Shut Up and Let Me Drive...

Makji Esah & Baby Sam Yang Dah Semakin Mengada-Ngada

Current location, Alton - Hampshire. How did I get to the meeting today? I didn't get enough sleep, so I slept through my mobile phone alarm.By the time my eyes really opened, dah pukul 7.30am. I was so late!!! I should be at the train station by 8.00am, knowing that the morning rush,I planned my journey early.I must be on that platform 9 Clapham Junction by 8.30am. How to be at Clapham Junction at 8.30am when 7.30am still tak mandi?

My boss have this thing about punctuality.I have always tried to be early.9 out of 10 I succeeded so I am still in her good book.Having left with no other choice, I have to pinjam MB's car. Ni yang leceh ni. When I was summoned to Croydon recently, I borrowed her car and my boss, thinking that the car is mine, thought that the company must have been paying me mint. 'Eh, bukan kereta I laa....I takde kereta, I ada Oyster Card aje'.

I remember when I first pick Capt Lukman up driving MB's car. 'Amboiii..Makji, kereta khelasss githooo'.Sorry dik, bukan kereta I.

I arrived Hampshire on time and nah!!! The entire meeting attendee's saw me driving the car. And it's me have to do the 'bukan kereta I laaa' over again.

Okay....what's with the community and car? Especially kereta-kereta yang berbangsa taknak kalah macam kereta MB ni?

When MB bought the car, although much to my dismay, I can foresee habislah kita nanti kena pandang Mat Mat Pak* yang berkereta bagak-bagak.Talking about men and their machine.My idea about Asians boys in their mean machine is always...ye la, korang boley la beli kereta memahal,dah tua bagak masih dok menumpang rumah makbapak, 3 bedroomed house populated my atuk nenek, amma, appa, anne, akka....and sewa tak yah bayar.So, bolehlah kau beli BM,Merce,Jag ke dengan sonang baitu kan?

I got lots and lots of stare from the bangang onlookers.Kalau pandang I takpelah jugak...ni pandang kereta, pastu pandang I and pastu pandang kereta balik.Wah..tak chantekk ke I ni?

Our meeting was supposed to start at 10am but the 1st 15 minutes, I pulak kena buat presentation on how good it is to drive that car.Aiyaa...6 gear meh? Is it all automatic? How is the petrol consumption? Got immobilliser?

Aiyooo....don't ask me that.When come to a car, I'm just a pure woman who just syaddap and drive, drive,drive!!!! (Plus kena pastikan minyak sentiasa cukup)

I am so certain that when I was living in KL, I was a victim of the criminal mechanic.Ni kena tukar, tu kena tukar....

Having men around (I'm talking father, brother and car mad male cousins) pun takleh pakai juga. They are very sensitive with the tinniest sound and mulalah start panic.Macam kereta tu nak mati masa-masa tu jugak.Sometimes, do you not just wish men share same attitude to their car (being neurotically observant) as to you? Jangan harap la....

MB was driving a mini...that suites her (really) and less pretentious. The only problem was nak hangkut barang. I remember picking up Abg Dale from his relatives house in Bayswater and as my kaki pun panjang, I had to sit like that David Schwimmer giraffe in that movie Madagascar.That incident is enough indication for her to look for another machine.But MB, in our years of friendship....masih tak mau kalah, walaupun kadang-kadang poket dah parah!!!

Beli kereta kat UK bukan macam beli kereta kat Pusat Edaran Proton yang macam puaka tu. The salesman will encourage you to fabricate your payslips and formed a very unhealthy relationship with the local bank.The local bank (in Malaysia) loves debtors, whereas in the UK, they try to minimise the possibility of one growing into one.

What I still cannot fathom, people still buy car after clearly knowing that they are paying for the price of two.Car dealer will give you the bank brochure (do not let me start on pinjaman al Wadiah..al-al all that al yang penipu penyangak tu)

But what is my point? I don't have a point. I'm just moaning.I have to go to Colchester tomorrow and will soon find out how Essex people say about the car.

Updates

My last update was on the 21st. Today is the 30th. Okaylah tu....not like as if bulan ni update pastu bulan 5 baru muncul kan? Aiyaaa..kasihanilah daku...the last 2 weeks was so eventful dengan orang tu mati la, orang ni mati la...being half-Indonesian myself, I must join my fellow countrymen/women mourning for Pak Suharto although I doubt my mother yang soheh-soheh Indonesian tu give a hoot about him.

Then came Heath Ledger. Tak tau lah nak cakap apa...died of natural causes eventually. It is hard to comment on whether I should judge him on the drug issue or should I pity his broken heart plight. I may identify the bit where 'merana can kill'. Aku pun merana jua,tapi takdelah sampai nak hisap dadah what not.But departed soul always leave to be at the better place. So, selamat pergi lah kepada yang dah pergi tu.

Where was I? I was in Wales big chunk of the time. I was asked to be part of the transition team. It is either that or lepaking kat rumah. You see, my boss wanted to sign me off. A patient had terrorised me until CEO got to summoned me to Head Office. I had wanted to leave. Boss got worried and asked me to rest. Why didn't I take that offer?

What good will it do to do nothing at home? I wanted to go back to KL but me and MB's was making this plan and because of that I got to be very careful spending my money just in case I need it. I increased my visit to my therapist. In the end, it got me so angry because there was one session where the moment my jacksie hit the couch, I switched into Neng Yatimah's mode until the 40 minutes timer beeps. Until today I wonder why was I so sad that day. Was it the problems or the fact that I wasted £35 for nothing...(crying in the whole session...pastu kena bayar £35...words of the kedekut)

My relationship with orang itu take turn for the worst. To say the least.

To take my mind off things, I agreed to travel and by travelling, I am unable to make myself available to you.But the honest truth is that, my mind and my heart is not in the right place at the moment.But now I'm updating my blog. This must mean something.

I returned to London couple of days ago.To my beloved laptop (kenapa aku tak bawak laptop tu jalan sekali?) But for the next 3,4 days, I have to attend meetings everywhere....Hampshire, Colchester and Manchester.

If you must know, Siamang died last week. Brain tumour. That explains his persistence to keep in touch.

I don't know what to say for now. I guess, this is what I have always wanted.A perfect closure.

Speak soon.

Updates

Disebabkan I bukanlah penulis laman blog yang fofuler..(although..I quite like to feel that I am sometimes...kasilah aku chance syok sendiri naa?) I just don't feel the urge to update, given my latest circumstances.

When was my last post? Yepp...few days after Spice Girls concert. I'm bad at giving review sebab semuanya nanti berat sebelah. Orang kata tak best, aku kata...wuiyoooo!!! But I really have to give them 4 thumbs up...termasuklah ibu jari kaki. The fact is that,

a) Yes, individually, they all can sing but being a band, they sounded much much better as a group. I have always like Mel C. Walaupun suatu ketika dahulu dia debab dan bertatto sana-sini. If I am being honest, Baby Spice sounded better than the rest that night. Scarry live up to her name...dah le suara macam hon kapal tangki, Mel B danced provocatively thoroughout the night...sakit betul mata Makji ni memandang. Posh gets the most cheers and applaud. Ginger tak habis-habis girl power, girl power. Apa yang power pun tatau. And yess, masing-masing datang bawak anak and show them off to the audience while singing 'Mama'. Some years ago, creative people in Astro played this song and change the lyric to 'Mamak...teh ais satu.....Mamak toseyyyyy.....

b) They all sing live....takde pun miming. They dance pretty well too.

c) Nope. David Beckham is not there....I honestly can't see why he should, nanti takde orang nak tengok Spice Girl.

The Spice Girl concert ticket is a present from my partner. Lepas concert, we all bergaduh besar sangat sampai I keluar rumah tak balik-balik sampai sekarang...eh, tidak. I balik semalam...pasal dah takde baju. (Moral dari kejadian ini? Lain kali kalau nak lari, bungkus baju cukup-cukup tau) We only started talking 3,4 days ago.

My office mates pay for my ticket to see 'Mamma Mia'. All I can say is that, if you ever come to London, you must never miss this.It worth every penny.Money well spent...walaupun aku tak bayar habuk pun.

Walaupun hati gumbira dapat tengok Spice Girl & Mamma Mia, setan yang bermastautin dalam badan ku ini memanglah takleh duduk diam. I deliberately called Makji Eton during the show. Both Spice Girl & Mamma Mia. But bila I visit dia recently, rasa menyesal pulak buat menda-menda terkutuk tu. Tak baik sungguh I buat dia sengsara dalam kegigihan dia menternak arnab tu. But I'm sure he will soon return the favour...bila dia berhuha sakan kat Concert Celine Dion. Masa tu lah aku akan tahu langit tu tinggi ke rendah.

Today I read about that Judge/Lawyer, who was captured in that video clip hapa benda tu. Is this the new thing....buat video-video ni? What ticked me is when he claimed 'rupa macam saya, suara macam saya...tapi itu bukan saya'.

Without breaking confidentiality, couple of years ago, one of my patient that suffers from OCD plus dia ni adalah ngiow sikit-sikit. Besides her unfortunate illness, as a person she is blessed with sifat-sifat puaka semulajadi yang lain. Because of I work with this lot, it is not diificult to tell who is manipulative and how they use they 'disability' to get away with thing. One of which adalah satu keluarga berahak Italian ni...boleh tak nak bayar bill api air bagai atas sebab-sebab 'Oh...he have disability, he shouldn't pay'. Kepala hatuk hang....

This young lady, bless her soul...reported to us duit dia hilang. Ada orang curi dari bank dia katanya. The panel of investigation pun kenalah investigate, because she is living in care, people around her is so vulnerable. As much as we think the disabled is vulnerable to others, orang yang macam kita ni boleh sedap-sedap je jadi mangsa kena tuduh.Yang kadang-kadang jadi sakit hati tu, dah terang-terang sipuaka ni menipu pun tak boleh kena salahkan juga.Kunun nya la, the system have to protect the 'vulnerable' one. These are the type of people yang gi tempeleng the civillians pastu court bagi lepas pasal diminished responsibilities or temporary insanity. And orang macam aku ni lah yang bekerja cam nak mampus memprotect si celaka-celaka ni (hamboi mulut ku...kerja tak ikhlas kan aku ni?)

Cut the long story short (believe me, the investigation lasted 6 months with this lady changing her story every time we asked aboout her events recollections) after trips to banks and police station, thorough interviews plus reconstructions of events in the hope to jog her memory (more like to prove to the investigation panel yang si Haram Jadah ni menipu) we have to proposed to her Social Services to close the case, simply because there is no lead to follow and no evidence. I was the one who presented the report to her Care Management that time and remember reading all the investigations reports to the panel. This is what she answer every time we asked about the missing money...

1. The first time, she reckoned that her support have taken it from her bank. When we asked, how can anybody else have access to your bank when you're the one with pin and the card, she jawab 'I don't know'.

2. I think this is during the 2nd interview, we show her the bank statement, evidencing that money was taken out at sekian-sekian time and card number and with her movement diaries shows that she was actually in that area, dia jawab 'Somebody that look like me, same name with my card have taken my money'. Eh...familar kan dengan kes Lingham tu...siapa tiru siapa hah?

3. In one interview, ada ka dia pi cakap...dia hilang ingatan pasal orang pukul dia. Cisssss.....selective memory defect sungguh kan?

4. Ni lagi kelasssss.....katanya dia melanggan pelacur. So duit nya konon dibawak lari oleh jantan brengsek itu la....(But I actually was thinking otherwise like..hoi..ada ke jantan yang lalu tengok muka kau tu? Jahat tak I?) Bila kita tanya mana dia dapat pelacur ni...kat phone booth ke or apa-apa ke, she jawab...masa dia dok berjalan-jalan kat tepi River Thames, pelacorrr jantan tu terus datang offer service...(apasal bila aku gi tepi sungai takde pun pelacor datang approach I? Tak chantekk ke I?)

Kesimpulannya, walaupun cerita I ni takde pun melibatkan orang-orang politik or Royal family, I can understand that some of us just don't have the capacity to lie because they simply just can't. They tried hard, obviously unconvincing pun. My patient is blessed with IQ below 70 and if she come up with benda tak masuk akal, you can excuse her limited intelligence.Si Lingham ni kunun nya bijak bestari gitu, awat la dia bangang gi bagi alasan tu? This is already 2008, people don't do Edry & Linda anymore.

While here you can understand banyak nya body double and people can actually make a living posing as a celebrity, siapalah nak jadi dead ringer Lingham tu?

Have a nice day you all.

p/s - Makji Eton, selamat nonton Suster Ngesot ya!!!! Buka mata batin mu.
p/s - Yatie, I've been wanting to say this for long now but deepest condolences to you and your family on your mom's passing. Semoga tabah.
p/s - All my fellow Capricorn, Happy Birthday
p/s - Kepada orang itu, kalau nak update blog, update je lah.Takyah lah nak buat-buat rajin kunun nya takut kena maki dengan aku...(plus I really think you should call Ustazah Munah)

Entry Malas

Bebudak Pompuan Ni Semua Tak Reti Nak Duduk, Berjoget Macam Nak Rak, Susah Makji Yang Sakit Pinggang ni Nak Tengok Mel C Nyanyi...Cisss

The O2 Arena Entrance

The Birthday Present

Tu aje you all. Kepala tengah pusing memikirkan masalah Mary J Blige yang dah makin teruk ni...tak boleh nak menaip panjang-panjang. Bye For Now.And kepada Makji Eton, nantikanlah kedatangan kamek ya...bersama-sama kita memakan karipap.

Kisah Mary J Blige

This is the situation.

Mary J Blige was doing okay. Career, finance and so forth. Mary J Blige think that for now (after a long,long time) she should be on her own and start to concentrate solely on her life. But Mary J Blige dalam tak nak tak nak nak involve romantically and emotionally dengan orang, in the end become fond of someone. Someone that ticked if not all, some essential boxes. Ni cerita 6 tahun dulu. Azman Adnan & that Feminin girl tu pun belumlah mekar berkembang macam kuih bom berbijan tu.

Mary J Blige thought she is happy although nobody think so.Mary J Blige knew from the start that nothing is compatible.It is just a pure infatuation.Convinced that it is a right thing to do, Mary J Blige decided to take things further despite her best friend Beyonce (nama tak nak kalah!!!) mild protest. There is other reasons however, Mary J Blige feel that apart from THAT reason, the feelings is pure.

Campur tolak bahagi darab, Mary J Blige have been in this relationship for 6 years and lately ni, Mary J Blige has started thinking and making sense of lots of things.Mary J Blige realised that they both wanted different things and have other intention in life. While Mary J Blige masih nak active buat concert serata donia, orang itu hanya nak dok berkepit tengok bukit bukau and laut.

Mary J Blige and orang itu moved in together. Banyak buruk dari baik nya. Mak Bapak Mary J Blige tak leh nak telepon, sebab nanti diorang tanya 'Eh siapa tu?' and kengkawan Mary J Blige yang lain macam Rihanna, Madonna, Celine Dion tak boleh nak datang tanya khabar or makan karipap. Last week, ada sorang cousin mai jauh dari USA datang nak jumpa Mary J Blige and bawak hajat penting. Orang itu cakap, boleh jumpa tapi jangan buat apa-apa commitment dengan your family.Your family now is me.Kata orang itu.Sakit hati Mary J Blige.

Sekarang ni, benda yang kecik-kecik yang before this boleh dibuat taktahu aje dah mula nak menyakitkan hati Mary J Blige ditahap maksima.Mary J Blige rasa macam dah fed up tapi bila Mary J Blige pikir-pikir balik, Mary J Blige rasa kesian.But people say, don't build your feelings base on that.

Apakah yang patut Mary J Blige buat?

I Tell You What I Want, What I Really,Really Want

It's my birthday today. I want to take a day off work and I will, soon. I shall leave the opis by 11am and dissapear terus tomorrow. But I have a very important meeting on Wednesday and I need to get my report ready.Definitely I will be working from home today. So kesimpulannya, memang takde makna lah nak ambik chotti pun hari ni...

Thank you for all the wishes, jauh dekat...dalam shout box, dalam mobile phone and dalam blog. Me getting older only bothers my father (and maybe, mother too) At this age, I should have laki and anak. What can I say, Raja Nazrin picked that Wan Zaleha like for a wife...the kaya, mostly good looking and macho man are taken however still available if I am willing to play their 'kayu' game. Tak kuasa kan? BTW, kesian kan, Wan Zaleha dicopet begituk skalik!!!!

Normally on my birthday, the birthday wish that I await the most is from my father. There's a story behind it. My father remember all his children date of birth. Nasib baik anak tak 20 orang kan...he knows whose born in January to December. He is very good with that thing. He diarised it. However, he has the habit of mixing the dates. Couple of years ago, he called one of my sisters on this date, wishing her 'Happy Birthday'. Her certainly got the date right but unfortunately, wrong child. He called my brother on my mom's birthday. Being his docile children, we never pointed out this mistakes to him....respect punya pasal, plus my father doen not take critisism from his own child gracefully.Respect, respect pun we sure mengumpat about him when we meet up and bergelak-gelakan HA HA HA!!!!

I honestly thought that by now, my parents sure is tired with worry. Sudah-sudah la...if I may say.But who can blame them? I think, to put my parents mind at rest,I need to tell them worried sick parents that it is a blessing that anak dia nan sorang ni tak beranak and tak berlaki until now. By not having any of those....

Maka tak kan adalah anak-anak or laki terbiar tak dibagi makan....I don't feed myself well, constipated even all motion inside my usus besar dah calcified into stone. Let it be me who suffer.

Maka tak kan adalah anak-anak yang lebam pipinya ditampar oleh mak yang takde perikemanusiaan. Ingat...kalau mak nak tidur, mak misti tidur. Mak tak kuasa nak menjaga anak-anak yang tak reti tidur malam pastu menangis sorang diri dalam baby cot mintak didukung. Pigi dah!!! (Kejam kan?)

Maka tak kan adalah laki yang akan bercakap dengan dinding or worse still, didn't realise yang dia tu berbini, because ada bini pun macam takde.

After all this years, I am not anywhere near a marriage material.I wish I can tell my relatives a.k.a. agency cari jodoh tak bergaji that.

The only thing that bothers me after reaching this age is that, I still find it difficult to compromise. I'm too set in my own ways that nothing can make me see otherwise unless I'm willing to.

My partner bought me a marvellous gift, enough to make me menangis terharu. Tapi, sik da lah kamek nak ghun-ghun serabak kedak mati laki ya..nak Lizs, Stephen? I have been trying all sort to get it and tak dapat-dapat.What F did was to ask me to clear my diary on the 8th and make sure that I'm not working after 5pm.We were not talking at that time (macam celaka, lepas Xmas gaduh besar!!!) I said the most horrible thing after we argue...'Fu*k off my life for good'. Boleh kau?

When I was given the present last Saturday, I feel so terharu (but still takdelah nak keluar ayaq mata ke hapa) Someone actually notice my plight and dalam diam-diam, made arangement to get something that I'm certain,cost a bomb.

What I really,really want is to be a nicer person and a loving partner. Life together can be tricky especially for someone who is not use to all this 'togetherness'.Wish me luck.

***Tapi kan, orang ittew boleh warning I siap-siap, katanya kalau I buat perangai macam budak 9 tahun kat O2 Arena tu, dia akan tarik I balik rumah serta-merta!!! Macam mana hati ku tak sakit?***

On My Tod

36 year old man. Divorced. Emotionally dead. Once upon a time, he was a lawyer in the City. 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with Bipolar MD. He had a breakdown and gave up work. He is now on the 'system' and on the mend.

Different from my usual users, he is conscious. Because of that, he is in denial. Ataupun bahasa kasarnya, tak nak mengaku dia sakit. I have been reading his case for 2 months before agreeing with my supervisor to take him on my list. I was anxious, because before all this, he is a lawyer. I am not an expert but being a law student once (and tak pass!!!) I have a substantial idea of what they are like.

They're passionate, they're defensive and they're not easily likeable but like pasta, once softened, they will go with anything.Curry sauce, bolognese...just name it.Even with just plain mayonnaise.But please if I may defend their character, it is not them...it is the job. The job requirement made them who they are.But believe me, although hardened, my lawyer friends, are mostly sensitive soul.Like this man.

7, 8 years ago, I started to feel that is something not right in me. I don't know what it is. I don't know what I want and why I do things. I hold several jobs, I go home and do all the mundane thing. There is nothing distinctive about it. I realised that I don't know myself at all.7,8 years ago, I don't think my soul exists.

The only thing that I remember in my past is the man that broke my heart.

I am not sure what I am trying to tell here. What is the similarity between this man and me. His attitude triggered something I certainly wish had never existed in me.

My supervisor said that it is culture. We believe in things that we somewhat realised is not true. But we just never challenged it. This still doesn't make sense.

When we got angry,we often think that others are all set to emotionally persecute us. We hated it when people disagree and did not empathy.Because we believe we got a good reason to get angry.

This man refused to admit that he is angry at himself. I must try to tell him that in order to see sense of our trouble, we must first understand what the trouble is. And the trouble is, he is so defensive.

We often read about people who hated their parents, simply because of some mistakes. We also read about politician or wannabe politician who hates the guts of the others who see things differently from them. And this is the same people who wants things to be better. How can it be better when emotionally, you feel attacked?

That is how I was (maybe still am) and that is why, it is hard to be happy.Because when you are, you will find a way to make yourself unhappy again.By choice.

Still doesn't make sense. I guess, what I am trying to say is that, if we are unhappy, it is because we allow ourselves to be. Like, marah kat laki tak nak beli roti canai pastu ugut nak jadi lesbian kan? There's always a choice of, beli aje lah sendiri or mintak belas kasihan kat kawan-kawan or, jangan makan sangat roti canai, nanti naik kolestrol.Bila debab, siapa yang susah hati? Kau jugak kan?

The Road Less Travelled

I was so engrossed on work, I forgot that London Transport operates on Sunday Service time on New Years day. That mean bus,tube and train will run like sejam satu. Believe me, you do not want to wait at the bust stop/platform that long in this weather.So I decided to sleep in the opis.

What the hell was I working on New Years day? My work problems doesn't identify bank holidays. In fact, work problems balloned up during holidays. One can decide to kill oneself on Xmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day. Any moment can be a distressing one, which ever way the wind blows.

For someone who can be very much affected emotionally, I can only function when my mood is okay.Mood affect work.Work affect people. I have to be extra careful.Like this one.

Someone rang to wish me Happy New Year late last night, all the way from KL. She also told me that she decided to leave her husband. She just can't find it in her heart to love him anymore.

This friend of mine, we go back a long way. From boarding school. We were not that close at school but we happened to study in the same university in the UK. But still not close. Well, knowing me, I can't get close to anyone because I just don't know how to. Friendship need commitment. You need to call, write, visit and what ever necessary to show them that you exist and make them feel that they exist. I do this once in the blue moon and by the time the next blue moon approaches, my friend probably forgotten who am I.

This friend of mine will email me every 3 months just to check out how I get on in a very unintrusive manner. We got on well, electronically.

Last year she discovered that her husband main kayu 3 behind her back. With his secretary. She wrote about how she wasn't shock of the discovery because her intuition as a wife are so strong that she feels husband mind are elsewhere most of the times. She were just waiting for him to come clean. He didn't. He keep up the act for about a year until nature runs it course. Rahsia terbukak depan mata.

Being a woman, she worried about her kids and her family reaction. She kept this quiet. Husband said sorry and of course, the jantan, like any other middle class man with plenty to lose if this goes out of hand, decided to discontinue his 'mid life crisis' fuelled affair. Like any other man, he react like nothing happened.

I never offered her comforting words during her turmoil. I don't feel that she needed it. I keep telling her to look after herself and to do what she think best for her and her kids.

We never talk about her problems after that. She shut herself off from the outside world. I noticed this and tell her to take her time to grieve properly. Why grieving? For the lost of trust and maybe love, I told her.

She rang me. Holding back tears, she said that she will tell him that she is leaving him. She's done the grieving and need to move on.

My first word of comfort is 'be strong'. She cried when I said that. Because she was crying a lot, I asked her to ring me when she ready to talk (if she needs to talk) I somehow know that she is worried about the kids.

After 24 hours, she still didn't call. I decided to email.

You can't plan for all this to happen. It takes courage to decide what you just decided. If it feels right, just follow your heart. What ever the consequences will be is something that you need to look forward to. You have to trust your judgement and learn to live with it. It might not be nice but it is something that will make you stronger and possibly, happier than you are now.

My thoughts are with you.

(And kepada jantan puaka laki kau yang tak sedar dek untung tu, biarlah dia menangis menjilat lantai...padan muka nya!!! Make sure you take him down to the cleaners)


****This was written on the 2nd of January. My other work commitments made it impossible for me to finish it on time. But what the heck.****

New 'Book Face' Year

Happy New Year you all....just to let you know that I'm in the opis. I am very excited inverted coma for my days ahead. I'll be seeing my pesakit mental, well, I actually see them everyday, but, I'll be seeing them resuming our usual boring 40 minutes chat this Friday.

Apart from getting a year older, I'm quite excited about the possibility of getting Elizabeth Regina II travel document, kalaulah application ku diperkenankan. Bukannya apa, senang nak berjalan and luaslah opportunity.But, I'm still happy with my little red riding book that I paid $300 for yang banyak berjasa, walaupun kadangkala menimbulkan syak wasangka bila ku tiba di Immigration Control, dimana jua.

I thought about berhenti mengumpat...but refraining yourself from that kind of oral gratification, macam smoking, memerlukan will power.I don't have will power.The picture of gunting cutting the tongue into half still doesn't deter me. If that didn't work, what will? Kalau orang tak suka, I can always switch to private blog, mengumpat untuk kepuasan diri sendiri. But private or public, I mengumpat pun untuk kepuasan diri sendiri juga. So, kita tidak berhak untuk menyekat kepuasan diri sendiri kan?

Late last year (2007) my friend emailed me the invitation to join 'Facebook'. I heard about Facebook for a while but sombongbongkak people like me, can't see any way can I benefit from it. But siPolan kawanku ini, 'Eh..masuk la..I nak tunjuk you gambar baby I'...dua tiga ratus kali pujuk, and I pun, okaylah..aku create lah account.From there, barulah ku tahu apa benda Facebook ni and what it actually do.

I become excited. I look for names that I can possibly think of....and within 3 days, I am now in touch with kawan sekolah rendah la...kawan sekolah menengah la....sedara la....scandal la....(ko punya pasal la ni Elviza)

The discovery of the 2 or maybe more, cukup membuatkan diriku ini berak batu. This sedara of mine....we grew up next to each other big chunk of the time, but because her family tak yah travel for work, they stayed at the same place. When we were little, we only met during raya or kenduri.She, being the youngest in her family are blessed with mulut PokPek yang juga capable untuk mengeluarkan kata-kata puaka. They are so kaya they traveled overseas every school holidays. Most of my cousins did...because their parents are well off than mine. My father is only askar. My father always said, nevermind, they can go holidays overseas, you study hard one day, you will live abroad. Masin mulut bapak ku. I flew to UK and my sister went to Arizona. Holiday bertahun ditaja dek MARA and JPA.

We are not that close,because of her family wealth and my father's resistant to mingle with orang kaya bisness berjuta. My father's excuse of not being a wealthy businessmans like his ipar duai is that he always said, kita duit tak banyak..tapi kita pandai sekolah..bla..bla..bla... (did I not tell you my father studied in MCKK?) But I do know that dalam ketidak ke'close'an kami ni, si orang itu masih active menanya apa activity harian ku. Ala..ala tak ndak kalah githoo....but still, I know there are no genuine interest nak bertanya khabar relatively speaking. Just nak tahu org tu buat apa...oh..ye ke...things like that.

But since I become a jetseter, Singapore today, Jakarta tomorrow, Melbourne the next day and tooopppp!!! London, barulah genuine-genuine interest like 'mintak la alamat and phone number' muncul. Dulu takde pulak nak tahu kan?

As long as I can remember, I become the mysterious member of the family, and I want to keep it that way. Is a bit too late to play close cousin kan sekarang? Plus, I really hate it when the family asked 'Ekau dah belaki ko?' 'Ekau ni memilih la..kito orang pempuan ni tak buleh nak ati bosa do...kek dapo gak poei eh'. And this came from someone who well traveled, open minded (kununnya) dan bertiltle 'Datin'. Cam hampeh aje.

Another Facebook story, this guy...yang suatu ketika dahulu perasan dirinya jejaka idaman Malaya. We were once close friend. Rajin Pakcik ni drive from Bukit Gasing to pick me up for late supper la, clubbing la. Takdenya romantic pun because I know that he is head over heal with someone massively pretty than me.I'm just the plain jane.Akulah selalu diteleponnya bila dia boring.

One day, we went to some Magazine launch tah apa benda aku tak ingat...and I fell ill. He was so concerned that dia boleh detour ni lalu kat Bukit D'sara nun, singggah 7-11, beli air badak untuk I. Heaven on earth sungguh, where else can you find a man, genuinely care for his female friend like that without any babi disebalik kueh tiaw. But I was wrong.So, so wrong.

Suffice say, dalam demam-demam, I was strong enough to not membiarkan my kelapa ditebuk tupai. Honestly I can't remember what happened but I recalled saying thanks and walk him to my front door. The next day, bila dah baik sikit, I realised what he was trying to do.No Kiah, he did not force himself but I think he just want to help himself dikala aku tak berdaya tu.

I am so confident that he malu besar pastu and he stop being very friendly. From other friends I heard that he reckoned that I was up to it. Maybe, dalam kekuciwaanku dengan my siamang masa tu, aku macam pompuan sundal aje ikut mana orang ajak pergi, he thought I was giving him signals. Puas aku dileter that kawanku, jangan free sangat nak layan-layan orang ni, nanti orang ingat you pompuan murahan lak....(ahhh..biarlah org kata apa org nak kata)

But, was it my fault though? takpelah..cerita lama.

So this is New Year. I really think I should get myself an address book. Ni tak, bila nak hantar barang aje, puaslah telepon sana-sini mintak address.So, to those yang ada email address I, sila hantar alamat surat menyurat dan nombor telipun dgn segera. I need to fill in my new address book.