Sila imejin I buat tangan ala-ala Cik Seripah tu and uols pulak berfeeling budak Minachi yang kena buli dek Cik Seripah tu. Hmmm. Okay, this post is not going to discuss that. Kita semua sedia maklum yang Cik Seripah tu mempunyai masalah mental yang kronik. Dia aje yang tak sedia maklum.
Not to speak out of turn, one of the essential skills that is required in medical profession is, to be able to listen. Even if you're physically deaf. Pekak telinga idoklah bermakna pekak hati, ye tak?
To be able to function like a human and live moderately happy, we need people to listen to us. Rata2 kita mempunyai banyak masalah dan kalau boleh, kita nak orang dengar masalah kita and hopefully, the problems, kalau tak halved, its solved.
Sometimes, we ask for advice. Sometimes, we got asked for advice. In life we got to experience both. Which one would we rather be? If we like to listen, what sort of listener are we? I like to think I am a good listener, yelah..dah kojo I kan kena mendengar masalah. Masalah kurang kasih sayang, masalah kurang duit, masalah kenapa bas tak datang...ohh you name it. Sometimes, it get's to a point that I am listening to everyone's problem and no one listen to mine. Ada pulak kawan yang I listened to the most were the ones who either took me most for granted or ended up treating me like shit. Ada pulak the type who just wanted to whine and whinge endlessly didn't want to solve their problems. Betul ngabihkan boreh tau. But I must tell you, my listening power has a limit. Infact, if you are the Iistening type, you must set a limit. Sebab kalau takde limit, situkang cakap tu akan naik lemak ber tan-tan and tak pepasal, you pulak akan disalahkan. Remember, we listened because we care. We gave the time so, that counts. Okay, I will list a few and at this end of this posting, tell me....which one are you, okay?
The Passive Listener
The common criteria of this type? The one that keep a lot of thoughts and actions to themselves. Not even to friends (potentially puak2 ni takdelah ramai kawan) To the passive lietener, people don't need to know everything he/she does or think. To them, people around them should stop treating them like they need advice. The passive listener people usually don't give any and don't want any. To them, if they screw up it's their fault and leave them alone. They hate unsolicited advise.
The Active Listener
Why do you think some people can listen 'actively' ? They are either paid to or getting benefits from being a listener. Just this two. If for one second you rasa orang tu minat sebab dia betul2 minat nak dengar luahan hati you, think again. We always heard about statement pasangan berchenta dalam sokabar memuji kelangit pakwe/makwe mereka, ohhh...he is such a caring person, he listens...blablabla bluek! Satu dua, tiga kali kalau minat nak dengar masalah you, tu mesti genuine lah. Kalau sejuta kali? Wei, mak sayang anak hingga ke sorgaaa tu pun ada limit nak tadah telinga ye. The active listener are most probably a captive audience. Tak boleh nak lari. Dengar aje lah. A person limit for active listening per problem per person is 40 mins or 60 mins top. That is because that is the time needed to understand the root of the problem. After that is just useless banter. Anything after 60 mins requires notes taking.
This one, rarely talk about their problems to anyone. Nak nak kalau ada problem relationship like, if you are pushing 30 masih gak tak jumpa jantan yang nak ajak or kita nak paksa kahwin lest they judge you too, or worse yet overanalyse the situation until a point where they feel worse, or give you the "you will find that special someone soon" speech which I bet you've been hearing since you discovered boys. To you, hearing that from married or people with partners makes you want to puke. Unfortunately, for the fairweathers, if you do raise your concerns about something, they tend to give advice because their brains have been wired to be solution based. The fairweathers are often diplomatic and will try not to be rude about it and if they sense it's not appreciated, they will just walk away and go to sleep.
Just listen, no solutions offered. If you ask me, this is better. Nak kata active listening pun ye jugak tapi as I said, no solution offered. Sometimes people just want to rant, and advice is not what they want to hear. People often think a rant needs advice. Sometimes not, cause a lot of times no one can solve it. Most times a rant is a rant, just to let it out unless they ask hey I need your advice. Women are veryyyyyyyyy good at this (errr, the listening, not the rant)
Let's fix this! Read as, ko ni, ada je masalah...cepatlah bagi settle. Bungkus pastu. Jantan...ambik mudah aje kannn? When I say 'fix this' don't always assume 'fix this' is them solving your problems. You bagitau laki you...bang, saya rasa rumahtangga kita ada problem. Laki will jawab...ishh..mengarut je. Dah. Toksah pikir. To them, problem fixed. babi sangat method tu. Paling best, lepas dia rasa dia dah fixed problem kita, kita pulak dipanggil nya gila sebab pikir ngarut-ngarut. Hish sangat!
They will come looking for you. Moaning and ranting. They then will ask you for advice. You give them one, they said...I don't need your advice. They moan and rant again. You listened and offer no advice.Pastu dia marah you sebab katanya you tak simpati and tak menolong and treat you like macam you pulak bagi masalah kat dia. Bongok sungguh!
As Ani BNS calls it 'Ceritaku Ceritamu'. You know, listening to a friend's rant is more difficult than giving advice. It's a lost art this listening. Worst must be those who turn your problem into stories about theirs. Huioo....kita doklah mengadu nasib kat dia...tau-tau, the next conversation is about her, her loves stories etc etc.
Okay peeps. Selamat mendengar.