata hati...kata-kata payslip pun perlu diambil kira.

And of course...when you're in love, everyone is against you. In my case...airlines company la. Dulu masa malas nak balik, flight to KUL is as cheap as chips (Kiah..ko hengat tak that perma-tanned guy rambut kiting yang kerja nya jual antic kat BBC Roadshow tu) now...Sultan Brunei pun boleh kopak. Malaysia Airlines lagiiiii lah culprit.

At this age, love obstacles is the things you can do without. Makcik tak larat dah. Ni semua menyahut cabaran Kiah lah ni...that I must move on and be happy.

I am happy...but I am fast running out of energy...and hope. In the teraphy room, I am often asked by the depressed ones..why..this is unfair. I always said..nothing is fair. Ye lah...for the sake of saying things lah masa tu.Bila orang dah moan-moan life is unfair, to justify his/her agony..kita pun kenalah cakap 'nothing is fair in this world' kan?

I always said..that we all have a choice. A choice to choose who we love (however unrequited) and the choice to be happy. The things we choose is not necessarily the one that is perfect. Ada laki tak kaki rambu...tapi hati dan perasaan sesejuk ikan tuna kat Newfoundland lah pulak kan?

My Boss said that it is better to have this distance...ye lah...kalau depan mata kang puas dek nak sakit ati rimas pulak kan?

The perfect one is always...the one that will be at your beck and call, as and when you want. But that one don't exist.