My Misteri Nusantara....Lagi.

Sesampainya saya dari bergaloks'kan di Paris, Holland & Brussells...saya adalah terharu dengan comments untuk entry Nusantara tu. Well, had I not been inspired by Kiah, this are the thing that I akan pikir 2,3 kali jugak nak pi cerita kat orang.

Ye lah..kang orang kata kita gila pulak kan? There's jokes in this jobs...that when we see sewel people so much, we ended up being one. Hmmm......

To those who asked...adakah duit itu bertukar menjadi daun kering...ish..ni mustik you all banyak benar lah membaca cerita komik seram or menengok cerita Suzana Indon tu, dok ingat semua duit hantu akan menjelma jadik daun kering. The answer is...I don't know.

Was she McD SS 14 regular midnite visitor? Tu pun I tak tahu. I have left for UK after that and I did not keep in touch with that guy, so I never get to ask if sesiapa ada encounter the same occurence.

Will that make me the choosen one? Entah lah. My nusantara experience started from MRSM. Before SPM when all the girls (yang bangsa study last minute) ber study maut (the term we used on study sampai pagi) we heard the sound of marching army. The senior told us that it is the Japanese army. Nampak nya tak pernah lah...but once, bila I balik from toilet, I was hit (not literally) by flying 'object' yang berwarna putih. I was with a friend and makcik ni memang dah lemah semangat nya terus ter histeria.

When we first moved to Paroi...I told my mum that I selalu dengar orang jalan kat sebeleh tingkap I...and the funny thing is, bila semua lampu dah tutup, we (me and my sister) can still see the bayang-bayang. My mum told my father but my father dismissed that by saying that me and my sister ni malas sembahyang so macam-macam setan nak datang. Ye lah...only after that my youngest sister told us that my father actually heard and saw the same thing. See...my father really wanted us to like the new house so he will not hear any negative stories. But now..after many,many years...takdelah experience apa-apa, but I do believe some nice relatives do visits...and my brother is one of them. Once, he whisper to my ear to bangun sembahyang subuh...but kakak dia ni tetaplah setan tahap 8, extend tido sampai pukul 11, pastu pi cakap jet lag..boleh?

I am not sure what to make of that encounter. But I have experience the moment of living in a trance for a short period. I was told that someone wanted to attack other people but I happened to be in the same path and terkena. So I started having this period of semi unconscious and doing things not in my nature. It is like...I know what I was doing is weird but why I did it, I don't know. That happened to me twice. I was so demam and had to be bathed celah kangkang my father. I was okay after that. To this date...that is all unexplainable.

So, I thank you for all your interest. I am sure that there's a reason for everything. But I would rather not memeningkan kepala memikirkan hal-hal macam ni. Everyday when I go to work, I will jumpa banyak hantu yang jahat-jahat but I think, if there's a choice between unseen/seen spirits yang nak pakai baju putih ke, nak berkawad tengah padang ke or nak tunggu bus tahan kereta tengah malam ke...dengan orang sewel wielding kapak, I don't prefer the latter. When I work night shift, i selalu jugak dengar orang jalan depan opis I, ada yang siap main doorbell lagi..but you know what I said to them...(ni under my breath lah..) I'm working...I don't intend to disturb you..so, please don't disturb me. It is better that than a patient waiting behind my door lying in wait to stab or strangle me.

Hope this helps.

Dumpsville Skips

Travelling on public transport gives you free access to all sorts things, even soft porn. Iya you...I once saw this man, look like he work in the City, with suit and pink tie...slightly overweight that shows around his hip watching porn on his Iphone. On a bus ride. Some would think that maybe he just picked that Iphone from O2 shop...so nak try test tengok la ni...but I'm sure, he is a virgin on a hot date (that might involve sex) and he needs to learn few tips. Eh eh...belajar kat porn show buat apa?

Some bus pulak dinaiki oleh student-student Malaysia yang buat PHD, and without telling, people like me will find their conversation (bragging la more like..eeshhh) too nauseating for my liking. Well, stop right there if you think I'm jealous...takde makna nya. I'm not that sort of person who can get impressed by money or people's education credentials. But I really can't see the point talking about some qualitative versus quantitative research dalam packed bus. Wouldn't you think depa-depa tu nak tayang kat kita-kita yang dok diam minding our own business ni yang diorang tulah manusia maha bijaksana dalam London tu? Podah la. When I was a student, once kita semua dah keluar dari rumah hantu tu, we gossip (kutuk) the tutor la..lecturer la...or discuss cara-cara nak mengelepet dalam exam.

So, back to more interesting conversations on public transport...2 quite mature men were talking about how to dump a girl.One was really convincing another one that his relationship has now enter the doomed phase and irrepairable. By the sound of it, idok le lama sangat pun perhubungan tu...but you know lah men, once they feel like things has got to their neck..selagi boleh cepat dia nak call taxi to berambus the better kan?

I never got dumped properly...not to my face anyway. The one yang dah mati decided to do thing via telepathy and expect aku mendoakan dia bahagia dihari persandingan mu gitu. Cesss! The other one...who is now (fortunately or unfortunately) is my current decided not to say anything and expect me to get the gist yang dia tak interested...in THAT way. But with the dah mati one, after he came back grovelling (geez..Kiah, in a lifetime, I got to do it twice) I took the pleasure to asked...why lah?

The dah mati one said ------> It's not you..it's me. I think, I wasn't right for you. Things were complicated. So, adik-adik...don't beat up yourself finding the meaning for this words. Those were created by men to ease their guilt. Remember...breaking up ...the amicable one..must be a decision of the 2 person involved..with a sound mind and good reasons. Most of break ups only has one sided decision.

The current one said -------> I am still having fun that time. Now I know what I want. You were too nice..I am the Setan one. We don't want the same thing. Katanya....

In papers nowadays you read about one suing the other one pasal kes-kes tak jadi kawin. Am I right to think that people are now setting up a relationship akin to starting up a business? This is not a risk-free world. I find all those news adalah amat memalukan. Of course lah si pen-saman would say..I'm doing this not because of the money...(tapi gi saman nak tuntut juta-juta..pehal? Padahal masa dating..apalah sangat investment, takat takat Celcom bill and all those dinners and lunch kan?) but I do not want the same thing to happen to other men/women. Weh...since when do you actually care about other people you don't know?

I think, women mostly are honest with their reasons to split up.If they do want a split. Men usually will hold back the real reason. Of course lah they will use the corny lines like the above rather than...I don't like the way you put on your lipstick. It is always a mixture of little sins that they apparently can't be arsed to put up with.

There's also apparently this trend about dumping partners through text messages and Facebook. The thing is they want out without having to be burdened with so many questions.They can't cope with angry or tearful reaction. They don't want the guilt staring at them..ni case yang pi dump bini masa kawan tu memboyot.

I have a female friend who has always prepared herself for the worst.I once told her...relationship itself is a risk laa...and if from the beginning you don't feel right, don't get into deep lah. Ada pulak yang terlampau chenta and ignored all the warning signs like...sudden tardiness of text messages and late notice cancellations.

Some partners are designed to exasperate you into ditching them. Back luck if you got yourselves involved with this lot to begin with. I keep asking my current (MC) why me in the frame suddenly. Not once or twice dah ni..but everytime when we Skype. Of course lah...if people never fancy you back then...will it be the same case now?

Entahlah....so if I got dumped again...I should blame myself lah kan?

My Misteri Nusantara

PHD brings the worst in people. Ni orang yang I kenal la...yang tak kenal tak tahu lah pulak.

Ada yang sanggup cerai bini serta merta. Cerai serta merta tu tak apa lagi (eleh....with men, apalah nak diheran kan...macam anak ex MB Perak tu yang boleh pi tinggal bini masa ngandung) yang berebut pasu Sarawak tu yang aku tak tahan tu.

Ada yang sejak 2,3 menjak ni dok cerita hantuuuuuu aje. Pehal kau? Kau tu dah le dok kat PJ nun yang famous (ni kata my sister lah ye..entah betul, entah kan tidak...since my sister ni kat mana-mana pun dia kata ada hantu..bawah katil anak dia pun ada hantu katanya) and popular hantus sighting.

Since Kiah is in her hantu mood....ni I nak cerita sikit kisah misteri nusantara I few month before I datang ke Tanah UK ni (ni masa student dulu le) When I was in NCUK, I took up a part time job in Section 14 McD..alaa...dekat Cold Storage tu. So pada satu malam yang hening ni...I was on a late shift and nearer closing. Only take out is allowed while we finishes the cleaning. I was at the cashier and serving.

I think dekat nak midnite gitu...adalah sorang budak pompuan ni datang, beli Mekciken & Choc Milkshake. She looked like she just finished prektis bolajaring and wearing her Sri Aman t-shirt (punyalah vivid nya memory I youuu...) One thing that I remember the most about her is that she made no eye contact at all with me. She came, she ordered, I served, she paid and she blah.

Then I realised she left her Snoopy wallet (ko hingat tak Kiah...time ni kan wallet Snoopy ni famous) on the counter. I picked it up and gave it to the supervisor. Adalah duit $10 dalam tu and few coins and her blue IC. So the supervisor told me that he will keep the wallet in the office and leave notes for others. We were very sure that the girl will come and collect it.

Few days after and I'm on my last shift before I pergi UK. While changing into my Uniform (masa ni McD uniform merah belang-belang) I saw the Snoopy wallet on the notice boad yang my supervisor letak in a plastic wallet and lekat kat dinding. I tanya my supervisor, eh..budak tu tak datang hambik ke wallet dia? My supervisor kata, entah..tak ada pun.

Ada this guy yang sama kerja dengan I dengan kepochi nya gi lah tengok this wallet and look at her IC. He said, ala...minah ni dok kat Sec 17, dekat rumah I. So sebagai public spirited citizen kononnya...kitorang pun plan lah nak hantar sendiri kat rumah minah ni. My shift finished at 6pm, so this guy nak belanja I minum and we thought on our way to gi minum, we can look out for rumah budak pompuan ni lah. Just nice we arrived rumah budak pompuan ni after maghrib.

So, I pun picit lah loceng kat tembok gate rumah tu. Then a lady open the sliding gate and I can see her neck sticking out. With this guy tunggu dalam kereta, is my task lah gi pulangkan wallet Snoopy tu. So when there's no sign for that Makcik to come and open her pagar for me to come in, I had to shout...Assalamualaikum...so and so (nama minah tu seperti yang tertera kat IC nya) ada?

Then the Makcik walked to her gate. Looking very puzzled. Cari siapa? Of course la masa ni I macam dah malu, ye la..malu lah...macam lah I kenal they all kan?? and wave at her the Snoopy wallet. I pun dengan malu-malu nya...tak Makcik..saya kerja kat McD, saya nak pulangkan wallet ni...si So and So tertinggal kat counter.

Instead of makcik gi bukak the pagar for me, she went it and come out with her husband tagging along. I looked at my friend in his car and he was making this faces..like apahal...and I pun lagi lah gabrah...pehal lak sampai nak bawak laki keluar...

The Pakcik dengan suara macam pecah rumah nya asked...siapa awak ni..mana kenal So & So (si tuan punya wallet Snoopy)

I had to explained. By this time, I dah macam fed up dan rasa nak balik, in my mind thinking..nyesal pulak aku volunteer nak buat baik....and rasa macam nak cakap aje..ambik lah wallet ni balik..saya tak curi pun duit dalam tu...but the Pakcik ajak I masuk. I signalled this guy to ikut sekali and while walking into the house, the guy and me keep looking at each other with our 'apahal???' expressions.

I gave the wallet to the makcik. She opens it and started crying. Then the Pakcik took the wallet from her and took out the IC and some cards inside. He passed on the IC to the wife and the wife started kissing the IC between sobs.

Me and the boy....masih lagi dengan expression 'apahallll?'

To cut the story short....we both didn't go for the drink as planned. He sent me straight back to my hostel. I told my dorm mates what just happened. Malam tu, after Isyak, I terus baca Yassin. I can't sleep after that. I was so terkejut..it took me years to get over the shock.

I have no intention to reveal the name of the girl who owns the Snoopy wallet. Her parents told us that she died 6 months before, on her way back home after Netball game. She parted with her friends because she had wanted to singgah to McD. She got run over by a motorbike while crossing the road. Her parents said that she must have been holding her wallet at that precise moment because that is the only thing of hers that they haven't found.

So Kiah...if you think cerita pompuan amoi or any of those unsettled departed soul kau tu seram...mine was unthinkable. Spirit jalan keretapi kat Beseri tu pun tak leh lawann.

Percayalah...cerita ini tidak tipu....

To Acab, With Love....Al-Fatihah

I was doing a night shift (night shift pemende...dah start dari pagi tuuu) and while godeking FB (the legal time to use FB is when working hours is not like NORMAL working hours) I got a phone call from MB1. Cuak tu dapat call pagi-pagi buta...

'Hey..anak Manja ninggal.' Then I asked..which one? Fulham ke Chelsea? MB1 said...yang tua lah. Tak puas hati, I went straight to my friend's FB page. Condolences all over. Then I googled. It is his youngest son...the Chelsea one.

I met Acab, when he was on hols with his parents years ago. Acab was still in primary school. Compared to his elder siblings, Acab is the talkative one...like his father. Alia and Abang is just sweet like mother. Acab asked me...Aunty...where is Chelsea's football ground? I had to show his Dad how to find Stamford Bridge by bus. Begrudgingly. We laughed at his attempt to mimick the Whitehall security man English accent. 'If you park here..your car will be clamped'.

In the online newspaper, I saw Manja & Zita's pic. How heartbroken.

Manja adores his kids. He talks about them all the time. When he is here on business, he shopped for them. He knows what they like.

I don't have kids. But I have seen the devastating effect of losing one. When my brother was laid to rest, my father was legless and slumped on the ground. He cried...he called out for his Mum. For a grown man to be reduced to such a state, his heart must be broken to pieces. He had to be carried away from the ground. He kept looking at the grave. He kept saying...you're were supposed to send me off.

My father is no longer the same man.

Manja & Zita is such a lovely pair to hang out with. They're loving couple too. I wish Allah give them strength and peace of mind during this difficult time. The pain will not go away. You may die with them.

Losing the one you love is painful, losing a child is enough to test anyone's faith.

To Acab...I hope you like the Chelsea top I bought you. You're at a better place now. Pray for Papa, Mama, Abang and Alia.Pray that Allah gives them strength to live without you.

Love, Aunty Arsenal & Aunty Man-U.

Al-Fatihah.

The Perfect Thing That Don't Exist

Being the hopeless romantic that I am...I commemorate every important dates in my life. Yesterday was the 2nd month 'anniversary' of lovers reunited....version Makji Esah. This date last January (juga hari aku buat janji pelsu dengan NBNS sampai rasa guilty I hangkut paksa Kiah gi hantar Walkers Crisps rumah dia) I re-dating my ex who is now my current. (apa punya bahasa lah ni...)

Of course la dunia itu tak selalunya indah. Orang tu tak ingat until I remind dia. Pastu dia dengan confidentnya kata..eh..dah 3 bulan dah kita bercintan-cintun ye, which of course...salah perkiraan because kalau ikut bulan, baru 2 aje. Then seperti biasa, a sucker for punishment like me, dengan sukarelanya menyakitkan hati sendiri dengan membagitahu dia...eleh..you baru chenta-chenta dengan I dua bulan. I dah 15 tahun dok chenta kat you. I'm not sure if that statement will fit into category taknak kalah or category bongok lah hang...hang ingat orang berchenta ada masa ke nak kira-kira menda bodoh camtu. But what can I say...I value the smallest thing in the relationship.

I really have put a lot of effort in this...knowing...sadly...pessimism kicks in...and realised that this will not end in bunyi kompang berdegar-degar or me living happily ever after dibawah lampu sinaran bulan.

I had dinner with my Boss this week and she started grilling me about my forthcoming annual leave...tanya...kan ke you baru balik that day. Ada apa-apa ke? Of course my Boss tu dah tahu because ada informer dah bagitau dia.

Then followed by MB's who volunteers plenty of information regarding the home truth e.g. pukul berapa aku bangun semata-mata untuk ber YM and how I am so confined in my bedroom macam orang yang receive palliative care la gamak nya. MB's has openly said how I have changed the moment I walked into her car when I arrived from KL and that they hardly see me anymore walaupun tinggal satu rumah.

Tu belum lagi sora-sora langsuir dalam blog, dalam FB yang kata aku macam-macam nah?

Kenapa you all????? Salahkah Makji merasa bahagia????? Chewwwaahhhhh!!!! I tak dera orang gaji...I tak dera kanak-kanak...and I tak ikut cakap bini nombor satu pi cerai bini muda talak 3 terusssss (siapa lah ni)

People say that cinta itu satu pengorbanan. Ada yang pengorbanan positive...ada jugak yang pengorbanan negative. My colleague tanya I..hish..ada ke pengorbanan negative? I cakap..ada lah. Cuba you tengok case-case cinta extra marital. Of course the party yang terjatuh chenta kali kedua nya will say that he is making pengorbanan kat gilpren nya as in menipu bini, cakap pi business meeting tapi gi kongkek gilpren kan? And another pengorbanan of his juga is to ask the gilpren to understand that dia dah ada bini and anak, so janganlah nak berharap yang lebih-lebih. Pundekkkk la.Pompuan disuruhnya paham...yang dia tu?

Since my return from KL, the workloads macam jahanam lah banyaknya. I am really struggling to find time to do what I like to do. But chenta punya pasal...my biological alarm clock starts ringing at half 3 in the morning. By the time orang tu dah free...I pulak kena kerja ( I am now operating on a snake-mode during work) and by the time I free, dia pulak dah tido.

Chenta punya pasal...I am the one who gets up early and I am the one who mengkaya kan Lebara Mobile. Because of my work, I had to do all the calling sebab I bukannya boleh bertelepon selalu and that dah berapa kali aku dapat dia punya missed call, so I cakap...let me call you la...

You really need to have a higher level of optimism and Red Bull energy to embark on love affair. Long distance is even worse. As much as nak menurut kata hati...kata-kata payslip pun perlu diambil kira.

And of course...when you're in love, everyone is against you. In my case...airlines company la. Dulu masa malas nak balik, flight to KUL is as cheap as chips (Kiah..ko hengat tak that perma-tanned guy rambut kiting yang kerja nya jual antic kat BBC Roadshow tu) now...Sultan Brunei pun boleh kopak. Malaysia Airlines lagiiiii lah culprit.

At this age, love obstacles is the things you can do without. Makcik tak larat dah. Ni semua menyahut cabaran Kiah lah ni...that I must move on and be happy.

I am happy...but I am fast running out of energy...and hope. In the teraphy room, I am often asked by the depressed ones..why..this is unfair. I always said..nothing is fair. Ye lah...for the sake of saying things lah masa tu.Bila orang dah moan-moan life is unfair, to justify his/her agony..kita pun kenalah cakap 'nothing is fair in this world' kan?

I always said..that we all have a choice. A choice to choose who we love (however unrequited) and the choice to be happy. The things we choose is not necessarily the one that is perfect. Ada laki tak kaki rambu...tapi hati dan perasaan sesejuk ikan tuna kat Newfoundland lah pulak kan?

My Boss said that it is better to have this distance...ye lah...kalau depan mata kang puas dek nak sakit ati rimas pulak kan?

The perfect one is always...the one that will be at your beck and call, as and when you want. But that one don't exist.

Satu Hari Di Tanah Kubur

Just because you are now regularly updating your blog...you think you've been bestowed this liberty to mengata I ye??? Hish..hish..hish...knowing Kiah, she will only enriched with idea menghapdate blog if she sakit hati semaksima mungkin dengan MG...or adalah benda yang dia tak puas hati tu.

But, Kiah is nice enough to send me text message 'laling..update la'. So...that knocks me off my feet. I have been braving all those sora-sora sumbang...Timoh Angau la konon nama ku sekarang...hish hish...but dek kerna angau la, mood angin pus-pus dah takde so idoklah aku nak buat entry berbara api kan?

There's nothing new with me apart from kejadian melawan Boss hari tu. I have now decided to turun pangkat voluntarily. My 2nd Boss is really in denial, refused to acknowledge surat penurunan pangkat I. Maybe sebab aku ni dah selalu benau buat drama. But kali ni..drama tidak ada. Yang ada ialah mood yang kurang untuk menjadi ahli-ahli keparat. I told you kan...my work consisted of 2 divisions, ada division profit-making (ni lah yang paling menyakitkan hati) and another one is the service delivery division...something that I am very passionate about. In the UK and dimana-mana saja, kerja kebajikan masyarakat ni idoklah dipandang tinggi. Walaupun yang bekerja nya adalah 5'8 inci tinggi.

Kepada orang yang tak sakit...I ni dikata suka menjaga tepi kain dalam orang.

Kepada orang sakit....I ni pulak macam pengawas sekolah or pengawas perpustakaan gituu...yang menunggu masa aje nak cari salah diorang.

So, tidaklah boleh menang.

Semalam, I kena panggil dalam kerja-kerja rescue. Yang nak di rescue ni ialah Pakcik yang depressed ditinggal bini. Kalau ikut hati..nak aje I cakap kat dia, kalau dah hobi kau ngisap ganja, mabuk-mabuk, malas kerja, malas segala...jangan kata bini...tikus mondok pun tak nak datang singgah rumah. But mengikut file, Pakcik ni ada neurological problems. So kepada adik-abang-pakcik yang rasa recreational drugs itu adalah cool and ubat wajib sebelum menari tarian semazau kat kelab-kelab disco, silalah pikir side effects nya ye? Pathology manusia ni lain sikit. Kita kan ada bahan kimia dalam badan? Kalau chemical tu dah dikacau dengan ubat-ubat buatan sendiri ni...kalau tak mati, mau terpeleot kepala you....

Sebab I dah kerja dengan Pakcik ni lama...everytime dia buat adegan lari dari rumah tu, I tahu dah nak cari kat mana. So I cakap dengan Boss...jangan pi report polis la...buat dia lagi takut aje. Boss kata, you nak pi cari dia sorang diri ke? Boss kata bahaya..sebabnya ada kemungkinan dia dah ditangkap drug pusher ke hapa...and tak pasal-pasal, I pulak yang menjadik hostage. Tak pasal kan?

I cakap dengan Boss...takde nya dia nak cari drug pusher..drug pusher pun idok le bodoh nak buat bisness dengan orang dok dalam sepital kan?

This guy...kalau kepalanya terpeleot, dia akan berfeeling-feeling Jesus gitu. So, I tahu sangat lah kat mana dia berlabuh...dia akan buat syarahan free tepi kubur. So, kerja I semalam gi round satu tanah perkuburan tu carik dia. Tak jumpa kat satu tempat..cari kat satu tempat lagi. Ayooo....tanah kubur sini bukan kecik okay? Ada yang 10 ekar. Tup-tup jumpalah dia tido sebelah kubur ni. Kubur ni siap ada gambar orang yang tuan punya kubur tu lagi. Cantekkkk pompuan tu. Sebaya I pulak. Kesian...muda-muda dah mati.

So I kejut lah dia. I kata, kenapa you gi tido kat sini. Nanti family pompuan ni datang marah you pastu panggil polis, you tak takut ke? Pastu dia cakap...pompuan tu yang panggil dia. I tengok keliling...Pakcik ni pi hangkut segala bunga kat kubur orang pi taruk kat kubur pompuan ni.

I cakap dengan dia slow-slow (mind you..dia dah relapse clonazepam 50mg nya dah 5 hari..so his state of mind boleh lah dikatakan macam singa beranak tak lepas) dah lah..meh kita balik.

Dia kata, pompuan ni takut tinggal sorang-sorang. Lagipun dia dah dapat arahan Jesus suruh pi jaga pompuan ni.

Then sebagai penipu yang berkaliber I pun cakap...okay listen. I understand what you're saying but...look at you. You're unkempt. You stink..you haven't wash in days (nasib baik I belum makan masa ni you..kalau tak, slim macam Cheryl Cole la I tak lama lagi) Then I tengok lah batu nesan pompuan tu...nama dia Cheryl XXXXX. I cakap...you know she is still young and pretty. Do you really think she would want to be with someone who hasn't washed?

Pakcik Busuk tu boleh cakap..ah..she don't mind. I dengan konfiden tahap Anwar Ibrahim nak jadi PM nya cakap..of course she mind. Have you seen her comes out from her coffin since you been here?

No.

Ding-dong.

Come on...I'll help you to shave and get some nice aftershave. We can come back later. Pastu dengan mega confident nya lagi I cakap...she told me she think you're cute, but you need to shave. She don't like hairy man.

Really?

Positive. Come on..jog along. I'll personally bring you back here later. Its a nice place to camp isn't it???

We went back to his ward. And course after ubat dah masuk..dia pun menjelma lah jadi diri dia balik.

After that kind of days...adakah kudrat ku nak hapdate serta merta? So percayalah bila ku kata...ku bukan Timoh Angau.

Sekian.

Update

I may published this a day late...thanks to my owl shift. I am so consumed with work nowadays, but Kiah like always tak percaya yang I kerja kenkadang kena kerja bersengkang mata dan bersengkang semua benda.

People are like wind. Very temperamental.Hari ni dia bertiup sepoi-sepoi bahasa...in 1/2 hour, dia akan bertiup Additional Mathematic. Besok, sesubuh gelap, dia akan bertiup Pengajian Agama Islam. Sometimes the cycle is vicious.No amount of mind-altering drug can help. When I started this job and witnessed the 'perks' that came with it, often I pray Allah to look after me. I am so,so exposed to so many danger, especially dimasa bulan mengambang.

My motivation to menjadi public spirited citizen semenjak 2,3 menjak ni adalah telah berkurangan dengan banyaknya. No..bukanlah disebakan oleh chenta.Saya sudah tua...tidak ada maknanya lagi untuk saya meleleh tak tentu hala. Zaman meleleh telah berlalu.Zaman berkorban apa saja pun telah berlalu (unless you all nak kira balik Malaysia 4 kali setahun itu pengorbanan) Sekarang ni adalah zaman hidup, berfikir dan bertindak untuk hari ini. Hari esok lain kira. Ye lah..hari ni saya boleh lah bercinta dengan Matt Damon, tetapi kalau esok Brad Pitt tetiba nak clash dengan Angelina Jolie dan memujuk rayu saya, tak kan saya nak tolak kan?

Few minutes ago, through FB, I found out that Ruby Ahmad, a fellow blogger has passed away. I was shocked. I don't know her. She don't know me...but she has written me many,many sweet notes.

In many of her notes, she invited me to the bloggers gathering in KL, if I happen to be around KL. I see that as a very nice gesture from her. She came across my writings and found my obvious dislike towards KaTak'ians somewhat funny. Lagiiiii lah I malu.

I never get to tell her that I am indeed not anti TKC. I think my propensity to write 'ill' about TKC is probably to annoy someone or potentially, an unconscious resentment of not being able to enter that such prestigious institution.Being a N9 girl...tapi tak lepas pulak masuk TKC.

I am also not into gatherings. People who blogs and gathers...like what Kiah said are all the 'elistist'. I am not. I wrote shit reading.

I started to follow hers since she visited me. She had the kind of life that I would be envious of and I like to be a part of. But I doubt I can change my personality from katak (real katak) to burung Merak. I am shy, over analysed and rigid. Most of all, I am so insecure.

I am sorry that she is dead. I want to be sad but that is going to be bit of a problem because I have no reason to.Her death is a sudden. I have experienced a sudden and unexpected death first hand. So I know the feeling of the people she left behind. For that i.e. the capacity to identify with her loved ones grief, I am sad.

Then follows by the sadness that I never acknowledge her invitations. But I don't know the meaning of this.

See...I told you I like to over-analyse.

Al-Fatihah, Kak Ruby. Goodbye For Now.

Update

More FB Disadvantage

Recently, I received a friend request. From a very familiar person....yakni adik ku, yang kurasa, memang sah lah kenkadang makan gaji buta berFB sokmo. Ni nak tanya, aren't Oil & Gas people suppose to be so high up they takde masa nak berFB-FB ni? Looking at my sister's online activity, rasanya idok la. Siap boleh masak-masak bagai.Me accepting her as a friend came after long thought. First she emailed me to check her FB profile, obviously ingat akak dia ngok sangat lah takde FB. Dia tak tahu, akak dia dah lama dah berFB, just tak kompang kat orang aje. So I said to her, my FB is private and its for friends only.So sebagai adik yang solehah lagi mithali, dia pun takdelah menanya lagi. Thing is, she is also friends with many of my friends (ye lah dah membesar dalam circle yang sama, mustik lah kenal orang yang sama kan? Lain lah mak lain..bapak lain..) so she popped out quite a lot as suggested friends. Recently, in one of my comments to my friend's status, which she also commented, I realised that, that commenting activity, inadvertantly showed up what a weird situation that is. We got FB and we are not friends and we KNOW each other. I was paranoid about what my friend (the status we jointly commented) thinks of us (of me)..like, kawan ajelah dengan adik kau tu. Bukannya orang lain pun. (See..I have started hearing voices ni) Then sebagai memahami dan menerima telepathy, my sister then directly send me a request, and I added her.....and 3 more siblings (my sister's existing friends). Tak kan aku nak ignore lak kan? Takut kecik ati lakkk.

Okaylah..I should stop being so uptight about my so called 'guarded privacy'...however the 'guarded privacy' still applies to some others. I ni memilih you all...kalau I tak pilih you tu, adalah sebab. Ada jugak dedolu yang I terpaksa kawan sebab ramai kawan I kawan dengan dia...kesudahnya, perangai semasing (termasuk lah perangai aku) semua cam cipan liar. So now ni, I usually ask around and sometime heeded after kawan bagi good recommendations.

And now...I realised that adding siblings as a friends is not always a good idea. We are not friends. There's certain things that you don't joke about casually with your siblings. Adik beradik I lain pesen sikit. We were moulded differently. I have a very tough exterior...mainly to cover the flaws. The others are more human.What can I say...I am a middle child. We have this set unspoken rules about being the complicated one.Today, I saw my newlywed brother's status and followed by comments made by his wife and friends. Not the sort of thing for kakak yang strict lagi kaki pukul to read. Pulak tu, kakak ni masih takde laki..bukan ke apa-apa suggestion yang mendatangkan makna perprojekan itu tak manis didiscuss depan akak kau ni? My sister in law, being the newly wed, of course lah akan menjawab laki nya dengan kata-kata manja and loving (read..gedik!!!) and I swear to god, kalaulah satu hari besok aku ber laki ke berchenta tak hengat, maka idok le orang lain akan nampak betapa agungnya..sucheee nya chenta ku. Sendiri tau dah lah kan? This sister in law of mine, dah le that day..ni belum nikah lagi ni...I saw her commenting of my sister's status (my sister tu pulak, boleh pulak pi bagitau kat kengkawan dia yang dia rasa loya and pening) and this SIL cakap lah...ohh, nanti boleh lah kita berpantang sesama ye..hikhikhik. Obviously, aku dah le menyampah dengan the thought of her laughing hikhikhik tu, bukan ke announcing yang kau akan berpantang sesama suggesting that itulah matlamat (di malam hari) kau lepas kau nikah dengan adik aku???!!!! Tak malu ke kat akak ni? Ke aku ake je yang emo macam sial? Hish..the unpretty sight of FB. Tu belum masuk lagi kes-kes laki bini communicating in FB..yang..sayang wat ape tuuuuu? nak muntah tak kau?

Can we consider our siblings our friends? Now that I see it, I would have despise them as a friends, dah le jadi adik-beradik pun payah nak suka kan? Ish.ish..ish. 3 days ago, my sister talked about some Malaysia reality program, yang honestly..if I am allowed honest opinion, that program is not worth energy even to discuss about. But I hated the fact that my nieces and nephews are expose to segala macam joke bangang..like LU PIKIR SENDIRI LAH...etc etc. How can you even laugh at that? I think Jangan Ketawa is superb compared to Senariokk, Cecipak ke hapa jadah tu. Ishhh! So, by making my feelings known to her about what I thought about the reality program and what sort of materials she exposed her children to maybe telah sedikit mengecikkan hatinya...although dia tak lah cakap.

So..I'm thinking of memotong kek sesama adik beradik ni.

Kecipanan Boss Yang Diluar Tabii

2,3 menjak ni (or semenjak azali) this Regional Director of mine has got into this habit of sending work emails yang berbau ugutan. Satu, dua kali...boleh lah tahan. Tapi kalau dah sepanjang masa pointing out the impossible and dengan tangan dan kaki yang ada dua, hati ni dah rasa nak mengunakan tangan dan kaki tu untuk men Jackie Chan dia aje.

I have made my feeling known about how her expectation is far fetch, considering that I have so many caseloads including kerja-kerja paksa-rela yang kena dibuat untuk menjaga reputasi (shiallll aje bunyik nya) so I said to her, I can't mix business and my human responsibility.Unlike her, I have a duty of care. Dia takde. Dia punya duty is to make money and to generate income to the council. I have to care about masalah kepala orang.It is not easy.

Since reunited dengan orang KL itu, dia pun dah tanya if tak nak ke balik KL for good.Ye lah...apa makna nak ada relationship via Yahoo Messenger kan? Lainlah kalau nak mengadu domba.YM kan ke famous untuk orang bercerita hal orang? Orang tu dah ada business and I pulak, walaupun takde business kat sini, tapi...tapi...nak ke aku pulang kepangkuan makcik-makcik Wok kat Paroi Jaya tu? What can I do? Jobwise...tak kan nak jadi cat sitter Kiah kot...melampaulah kan?

So today, I emailed my HR to enquire about role changing. I have now decided to menjadi V(ery) I(mportant) K(uli) and just checking with mortgage and what not, financially, what sort of £££ I'll be worse off. Tak apalah...banyak duit sangat pun nanti kerja dok nak balik KLLLLLLLL aje kan?

So today, I am going to stop caring about others.For at least 12 to 14 hours (sebelum cake Cafe World tu masak) and start caring about what really matters to me.

Something To Cheer Kiah Up

Starring......

Kiah....The Lead Dancer
Makji Esah....Left Wing
Belladonna.....Right Wing...