Displaced Dependency

Semasa berpoya-poya recently, we sempat bergossip about this friend of ours yang sudah menjadi balu.

Dah 2,3 tahun jugaklah dia ni menjadi expressly single when the laki just die from cardiac arrest. Tu dia....takde hint hint langsung arwahnya tu sakit malah mereka berdua active lah mewarnai dunia pesbuk mereka dgn activity activity berdua. So you can imagine the shock wife has to go through.

She rose to become the topic of her friends conversations....kitorang la. Masa memula hidupnya amatlah sengsara gituh. I am not talking sengsara in terms of being destitute. Both were doing so well, well enough the wife can just work whenever she wants to. But wife was insanely pampered by the hubs errr, so the impression that we got. Ye la, semua pun tatau buat sebab katanya lakinya yang buat. Nak uruskan sekolah anak, taktau. Nak uruskan yuran college anak, hal hal bank, apa segala benda duniawi, dia tak tahu katanya...in between her sobs. So bad that adalah kawan2 kami jugak yg terpaksa mem volunteer diri jadi PA nya masa tu.

One of our friend reckoned that...agaknya she is still in shock tu yang ada temporary amnesia tu. Ye laa...takkan lah nak bank in duit pun tatau kannnn?

Some of us think that arwah laki is so awfully sweet....and membayangkan cemanalah wife akan meneruskan hidup tanpa laki gituh.

I pulak....tak tau nak pikir apa. I quite agree with the shock bit. I remembered when adik I meninggal, my appa cam tergamang la tatau nak buat apa hilang punca like that sampai another person had to take over uruskan hal.

But women is way lot stronger than men, mentally. Setakat picking up pieces tu macam rebus kacang kuda lah gamaknya.

But with this friend of ours....after 2,3 years...I heard masih gak ala-ala tak reti nak urus hal dunia dia. Adakalanya....ternampaklah we all akan kesedihan nya mengenangkan lakinya hence, declarations in pesbuk yang tiada lagi laki sepertinya. For some reason...I think that sort of declaration is much sweeter coming from a man than a woman. Ye lah, kita kan sokmo rasa laki kita of boipren kita tu lah god gift nya. Perangai lahanat dia mmg telah diblock jejauh dari memory gituh. Tapi jantan yang mati bini or bercerai mati...dalam sejuta duda, adalah 2,3 yang akan kata tiada pompuan lain dapat menggantikan tempat bininya.

M Nasir said the same about his ideal sisters's wife. Not long after that, he married Marlia Musa. Grievinggggggggglah sangat kannnn?

So kawan kami ni, yesss...masih grieving gamak nya. Kalau pergi karaoke tu nyanyi lagi ala ala ku kehilangan mu and stuff like that. But I cakap dgn my frens, with all the check ins kat tempat tempat happening, berjalan kesana kemari independently, haruskah kita rasa dia tu 'crippled' by grieve? Our friend merangkap PA tak berbayar yang masih lagi menguruskan hal dunia balu kuciwa tu telah kami api kan supaya jangan dok tolong dia lagi. Bukannya dengki...but please ah, about time lah ko belajar kan? Sampai bila nak tunjuk kat dunia kau tu sedih tak larat?

Another friend of mine told me that how her world was shattered when she got divorced. Punyalah dependent dgn laki, bawak keta pun tatau so she had to learn everything.

Ada jugak balu yang kata..she must remarry because dia tak reti hidup sorang. ----cam ni pun ada tau uols. So off she sign up some dating websites and berdating dating.

Please lah....bukan ke banyak benda kita boleh buat? If you are not into charity work...gi lah sapu sampah ye tak? Take your mind of things..idoklah nak menangisi hidup yg ditinggalkan laki
yang takkan kembali.

Another thing...this overly dependent, insanely being pampered etc etc...sweet kah? I for one think that if your spouse tend to do everything and not letting you play part in anything...is a gross control freak. This sort of person will not even share their personal details. I asked this fren of mine yang balu kuciwa ni, so you were close..but how come you donno his pin password etc? He is not even preparing you for emergency. Come on... we are mere mortal. Tak terpikir kah if anything happens?

When you decided to commit with your partner, bersedialah nak commit segala benda sekali. Simpan sikit aje lah untuk kita buat back up...macam, kalau beli rumah, kalau kedekut sangat dgn bini, taruklah penama nama anak ke with wife as the guardian.

Buat lah manual ke, like how do you pay your mortgage monthly? How to use the jump start....what fabric conditioner to buy....ops! Simpan manual tu for only to be opened in the event of your passing. Gituh.

So back to this balu kuciwa, I cakap dgn kengkawan I yang maybe...dia ni mmg suka orang bagi attention kat dirinya....and what can be is that she did not grieve properly tu yg dok hidup macam monyet proboscis je tu.

As oppose to another friend of ours yang balu sebab lakinya kena denggi dgn dianya baru lepas beranak...youngest baru 2 minggu and eldest 2 tahun. After 8 years, baru hatinya terbuka nak terima chenta dari jantan. I asked her, how do you cope?

She said..I was sad, shocked and busy. All I can think of is my sons and how to raise them without father being around. She said she was angry too....to her husband yang katanya..amboi kata nak sehidup semati pastu boleh lah mati dulu sensorang. Gituh.

So to all wives out there....start taking notes from the husband ye. But kalau you all aje yang buat semuanya like this wife I know, laki kau dok tidur dan sopping aje, maka all you need to know is bank and insurance details. Kalau laki you tu kedekut tak nak share, habaq la kat dia you need to buy his kain kapan and duit gali kubur and berdosa berhutang dgn you, if you have to pay it..nanti dia takleh aman dalam kubur gituh.

Kan?


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