About Me

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

For Abang

This year is ending. (okay..kalau uols baca posting ni di tahun baru, silalah mahapkan kebengongan mobile phone tenet ku ini yeah)

For you who don't know...ye lah...I kan kendakang benda2 private tak suka share dgn orang gitu, this year I lost another brother. For this posting, I want to talk about him.

It is only 2 years gap between us. We were very close when we were growing up. From what I gather, he is Appa and Amma pride and joy. Sebab dia anak sulung jantan maybe.

I remember that he always gets what he wants.

I remember that he always gets things that is the top of the range.

I remember that he excels in getting himself out of the pickle situation he created.

As we get slightly older, our father spent most of his times working away. Not having a father around at the age when you are about to start questioning the world is not ideal. Looking back I think Appa must have regretted the effect on not being there during Abang's sensitive age.

What I remember clearly that he grew up to be the spoil-est self appointed brat who run rings around Amma.

Growing up seeing him manipulating my parents, hassling every inch of my parents life and causing heart and headache sort of molded me into a docile child who wish not to be the same as him and not adding anymore on top of many issues my parents were facing when the kids are growing up.

See, I chose to be the docile one because I have to.

Of course with him being super difficult and rebellious one, the parents allegiance switched to the anak2 yang tak membuat hal. The jealousy started. To Abang, I am Appa's apple. What worse, Appa pulak menunjuk-nunjuk, probably thinking that (showing me up to him) will change Abang's ways. Illek pochik!

We have good moments too, well..when he is not too consumed by his hard done by feelings. What he didn't know that we (the adik2) had to work hard to get what we want.

In the recent years, our relationship take turn for the worst. Tak payah lah I cerita banyak2 but suffice say, my kepala batu and his unreasonable behaviour is a concoction of bad cocktails. He is by all account, envied the hell out of me.

I can only suspect that he is envious because I am the one Appa trusted to lead the adik-adik. But I think most of all, he envied the fact that I am the person he is not.

But what Abang didn't know is that, I am too, envious of him. I am dead envious that he got to do exactly what he wants irregardless. He doesn't have any care for the world and for how others may feel. If you think that selfish person had it all, that is by all account is right.

Our family had a difficult 2 years. In that time, his irresponsibility causes frictions and pushing me right out of his way. He had a difficult 2 years too. His marriage collapsed. I was told that everything started to break into pieces when his wife left him. In that two years, he has upsets so many people, and his own family are not spared.

Abang died peacefully in his sleep. My sister told me that he spent his last week calling up people to apologise.Of course at that time nobody took him seriously ---the amount of time...I'm sorry but I'll do it again.He called up Amma and put her mind at rest, finally. 3 days after telling Amma that he has make peace with Allah and himself, he left us without a goodbye.

I am glad that his final journey was made easy, if only, that is the only easiest journey he had in his life.

I want to remember good things about him. After he left and until today, I did not cry. I dreamt of him, but because we bergaduh so much in our lifetime, mimpi pun mimpi bergaduh.

But my Abang, despite all the bad traits he developed thanks to his surroundings, is the kindest man I know. He taught me to do whatever my heart desires. When I decided to migrate to England and Appa wasn't happy, he encouraged me and said...if I were you, I just go. Nevermind if you be this anak derhaka for now as long as you are happy. No so nice lah..but still...

I get to do cool things with him too. When we were little, he taught me many adventurous things, an experience a girl can only learn from her brother.

I remember when he first joined the boy scout and got to go camping. He came back and told me how exciting the camping was and persuaded Appa to let me come with him camping. Appa said no. In the end, he re enacted camping scene with khemah and food cooking belakang rumah for me to see what the fuss is all about. (it short-lived ..masuk senja, Amma think it is clever to tell us that Si Panjang kaler hitam akan datang lalu lalang depan khemah----mencicit I dgn dia masukrumah)

I last properly spoke to him during my younger brother wedding. He was trying to make amend by buying me a blueberry cake for my birthday.  But I was too cooped up. Macam sial perangai. He was sad and he told Amma & Appa. At that time I am glad that I actually for once managed to made him sad.

Yes. I cried when typing the above paragraph. I cried because my one and only Abang, the coolest one as I like to remember, the one who will actually never stop trying to make things better even though it turn out worst, has died.

I will always love you....because, you are my Abang. Al-Fatihah.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

That Particular Guest....Again!!!

Iskkk...tak pueh hati ni. If you want to call me petty, silakan. Selepas banyak kali disakithatikan orang pada tahun ni, being called 'petty' wouldn't hurt me an inch.

So with the guest extending her stay in my flat without menanya kami-kami okay ke tidak...dengan rasa tak bersalah nya, I thought that sebagai punca masalah, ye lah..sebab aku lah yang bagi permisi dia dok rumah I kannn? So, I decided to take her out jalan-jalan. So that I can give orang dalam rumah tu meng enjoy cuti weekend mereka. Yes, I felt bad. Dah la kami2 ni set kerja buruh kasar kann, so any time off dalam rumah adalah ditunggu-tunggu. I know my flatmate wouldn't mind so much orang datang rumah, but with this particular guest, yang tak pandai bawak diri...they kira bengang gak la.

But MB1 kan berbudi bahasa tinggi gittew, maka dia pun ikutlah I bawak budak tu jalan2. I tanyalah...ada tempat yang dia tak teringin nak pergi ke? Maka budak tu kata dia nak pi sini lah, sanalah etc etc. I takdelah melayan nafsunya but I opted to drive ke tempat yang hanya 2 jam jauhnya dari rumah I. We try to have fun but ......okay, this is where I think that the more intelligent you get the more socially inept you become. Ye lah, your kepala hotak penuh dengan information saja. You may know about everything around the world, impressing people with your Mayan's analogy, your agnostics view what have you but...

1. You menumpang rumah orang...buah tangan pun tak reti nak bawak ke? Tidak lah tuan rumah mintak. No...to be honest, I don't think Tuan Rumah will ask for anything unless if he/she is profit orientated. Selalu, kalau I pergi rumah orang, tak banyak sikit pun I will bawak some goodies tak pun I will take the host out for meals. Ye lah, orang dah bangi you menumpang...tak kan belanja Mekdi pun boleh jatuh miskin kan? Nope. This girl, jangan kata nak bawak Ferraro Roche kotak kecik, by the time she left the house, I was told, she finished off our Hotel Chocolat box set. Yes we offered her for a taste, but perlukah kau habiskan satu kotak?

2. Seriously, I think me and the MB's are really peghak. We don't always know whats in the market and what is the latest in thing. But I think we are happy with what we have. Takde barang mahal2 pun tak apalah. Susah betul I nak respect orang yang bercerita betapa cool nya henbeg Michael Kors, telling you how they already have few in their collections and is about to get another one or two yang hok terbaru. So off we send you to your shopping heaven, but when we stop for coffee, you just sat there, tunggu orang tanya nak makan/minum apa and in the end pandai cakap aje nak minum sekian2 late with specific low fat milk. Takdelah tanya if we want any cash contribution ke...or jadi insan responsible sikit pergi bayar rega kopi kann? Tak. Haram takde. But with me, duit can cari. So MB1 bought me a cake I like and thought of sharing it with me. MB1 ajak dia rasa sikit. But she ended up eating the bing chunk of it and nothing left for me.

3. Total of 4 days dia dok rumah kami. Cadangnya satu malam and off the next day. But she invited herself for that extension and making plans to see her other friends. So off she go and meet all these friends of hers and came back telling us how lovely all those expensive French Pattiseries was and telling MB1 she was stuffed. So on the last night, lepas dia kata dia dah kenyang macam anak babi tu, when MB1 was reheating leftover for herself, dia dok mengendeng dekat2 MB1 and MB1 macam terpaksa lah tanya, would you like some....and she said YES. MB1 yang dah sehari suntuk tak makan tu, kau dgn muka tak malunya mintak leftover yang chiput tu?

4. Not only that takde pun nak offer chip in duit minyak kannn....bila MB1 nak gi bayar, dia boleh pesan MB1 belikan dia pastry and coffee dalam M&S tu. Well, MB1 said dia tanya if she wanted anything...and bila kita2 ni cuma mintak mineral water aje, dia melampau mengambik kesempatan mintak macam2 pastu makan dalam kereta sensorang and selit sampah kat kereta MB1. (Ohh..did I mentioned...she invited herself to sit on the co pilot seat and fiddle with the stereo? Yes...

5. On the day that dia berambus...err, partly because I refuse to accomodate her by driving her to the place she wants to go dan aku buat excuse tempat tu jam macam macam laknat, she thought she need to find a place closer to it ---boleh Kiah, dan dn tu, ada pulak kawan dok Central London nun. (Apasal kau tak dok rumah dia and come to mine? I'm not even your friend) And sebab dia dah shopping banyak lah jugak maka dia pun macam hint2 lah..ohh macam mana I nak hangkut barang2 I pi tempat tu? So...I offered to drive her to the closest station. Dalam hati..okay lah..dia pun dah nak berams kannn? But what I tak paham...tak rasa bersalah kah kau meng impose beban kau kat orang? Pandai bawak barang berat..pandai lah hangkut beg pergi naik bas, ye tak?

6. MB1 tidied up after she left. In my bin, MB1 found the empty box of 6 expensive cupcakes and a box of macaroons. I rasa macam kena tampar dengan bekas IGP yang menampar DSAI tu. All the food MB1 offered you, prepared for you...dapat tidur kat katil empuk I while I macam pelarian tido atas sofa...you have no audacity, to even offered us...a slice for 3 of us to share?

Seriously, I betul2 malu. Malu dgn MB's. Si orang putih tu cakap...she is as bad as budak berwawasan kawan cemolot Capt Lukman yang masa kami tergagau nak bayar parking takde coins and tak cukup 20p, he didn't offer us anything...but he in return just makan minum kat cafe yang ditaja oleh weols. Macam lahanat kan?

Mana budi bahasa kita? Adakah sebab kita student, kita rasa orang jangan expect kita to pay our way but to be subsidised? You think just because people are kind enough to HOST your stay, there will be no need to even show some puny gratitude?!

Tak banyak sikit...offer lah. Yes, if she had offered me money, I akan rasa tak sedap because that is not the reason for everything. But, dah le duduk menompang rumah orang, kau berfeeling2 duduk hotel mengunci pintu pastu tunggu orang hidang food.

MB Putih hari ni cakap dgn I....okay, can you not invite her again. Malaysian apart from Hjh Leemah, Fiona Shanana, Capt Lukman, Dr Lurpark and few of my other frens are RUDE and opportunist.

I wanted to tell this girl what I think....but MBs cakap....kalau orang dah tak ada rasa bersalah buat perangai cenggitu, you rasa dia akan sedar kah? Nanti you jugak yang nampak jahat.

(Mode panas hati)

Friday, December 21, 2012


Semenjak dua tiga menjak ni.....ramai pulak tetamu datang rumah. I dengan MB1 ni ber konsep, kalau orang datang rumah kita, orang itu membawa rezeki so, usahlah nak berkira-kira kerana Allah akan membalas budi baik kita kat orang. Githoooo uols.

Tapi orang putih dalam rumah I tu pulak...sama seperti orang putih yang lenlain pada am nya...akan berkata, eh, apasal nak duduk rumah ni? Tak boleh ke dia dok hotel?! Free loader sungguh! Ekcherliii....orang putih dalam rumah tu okay. Ye lah..ni yang kenkadang I dengan MB1 tak paham..orang2 melayu kita ni.

Dah le datang nak tumpang rumah orang...ada pulak set yang buat macam hotel tak pun rumah sendiri saja. Tu yang si putih tu kedang kala bengang juga.

Sementelah ittew...I think posting ini ditulis untuk tips dan guidance untuk orang2 yang bakal menumpang rumah orang dimasa depan ye...tak kiralah short term atau long term.

1. Rules Nombor satu....find out who owns the space and remember it. Ye, kita rasa kita pi tumpang rumah kengkawan kita tapi kita juga kenalah ingat, ada orang lain juga yang mungkin membayar sewa.Unless tempat yang you tumpang tu adalah hakmilik penuh kawan you, maka perlulah you menghormati si rakan kongsi tuan rumah ittew. Maksud I, macam...kalau I pi menumpang rumah Dr Lurpak, adalah tidak manis rasanya kalau I tak menegur swomi nya dan meng acknowledge yang T-Bag ittew adalah owner jua. Beringatlah...we are in someone's space.

2. Rules Nombor dua, always remember yang kita ni menumpang. Selalunya orang melayu macam I ni...akan mengutamakan keselesaan penumpang. Sebab I dah biasa masa I kecik2 dulu, makpak I ajar.Tapi kann....bila orang dah bagi you comfort, you janganlah pulak berfeeling2 duduk hotel dan lupa diri pulak. Okay...bebaru ni...adalah sahabat lama I mintak I tolong anak buahnya yang datang belajar di UK. I dgn makciknya dah kawan lama so kalau takat nak menompangkan anak sedaranya barang sehari dua, tak jadi hal. Of course I akan tanya hosmet I, mereka pun cakap okay. So datanglah budak ni. Dah le suruh makciknya yang organise tempat tinggal sementara nya, at least make lah effort nak menelepon I ke kan? So she came...muda lagi budak pompuan ni. Datang pun dah gelap. Bingung I...dah le kami2 ni bekerja..pastu nak make sure dia boleh masuk ke rumah. Tidok le dia reti nak bercommunicate dgn i nak bagitahu sampai pukul berapa. Tup2 hantar message kat I kata dah on the way. Lehhh. Nilah dia anak orang melayu alaf baru set-set yang didatangkan dari KL ye. Muka cantik, otak pandai (ye lah..buat postgrad, pandai lah kann?) tapi..manners...zilch. Dalam borak2, idoklah dia kata..thanks la Aunty sebab bagi saya tumpang rumah aunty bla..bla..bla...mulut dia berat. MB1 tanya, sudah makan ke, dia cakap belum. Maka dek kesiankan anak orang, MB1 mustered something to sort her tummy out.Habis kau tadi tak reti ke nak pergi makan sebelum sampai rumah orang? I let her sleep in my room pastu sepanjang2 her stay, bilik I tu macam bilik dia..gasaklah dia mengunci pintu pastu pandai pulak menunjuk muka time nak makan. Eh..kau ingat ni hotel ke kau nak ada2 privacy segala? Dia perasan I tidur kat sofa...tapi macam takdelah nak acknowledge yang I ni bagi keutamaan kat dia. Cakap dgn I pun sebab nak mintak WIFI password. Bleh? Dah perangai cenggitu, all one can hope is cepatlah masa berlalu..sebab rasanya makcik dia kata dia nak tompang 2 hari aje..tup tup, dia pi cakap kat I, dia tak boleh buat apa dia nak buat kat opis gomen kat London nun maka dia akan pergi balik opis tu hari lusa nya. Pun..masih tak tanya, okay tak..if I extend my stay? Takde uolsss...takde.

3. Rules Nombor 3. Berbudi bahasalah..walaupun pertolongan yang kau dapat tu dihulurkan, bukannya kau yang mintak. Yes, I offered my place. (sebab makcik kau kawan baik diriku) so, apa kata kau belikan buah tangan kat orang dalam rumah tu tak pun..offer lah membasuh pinggan lepas orang nak bersilat masak untuk kau menterkedarah kannn? Ni tak...jangan kata Ferraro Roche...offer nak buatkan air untuk tuan rumah pun takde, pastu sedap betul kau memicit Remore Control Sky tu macam reta abah kau kannn? Kami tau student ni duit pun tak berapa nak banyak...(err tapi boleh pulak kau cerita kau pergi beli baju kat Selfridges) tapi apa kata, kau ajak kami ni keluar makan ke..tanda terima kasih, tak gitu?

4. Rules Nombor 4. Masalah kau bukan masalah tuan rumah ye? Dah la makcik ni..dah cukup baik bagi kau menompang so...dengan budi bahasa kau yang cantik sikit aje dari Lindsay Lohan tu, ko rasa ada ke aku kesah kalau kau kena ada kat station ketapi or bus sekian2 time? Kau ingat ini KL ke kau tu nak dihantar dijemput? Boleh pulak kau tanya..macam mana I nak be there on certain time..kalau you guys (yes,,she addressed us as YOU GUYS) takde kat rumah? Patutnya..kau tanya apa plan tuan rumah then kau buat plan kau ikut time tuan rumah, bukannya tuan rumah yang macam di expect kena ambik cuti menunggu kau kat rumah, making sure kau ada access keluar masuk.

Ni lah dia budak KL ye...to be exact..budak sekolah Convent atas Bukit yang rasa diri diorang sama bagus dgn budak TKC. Berlain betul dgn set2 gadis desa yang selang seminit mintak kebenaran..kak..boleh saya minum air kak..kakkk boleh saya guna toilet akakkk...

Okay...I tengah bengang ni. Syukur budak tu akan berambus hari ni.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Everytime...Just Be A Friend

Okay….I filters incoming comments. My reason is selfish, that is because I want to read it first before you do. I figure that since this is my blog, memang sangat tak patutlah kan kalau I dapat information 2nd hand gituh.

I have always been aware that….we may one day come to some disagreement. You don’t like what you read in here. To some of you, when that (disagreement) happens, best thing to do is to leave unflattering comments. Of course lah ni semua kerja manusia anonymous kan…bukannya nak challenge point of view orang dengan cara berhemah.

Adakah I kecik hati lantas tak mempublish comments uols tu? Ohh…kalau setakat uols carut, calling me all sorts of name that you can think of with your limited vocab and bad spellings too, apa yang I dapat dari tempat kerja I hari-hari lagi teruk dari tu. To me, orang yang suka buat kerja2 camtu adalah orang yang tak berapa sihat akal, so pada I, you pun takdelah sihat sangat akal you, and kesimpulannya, kalau I nak berkecik hati pun, I akan buang masa saja. But nasib lah comment you kena CTRL-ALT-DEL kann?

Okay…one for the road before I menyambung kerja. Untuk adik yang bercerita kat I betapa risaunya dia dengan keadaan bff nya yang sedang mengalami relationship problems. Problems tawww….bukannya problem and that with her sticking her oar in, in a caring way is driving a wedge between them.

Wah…where have I heard that before?

Okay, I have friends who tell me stuff too. Stuff that they can’t just tell anyone. I have always bear in mind that when people consult me for advice, one besides the reason that they think they can trust you, these people sometimes don’t tell you stuff because they genuinely want your advice. You could be another pair of ears for them and your views are only sought to validate what they have always known or wanted to do anyway.

If someone is in a bad relationship, chances are, they know about it.There’s a strong possibility that their judgement is clouded by whatever reason. Love is one of them. Other reason could be, kalau ada anak and kalau you dengan orang yang you ada masalah tu are in some sort of enterprise together. I really don’t mean doing business together only. Having a relationship with another person is a partnership that needs working on, day in and day out.

I am with someone that I can tell you now even my closest friends didn’t approved of. I know why. Many wrongs than right. But I am so in love that I am prepared to just ignore the snide comments. Maybe because I know this person so well than the others do. Truth be told, some relationship aren’t great. Our partner can be this philanderer who never intends to change his/her way. Our partner can be….the type who would rather do something exciting that exhilarate them that does not include you. Our partner can be as boring as hell and it is still dull no matter how much sparks one tries to energise.

These sorts of persons may not be ideal in our relationship world. We dream of someone perfect, someone who love us no matter what and worship the ground we walks on, someone who will just be there no matter what….someone Anuar Zain.

But no. We can have Anuar Zain who creeps the happiness out of us but berperangai macam lahanat.We can have the one who worship everything about us but, in many ways..did not ‘get’ us.

We can say that we have the perfect relationship than others or better than our hard done by bff. Unless kawan kita tu mangsa terajang dek laki or boipren nya, terajang physical ye, bukan terajang emosi, maka all we can do is tell our friend how we feel based on our observations. Kalau dia nak dengar, dia dengar. Jangan ingat dia tak dengar just because dia tak buat apa yang you suruh.

Always remember that you are not them. You are not the one who is being tested.

Once I know of a married friend who told me that she is having an affair. She got herself into a pickle and in the end I have to say that I am actually more upset with her, supersedes my sympathy for her and her marriage problems. On the whole I can see a perfect enterprise between her and the husband but maybe not so ideal. She is way too selfish. But that is her.

Then I know another….and that after I learned and observed some truths; hate the living daylights of the husband. I focus on my strength to beef up the wife emotionally. Ohh…that’s what we social worker does, we don’t solve problems but we enable strength to the vulnerable one. Only to realise that…the wife is as bad as the husband, scared of the truth and continue doing what they both do well together, sweeping the their household dust under their carpet.

My point to you is, adik…unless one person is ready to change, they really don’t need your help to change them. Obsessing about others imperfection will only make you despise your good quality. We made bad judgement too. We made as much if not less mistakes than our best mate to know that making mistakes is inevitable in life. We talk silly, do stupid things and practical things do escape our minds.If your friend means a lot to you, you shouldn’t let her imperfections ruins your friendship. Maybe your role will arise soon….to pick up the pieces.

But for now, just be a friend. See her through this. Believe me, you will learn something too.

Good luck 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Malas Nak Fikir

Okay...for those who sent questions about certain issues that is mind bothering, nantilah gua jawab ye. Berblogging amat payah ketika ini.Alasann..alasannn.

For you who has been very kind to my community cause, yes..terima kasih. Email us privately, tell us your plan about merampok duit laki mu, duit laki jiran mu. Orang jantan ni kalau ada duit berlebih karang lain pulak jadinya...kalau dia beli Rolex takpe, buatnya dia buat masuk meminang pelakon drama swasta gediks tah mana2?

December seems to be our favourite month to reflect on what we have done for the past 11. Then we will start planning a new resolution. Tu untuk set-set yang semedang masuk tahun baru aje nak pasang resolution. I remember making many resolutions and can't remember sticking to any. I think I only stick to few...tu pun bila dah kena kat batang hidung sendiri and bila bubur dah jadik nasik. Like, some years ago...masa masih menjadik student, resolution masa tu ialah...dah malas nak menyibuk hal orang. Not like I ni suka menyibuk pasal orang but I remember caring too much and sharing too many. In the end, dapat pulak title batu api. Hek elehhh hai. I remember being confronted and lepas tu macam dapat reputation pulak menjadi pengadudomba. What saddens me is that orang yang I tolong tu terus tak nampak kebaikan I. So that is it. After that, kalau ada orang datang cerita kat I masalah dia, I dengar saja. Nak sambung lelebih, sorry naaa. But ini zaman sekolah. Zaman dah tua pulak, bila dengar cerita, cuba sedaya upaya tak nak ambik side sesapa. Sebab kita pun tatau hujung pangkal nya. Orang ni cakap dgn kita macam ni. Kita dengar. Tapi sebenarnya dimata orang lain lain pulak perception nya. Kita dengar juga. Ambil tahu jugaklah sebab dia tu kawan kita. Tapi nak lebih2 tak ada. Bagi nasihat sikit2 yang berupa, tak payahlah kau nak bersusah2 ati memikir hal orang. That's about it.

Tahun ni...ada banyak plan dan banyak pancaroba. Tapi pancaroba itu bagus sebab kita tahu siapa berada disekeliling kita sebenarnya. Jalan yang kita lalui tak selalunya lurus. Orang baik yang kita jumpa juga tak selalunya baik. Ada yang bermotif tersembunyi. Ada juga yang...motif tersembunyi ke tak tersembunyi ke, tah apa benda motif dia sampai sudah I taktau. I have stop being friends with few. Ohh..bukannya kita ni tak bagus memutuskan silaturrahim? But silaturrahim macam ni, tak ada pun tak apa. Biarlah. I don't fight...but I sure ignore. Kalau you antara yang kena ignore tu, selamat lah ye. Jodoh kita sudah habis. You tak pandai hormat perasaan saya, maka saya harap janganlah kita melalui jalan yang sama.Boleh gitu aku?

Yes, diwaktu free, I will do my own good samaritan facebook line, yakni memberi nasihat (kepada yang meminta) dan mendengar luahan perasaan (kepada yang nak meluah) manusia-manusia berjiwa kacau dalam friendlist I tu. I was talking to this young girl who is getting married soon. She wasn't sure. Macam2 dipikirnya. When she told me macam-macam, I asked..apanya yang macam-macam? She was vague. Bunyik nya macam banyak la sangat masalah so I asked her to list them down. With the list, we both go through it together one by one. Adalah 2,3 aje sebenarnya that is bothering her. But the list keep adding. Semuanya anxiety. Last2 I cakap dengan dia..you ni fikir banyak sangat lah. So I bagi dia nasihat yang siapa2 pun boleh bagi sebenarnya..yang jangan membebankan diri dengan benda yang kita tak boleh tanggung. Nak menanggung ikut kemampuan gitu. Ye lah..macam gi shopping lah..bershopping lah mengikut kemampuan dan credit limit Mastercard, kan?

(Why are we thinking too much)

She loves her boyfren. By the sound of it, they have went through a lot. He seems like a nice guy. Sudah kawan 2, 3 tahun juga. I think many of us like to think that marrying someone is also solving a problem. What is the connection? I listen to her talking...to me benda yang takde masalah pun jadi masalah. Orang bermasalah ni selalunya defensive. Benda yang pada kita nampak macam takde hal, pada dia benda tu menggunung bebannya. Orang bermasalah juga..suka berpusing-pusing. Masalah sebenarnya B...tapi dia doklah menyusahkan kepala hotak nya pasal A. So with this girl, what is actually bothering her is B problem but she keeps on talking about masalah A yang kurang penting. Then I realised that she is reluctant to talk and to solve the real problem.Meaning? Err, katalah masalah dia boipren nya curang..hati kata blah lah saja. Otak kata...alamak kenduri dah dekat...langkah penyelesaian yang patut diambil? Entah...nantilah. Orang tu dah mintak mahap. Tapi yang sebenarnya hati kita masih sakit. tapi..biarkanlah hati tu sakit. Bila hati tu sakit...benda lain pun ikut sakit juga. Contoh tau ni...

Then I cakap...buat apa bercakap atau nak pikir pasal tu? If you are not bothered to do anything then...diam sajalah. But of course lah I tak bagitau dia benda ni. She is way too fragile. She is scared. Scared that when the wedding day is near, dia dgn boipren nya dok bergaduh gaduh lagi. Gaduh pasal apa? Pasal macam-macam lah Makji. Ohh...sungguh vague. When I probe further, she shrugged it off as, malas nak pikir.

Okay lah.

How many of us suka benar resign to konsep malas nak pikir ni? Ramai.

You always tell your friends about your husband philandering ways...and still going. Your concerned friends tried helping you to see though it but your attitude to our problem is always, malas nak pikir.You fikir bila you nak fikir. Hari ni kalau rasa nak ambik off day fikir, you stop thinking. Besok lusa benda tu datang balik and fact is, esok lusa benda tu masih lagi jadi masalah tertangguh dan berpanjangan. You think for now it is bearable.

So, I cakap lah dengan si adik ni, macam ni lah. Masalah you, hidup you. Kalau you nak biar benda ni berakar dalam kepala tu dan lama2 akar tu jadi keras, itu pilihan you. But you mesti ingat, masalah you melibatkan orang lain yang mungkin bergantung nasib or harap pada you. Selagi you tak selesaikan, selagi tu you akan menyakitkan hati orang dan hati you sendiri.

Tapi saya nak jaga hati dia, makji....kata nya.

Ye lah, jaga hati lah ni. Tapi you yang tak tentu arah. Sekarang ni sibuk kerja boleh lah bertangguh nak selesai masalah. Besok masalah ni akan datang depan muka you balik. By the time you nak tunggu masa sesuai, kemungkinan ada masalah baru yang bertambah lagi daripada masalah yg ini. And you ended up with two maybe three masalah yang sama.

I cakap dgn dia, kalau you rasa keputusan you nak jaga hati dia, maka itulah keputusan you. Jangan pusing belakang lagi. Sebabnya, you choose to put him first and you 2nd. Tak payah pikir lagi. Redha saja.

Tapi hati saya sakit, makji...

Then, you know what to do. If you want to wait...you wait. Don't stress. But always remember, problem ni kalau disimpan, jadi besar, bukan nya jadi kecik.

We leave it at that. She sounded so stress. Ye lah, bila tengah rajin pikir ni, stress lah. But she like to do the malas nak pikir act and of course, consciously and unconsciously, accumulating smaller issues into big fat one.

Mengapakah kita...dalam pada nak jaga sangat hati orang, suka sangat menyusahkan diri sendiri?

Sent from my iPad

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Some Stories

Kawan-kawan yang dikasihi....cehhwahhh....yes, I sangat busy. Maklumlah nak Xmas kan? Duduk dinegara orang putih macam ni lah...bila nak masuk je musim perayaan diorang kerja yang selalunya ber deadline lambat2 tetiba jadi serta merta sebab orang yg in-charge nya bakal berchotti Xmas. Kalau takat chotti Xmas aje tak apa...sampai ke NY lak tu.

A happy birthday to all the December children who turns 40 this year :)

Let's do local news. Yes, contrary to the legend yang orang Malaysia suka kata org overseas taktau hal dalam negara sendiri, I do read Malaysian newspaper. Tak kisah lah sokabar tu pro or anti gomen. Everyone have their own versions of stories to tell. Kita yang membaca ni kenalah memakai otak, ye tak?

So, this girl died. Jatuh tingkap on the way nak jumpa boipren. Centa punya pasal terlupa dia akan impact gravity yang tak akan nya menolong bila benda yang digunakan untuk menampung berat badan adalah tudung-tudung yang diikat simpul aje adik oii. Aruah appa I selalu kata, kalau orang tu mati awal, Allah sayang padanya, tak mau dia buat dosa banyak2 atas dunia ni. She was only 16. Nak jumpa boipren makpak tak kasi. Kena kurung dalam bilik. Boipren pulak mengamuk dalam twitter marah kat makpak budak pompuan tu. Ohh..susahnya menjadi parents. Buat ni salah, tak buat nanti..orang kata tak pandai kontrol anak.

And the celebrity got married. Yay. I don't even know any of them. Ye lah..ahkak kan meninggalkan Malaya dimasa zaman kefemesan Jasmin Hamid, Aida Rahim dan Haliza Misbun? So bila dengar nama-nama pelik macam Pasah Sandak, Diana Dayak, etc etc...manalah ahkak kenal dik? Zaman tu, pesbuk pun tak ada...kalau minat kat retis, idok nya boleh follow account twitter diorang. Tapi rasanya zaman tu Jasmin Hamid takdelah pulak bawak pregnancy kit nya pi jumpa Mama Juwie kan? Pastu bila orang mengata...buat statement saya rasa tertekan pulak. Dah kau yang pi kompang apasal? Practically telling the whole world that you don't waste anytime to be 'at it' lepas kenduri abis.

And the newlywed got divorced. Jodoh dah tak ada...bukan salah saya...pak mentua saya yang mulut becok tu pun tau. Kitorang hari ni kahwin, besok dah start gaduh. Tu lah...kawan tak lama, tak menyempat nyempat nak kahwin. Ye lah..ye lah. Orang yang berkawan bertahun pun lagikan berperang dan tak get on sampai sudah. But biarlah kann...kita ni bukannya dia. Kalau daripada bertekak sampai nak makan tido berak pun susah, baik lah bercerai.

Ohh Ustazah Abby Abadi. Ni lah bahana nya...ohh I maybe wrong, but there is some of us who really take pride of being the outspoken one. Tak puas hati, lepas...no holds barred gitu. Tapi lupa nak timbang bab hati tak puas dan otak yang tak berapa penuh. Masa kes kena naya dgn ex laki, sebabkan mulut yg tak reti dok diam, daripada org nak kesian banyak, jadi tak nak kesian langsung. Syukurr...Allah dah buka pintu hatinya nak menjadi mukmin yang baik. Tapi kita semua tahu, manusia ada ketaksempurnaan mereka. Hari ni dia nak ajak kawan2 masuk syurga....besok dia kata nak berdakwah melalui lakonan. Lusa, dia berburuk sangka dengan orang. Macam ni lah dik...pergilah cari Aunty Noorkumalasari. Tu dia baru orang respek. Mencari pahala aje keroje nya.

Ohh...ni lagi best. Adik kita yang baru habis darjah enam tu. Berpakwekan budak 19 tahun. Oiii..mengenyam betul adik, lari umah boipren pastu taknak balik. Kesian makpak...malu, terpaksa bagi kahwin. Nak selamatkan maruah keluarga. And I really think the father is referring to his anak pompuan yang dah menggeletis tu. Teruklah parents nya kena kata dgn NGO activist kanak2 yang rata2 nya mengutuk tindakan bapak nya bagi anak dia kahwin. Laaa....nak buat apa lagi. Kalau budak tu kena paksa lain lah cerita kann? Ni dah dia pun mengelintin buat statement kat sokabar 'saya sudah sedia memikul tanggungjawab sebagai isteri' tak ke kau rasa nak cekik dia, tak pun nak cekik diri kau sendiri?

I like to ask the boy..dah kau tu yang tua nya, tak boleh ke kau cari budak2 baya kau sendiri nak dijadikkan gilpren? Ni budak jahnam err darjah enam tu jugak laaa yang kau nak hangkut bawak merata pun. Bodohhhhh!

And I like to ask the NGO yang kononnya acting in every children best interest, ko kutuk makpak budak tu, apa hasilnya? Nak kutuk, kutuk lah jabatan agama yang bagi kebenaran tu..ni kalau nak ngutuk sangat lah kann. Budak2 sekarang pakai unipom lightblue pun dah pandai buat video cerita blue dia dalam semak dgn boipren. Bagilah pendidikan moral...suruh budak2 tu belajar menghargai diri sendiri. Kalau diri sendiri pun dah takde rasa hormat hence sedap aje nak bagi free kat boipren, mana nak ada rasa hormat kat orang nya?

Cheerios :)

Sent from my iPad