The beauty of being older, or shall I say mature in age is that you're able to look back at all your dumb mistake, laugh it off (some mistakes laa..) and learn not to repeat it, or if it get thrown back at your face, this time you can handle it a bit better.

Yes lah...I'm talking about my new found friendship with my old time friend. Now ni, nak tulis apa-apa kena justify pulak you tulis pasal siapa..tak pasal-pasal budak TKC tu kecik ati.

20 years ago, if JT says hello, that would have made my day. He was a good looking, pemain bolasepak sekolah lagi.He was an actual science student yang kiranya sungguh multi-talented, dah le pandai belajorrr pahtu olahragawan sekolah lagi. Tak ke anak gadis termimpi-mimpi?

I think as a woman, we generally think that kalau dah 30+++ tu, you have passed your sell by date, however in some cases like Wan Zaleha, you may beg to differ. Kenkadang masa ni lah saham naik dengan mencanaknya.There's man out there who likened the search for woman macam beli wine...lagi tua, makin sedap rasanya (although, I cannot confirm this...pasalnya,aku taktau pun wine tu rasanya macam mana)

I don't have many male friends. Unlike Kiah, I am very pemalu (muntah ke kau, Kiah?) but I have over the years building and strengthened my confidence, by looking at man without fearing the like of Mak Ayam yang ada aje kata-kata sumbang nak dilemparkan bila kita baik sikit dengan budak laki-laki ni.Goodness, I remember this girl from school, asal ada aje budak lelaki melintas, she will then dengan mulut loudhailer nya pi cakap 'hey..awak nak kawin dengan dia'. Age 7,8,9,10 masa tu dengar aje word 'kawin' semua rasa nak masuk dalam lemari kan?

JT has openly admitted that he sort of using me, to get in touch back with his lost self. Apa makna tu, aku pun taktau. I think men in general suka benar meng create somekind of terminology to make them look complicated and need sorting out, thus excused all their weird shortcomings. Padahal takde apa pun, drama aje yang lebih. Macamlah kita pompuan yang suka berdrama ni taktau kan? But at least drama-drama pun, never once I heard women using their issues to excuse their behaviour. And this I shall agree with Kiah...we should all stick together against evil forces.

I told JT to be very careful with what he wish for. Just because I am trained to work with difficult people, does not mean that I am any better at solving masalah donia like selsema babi.Plus...I am only working with really,really sick people, so orang yang sakit ni, selalunya tahu yang dia tu sakit, and however much you point out their weakness and how they should work with it, the respond you get are usually nicer than orang-orang yang rasa dia normal ni.

Lagipun, kerja-kerja social ku hanya terhad kat pesakit-pesakit yang memerlukan rawatan aje. Kalau kawan-kawan, remain kawan-kawan ajelah. Bagi nasihat kat kawan-kawan pun is not always a good idea. Tak pasal-pasal jadik tajuk pergaduhan pulak.

JT picked and choose his friends...and girlfriends too. I don't think he have many. The girl he was seeing masa sekolah lasted for 10 years, he remain very faithful to her and si Minah tu dah pergi US, dalam pada berchenta jarak jauh gaya pos with him, ghope-ghope nya ada memasang lifeboat piula kat sana. In the end, I think she must have decided that bagus lagi setan didepan mata, and she marry her lifeboat. Terkontang-kanting lah JT kat Exeter nun....(Kiah, kalau kau jumpa, musti kau kenal si JT ni...circa 1992-1995 kat area-area kau buat A-Level tu)

So I told him...you don't need me to find your lost 'mojo'. You probably never know what you been looking for and what you really want. So you mixed your own confusion and maybe, conveniently used your bad luck as an excuse.

JT tanya..apakah itu Makji?

So I told him about my boipren..yang kuchenta and yang ku puja-puja macam nak rak tu. Yes...I was in love with him (or so I thought) and the way I was going on about my life and it uncertainties is like as if I was hard done by, by my so called chenta agong lah ni. Yes, he was the perfect excuse...we were together for like a decade, he left me...he came back, he pissed off again and datang balik and kesudahnya mati. Looking back, I have moved on...but still, I am not entirely happy. It could have been I don't know what I really want and dengan senangnya menggunakan excuse diriku putus chenta dan merana.But is it really? I don't know.

So I asked JT, can you relate to this? You jatuh cinta kat si Polan tu...you were never really together but she was undoubtedly your first love. You moved on and marry your wife, you thought you love her, maybe you did but your marriage just ran its course and now you left with all these questions and conveniently, you will pick the obvious reason why your life so messed up, pasal you merana chenta pertama.

You could have married the first love and ended up bermusuh ketat dengan dia. You will still have this outstanding issue with yourself, and would be fair to blame her?

Dan saya terus minum cappucino saya...so, what is this post got to do with me being older? Well, I think it is because I can look back with open mind, where you will allow all sorts of ideas and opinion.

Tak munaserawak nya.