About Me

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I may published this a day late...thanks to my owl shift. I am so consumed with work nowadays, but Kiah like always tak percaya yang I kerja kenkadang kena kerja bersengkang mata dan bersengkang semua benda.

People are like wind. Very temperamental.Hari ni dia bertiup sepoi-sepoi bahasa...in 1/2 hour, dia akan bertiup Additional Mathematic. Besok, sesubuh gelap, dia akan bertiup Pengajian Agama Islam. Sometimes the cycle is vicious.No amount of mind-altering drug can help. When I started this job and witnessed the 'perks' that came with it, often I pray Allah to look after me. I am so,so exposed to so many danger, especially dimasa bulan mengambang.

My motivation to menjadi public spirited citizen semenjak 2,3 menjak ni adalah telah berkurangan dengan banyaknya. No..bukanlah disebakan oleh chenta.Saya sudah tua...tidak ada maknanya lagi untuk saya meleleh tak tentu hala. Zaman meleleh telah berlalu.Zaman berkorban apa saja pun telah berlalu (unless you all nak kira balik Malaysia 4 kali setahun itu pengorbanan) Sekarang ni adalah zaman hidup, berfikir dan bertindak untuk hari ini. Hari esok lain kira. Ye lah..hari ni saya boleh lah bercinta dengan Matt Damon, tetapi kalau esok Brad Pitt tetiba nak clash dengan Angelina Jolie dan memujuk rayu saya, tak kan saya nak tolak kan?

Few minutes ago, through FB, I found out that Ruby Ahmad, a fellow blogger has passed away. I was shocked. I don't know her. She don't know me...but she has written me many,many sweet notes.

In many of her notes, she invited me to the bloggers gathering in KL, if I happen to be around KL. I see that as a very nice gesture from her. She came across my writings and found my obvious dislike towards KaTak'ians somewhat funny. Lagiiiii lah I malu.

I never get to tell her that I am indeed not anti TKC. I think my propensity to write 'ill' about TKC is probably to annoy someone or potentially, an unconscious resentment of not being able to enter that such prestigious institution.Being a N9 girl...tapi tak lepas pulak masuk TKC.

I am also not into gatherings. People who blogs and gathers...like what Kiah said are all the 'elistist'. I am not. I wrote shit reading.

I started to follow hers since she visited me. She had the kind of life that I would be envious of and I like to be a part of. But I doubt I can change my personality from katak (real katak) to burung Merak. I am shy, over analysed and rigid. Most of all, I am so insecure.

I am sorry that she is dead. I want to be sad but that is going to be bit of a problem because I have no reason to.Her death is a sudden. I have experienced a sudden and unexpected death first hand. So I know the feeling of the people she left behind. For that i.e. the capacity to identify with her loved ones grief, I am sad.

Then follows by the sadness that I never acknowledge her invitations. But I don't know the meaning of this.

See...I told you I like to over-analyse.

Al-Fatihah, Kak Ruby. Goodbye For Now.


Manal said...

See u have been recognized as a potential elitist yet u have always back that out. How humble of u. I guess org yg mmg naturally elite tak perlu byk promotion eh.

Yea she has been so secretive of her breast cancer and finally succumbed due to the cancerous cells spreading across her liver. But like Yasmin Ahmad,her death was a sudden one too, esp when she aint bedridden and all that. And she was still pretty much accessible real life and on FB too. 1st i thot was it a road accident ke ape as i dont see her as a sick person. Yet she managed to keep on being lively and vivacious and with a good sense of humour too (re Katak stuff).
Jap , what happened to kak katak itew? (boleh, anticlimax)

Iron Butterfly said...

tuela Kak Ji, i pon penah tersepak her blog time bloghop. i tot famous blogger yang ade cancer is just "one breast bouncing", tapi rupanya ada yang dipanggil dahulu oleh-Nya..

isk. we can never tell kan.

NenekPenne said...

alfatihah for her even i tak kenal dia siapa....tak per....

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Thanks all.....amin.

Manal..nantilah...cerita tu kan cerita bersiri.