About Me

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Blue Moon

I'm not sure...if this is a typical traits of Capricorn or me being the middle child yang sejak azali nya mempunyai issue dalaman yang boleh disalah ertikan sebagai penyakit mental.

I think I live long enough to know that I have this mild type of personality. Ye lah kot. We often think that we know ourself better than anyone.Well if we are the self absorbed, obsessed like maybe lah. Kita dok cakap pasal kita aja berulang kali sampai kita pun boleh convince diri kita yang kita ni ada iras-iras Angelina Jolie, kan Kiah???

To blame it on menstruation pun dah overrated sesangat. Bad mood tanpa sebab-sebab pun bulan mengambang tu jugaklah nak yang disalahkan. I think what it was is when bulan kita datang, kita akan berasa tak selesa macam kucing kucing beranak tak lepas sekali mengeluarkan enzim-enzim kemarahan. Since I bertukar kerjaya dari pengira duit dan ratu perasan cantik ke pekerja sosial kepada orang-orang UK ni yang rata-rata terlampau sial pasal tu lah demand untuk pekerja sosial adalah banyak melebihi supply, I sangat jarang nak naik hangin tak pasal-pasal. Nak kata dulu I kuat marah, takdelah jugak...tapi dulu elemen kesabaran dalam diri adalah kurang dan radiator I memang cepat panas masa tu. Tapi sekarang...sebelum nak marah.....I akan pikir dulu dan bertanya kepada diri I yang kenkadang bengong ni, oh..perlukah aku marah and if aku marah, apa pekdahnya pada diri ku dah orang itu? Kalau takde, I akan dok dendiam dan meminum kopi. I am so lucky that I'm not this person who is nicotine dependent walaupun semasa muda dulu, adalah jugak peer pressure bangang nak menunjukkan orang yang I pun pandaiii...boleh gak hisap rokok. Syukurrr la sesangat.

Cuma, once in a blue moon...I have this sudden (hopefully temporary) insanity yang akan mentransform kan I jadi seorang yang mega unreasonable dan terencat akal. The moon was indeed blue yesterday.

First I got really angry at work. With the people, everyone's knows better there is never any point in arguing. Thus, we at this job rarely argues. We only argue with the bosses. But yesterday I have this patient telling me...you better have your brain checked up. Oh I must tell you, working in the secure unit with 'them', you get this remark loads of time. 'They' are really in this mission to upset the bones of you. Really, is the test of every inch of your patience.If I mengadu kat orang-orang, I imagine they will say ini dugaan tuhan. Tak lah jugak I nak percaya ni dugaan tuhan kat I..sebabnya ini semua dugaan verbal yang harus dikatup mulut masing-masing tu dengan penumbuk. Tapi negara-negara Eropah ni mempunyai law yang luar biasa bangang nya. Orang ni maki hamun you...you hanya boleh senyum simpul dan membuat lambaian Miss Universe saja. All this time, I'm quite good at concealing. There's time when my assistant expect me to explode but I didn't. And I will have the whole office offering me coffee so that they can ask me how I am. So selepas mangkuk hayun tu cakap dengan I yang kepala I ni patut di examine walaupun seantero London tahu dia tu yang sewel, I pandang dia balik dengan setajam-tajam nya. Dia cakap, kenapa I pandang dia? I pun jawab..because I cannot believe what you just said. Are you sure about me getting my head checked? You're having a laugh? Look at you..look at how many pills you have to swallow to stay safe? Look at where you live? You're sick as well as stupid! Don't go telling me to check my head. You get out of my face or I'll have you in long enough you cannot tell whether it is day or night. Pissed off! Pastu dia pun marah-marah cakap kat I yang I takleh bercakap dengan dia mcm tu (iskk..mmg tak bleh pun) and I dengan hati kering nya menjawab..go..go and make your stupid complaint. See who they will believe, lying piece of shit like you or me? POMM I tutup pintu.

And I feel like shit after that. People always say that kalau marah kena luahkan...iya. Luahkan apa yang perlu saja.Getting yourself lower like the perpertrator, tak membawa hasil jua.

And there's me and MC. Thing that we must never talk about is trip dia nak melawat I kat sini. Perjanjian syaitan nya masa memadu janji kelly dulu is, dia akan datang tengok I setahun sekali...tapi semalam, mulut I yang kenkadang brek tak makan ni bagitahulah pasal Malaysian Airlines cheapfares. Dia cakap, ohh I tahu. I cakap, so datang lah. You kan tak suka naik flight lompat-lompat, ni dah ada flight direct yang reasonable ...maka datang lah. Dah lah I ni lambat lagi nak mai tengok you.

Seperti biasa....dianya kata I sibuk laa...I cannot plan. nanti laa..nanti I datang okay. I beli je ticket, I terus bagitahu you.

Hmmm....ni nak cakaplah sikit dekat sesiapa saja yang berpartnerkan orang yang kununnnn nya tak banyak songeh cam I ni. Maybe 1 out 10 songeh kita tak lah banyak...mainly sayang lah ni.Sebab sayang, kita malas nak gaduh. Kita nampak segala benda yang tak berapa betul. Tapi chenta punya pasal, kita diam saja. Tetapi orang yang tak berapa banyak songeh ini jugak..bukanlah bangang.

I've been schtum...for 24 hours. Sebab sayang la punya pasal ni...mulut harus ditutup.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Salam Hajjah,

Bukan nak menghasut, but have you seen the movie "he's not that into you?" Love is not supposed to be painful or one-sided, or one side valuing the relationship more or working harder at it, etc etc.

I am not a relationship expert but been in a bad 5 yr relationship yg rasa mcm I aje yg terhegeh-hegeh. That was 22 yrs ago. met my husband and been married for 19 yrs now and rasanya taulah jugak apa itu erti cinta.

Anonymous said...

Sokong anonymous 2.44am.

So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions. Quoted.

- kak nam

Kak Bedah said...

I wanted to post the same komen but Anon di atas beats me to it.

Men kalau banyak sangat excuses-nya means only one thing. They dont feel the same way as we do.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Err...while I am incline to take on normal generalisation, there's some people who is into you but got funny way of showing it..:( hehehe...I hope mine is like that. Harapan tetap ada...

Kak Bedah said...

Esah - I tried to convince myself that way too once upon a time...making excuses for myself that oh he is just like that, or he is not good at expressing his love etc...and I wasted 7 years of my life being a fool in love.

Somehow, I hope things will turn out very well for you.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Kak Bedah, I'm sure a fool won't stay being a fool for too long. Don't be so harsh on yourself for that 7 years you think you've wasted. That is actually 7 years of learning life lesson the hardest way.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are right about him.

Anon 2.44 am

DeLancrettLurpak said...

Mak ji Esah,

I terbayang-bayang scene hempas pintu itu, siap dgn accent Brit nye.. macam Hollyoak drama series la pulak, hahahahahah