About Me

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Updates

My last update was on the 21st. Today is the 30th. Okaylah tu....not like as if bulan ni update pastu bulan 5 baru muncul kan? Aiyaaa..kasihanilah daku...the last 2 weeks was so eventful dengan orang tu mati la, orang ni mati la...being half-Indonesian myself, I must join my fellow countrymen/women mourning for Pak Suharto although I doubt my mother yang soheh-soheh Indonesian tu give a hoot about him.

Then came Heath Ledger. Tak tau lah nak cakap apa...died of natural causes eventually. It is hard to comment on whether I should judge him on the drug issue or should I pity his broken heart plight. I may identify the bit where 'merana can kill'. Aku pun merana jua,tapi takdelah sampai nak hisap dadah what not.But departed soul always leave to be at the better place. So, selamat pergi lah kepada yang dah pergi tu.

Where was I? I was in Wales big chunk of the time. I was asked to be part of the transition team. It is either that or lepaking kat rumah. You see, my boss wanted to sign me off. A patient had terrorised me until CEO got to summoned me to Head Office. I had wanted to leave. Boss got worried and asked me to rest. Why didn't I take that offer?

What good will it do to do nothing at home? I wanted to go back to KL but me and MB's was making this plan and because of that I got to be very careful spending my money just in case I need it. I increased my visit to my therapist. In the end, it got me so angry because there was one session where the moment my jacksie hit the couch, I switched into Neng Yatimah's mode until the 40 minutes timer beeps. Until today I wonder why was I so sad that day. Was it the problems or the fact that I wasted £35 for nothing...(crying in the whole session...pastu kena bayar £35...words of the kedekut)

My relationship with orang itu take turn for the worst. To say the least.

To take my mind off things, I agreed to travel and by travelling, I am unable to make myself available to you.But the honest truth is that, my mind and my heart is not in the right place at the moment.But now I'm updating my blog. This must mean something.

I returned to London couple of days ago.To my beloved laptop (kenapa aku tak bawak laptop tu jalan sekali?) But for the next 3,4 days, I have to attend meetings everywhere....Hampshire, Colchester and Manchester.

If you must know, Siamang died last week. Brain tumour. That explains his persistence to keep in touch.

I don't know what to say for now. I guess, this is what I have always wanted.A perfect closure.

Speak soon.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

innalillah..ramai sungguh orang meninggal recently ni kan..i punya siamang (my first ex) pun meninggal baru2 ni (1 Jan 2008), exactly a month after my mom...apa pun esah/han, take care ye, happy travelling eventhough travelling tu utk pegi meeting ;)

Yatie

Izuan Kunang-Kunang said...

Ayo Mak Esah...jangan la bermuram durja ok...chill~~

Take care ya...

dbi said...

sedih plak rasanyer esp bab yg last tu..
apaper pun u r the lucky one..kena je ngan lagu bang nuar ni...

Manal said...

Yea la makji, so many celebs died this month, beginning with brad renfro, pastu heath ledger who passed away while i was in jakarta, and then pak harto who finally succumbed to death after years of bedridden just when i have arrived in KLIA. Bapak rosyam nor and bapak jit murad pon baru meninggal, ex-mufti selangor datuk ishak baharom and then the popular lyricist, loloq who managed to make some appearances as an akademi fantasia judge.

Now, siamang joined the deceased and gone to heaven. Shud u be on a bereavement despite that perfect closure? He died as a divorced man kan? Heart-wrenching yet i hope your feelings to him akan berkubur jua, but not necessarily forgotten.


Haross la ayer mata yang berchuchuran bak mutiara membasahi pipi itewww lebih berharga dari 35quids? Should i be asking u to think of a happy place or maybe a seclusion time with God? please dont indulge in comfort eating or not eating at all makji!

HUGssss.....

Typhoon Sue said...

Makji! Apa ni bagi title post sama macam previous post? I almost missed it if i didn't notice the word soheh-soheh just as clicked another link.

Bad times huh? Wow. I'm stumped. I'm sure you're dealing with whatever is bugging you in the best way possible, and I hope u'll get it sorted out soon.

Anyway, sorry about siamang. He probably wanted to make amends for his past misdeeds. But dying or not, he was accountable for what he did, and you had to protect yourself from being hurt. So, don't feel guilty abt not letting him do that ok.

Take care.

Belladonna said...

Be strong Esah. Take care.

l!z$$ @)--- said...

bersabar byk2 ya makji..take care..n smoga roh c siamang d cucuri rahmat allah..

:: cheezzy cheese :: said...

Makji, my condolence to u ya! uwaaaaaaaaaa aku sebak mmbaca nya.. *nanges al-fatihah.. amin.

OOD said...

even dalam sedih, your posting is laced with humor.

You take care now, hjh EJ.

Chin up!

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

I don't know what to say, sorry seems inadequate here kerana i lah batu api paling besar tak mau you bercontact2an balik dgn dia. Ampunnn!

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Yatie...hah..lepas ni siamang siapa pulak yang akan mati kan? Hamboiii..mulut kiewwww!!!

Cik Kunang-Kunang...eh..apakah itu kunang-kunang? Species lipas ke?

Kenapa plak you sedih, Doc? Adakah siamang I salah sorang dari patient you..hehehe

Manal...I have been eating the same sandwicch since last Friday..Coronation Chicken with salad in a baguette...comfort eating ke bodoh eating?

Sue...hah..what does that say...lain kali jgn baca blog aku mcm tgk catalogue giant tau..baca betul-betul...

Liz,Yanz & Bella...thanks ya..the news of his passing belum sink in lagi ni...tengoklah 2,3 hari lagi...

Odd....cannot chin up maa...dagu dah berlapihh

Kiah...nescaya bermimpi siamanglah kau malam ni...

zeti said...

Ajah Esah...i've read your post on the first day it was up...
...Went away not knowing what to say..

i know you will be going thru' this in stages, bit by bit...

Hope you will be always be gentle on yourself..have no place for regrets and guilt and know that your unique tho' dysfunctional style of loving is intense, and truly felt around you, with your honesty sealing it in a bond of trust and respect it deserves.

Us addicted readers are proof of that, :P

Being a bit degil or just ambivalent, i didn't shed a tear in hearing about my bestfriend's passing- cause i heard of it 2 weeks later throu a fren of a fren when back then we didnt have mobiles and her parents didnt know how to ctc me, i didn't get any closure and was in full denial..

i finally cried 2-3 titis airmata while i was termenunging and singing our song about 2 years later. These things takes time.. and in the end ..the end doesn't matter at all..its the song and dance, the memories yg linger forever.

err..mcm cerita hindustan...soundtrack masa joget2 happy2 tu yg kita ingat..bab drama twist dan suspen tu tak pulak bermain2 di ingatan..ending pon, is not a clean cut end, we do have another chapter to look fwd to kan? hehe

Anonymous said...

takziah...semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat...