Update

The recent trip home was good, albeit badan I yang sakit-sakit setelah menyapu sampah seluas 2 ekar itu. The thing is, I'm not so good with household domestic, so allocation of housework telah telah di assigned adalah mengikut kebolehan si kena suruh. I cannot (won't) cook, so kerja-kerja memotong bawang dan sebagainya idoklah diberikan kepada kieww.

My mother dengan tak disangka-sangka nya decided to do a pop quiz on me masa hari kenduri kawin tu. I wanted to keep a low profile (plus taknak lah mencuri petir dari pengantin yang tak berapa baru tu) by opting to doing my round and doing the odd jobs. Tak. Dengan sesayup-sayup nya I was called every 10 minutes and disebabkan panggilan tu dibuat dikhalayak ramai, nak buat pekak pun tak boleh sebab ada aje volunteer (especially yang kecik-kecik tu) yang akan menguatkan lagi loud speaker...Mak Ngah...Wan panggil lah. So, cemanalah aku nak lari kan? So my mother decided to ask me if I know some of the guests. Some of them yang last jumpa masa aku tengah comot-comot 30 years ago, but nasib baiklah kita ni berotak Intel Pentium bukan Celeron, so I am able to remember at least 60% of them.

Most of my relatives, akan ketahuannya I ni adalah penduduk tetap Tanah British, teruslah nya pun ka skipping London gittew and not wanting to embarass them, I replied back in English and of course bila aku ber skipping, orang pun menonton macamlah aku Carol Volderman Kiah oiii. I disagree completely with Kiah yang kata I ada Queen accent, but of course when you use English as a first language in the UK, to avoid misrepresentation of words, we tend to emphasis on the enunciation.So when I told Kiah that she should TALK not NAG to her roomate, I may have boosted the T-A-L-K pronounciation, instead of 'TOK'.

Some makcik complimented depan-depan adik-abang-pakcik-datuk how 'solid' my body is. Of course mulut lancang nak jawap..ye lah...saya kan anak dara sunti, takde pencemaran getah asli lagi ni, but the mission is not to brought disrepute to nama baik makbapak, I senyum-senyum and jawab...hehehhee like kerang busuk aje.

Hasrat nak makan nasi minyak sampai lebam terhapus begitu sahaja, sebab by the time orang dah surut, nasi minyak pun dah habis ditapau oleh sedara-sedara yang tak bertanggungjawab, so after the kenduri finished, we (I dengan adik-adik I) pergi tah mana-mana tempat makan and makan nasi paprik.

Of course, missi pengaman kali ni tak lama, barang seminggu aje. So I really had struggled with jet lag, badan penat and PMS. But dalam emosi yang tak menentu ittew, I sempat jugak membuat kerja-kerja terkutuk dibelakang Kiah,one of them is membuka luka lama.

Ada jugak episode yang bagi menyakit hati..especially when people freely think yang I ni takde kerja lain but nak mengutuk orang aje.Sukati you lah.

Kiah, being a lovely person that she is (although I takdelah cakap depan dia yang dia baik...that is the true feeling, where we tend to hide it) dengan senang hati nya menjadi supir ambik I dari airport (oops..sebenornya Kiah, aku yang salah bagi flight info) and membawak I pergi shopping last minute membeli meggie kari letop ku. Kiah also kindly drove me to the area rumah Izat Emir to deliver kopok untuk NBNS yang almost nak berpatah arang dengan I sebab telah membuat janji palsu. While we were drooling tengok rumah yang bagak-bagak, we started talking about anak Izat Emir yang ada 'ehem-ehem' dengan the latest Sultan, only tup-tup, the previous Sultan mangkat on the same night. We also talked about another daughter of Izat Emir yang menjadi pojaan laki Kiah. But instead of speaking with tinge of jealousy, I'm sure me and Kiah were talking about her like a desperate-sex-starved lesbian. Kan Kiah?

I had a lot of time to think and reflect since my return. Kiah said I should move on. The moment I set my heart to do the same, the cashier boy in Giant Supermarket tu cuba nak ayat I, not realising that I'm old enough to be his Mum.Then I realised that I had encounter a lot of proposition from any walk of life and never even consider.

I got reunited with someone (pssttt Kiah, masa kita makan kat Putrajaya, dia ni lah yang call nak jumpa) and since I balik UK, there have been strings of long-distance phone calls.

Hmmmm.........adakah I mencari penyakit lagi ni?

Update

Kiah, being her thoughtful self (or she just takut ditangkap pak polisi being the last person seen with me...) texted me earlier yesterday, just to clarify (and pacify) yang aku bukanlah salah sorang suspect and penulis blog yang pi kutuk satu sultan yang baru passed away nih.

Death is hard for some people. Tak kiralah orang tu perangainya buruk ke...baik ke. You would not want to wish that on anyone, although we all know that death is always the end of one's life story.

I had wanted to update you about my recent trip back to KL, but before that...I like to remember today, the 2nd years of my ex's passing.

I never thought I'd say this, but his death was and still is hard for me.

I googled one of his favourite song today.I listened to it all day.

I forgave him...and I want to move on.

Note To Self

1. Saya ini susah sikit nak paham hint-hint kiasan.So kalau nak cakap sesuatu...cakap saja.Dalam tag board banyak yang hint-hint, panassss..panassss. Apa yang panas? Seterika ke? I ni berotak berkuasa enjin proton saga tahun 1985...bukannya BMW 1 series okeh?

2. I like to think that I am able to read and understand what I read, and therefore able to express myself appropriately.I like to say what is in my head rather than my heart (sebab kalau hati tu nak menyumpah saja bila marah kan? People must remember that I don't write intelligent journals so perfection is a rare.

3. Blog ini takde moral. Yang menulisnya pun sembahyang hit and miss.Dah le tak pandai...kerja pun dengan orang yang cacat and sakit akal. Apalah sangat pendapat dan opinion saya yang boleh dipakai? Yilekkkk.

4. Nota kepada pembawa virus gossip. Kalau nak bawak mulut pun, cerita yang dibawak or nak dicerita kat orang, perlulah yang soheh lagi benar ya. Alang-alang nak mengata sangat kan? People know that gossips info are 50% tipu dan tak betul. I think some should know that tak habis belajar tak lah bermakna belajar tak pas kan?

5. Manalah perginya pakcik jual popia basah kat TTDI tu? Penat tawwww saya cari pakcik hari ni. Pakcik dah tukar location ke? Ke pakcik dah kaya dan terus pencen?

Hello KL...Hello People.

Ayoyo..kadawale..kadawale...

Sesampainya I kat Heathrow...MB1 pun dengan sesayupnya tepon cakap kat I...eh, kenapa you tinggalkan camera you? Then aku pun baru perasan camera baru dan mahal kiewww beserta beg khas yang dibeli untuknya takde dengan kiewww. Tak ke kiewwww nak nangis????

Tadi I bloghop and Mok Wawa dah speku I nak upload gegambar durjana nak nyakitkan hati dia. Soheh dohhh....misti dia pi baca yassin noh bagi aku lupa?

So after 24 hours of journey, kiewww pun dah sampai KL dengan selamatnya dan ultra mengantuknya. I will update about the whole journey soon, mula dari cerita padayappa teksi driver yang menjemput I pepagi buta ditengah-tengah salji yang mencair tanpa nak offer pun mengangkat beg I yang berat tu until I safely tucked into kereta Kiah yang dalam diam..sambil drive, sempat makan 2 bungkus crisps tu..wah kau multitasking, sib baik kita dua tak masuk bawah lori nah?

I apologise to those yang comments nya takleh ku print kerna berbau sensasi.All I can say islah..biarlah orang nak cakap apa yang dia nak cakap. Manalah kita mampu menutup mulut Julie Sudiro ittew kan?

But what I will say....kalaulah...see remember this, IF,IF and IF, orang yang you maksudkan ittew benar-benar mereferkan entry nya terhadap kebangangan cara saya berfikir, or cara kita berfikir, maka biarlah dia.

Remember IF again, saya tak rajin membaca kerana kerja saya dah le membaca case study orang har-hari, so maybe bahan bacaan berunsur ilmiah or penuh informasi tidak langsung dibuka.But I do understand mostly what I read.

Remember IF, the previous post is about what I think of people's behaviour. Saya menentang perangai bangang. Was I referring specifically to those who joined the FB site as bangang? No. I think those who violate the church is bangang. Like you...I pun taktau siapa yang membakar or mencurah paint nya.Entah-entah orang church tu sendiri. Perangainya adalah bangang.

Julie Sudiro pun kata..hujah I dangkal. Bila lak masa saya berhujah Cik Julie oiii (oh so you masuk baca blog I balik...buat apa? Gi lah tolong jaga bapak besfren you tu, angkut dia balik masuk sepital kat Malaysia) I think, if ALLAH is not use in some form or shape of deragotory, slanders or anything malevolent, biarlah orang bukan islam nak guna pun.Always remember, I wrote things as I see it. I am not there to argue a point....I don't work for that Catholic publications or any political parties.

Another thing was mentioned by this comments yang tak boleh ku publish kan...is my entry about kepala lembu. Had orang yang kata I bangang ni baca apa I tulis dengan open mind nya...I am questioning, kenapalah lembu itu tidak di respect walaupun hanya dah tinggal kepala? Kenapalah perbuatan ittew dilakukan pada hari Jemahat dah bulan posa? And kenapalah lembu pulak yang nak digunakan untuk berpiket againts another temple? Bukankan orang yang punya kuil itu juga menjadika lembu itu sebagai tuhan nya? Why can't we understand that?

Remember IF, that was said about me....maka biarlah.Orang nak panggil kita bangang ke, biarlah. Orang tu pun terkenal juga dengan bahasa kasarnya.Bangang kira okay lah..bukan anjing..bukan unta baghdad. Saya pun bukannya pandai. Bangang maybe fits some bills. Those were only words. And words wouldn't hurt you.Maybe some people political ideology clouded their way of thinking...but it is stil their opinion.But IF it is NOT, then alhamdulillah lah kan..Kiah?

But I do appreciate those concerned words. They are very soothing.It is just I don't care that much. Julie Sudiro kata if I have nothing nice to say..and don't say anything. This blog does not exist to fit the nice writings descriptions. It is harsh and vulgar as it can be.

And I am proud that I am Muslim. And I am raised by non-judgemental, non anti -semitic and very respectful of others be it different faith and colour parents. I am not saying that your's arent. Read and think carefully.

Update

Sometimes.....what we need to know and to remember is that,

- People who gossiped with you, gossiped about you too. Some people tend to gossip just to find out more about you, things that they are too spineless to ask directly or thing that they think they know about you but not ascertained. So, what do you actually want to know about me?

- People have rights. Right to choose, right to think and right to many,many things that is within their rights. You may not be happy, you may not like it.But what can you do about it? Nothing.Get on lah....

- It is not OK to assume that people are OK about anything and everything.Sometime, people just don't like the look of you, disgusted with your guts or just hate any sounds that came from your mouth. Never excuse your 'difference' with stupid statement...I am what I am, ohh...I am me and this is me..love it or lump it. Certainly not in the first five minutes. You hardly anybody.So just be yourself.Stop acting so delusional to the point of nauseating. Yickkkkesss!!!!

- Stop taking advantage.Your likeability factor will start to wear off when the other unpleasant bit of you start to show and become more obvious by day.

Follow this and it will saves you from forthcoming humiliation.Your true colour will soon get found out and you'll be very sad.

******Sudah-sudah lah nak speku ye.******

MENENTANG......PERANGAI JAHILLIYAH ORANG ORANG BANGANG

In Facebook....orang hantar invitation to join MENENTANG PENGGUNAAN NAMA ALLAH OLEH GOLONGAN BUKAN ISLAM, orang kita pun...dengan semangat berkobar nya pun join.....

I must have at least 20 friends who joined this group...those that I knew for a fact, masa SRP chooses ART over Pengajian Agama Islam, masa mengaji sesama..Iqraq Bissmirabb...pun tak hafal-hafal and taleh naik Quran, and some....bila terperanjat ke or marah-marah would rather say..Jesus Christ than Ohh...pocot Mak kau babi (isk..aku lah ni)

I respected people strong view over what they think what is theirs and what is others.But I think, Malaysian always forget that they live in Malaysia, alongside Indians, Chinese and other races.Malays always forget that they infact do not originally owned Malaysia.

I looked up for this group and saw some familar names...Mukhriz Mahathir, Ridhuan Tee, to name a few. How hyprocritical of them.

I'm sure we will not condemn or reprimand our non-muslim friends when they say...can you pray to your ALLAH so that I pass my driving test?

I have a colleague who always mock me..bila I marah tahap gaban dengan patient I...this girl will echo..ya allah...everytime I said the same.

I do not think that Catholic publication intend to use 'ALLAH' in any deragatory shape or form.So why are we so insecure?

Islam is a faith and a way of life, like our own identity. Kita beridentity melayu...so kalau orang bukan melayu nak pakai kain pelikat and baju melayu does not make us any lesser Melayu nor does being disrespect by the non malays.

Orang Cina and tak cina makan babi....also followed by melayu and Islam ada yang dengan selambanya makan babi gak...and the point I'm making is..Chinese don't own the Babi, so lantak lah sesapa nak makan pun.

It is good to know that Muslim is taking their faith and religions seriously, walaupun cara nak menunjuk tu tak berapa cerdik sangat.But whilst the Malay/Muslims think that it is cool to display/express their fanatical view....crime like bapak,abang,datuk rogol sedara pompuan masing-masing bertambah ramai...makan rasuah, maksiat etc,etc pun bertambah banyak.

Sesiapa yang masa lapang nya pi bakaq, baling batu kat churches, kuils etc,etc..semoga Allah bukaklah kepala hotak mu yang sempit ittew.

Wassalam.....

Makji Esah
(A Muslim....as a Muslim can be lorrrrr)

Update

Sekarang ni dah kompem malas hapdate blog. Bila inga-ingat balik takdelah pulak buat resolution nak rajin update blog kan Kiah?

Unlike Kiah, I do not have an excuse. Study pun tidak...anak pun takde. Kerja I sekarang ni..makan,makan dan makan. Maka itu adalah tanda-tanda supaya saya segera ke Tesco yang berdekatan untuk menyediakan stock ALWAYS berkepak yang berpeket hijau.Seriously..I can eat for England. Punah ranah hasrat ku nak pakai kebaya nyonya dihari kenduri kahwin nanti. Maka..mau tak mau..terpaksalah I pakai kebaya amma. Ish..

2,3 menjak ni musim jumpa kengkawan lama dalam pesbuk. Ada yang macam jahanam mulutnya..so sipompuan tu menunggu masa aje nak kena remove.Tapi dah lama gak dia tak meghoyan..until 2 hari lepas. Adalah my fren ni wishing me heppi besday...semoga panjang umur..murah rezeki katanya..dan..semoga cepat bertemu jodoh (what made you think I have passed my sell by date..or takde orang nak huh?) Tapi..with open mind..I harap yang meng wish tu pun ikhlas lah nak mendoakan I cepat dapat jodoh (yakni bermadu dengan Zara Salim Davidson) so with I humbly replied...mekasih...I ni takde orang nak. That is my safest answer...ye lah bila orang tanya..ko ni bila lagi...maka takkan lah nak kata kita ni ada 72 follower kan? So...untuk tidak menampakkan kita ni normal...(apparently) jawab aje lah..tu lah...belum ada yang masuk meminang...or anything sewaktu dengannya.

Tetiba..pompuan jahanam ni pi comment....alah..kau tu memilih..mana ada standard nya orang Malaysia. Tak ke memang harus dibakar bijik mata nya tu?

But I pun diam saja...orang gila,meghoyan camtu kenkadang ni baik tak dilayan aje. Bukannya kita ni tak pandai nak menjawab kan? Tapi kalau gaduh dgn orang gila...tak pepasal, kita pun nampak cam gila jua. (Dengar tu..Cik Undang Ghombau)

Since the new year juga...mana kengkawan I yang ada anak..memasing pakat buat status update pasal anak memasing masuk sekolah. Nak muntah ijau pun ada okay? Don't get me wrong..I ni idoklah jeles...and I think I can understand how excited a parent can get bila anaknya first time masuk sekolah..siap ambik gambar bagai. Ada tu pulak siap ikut anak pergi sekolah...ambik cuti...and setiap minit (no thanks to kecanggihan mobile updates ni) setiap masa pulak nak hupdate status pasal anak nya.

Some is very excited....and status update nya menunjukkan betapa bangganya sang ayah..sang emak melepaskan anak sulung masuk darjah satu (ek eleh..what's the big deal?)

Ada pulak yang semi mengada...(ni kawan I yang mengganti nama diri Mummy Mama ni) yang status update nya berbunyi...Owh..hari ni hari pertama anakku Watimang Landok masuk sekolah...Mummy baru hantar sampai kelas..owh..Mummy is missing Watimang Landok already...(ke aku yang dah dehydrate badan sebab banyak benau muntah ni?)

Ada yang...to me really tak masuk akal...dan menampak tokoh ke control freak an mak nya..(ciri-ciri yang ada pada Kiah) yang update nya macam ni...Hari ni..hari pertama Wawa (bukan nama sebenar..pinjam nama anak orang) masuk sekolah. Semoga Wawa tidak tersalah memilih kawan..be wise my child..Mama can't always be with you. And yes..anak kau baru masuk darjah satu..bukannya masuk ITM Sura Gate dinungggg!!!!!!

Kesimpulannya...Facebook status update semenjak budak Malaysia msuk sekolah ni adalah bagus untuk saya baca jika saya bercita-cita nak jadik supermodel size 8. Kompem muntah sokmo. However..I wish to apologise if some mother do find this entry offensive.Can't help it..kak. Sorry nah?

2,3 menjak ni juga..since I dah terjumpa balik dgn ex-ex school friends...dalam hati, I dok tanya jugak..mana sorang minah ni yang sekelas dgn I. Mind you, I hanya berkawan rapat dengan sorang dua budak aje, lain lenlain tu main senyum-senyum and pinjam buku saja. So I wonder what happen to this particular girl.Taktau tetiba je teringat kat dia.

And today...in my inbox message..from another friend, announcing her demise yesterday succumbing to brain cancer. I am shocked. Dah 2nd time dah..orang yang I lama tak dengar khabar..tiba-tiba teringat..tau tau baru meninggal.

If I may..I would like to ask you who is reading this...to offer your Al-Fatihah my friend Zura. She is obviously in a better place and I hope the loved ones she left behind is at peace at this very difficult time.

2010

Seperti biasa..aku kan malas nak hapdate?

For the last 2 years..hidup ni takde nya nak ber resolution. I really don't see the point of marking the change of the year by making promises yang entah ye atau tidaknya akan dibuat.

But what I do do is, to reflect on life...looking back the years that passed. Bagus ke..or nak kena buat post mortem bagi baik sikit or to change the strategy completely.

Regret was many. Orang kata life is too short to have regrets. How wrong is that (for me) your time is short lah we tend to dwell on regrets..how such a short time in life kesalahan itu tak sepatutnya berlaku.Especially incident-incident bangang e.g. pergaduhan dalam pesbuk, pergaduhan dalam blog. That kind of regret.

So because of that...the strategy is to be extra choosy and extra guarded. I welcome new friends...ye lah I ni kan wanita melayu terakhir yang bongkak.My worries is that..by freely accepting friendship and knowing me and my not so subtle manner, I tend to lose them quite quickly too.

But there's a good lesson learnt. Seramai-ramai orang yang sakit mental and emosi nya...ada jugak yang mengumpul kawan untuk dibuat tudung saji menutup kelemahan diri. The obvious weakness is that tak pandai nak berkawan...pahtu bila dah rasa confident dah ramai kawan, mulalah confident tu digunakan dengan cara yang tak betul.

I nak cakap pasal orang, I pun ada sel dalam badan yang tak betul jugak.I hope I'll be better.

Kepada kawan-kawan yang baru yang memang kompem akan disimpan sampai mati....marilah kita ber pesta tak hengat nya...berguling-gulingan di Richmond Park sambil menyanyi lagu Watimang Landok.

Happy New Year.