Hello & Challo.....

By the time this entry is published, I am already in KL and most probably on my way back to UK already....chewwahhhhh!

I am so lembab, as lembab as krim pelembab jenama Giant Shah Alam Section 13 itu. Ye tuan tuan and puan puan, semenjak pulangnya I untuk memadu chenta ni, Giant Shah Alam tu lah yang ku lalu hari-hari. Ada orang kata, popiah basah nya sedap...tapi..idok le pernah aku dibawaknya kesana.

I had wanted to respond to all your comments on my previous entry one by one. But...alangkan hapdate pun macam sembelit, apatah lagi nak reply comments kan???? But sesungguh nya, (dan ini bukan ayat bodek....) I am so thankful, heavy heart with nothing but appreciation terhadap keprihatinan you alls dalam mendalami entry semi-meraban I ittew.

I will be in KL for 2 weeks. Segala program berbentuk ilmiah, gossip, cetusan hati, pornography dan etc etc ada terkandung dalam itinerary.

As I wrote this, I have been to KB and back.....tapi aku idokle nak melawat Sultan nya ye? Walaupun ada seorang loyar tersohor dari Jalan Sabung Ayam ada mengimpom kan kat I yang Raja Muda nya yang once upon a time ago pandang tak jemu tapi la ni dah kembong ala-ala pau suri tu dah kembali single.

I am in a mission untuk memenuhkan luggage ku dengan segala tok nenek teh, kopi and neskapi tarik, chilli boh...kepok, dodol and etc.

I also like to thank Kiah, Desert Rose and Belladonna yang sudi meluangkan masa dan menipu laki memasing demi menjamu selera I yang ngalahkan penunggu busut ni. Also to Capt Lukmang yang sudi menjadi navigator sesat barat sampai nak termasuk dalam parking kereta Tuan Guru Nik Ajis hingga terpaksa membuat U turn sampai nak terkehel si drebar nya tu.

Saya juga ingin menasihatkan TV3 supaya sudah-sudahlah memainkan lagu Jongang-Jongang-Jongang itu dalam TV especially time saya nak tido. And kepada pompuan jongang yang menjadi inspirasi pada lagu tu, silalah berjumpa Cik Kiah untuk mendapatkan nasihat kosmetik gigi iye????

Challoooo.....

Ku Tak Hengen Duit Miewwww....

With the sulphuric ash shrouding UK punya airspace, maka ramai lah yang tak lepas balik ke Tanah Malaya.

3 of them is a so called bisnisman plus orang kuat parti timbang kati kat Malaysia tu. Because of the duit they all yang berkepuk tu, they can afford to stay in a hotel tak macam the rest yang terpaksa berkampung kat Heathrow ittew.

And out of respect to my friend yang puas memujuk rayu dan menjanjikan kuih karipap tanpa catuan, I agree to join her to gi makan-makan with these businessman.

I don't know what sort of business they're doing and I honestly didn't care. Business talk can make me feel awkward, as I don't know a thing. I have turned into this public service person who only think about servicing the public, not to extort money out of them. I grew up with businessman around me...so all talks about tender, contracts, over table undertable, deal and more deal...will not catch my attention.

But people's attitude will. Enough to impress or to annoy me to the highest heaven, filled up my container (ni bahasa psychoteraphy ye adik-adik..makna nya...filled up my head/brain) and can turn into blog entry.

One guy...hensem sikit aje from that Kinabatangan guy who married Zizie Ezette. One common thing about orang tak berapa hensem ni, they seems to make up their ketidakcukupan paras rupa with their choices of words yang to them...enough to make them a god gift to woman.

Another guy...okaylah...okaylah...okaylahhhhhh!!!!! tapi pendek. No surprise lah kan if dia sungguh terpegun dgn kependekan ku yang 5'8 ni. Prompting him to ask silly question ask his pembuka kata...you ni tinggi makan apa ye?

The third guy..is as bad as the first one. He is friends with my friend ni. Under my breath, I asked my friend, manalah kau kenal jantan-jantan sewel ni....of course my friend dengan muka nak nangis nya cakap..dah lah..jg komplen, kita makan aje pastu kita blah. On our way back, I critisised her choices of friends...not that I always do that but I would not have associated myself with sleazy bag like that 3. So called bisnisman millions-millions.She said, she only frens with one, the two just happened to be there. I cakap, ohh..bad smells stays together y'know....

The first guy have two wives and he made no secret of it. He openly said that he have been persuing my friend as his number 3 with no luck. And he think its okay to talk about that openly and jokingly on a dinner table.

My friend is a widow and lost her husband ages ago. By the look of it, she has endured his silly proposition and able to laugh it off. Baiknya hati...kalau aku lah, dah ku kapak orang tu.

Then, just about I want to enjoy my meehon goreng, 3 of them started throw questions at me. Why am I still single (hmmmmmmm) why this and why that. Sleazy questions like, I don't know what I missed...and the joy and pleasure. (Dalam hati ku...pleasure? With you? Ohh..Ann Summers came top lah)

Politely, as always I will always say jodoh belum sampai....and of course the first guy see the opportunity to 'joke' about his another two free slots. Not wanting to bruise his ego plus my friend was giving me this look of...layan aje la...cepat kau layan..cepatlah kita balik....I laughed it off to him and said..oh..tempting.

Knowing men will not take hint or no as an answer, he kept on mengasak I dengan soklan-soklan maha bangang. I think the rubbish that I am exposed to day in day out made the situation seems easy to handle.

Until..........

'You kan orang N9.....mesti mak bapak you pun memilih...nak cari orang berharta. '

'Pompuan kat sana kan dapat all the harta. Siaplah siapa yang kawin dengan orang pompuan kampung you...habis lah kepala diorang pun botak etc etc'.

'Kan ke N9 ada adat, biar anak mati jgn adat mati..agaknya tu lah pasal orang takut nak approach you kot'.

This, you all...dicampur dengan gelak-gelak bangang lagi puaka syaitan nirrojimmmmmm.

Orang selalu kata....orang bangang jangan dilayan. I am just about to do that...habiskan my meal and excuse myself for the day.

But, thinking of my sick father and how my poor mother had to put up with him, only for them to be slagged of as 'memilih menantu berharta'...really shifted my mood from the back burner.

I look at the man no.1...stare at him intensely. Then he noticed. He laughed. He said...amboiiii....dia dah marah lah. Cantik bila dah marah (Fuck you think that's funny?) I keep on staring at him and glanced at the other two.

The 3 went very quiet..not instantly but the laughter, their stupid laughter faded...and my friend gripped my hand...under the table..

Lepas semua orang dah diam...I said....kita orang melayu masih ada bad manners masa makan kan? Dah la kita cakap tak berhenti...lepas tu kita cakap pun, kita tak pikir orang yang dengar kita cakap tu apa lah rasa perasaan dia ke (Kiah...I will surprise you..I speak all this in bahasa)

Cik semua dah pernah berbini pompuan N9 ke? Laaa...kesian. Tapi takdelah pompuan tu bagi bangkrap kan..kalau tak tak lepas datang sini.

One guy said..we are sorry that you're offended.

I'm not, but I just don't understand why we have to discuss this over dinner and the fact that all 3 of you think its okay to slagg off women and their parents.

You all talk so highly, so posh about yourself..your business...and I am so amazed with your choice of conversation topics with strangers like me.

So..your wife must be so stupid to have married you or maybe just had to put up with you for your money. I'll bet your money turn them on...and not you. Sedih kan?

You should come and do business in UK often...bagilah kepala bukak sikit.

I looked at my friend, you dah habis dah? She looked so serba salah...then I said, let's go. Let them pay for the bill...they're millionaires and I am the one from N9. I looked at the man no.1...please say you can afford to pay my share...

Dia buntang mata kat I.....alah tak pe..tak hal...eh, tak kan nak balik kot?

I said...no, I am going for my 2nd round of gold digging. You're not rich enough..after all, you can only afford to eat at Malaysia Hall.

They said sorry, but aku dah sakit hati....we left.

Had the gunung berapi tak meletop, I would not have encounter those 3. Syaiiiiitonnnnnn. Yes Izuan..I would have show them the fronted V sign, surely they'll think that I mean peace offering, kan?

Kawan Kawan and Tak Nak Kawan....

****Trust that I will publish this entry very late, much to Kiah PHD annoyance...but, saperti biasa...kau suka ada ke dari takde langsung???*****

It is very hard to keep up with Kiah's new lease of 'blog' life nowadays...selang seminit dia dah hapdate.I pun terkial-kial. Kiah and the rest would say..ye lah Esah tu berchenta...so masa banyak dihabiskan dengan ber Skype. Cakap laaa....cakap laaa.....

I got a friend request in facebook today. Ye..Kiah, despite ke kemarauan hapdate, aku gigih memasak kat Cafe. Semenjak Cik M makin mencanak-canak naik points nya..weih..hang tak kija ke Cik M? Dalam Cafe tu takde semangat kesukanan perkahwanan langsung...orang naik points aje, terus hati terbakar.

Well, I was saying about the friend request.This is from a complete stranger. Takde lah nak bagi salam ke tanya, mana dia kenal kita. So I send her message..telling her that I don't remember me. Hinting if she could understand sarcasm that, if I am one of your mates, then siapakah aku? Remind me lah.

Then dia jawab...saja add..nak ramaikan kawan..kakak angkat etc. Eh? Is this how people nowadays nak berkawan ke?

Dahle she got name yang seems obvious to me bukan her nama sebenar, but not as silly as those who christened themselves with name like Minah Beku Yang Sempit like that....hehehe...come across this name a lot lah. So with this girl, I told her that I have to decline for obvious reasons lah..that I only willing to open my space to those I physically know.

Nak kata semua yang dalam list I tu I kenal takde lah. But I do pick and choose. Some of which with full of regret but of course dah diremoved. I once accepted someone just because most of my friends are friends with him. So kawan aje lah...get to meet him in person and at first I seem to like his personality, despite apparent vulnerability. But in the end, tah hapa pasal....he removed me, not that I fussed, ye lah you can't paksa orang suka kat you kan? Although he said that the 'removal' was unintentional as FB admin kekonon nya ada pulak suka accidentally remove orang (haiya..do I look that stupid to you??) but I do have other life and death thing to worry about than the decrease of my friend lists. So we carried on being friends..FB or no FB, until I decided that he has too much of an issue that only him can cope...so selamat lah you dunia akhirat.

Ada pulak yang I kena terima sebab...sebab...ye lah, orang dah lavished kita dengan gifts what have you.Okay lah...it was okay at first, but later on...macam ada propaganda tak sihat and since mulut I pun ber konsep no hold barred githoo...maka yang tak kena kenalah di sound. Knowing what I know, and seeing this person actively being friendly in FB, making me so menyampah that she is still exist. Hish!

Well, people made many bad decisions and learn. Those two wasn't a bad decision at all, if I may say. Things just didn't worked out the way we all had wanted.

I still choose who I want to be friends with. I have quite complex and weird personality, so please don't think it is you.God knows I save you from all the trouble you may encounter with me.

p/s Desert Rose..ko taknak kawan dengan aku ke????

The Sick Hobby

When I was a student, I am not one of the brightest. My brain accelerate at 10kmp/h. My brain and my heart did not communicate. When my brain is confused, it sends signals that shrivelled my heart and made it scared to ask more questions. I worked extra hard to compensate this flaw. I went on and stresses myself a lot more by comparing with my slightly pandai brother and sisters yang tak pernah pun ku tengok belajar cam nak mampus tapi boleh dapat single digit in SRP and SPM. I often think that I brought embarassment to my parents, Bapak lah in particular. Little that I know that all those years he was so impressed with the fact that I hardly complaint and just get on trying my level best. It took me years to find peace with myself.


At 16, I met my one and only steady boyfriend. Prompted by his insecurity, we were engaged for a little while.I loved him...and I like to think that he loves me. We went from the stages of being friendly to semi steady to steady to suam-suam kuku beruang then back to steady to semi steady, chipsmore (as in kejap ada kejap takde) to him dilanda amnesia, lupa yang I ni gilpren dia and he later married his wife. Of course, to ease his guilt...he kind of suggested...ni masa dia nak pi jemput aku datang makan nasi minyak nya disamping nak bagitahu yang aku ni bukan lagi gilpren nya..that I am partly to be blamed in our 'so called' break up.

You all yang membaca dah semestinya perasan betapa selama hari ni I was looking for answers on why, why, why? Why was I treated in such a way? We women so like to read between the lines and dots...I could have just dismissed that (his decision to mengembang kan sayap ke ke pompuan lain) as him being a man, so bingai in making life decisions...sometimes.

But no, kita kan suka menyeksa diri?

I tell myself that at this age, that if lah I terjatuh chenta lagi...then this time it would be different. I have to put my feelings first. That..if I menyampah maut dengan team MU so be it. Zaman-zaman nak menjadi gf mithali ikut je bontot orang pergi Old Trafford telah berakhir (although that time, I love MU and Beckham) I dengan sengalnya telah berfeeling-feeling Puteri Pucuk Kelopang..because..masa tu lah glamernya dihangkut boipren pergi tengok bola kat Old Trafford. But bila ingat-ingat balik, dah le jarang jumpa...he was in Manchester, I was in Sheffield...dia selalu komplen Sheffield tu jauh...and I always made the trip down..made all the effort...I so want to score points with his friends yang rata-ratanya mempunyai gilpren yang gediks lagi gariks that their bf had to be at their beck and call. Masa tengok bola, apalah yang romantic nya? Not that he was dedicating all the winning to me? Pegang tangan lagi lah takde...he would rather cracked jokes with other MU girls. All I was that time is to put up this front as gf yang paling sporting kat mukabumi ni. But...apakah hasilnya? Haram you alll.....

I dah separated from F dah lebih setahun. All the lapan tahun memadu janji haram jadah adalah banyak terseksa dari bahagia nya. But of course, in general a woman opted to live in Wonderland. We would if we could hoping for the leopard to change its spot (or skin ah,Kiah) Like all Malaysia still hoping for the tolls systems to be abolished once and for all and that Telekom Malaysia is going to stop bullying my mother into thinking it was her fault that the phone lines gone bad but mercilessly still billing her the line rental.

Since si Tua tu yang kononnya dah membagi pengajaran kat I kerna katanya akulah yang paling berperangai dalam relationship kami (ni pun kalau you all nak tahu..ku sabar aje menerima all that tuduhan...) by asking me to tinggalkan rumah dia. Cewwah....dia tak tahu lagi ke betapa I am survivor independent woman destiny child nya aku ni???? Hah...I pun keluar rumahnya dengan senang hati..of course lah 2,3 minggu jugak menangis memikirkan all those nostalgic moments masa bahagia and grieving on the fact why this one didn't work. The detachment process adalah seksa...nak mengeluarkan orang tu dari dalam system kita macam nak mengeluarkan Botox (macam lah aku pakai Botox pun kan?)

Dalam setahun tu macam-macam I buat...membuat harta...membuat dosa...reconnecting back with myself...(somehow earlier this year managed to bagged myself the old flame) and sekarang I dok pikir mengapalah I jadi buduhhh tak escape awal-awal seperti yang telah di syor-syor kan oleh kengkawan???? I guess I just being the typical women....hoping for things to get better.

With MC....ohhh life can be beautiful since I discovered that Skype lagi terang dari YM...that Lebara Mobile lagi convenient dari all those calling cards cap Pakistan. The hindrance is always Malaysia Airlines yang mahal macam puaka.

But adakah aku akan dok diam tersengih macam kerang menanti hari-hari bahagia disambut bak Elle McPherson kat KLIA????? Nope. Since beginning, I have managed to upset myself so many times with my own insecurity, with my own analogy of how a perfect relationship should be and macam-macam lagi benda bangang. I could have just being the furthest one and be missed all day and nights kununnya....and enjoy the fact that ada jugaklah orang nak kat I. Tak...ada aje benda, ada aje seksaan batin yang nak ku volunteer kan kat hati dan pala hotak ku yang telah sememang nya sensitip ni.

So, from the top paragraph to the end is the evident of my propensity to menyiksa diri....thinking thing I shouldn't think about.

I wish I am just as flaky....I do stuff...if didn't work the desireable way, only grieve for a short period and later, melompat katak balik. But no....I dwell and dwell.

I now am so consumed with anxiety of meeting MC. Ye lah...tragic love story nya is bila kapal terbang nak take off baru nak declare...pastu evaluate feelings, finding confirmation conformation through YM and Skype. At time I am still reeling from the tragedy of being rejected twice...the time when I was left high and dry and of course all those 15 years hoping for pigs could grow a wings.

The nearer the day...lagi kecut perut...tak lena tido tapi Easter Eggs dah berkotak lenyap dah Kiahhhh oiiii!!!!

Men and Their Disabilities

Superficial :------> I can't live without your love. If you go...I'll die.
Of course la, kalau you pun participant dalam drama Tamil camni, you can feel the meaning of the exact words. Can you imagine if your gilpren ke boipren is Asperger's diagnosed...he/she is most likely to jawab....how can I possibly die without love? You're likely to get killed if you're stabbed or deprived from oxygen. You're not making sense lah!

Superficial :------> I will love you forever...and ever.
Your Asperger's lover is likely to respond....how long is that for? 365 days or 10 years?

Superficial : ------> I'll do anything for you.
The Asperger's person will say....what is anything? Is it something like...you're going to rob the Natwest Bank today or will you go and get Fifa game for PS3? Is that what you mean by anything?

Superficial : -------> (In McDonalds) I don't fuss....you can get me anything on the menu. I love you.
The Asperger's will look at you with intense...this is not about you loving me. I'm asking you what you want to eat. Big Mac or McChicken?

Superficial :--------> (Dah fed up gila dah niii....attempting to end the relationship) I am breaking up with you. It's not you...it's me. But I will still love you as a friend.
The Asperger....what do you mean? If it's not my fault then why you're breaking up with me. What you mean you love me as a friend? You can't love friend. Because you can't have sexual intercourse with them.


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Above are the common transcripts in disable with non-disable relationship. If you happens to go out with someone with similar traits....sila cakap dengan direct nya. Kalau nak makan Ayam Nandos, cakap 'NAK MAKAN AYAM NANDOS'. Then you have to say...berapa ketul. If you asked for ayam, there's a possibility you may get seekor ayam. So if you're forever on slimming strive macam Desert Rose..payah lah. Me and Kiah can have 8 plates of nasik between us (tu yang sempat kira..yang dah tertelan tak hengat..tak tahu wooo!)

Nak lagi senang, sila bawa picture cards. Lagi si Asperger ni senang paham. Kalau your next date with him/her is next week, make sure you bawak calendar..tunjuk betul-betul berapa hari dia kena tunggu and berapa malam dia kena tidur (this is Austistic chronic ye)

However, bila dah kahwin bertahun....ada jugak case partner kita yang kunun nya tersampuk syndrome sebegini.

Like, the wife yang balik kerja terus nak kena masak and Baby nangis macam kena sampuk polong mintak berdukung...she asked the hubby yang muka macam baru balik angkat batu bata 100 kilo tapi boleh pulak duduk atas sofa macam Bridgit Bardot (ke hapa namanya porn star tu) sambil memicit remote control Astro...Bang, tolong lah jaga anak...kan I nak masak ni??? The Abang Autistik buat-buat will tanya balik dengan muka tak pass Geography nya...you nak I buat macam mana??? (Eh...tak kan lah nak buat kat budak tu serupa macam cara kau MEMBUAT nya dulu kan???)

Or..(ni memang lah selalu) Bang...boleh tak you hantar I pergi klinik dulu sebelum you pergi opis you? Abang Asperger Buat-Buat...tak boleh lah...nanti I lambat. Wife said...you kan masuk kerja pukul 9, appoinment I pukul 8.15, kan opis you tak jauh dari klinik tu? AABB terus cakap...tak sempat laa...pergi sendiri la. Mana ada dekat. Klinik you kat Jalan C, opis I kan kat Jalan E (dua langkah aje lah nya punnn)

Or...if you Abang Asperger punya kampung kat Muar...and your Kampung kat Labu batu 8 tu aje...tapi bila ajak balik rumah Mak Pak you, dia akan cakap...kampung you jauhhhh masuk dalam. Sial kan? Tapi drive sampai 3 jam gi Muar yang lalu segala macam Parit tu boleh pulak???

Tu belum masuk lagi penyakit-penyakit lain yang hinggap kat orang lelaki..like amnesia buatan sendiri...personality disorder e.g. dengan kawan opis cakap lembut, dengan bini cakap macam Immigration Heathrow lah garang nya...and Manic Depression...e.g. bila buat menda dia suka...mood sungguh lah high nya. Tapi bila kita ajak gi teman kita gi beli ayam kat pasar Subang Jaya...mood terus low macam kena angin pasang.

And should I start on so called 'mid life crisis?'. Ish..kang orang kata I anti jantan pulak. But funny lah jugak kan bila this man was once our knight in a shinning armour...yang sanggup nak jadi angkasawan tu pergi bulan bintang, but now you suruh pi Carrefour pun merungut semilan kali.

The same one who said..I can't live without you masa chenta tengah hangat macam chicken claypot baru siap..alih-alih sekarang, kalau you ajak dia teman you pantang kat kampung, he will rather dok umah sensorang. Hidup gak sampai sekarang.