About Me

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Men and Their Disabilities

Superficial :------> I can't live without your love. If you go...I'll die.
Of course la, kalau you pun participant dalam drama Tamil camni, you can feel the meaning of the exact words. Can you imagine if your gilpren ke boipren is Asperger's diagnosed...he/she is most likely to jawab....how can I possibly die without love? You're likely to get killed if you're stabbed or deprived from oxygen. You're not making sense lah!

Superficial :------> I will love you forever...and ever.
Your Asperger's lover is likely to respond....how long is that for? 365 days or 10 years?

Superficial : ------> I'll do anything for you.
The Asperger's person will say....what is anything? Is it something like...you're going to rob the Natwest Bank today or will you go and get Fifa game for PS3? Is that what you mean by anything?

Superficial : -------> (In McDonalds) I don't fuss....you can get me anything on the menu. I love you.
The Asperger's will look at you with intense...this is not about you loving me. I'm asking you what you want to eat. Big Mac or McChicken?

Superficial :--------> (Dah fed up gila dah niii....attempting to end the relationship) I am breaking up with you. It's not you...it's me. But I will still love you as a friend.
The Asperger....what do you mean? If it's not my fault then why you're breaking up with me. What you mean you love me as a friend? You can't love friend. Because you can't have sexual intercourse with them.


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Above are the common transcripts in disable with non-disable relationship. If you happens to go out with someone with similar traits....sila cakap dengan direct nya. Kalau nak makan Ayam Nandos, cakap 'NAK MAKAN AYAM NANDOS'. Then you have to say...berapa ketul. If you asked for ayam, there's a possibility you may get seekor ayam. So if you're forever on slimming strive macam Desert Rose..payah lah. Me and Kiah can have 8 plates of nasik between us (tu yang sempat kira..yang dah tertelan tak hengat..tak tahu wooo!)

Nak lagi senang, sila bawa picture cards. Lagi si Asperger ni senang paham. Kalau your next date with him/her is next week, make sure you bawak calendar..tunjuk betul-betul berapa hari dia kena tunggu and berapa malam dia kena tidur (this is Austistic chronic ye)

However, bila dah kahwin bertahun....ada jugak case partner kita yang kunun nya tersampuk syndrome sebegini.

Like, the wife yang balik kerja terus nak kena masak and Baby nangis macam kena sampuk polong mintak berdukung...she asked the hubby yang muka macam baru balik angkat batu bata 100 kilo tapi boleh pulak duduk atas sofa macam Bridgit Bardot (ke hapa namanya porn star tu) sambil memicit remote control Astro...Bang, tolong lah jaga anak...kan I nak masak ni??? The Abang Autistik buat-buat will tanya balik dengan muka tak pass Geography nya...you nak I buat macam mana??? (Eh...tak kan lah nak buat kat budak tu serupa macam cara kau MEMBUAT nya dulu kan???)

Or..(ni memang lah selalu) Bang...boleh tak you hantar I pergi klinik dulu sebelum you pergi opis you? Abang Asperger Buat-Buat...tak boleh lah...nanti I lambat. Wife said...you kan masuk kerja pukul 9, appoinment I pukul 8.15, kan opis you tak jauh dari klinik tu? AABB terus cakap...tak sempat laa...pergi sendiri la. Mana ada dekat. Klinik you kat Jalan C, opis I kan kat Jalan E (dua langkah aje lah nya punnn)

Or...if you Abang Asperger punya kampung kat Muar...and your Kampung kat Labu batu 8 tu aje...tapi bila ajak balik rumah Mak Pak you, dia akan cakap...kampung you jauhhhh masuk dalam. Sial kan? Tapi drive sampai 3 jam gi Muar yang lalu segala macam Parit tu boleh pulak???

Tu belum masuk lagi penyakit-penyakit lain yang hinggap kat orang lelaki..like amnesia buatan sendiri...personality disorder e.g. dengan kawan opis cakap lembut, dengan bini cakap macam Immigration Heathrow lah garang nya...and Manic Depression...e.g. bila buat menda dia suka...mood sungguh lah high nya. Tapi bila kita ajak gi teman kita gi beli ayam kat pasar Subang Jaya...mood terus low macam kena angin pasang.

And should I start on so called 'mid life crisis?'. Ish..kang orang kata I anti jantan pulak. But funny lah jugak kan bila this man was once our knight in a shinning armour...yang sanggup nak jadi angkasawan tu pergi bulan bintang, but now you suruh pi Carrefour pun merungut semilan kali.

The same one who said..I can't live without you masa chenta tengah hangat macam chicken claypot baru siap..alih-alih sekarang, kalau you ajak dia teman you pantang kat kampung, he will rather dok umah sensorang. Hidup gak sampai sekarang.

13 comments:

Desert Rose said...

Hamboih ko, walaupun aku celik2 mata dah on slimming strive, itu menunjukkan kadar keberjayaan aku adalah nan ado okay, kalau meroyan aku datang bukan setakat 8 pinggan ngan pinggan2 tu skali aku pulun.

But couldnt agree more with u lah. Laki aku ada semuaaaaa syndrome yg ko cakap tu bersama tambahan-tambahan lain lagi, cthnya, Selective Pekak Badak, aku pun tak tau whether pekak badak tu satu bakat semulajadi atau pun penyakit, cb ko tlng diagnose sket, cthnye ye Kak Ji, anak meraung mcm nak terkuar segala isi tekak mintak susu tengah2 malam, tapi dia boleh tido dengan aman seolah-olah sedang bermimpi tidor di atas buaian gantung di kepulauan Barbados sambil dibelai oleh Shakira Mubarak tu ha

Manal said...

1st Asperger part: moral nya, takyah la nak berpantun2, straight to the point, kan senang? i pon cukup la berbulu dgn laki yg pon suka berpantun kalau dia yg tengah "melayan perasaan" as in: "You shud know who I am"...and etc riddling la konon kita telepathy sntiasa kan. Pastu tau plak cakap "U should feel what i feel". Dia nyer perasaan jer la kena paham. Hmmmpppphhh!

2nd Asperger AABB: Its all about knowing that the wife rather stay married with a minging, goodfornothingexceptperhapsinbed slob than be called mak janda.

Makji, i think even Chris Rock pon SANGGUP menjemput bagai soh makcik jadi sidekick dia on stageshow. U r sooooooo faarneeee...!

Anonymous said...

In short, men are coward. Like you said, they don't want the guilt staring at them. My 3 years relationship ended this recent via YM because he was away in his hometown at middle east.

Thing is, I had been thinking of ending it due to some reasons (sunni-syiah + immigration + people around you for that sunni-syiah issue) but somehow my heart said wait because I believe we could start a new life somewhere away from those busy-bodies. Then he went away for what is supposed to be 2 weeks trip. 1 week after he left, we chatted in YM and ended it.

But by now reading your blog, I feel pissed. He is such a coward. Why, he is the 1 who kept asking me to marry him but I told him to wait til my graduation and for me to get a job first. It was him who kept talking about how he hate things in his homeland and want to leave it all. I am going to be ready soon and suddenly he can't bear to be apart from the homeland he despised so much and used it to end it? And via YM too!

Best thing? He is my housemate and going to come home tomorrow. We agreed to remain friends but I know that beyond my smile, I will always have that pretty deep intense hatred toward him.

Single life is much sweeter.

DarcyDiaries said...

i wish i can write like you. Damn good and honest, straight to the point. Love it!

cik said...

Oh oh oh. Takde satu pun yang saya tak setuju. Oh oh oh. Lelaki. Eh. Nnt orang kata kita anti lelaki sbb tu la dok single lagi. Apa kata tulis pasal pompuan pulak. Sure lelaki senyum seluas kangkangannya :P

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

DR..jantan semuanya memang ada Selective Hearing Defect tu....tu lah kan? Buatnya dipekak kan tuhan satu hari nanti baru depa tauuu..

Thanks Manal...men lives in their own world...tu lah pasal.

Anon...hmmm...your case is just sheer back luck lah...meh lah kita jumpa dukun cari jodoh elok-elok nah?

Thanks DD...ppl in my list writes well too...

Cik...nantilah I tulis pasal pompuan nah? Meh kita ngutuk jantan dulu...hehehe

Iron Butterfly said...

kak ji, rase cam nak kopipes letak kat belog i je. heh.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

IB..jgn la noks..aku pun kopipes orang..muahahahahaaa...

Fida Ruzki said...

hahaha hati tengah gundah ni pon leh gelak ....

reminds me of one of my ex. dah janji nak datang masuk meminang nak hantar mak datang risik, kita ni dengan bangganya la bagi tau mak.. mula la bagi tau plan B bahawa kita ada hati kat Plan A. Plan B pun kemain merayu jangan tinggal dia...

alih2, seminggu lepas dia gi London, dia hantar sms cakap I'm in London / UK for three years, don't call me anymore...

apa perasaan? masa tu gelap gulita donia rasanya... tiba2 tak nak makan (baru tau perasaan makan tak lalu, tapi mintak maap, mandi basah ye)

fast forward 7 tahun, malam tadi Plan A ajak keluar.. kita pun keluar la minum milo ngan dia (suckers sgt kan) pastu masa dia nak hanto balik, dia dok story menda tah, kita tanya la dia, dulu napa gatai ajak kawin pastu lari gi UK.

boleh dia cakap "eh? ada ek aku cakap?" nasib la naik kete dia, kalau dia yg naik kete dia, harus kuhumban turun kete tu

memang le ilang ingatan terus, bukan selective lagi

Liza Alip said...

I Love your article, one of the best I have ever read. Well its a fact of life.....as long we come prepared, we will not be so disappointed.

cnc said...

Nogori monang game malam ni. Kak esah ada kau kesah?

Anonymous said...

gonna put my comment for you.
guys leave girls because they are ugly (you probably are). girls leave guys because they're boring (we probably are).
so...work it out. if you are either ugly or boring.
you write blog because you want people to listen to you. but they don't because you are ugly, so you make a blog. if you dont post this comment, that proves nothing and everything.
accept the fact and find something that suits you. no point of getting something out of your league and whine about it. it's just gonna make your private part bigger. the one at the bottom.
thanks.

life's always wonderful.

Saracen said...

With all due respect to Hjh Esah, I totally agree with cnc. Yeehaaa!