Update

Kejap ye...bagi chance Makji balik rumah dulu. Budak cinonet ni dah ngantuk...punyalah lasak, koyak rabak baju Makji di tariknya. Suka benau budak ni Mak dia membukak aurat ditengah-tengah jalan....
Hello you all...... okay, anak pun dah tido, Abg Pitt pun Makji dah layan....

Pening jugak kepala Makji tau...memikir-mikir apa yang patut Makji tulis...sambil tu sempat lah jugak Makji buat-buat pose pandang tempat lain sambil mengigit jari gittew...

Makji rasa terharu sebab you all sudi juga masuk blog Makji yang ala-ala Malaysia Today lagi tak bermoral ini.... tapi, Makji ingin mengambik kesempatan untuk mengucapkan terima kasih tak terhingga kerana menyapport Makji, dari mula Makji bukak blog, sampailah Makji dah beranak 6. Insya allah, kalau laptop Makji dah pulih dari relapse schidzophrenia Type 2, Makji akan update lagi dengan penuh sensasi..sesensasi tattoo-tattoo Makji.

(Hjh Esah Jolie, berposing...ohh..tak kuasa ku memikirkan apalah si Brad Pitt tu nak makan malam ni)

Okay, reality check...., to all my friends, Happy New Year.

Ampuan Tuanku, Beribu-Ribu Ampun.....

Forgive me my friend, had I offended you and your family in my earlier post, nevertheless I will keep on writing when and what I see fit. Ampun Tuankuu....(read: PODAHHH!!!)

But I must say, amidst your busy schedule (bukankah kita yang bersedagho dokek-dokek ni,akan sibuk membaca Quran yassin bagai bilo atuk mo uwan kito mati)you rather have time to read,gossips and facts to enrich your worldly knowledge.Tabik Tuanku.

Let's just put your mind at rest. Yes, I am very sorry for your loss and No, this is not a good time dish out dirts.But let's just established the motive here. I am only a writer, Dear Tunku. I don't write books because my grammar tunggang langgang and my day job does not permit me any free time even to poop.Let alone to brush my writing skills.I only have a blog, that I specifically sets up to unload my container.By container I mean, my shite-of-a-thoughts, Sir, those that I collected and amassed from my work as a Social Worker.Unlike you and your family, I don't inherit wealth.Although my father last post in the Army was the high rank that automatically made him a Dato', we the children remain tak cukup makan and we can only dream to celebrate NY at Las Vegas.Plus my father will always remind us on how poor he was back in Kuale Kangsor and that he had to walk miles and miles to school with just a pair of shoes.With that every inch of details of his hardship enough to put a child off, of asking money.

I understand that you're grieving, now that you Ruler grandpapa or whoever he is to you died, more so now that Tunku Muhriz is sitting on the throne instead of your Uncle Bill or Pete, for that matter.However, bereavement is no longer an excuse to bad language, especially in my small time comment box, Sir.For that, Raja or tak Raja, I serve the right to tell you off.Cilako!!!!

For being insensitive to you and your family feelings in this deeply terrible time, I am sorry.For quoting that Tuanku Jaafar is 'anak koling'...hmmm, I would rather you take that up with my Uwan, who passed away 22 years ago.She is now resting is Gombak and I am sure if you type the post code in your Sat Nav, you will find that cemetary.That poor Nurin Jazlin was buried at the same place.However, you might want to know that although people in Tanah Malaya like to call this lot 'Serani', they are indeed descended from Anglo Indian. Indian is always Indian by race by we the United State Of Nine (yakni, Negeri Sembilan) casually address them as 'Koling'.Is that racist? If is, how is it racist? Deragatory term yes, racist No. Racist is something like...'You fucking Black Bastard...'. Come on...having gone to the school like Alice Smith and all those UK boarding school, can you not specify what is racist what is not?

I detest people who come to other people blogs and started using inappropriate language.While I think we all should be more open minded to such comments, ye lah kan..tak kan lah saya ni sorang aje yang betul...there's a way to express opinion.Threatening is not one of them.We can say whatever we want within reasons. Unlike your relative, Jaime who caused altercation at Shangrila's Night Club...hah!! Padan muko kena tumbuk.Pocah hidung.Guess what, the Mummy Tunku Dara yang dah tak dara tu..(anak dah hompek..apo Dagho eh tu) sending threats pulak, requesting millions.Ceh, buek malu yo...

Okaylah..I shall leave you alone now.But please, if you are offended with what I published, may you not use inappropriate language in here nor should you insult my family.That is so not on.That is why, I did not published your stupid comment.

I too, refused to take things lying down, Dear Tunku. Watch this space.I will write more and more about you and your family.It is fun.

Again...I like to sing the TKC's favourite song again...'Berkatlah Yang Dipertuan Besar, di Negeri Sembilannnnnnn'.

Cak pong..cak pong!!!

Yamtuan Mangkat....Yamtuan Menanam....Mari Menanam Yamtuan.

Kurang ajar kan I, buat entry yang macam ni....

Selain dari menotap kek Paroi Jaya, apa lagi connection diriku dengan N9. Takdo...memang takdo. I wasn't even born in N9.

Through my mobile, I have a quicke peep at my blog page...nampak lah message kocik cakap, pasal sedara mangkat-mangkat ni.I dok pikir, siapa lagi la yang dah mangkat ni.Because I was up relatively early and sebagai anak yang solehah, I thought of calling my omak just to say hi.Dalam pada line yang tak clear, my omak said 'Yamtuan dah mangkat'.I asked..mano omak tahu? Omak said, her ex colleague who works in the 'sepita' told her. Did I told you my omak used to work in the 'sepita' before she pencen last year? Meh sini nak cakap kek Omak and her frens...lain kali hal sepita, tingga kek sepita lah Omak..sepita tu takdo confidentiality protocol ko? I ni nak bagitahu bukan apa..my 2nd workplace is a sepita gak...so,apo-apo yang tejadi kek sepita, takleh poei ceghito mo oghang do, omak oi... (tapi kalau nak tulih masuk blog buleh agak eh..)

Because my omak, my apak and majority of my relatives is in N9, I took pride in becoming the Negerian myself. I speaks the dialects fluently...I can even muster a little bit of minangkabau..alah teh, alah teh,alah teh!!! N9 got so many 'pesen' of dialects. The 'Kolopelah' (mistakenly obscene kan Ood?) The Chombong,Chongkau & Bongek also got different style of talking.Funnily enough, with my clan, I don't sopeak N9, I sopeak BM pokan.In my household, nobody sopeak kampung dialect.We speak English (ceh..tu dia berlagak!!!) or we speak bahaso pokan. My father came from Kuale Kangsor...and like any other orang Perak yang tak sedar diri that they all tu makan deghoyan, Father always insists skeaping London through and through...thank you very much to his MCKK and Sandhurst day. Once upon a time when I was little and parents decided that we have had enough of changing school, we moved to Garrison Camp in Podeksen.After that, my Omak never leave N9, after Podeksen, she moved to Seghomban and has been in Seghomban since.I never went back, apart from a short biskut chipsmore trip.

Here it is....my hearftfelt condolences to Tuanku Jaafar and family. He is quite old but my Omak said, he is not a frail man.Badan eh togap laie.But it is obvious that it is the heart that finally go on...and give away.He is quite a good looking man himself.

Sebagai anak tak jati N9 yang sungguh kaya dengan sumber-sumber gossip asli, I found out that he is not well liked by the Undangs.Not only that, the gossip monger told me that his children are notoriously greedy.This is a tell tale people in Paroi have heard since lamo-lamo dulu.One of my friend used to work for Antah in Bukit Damansara. Everybody including lombu kambing kek Josseh tu know that Antah belongs to the Pilah's.They are filthy rich.

Every year, for a fact, the childrens, grandchildrens will do their yearly pilgrimage NY party overseas.Nobody is suprised when the other 4 is abroad. Kesian nya....

What people do with their lives is their choice. I am sure the Pilahs is like any of us, will do what other people do...kalau berduit kita enjoy lah kan.Tapi kita ni tak berduit, so kito ontok-ontok lah duduk umah kito kek Bayswater tu.Nobody likes comiserations...nak-nak bila tengah bergumbira. Many,many years ago, on Boxing day, me and my cousins went to the Ikhlas Sheila Majid concert.Really tak sodar diri...after the concert we went clubbing kek II LA and balik reban only at 8am, after makan ruti canai kek Doraisamy tu. We sambung tidur and later in the noon, was woken up by my other cousin, my Uwan passed away. Now that I think about it, it is the same day as the Yamtuan's passing day. I really feel berdoso...as I was 'menyetan' the day before. Bak kata orang, jangan terlampau bersuko...kok nanti berair mato.Yo boto den berair mato. I lap yu, Uwan....

My Uwan told us that (tatau lah kalau dia ada grudges against him) Tuanku Jaafar is not the intended heir.With the racist remark, mu Uwan said 'dio tu anak koling'. Apparently the reason is so political and Tuanku Munawir's son is not selected.My Uwan's information is similar to what I read kat Malaysiakini. But if you read the sejarahs book, Yamtuans is not as as powerful as he wanted to be.Yamtuans is like the Agongs, they're selected to sit and look pretty.The men behind the scene is the Undangs and the Undang is the hardcore adat perpatih follower that would rather let their anak mati before their adat...(drama sungguh)

Tunku Mukhriz's father (Tunku Jaafar's brother) is the anak gahara...but he remain the only 'undiluted' son of Tuanku Abdul Rahman. While Tuanku Jaafar's clan enjoy the perks of being on the throne, Tunku Mukhriz become the object of my Uwan's pity.

Because my internet connection macam cilako...I cannot update my blog or baco sokabar.But I read somewhere that before the Yamtuan Menanam...they need to choose the new Yamtuan and they are going to select between the 4. I am not sure if Tunku Mukhriz is one of the 4. Let's just hope he is.

Sekian, saya sudahi posting ini dengan lagu feverett budak TKC

'...Berkat lah yang DiPertuan Besar..di Negeri Sembilan.......'

Al-Fatihah.

Dress Safely

I must thank you all yang mengomen kat entry si Lelawati tu...punyalah ramai. Ni lah satu nya I berbangga jadik kaum wanita ni...kalau ada sesama kita yang teraniaya, ramai betul yang akan terangkat dari pilot seat masing-masing.

Obviously, I tak bagitau kat Lelawati cadangan-cadangan kalian...bakar rumah lah, bawak lari anak lah..bobbit la..You Tube la... I am sure if I am Lelawati, segala cadangan akan diambil kira dan dilaksana, depending mana yang paling sadis sekali.

But although Lelawati tak berkesampaian nak mendengar cadangan-cadangan you all, the person that she is (or has become) will only response with a smile or lelehan air mata.Ni lah kata orang, bila hati dah hancur, nak buat apa-apa pun dah tak sanggup, melainkan membuang memory bersama tu jauh-jauh (oii..nasib baik betul lah kau si laki Lelawati...kalau dapat kat aku...or Kiah, harus hancur dirogol bergilir-gilir)

Last week, I pergi cantas rambut I...cantas sependek-pendek nya (habislah reputasiku sebagai pompuan melayu terakhir) I got a day off (and demam macam nak mampus) and I balik London sekejap and on the way balik rumah, kedai gunting rambut yang I suka tu (the only reason I suka tempat ni islah pasal si hairdresser nya tak banyak mulut...I rimas tau orang suka borak-borak sambil pegang gunting ni...pastu, macam dia ajelah yang pandai gunting rambut) bukak and macam tak ramai orang. I singgah masuk and ask if she is busy...Makcik tu kata she got 1/2 hour free and tanya I nak buat apa dengan rambut I? I told her that as I tengah demam, I can really do with a haircut. Laugh all you want but masa I kecik, kalau I demam panas, my mother potong je rambut I, terus demam I baik. Apo makno eh tu?

2 days before that, I tengoklah program Girls Aloud dalam TV and macam berkenan pulak dengan rambut Sarah Harding tu...tapi kat tempat kerja I kang nak berlawa-lawa pulak kang, habis pulak aku attract segala sexual offender or sex maniac.Kami pompuan-pompuan kat Dept ni, nak pakai skirt pun takut, apatah lagi T-shirt ala-ala plunging neck line.Majority pompuan omputih ni (Kiah..now you can share this with MG) tet*k semua ala-ala tet*k tikus, unless setelah diubah suai, so takde sapa nya yang akan oogle flat chest depa tu...harapkan kembang dek padded bra aje (huishhh..mulutku) ----> See, dah terbabas cakap pasal breast pulak. Kang nanti orang ingat I budak TKC.

So, bila I duduk kat kerusi hairdresser tu, I pun cakap lah, I gunting rambut ala-lala Girls Aloud (tak nak kalah kan?) So, makcik ni menurut perintah. One thing I like about her is that, she give good suggestions. Seriously, I kalau nak gunting rambut kena hangkut sekali consultant tak berbayar tu (MB) maka MB lah yang akan bagi tau hairdresser tu apa pesen yang dia rasa seswai untuk I (dan paling tak seswai dimata bapak ku) And MB usually will take liberty to mengutuk my sense of hairstyling dengan pondan-pondan mulut tak insurance haidresser tu (mahap ye..hairdresser pepondan yang lain) Hey you all, just because muka kau macam Gok Wan, doesn't mean that kau punya style tu seswai...masa mulut they all sesedap rasa ngutuk I tu, I just wish that they all will tersadung kaki and tertikam dengan gunting-gunting kat yang kat pinggang they all itu.Berangan gunting tu macam pistol pulak.

After 1/2 hour and £20 poorer (kira murs la h tu North London punya price) maka, here I am looking not exactly like Sarah Harding and without all the blonde highlights.Kalau lah tak ngenang mak bapak, harus ku kaler rambut ku tak sedar diri tapi..London is way too small for people to notice and menyebarkan dakyah rambut ku dah kuning, as if I am committing Lina Joy's act, padahal baru kaler rambut.Ciss kau orang Seremban!!!

The insecurity soon kicks in.Bila dah terasa muka dah persis pengkid mana...mulalah rasa akan kena homophobic attack.I started wearing a really skinny shirt to work that emphasised my rarely seen 34C.Earrings chokia pun dah ganti dengan pearl earrings (nasib baik tak macam Pat Butcher)

I attended my Dept Xmas dinner, dalam invitation kata smart/black tie and tup-tup, I turned up with sleeveless top, above-knee length skirt with a long skinny boots....with Make Up courtesy of MB yang telah memekapkan I cam pompuan Sungai Rejang mana tah.

Guess what I have attracted? 3 different men (work colleague) stripping off their tuxedo showing their hairy bits. Kosser Makji tau!!!!

Kesimpulannya...nak lari dari kena homophobic attack or ejekan budak-budak Itam yang tak buleh langsung tengok pompuan rambut pendek (kununnya lah drama) tup-tup beratur jantan tunjuk konek kat I.

If only....those men are not for turning.Oh Kiah...nasib baik kau takde, kalau tak habis lah abang2 diorang tu kena violate dengan kau.

Sekian.

Update

Semenjak I kena transfer ke Dorset ni, rasa macam dah terasing sungguh dari dunia luar (or dalam dunia...)

To those yang menyambut birthday yang ke 36th, maka selamat hari jadi lah.Rasa berdosanya I tak belikan you apa-apa.I really am cut out from many things, friends and family.Tak pernah betul kerja sesibuk macam sekarang ni.Masa ni lah nak menangisi nasib sendiri..apasal lah Raja Nadzrin pi kahwin dengan Zara Davidson tu bukannya aku...apasal lah Tengku Mizan dulu tak nak tunggu I (ceh..macamlah kenal) or...apakah kurang nya diriku ini kalau nak dibandingkan dengan Kabita Kor tu? If was ever the right candidate to them eligible bachelor tu, takdelah rasanya hidupku akan seserabai ini...although berkahwin orang kaya takdelah nak menjanjikan bahagia...tapi rasanya, lebih baik duduk relax dalam istana sepanjang hari, habis-habis sibuk pun pergi sekolah budak2 cacat potong reben, or pergi teman kekanda suami kat majlis-majlis VVIP and the only hard work to do is to pretend to be very interested and pose-pose senyum kambing for all the Utusan's, Berita Harian's papparazzi....

This is already December. Since I started blogging, belum pernah lagi lah I mengamalkan konsep sawang walaupun pada hakikatnya takde langsung benda nak dicerita kat orang.Since takde orang rindu (ataupun ada yang rindu tapi tak nak cakap...cisss, sucker for compliment betul lah I) I pun takdelah nak meredah lautan api, men deprive kan diri dari tidur 5 jam sehari demi nak hupdate blog.In addition to my many problems, laptop I dah tak nak nyala...apa ke masalah nya I pun tak tau.My office kat Dorset ada satu PC aje so kalau nak berblog hop kang takut terkantoi..mind you, I sorang aje yang ber kaler ceklat dalam opis I ittew.Orang putih kampungan kat UK ni, selalunya tak berapa gemar ber boss kan orang luar.So sebelum I kena report menggunakan opis PC for personal use, I better wait until I balik London and masa ni lah pun boleh minjam laptop MB's.

Semenjak 3 minggu ni...I dah le takde access nak baca Utusan Malaysia...so tau-tau, macam-macam nya yang dah terjadi.

1. Nasir P Ramlee dah mati...kesian....muda-muda lagi dah kena sakit jantung.Not sure if it's genetically inherited, but kadang2 kalau makan tak jaga pun boleh kena juga.Macam I la..ikut hati hari-hari nak makan Nasi Briyani and all that lauk yang bertan-tan traces of minyak nya.Tapi mengenangkan hati masih ada nafsu nak berjalan ala-ala Elle McPherson, maka makan Indian takeaway every 2 weeks aje.Selebihnya..makanlah cold cuts and salads. (Tak jugak aku rajin terberak..apa ke hal nya?)

2. Tanah runtuh kat Ulu Kelang nunnn? The day before I flew to the UK the first time, Highland Tower dah runtuh..kesian si Carlos Musa Hitam tu..yang khabarnya putus kepala.Nasib baik quick thinking aruah bini nya maka dapatlah the only offspring selamat.Hearing people's perished in such disastrous events sungguhlah menyedihkan...tak cukup dengan itu ada pulak suara sumbang kata this is the act of god lah dek kerna berdosa nya orang Ulu Klang tu.Ye lah..natural disaster legitimately is one kind of the god's act...tapi tak semuanya yang termati tu kena hukum ditimpa tanah kan? Lay off people of Ulu Klang la...kesian.Just because their bukits is the vulnerable one.I have more sympathy to those who lost every single thing they owned...and to add to their injury, insurance company boleh sesuka ati pulak tak nak compensate.Kalau nak mintak payment laju saja.

3. Norman Hakim dah let go bini nya....ah, it is about time.Walaupun dengarnya sebak dijiwa...(masa kau berperangai puaka tu takdelah pulak nak pikir consequences nya kan?) Bila dah jadi cam ni, maka berduyun-duyun lah orang akan kesian.But having seen loads and loads of cases where...masa dah tergadah nilah laki baru nak menyesal, sometime, the good thing to do is to let go.First time is always you're fool to cheat on me but second is always...yes you're fool but more fool me for believing in you.

4. Tah sapa-sapa footballer dah kahwin lari dengan artis fofuler.I pun tak lah kenal sapa but journalists interviewed the parents yang clearly upset kononnya 'dibelakangkan'. Ceh Pakcik, Makcik....mana pakcik makcik suka..anak Pakcik/Makcik ditangkap basah satu Malaya tau or anak Pakcik/Makcik bawak anak orang kawin kat Siam? Both undesirable but the latter is more reasonable.Sama-sama bujang...apalah salahnya.Kalau makbapak tak kasi problem or tak excessively sticking in their oar, tak kan ada nya anak-anak nak kawin lari...so parents, sebelum nak menyalahkan anak-anak, bagilah peluang masing-masing tu membuat hal sendiri.Asalkan anak pakcik/makcik tak membunuh/merompak, setakat kawin lari..habis-habis pun orang Seremban akan bersoksek for sebulan dua, and by the time entah ada anak orang Bukit Chedang pulak yang buat hal, maka they will soon berhenti bersoksek hal anak you and start focussing on anak orang Bukit Chedang ittew...(ni anak siapalah pulak ni)

Okaylah...baik I berhenti cerita hal orang...meh sini I nak umpat diri sendiri lak.

You all tahulah kan dah dekat-dekat Xmas ni, segala manusia kena pi keluar shopping cari hadiah untuk family diorang.Semenjak dah berumah tak bertangga dengan orang putih ni, nak tak nak, kenalah I pun bersibuk-sibukan juak cari hadiah.

This is the most stressfull December for me by a mile.Bad enough I salah pandang expiry date visa I, maka semput jugak nyawa nak buat preparation to study for the 'Life In The UK'.Orang dah belajar berbulan..I boleh main-main and stress sendiri.Pulak tu, tuhan punya kuasa nasib baik ada seat kosong for the exam.Dalam hati, I pikir..kalau lah I fail...habislah segala-galanya.Alhamdulillah..I passed the test tapi tak taulah berapa marks nya.Lantaklah...jadi dah selesai.Bila nak submit borang LTR to pulak...macam-macam benda yang tak cukup.I was running up and down London - Dorset sampai MB marah I. Lagi I stress. Sudahannya, I hantar my form the day before it expire.Apa nak jadi..jadilah.

I panas hati dengan Boss kecik I.Boss I Cik Puan Besar tu, dalam sakit-sakit datang jumpa I..mintak I reconsider my decision...masa dia datang pujuk tu, dia kata, Makji...kalau you nak balik London..balik lah.But I tak nak you berhenti.Tak cukup dengan tu, CPB naik kan gaji I and suruh HQ bagi I bonus.So orang mata duitan macam I ni senang sangat nak tukar fikiran.Bak kata MB, give yourself until next year la...nanti cari kerja lain.You are just so lucky time-time recession ni, you dapat naik gaji.

So,last week lepas duit bonus tu dah masuk dalam bank, maka bershopping Xmas sakan lah I. I am so not good at shopping, so nak menyenangkan kerja plus orang putih ni senang aje, kalau you all dah takde idea nak bagi hadiah apa...hadiahkan jelah air-air kencing setan...happy lah they all.

So, off I went to Tesco Earl's Court (padahal that day dah sumpah demi Allah tak nak datang lagi branch ni) and I was hapily shopping botol-botol kicap tu.Macam-macam perisa ada...Votka, Kokneg, Peeno Grijio lah...Melibu, Cempen...

Masa I dok tunggu tube tu, I terjumpa sorang akak Malaysian Hi Com ni...she was with another akak Tudung...ikut hati nak lari tapi beg shopping berat.She tegur I..I pun senum-senyum silliew...and being a nosy woman that she is, she peek into my shopping bag...'Hamboi..awak hangat bershopping nampak'....and terdiam dia bila dia nampak bebotol kicap beraneka perisa tu.

I dengan selamba cakap la..a'ah..Xmas present kengkawan...hoping that the earth will swallow me.I swear the other akak gave me the satanic glance...

Sumpah tak nak pi lagi area tu.

p/s Aking...jgn lupa ber kolling-kolling tau.Harus kita redah Red area tu.