About Me

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Stupid Razorblade Thoughts

This entry is also being published at a laterrrrr date. Sukati I la kann...Kiah?

I really am struggling to write nowadays. That is because I realised there's a lot of things I hear and heard about has started to affect me as a person. People like me are trained not to take sides, not to judge and only gives opinion when needed. That is of course, with full awareness that the opinion may be override by either rational and irrational ideas others may and may not have.

I haven't been supervised for a while. That is because since last year (or more than that) I have stop giving counselling. I always believe that one is in no position to help to ease others mind over matter when one is actually 'drowned and drowning' by his/her mind over matter. When this happen, I am as blunt as a rusted razor...not useful for it purpose but may able to still inflict injury.

If we want to see ourselves as a razor, well apart from the potential hazard that we can cause if not use or cared for properly, knowing the harm we can cause to people and ourselves, then defy ourself from our common purpose. Ohh..bangangnya menggunakan razor sebagai analogy, but I can't think of any at the moment plus, I have just cut someone with a razor. Not on purpose though. I have to teach this man how to shave his face because he can't remember how to, after his relapse and because I was standing in a position that does not favour my hand to move vertically, then piapppp...darah dia keluar menitik-nitik. Nasib baikkk laa tak dalam and tak teruk.

So, kalau kita ni razor blade dan tahu akan keupayaan kita menyebabkan kemalangan dan kesakitan slain dari menghasilkan sesuatu yang baik, sebaiknya kalau tak nak bermasalah..berhentilah jadi razor blade. In life, we bound to get hurt and hurt people. Intentional or not. Some gain something out of others pain. The pain inflictor usually aware of the pain he/she is causing. Quite usual, we condone that by saying that pain is inflicted on us thus this is the result. How selfish is that?

What some of us refuse to realise is that we usually allow ouselves to be the victim. Having pain is bad luck but that is rectifiable when we are ready to rectify it.

My sister (the one very successful amongst us siblings) have been married to her husband for 11 years two weeks ago. He is not her type infact I remember the type of 'boyfriends' that came to our house. From what I heard my sister is his first and only. My brother in law is very pemalu and he talks very little. I think it become very obvious to all why she married him. He is nice. Their 11 years is not smooth (menurut CNN utama) and the amount of time my sister walked and about to walk out is countable with both hands.

My sister spoke to our closest Aunt about her marriage, maka pastu dia pun kena sebijik. My Aunt apparently said..you young people always go on and on about love..love lost lah, love is not what it used to be la blablabla...all this because you don't want to love his weakness. My Aunt told my sister, you think you are so perfect your husband cannot fault you? Of course he sees your weakness, of course your imperfection is obvious to him...but has he said anything? No, because he is trying to find or maybe found other things to love about you. Ah..men kalau tak suka tak kan tunggu lama. What can you moan about apart from your feelings is not the same? He is good to your family, he is a good father, he comes home every night..he gave you what you want. If you can't be nice then stop being horrible.

I am ow friends with the one yang dah mati Uni mates. So we reminisced about the past. This guy asked, you must be so hurt before. I said, yes I was but I respected him because he was genuine and honest enough not to lie and caused me more hurt.

So I told MC recently, that I was never really angry dengan dia walaupun perangainya serupa beruang.

Because at some point before, they both stop being razorblade. I was upset and heartbroken...but thinking now, I was never really hurt because they do love me...with the only way they both know how.


Anonymous said...

lovey-dovey lah pulak.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Lovey dovey ka ni?

Anonymous said...

Ado lah a tad of lovey dovey sobabnyer eden on the rebound right now. Dah takdo joki, nak buek camno laie? soba yoh la. Inilah akibatnyer bercinta dgn si EMA..( acronym for Extr Marital Affr)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

???? What is 'lovey dovey' got to do with yr rebound?

Anonymous said...

lovey dovey hanya tinggal seredak biskut je, to cut the long story short.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Haven't a clue what you're on about..sukati you laa...

Lee Novotny said...

Haishh cakap fasal darah menyebabkan mak pulak rasa nak pitam..deswai mak dinch voley jadi doktor sampai ke lening.. apart from geli geleman nak bedah katak..apatah lagi nak pegang sekor katak!! **tetiba!