Update

You remember the guy I told you about...yang kata suka kat I pada suatu zaman batu dedolu, tapi pastu kata his illness is holding him back. Tetiba now bila dah jumpa kat pesbuk, dah beranak hempat berbini satu lagi...(err, I rasa I lagi lawa dari bini nya..but hey, pompuan tu musti ada kejelitaan dalaman yang haku takde kann?)

Pada suatu malam yang I tak boleh tido beberapa hari yang lalu....err, dua tiga menjak ni memang saya susah tido tataulah pesal, saya sedang sibuk memasak dalam cafe saya kat pesbuk tu. Tetiba saya dapatlah message...dari this guy. I pun tak lah perasan my online status, maklum lah pakai notebook MB1 maka kita dah terlambat lah nak buat aksi-aksi disconnected kann? So, start lah berborak as in dia tanya satu...I jawab satu. I really don't see the point of being friendly or the need to keep in touch with him for that matter. Dia kan dah kawin...lagipun maybe pada dia dia ada hak untuk berkawan-kawan, apa pulak kata bininya nanti kann? Mula-mula tu boraks pasal biasa aje. Tanya perkembangan terbaru masing-masing. Then of course lah nowadays kalau siapa je boraks dengan I, I akan bagitahu plan yang I nak balik menetap kat KL for good...tapi rezeki aje belum ada lagi. So dia pun..macam sedara-mara I yang lain..tidaklah excited dengan plan I tu..kononnya economy Malaysia tu teruk la, itu la ini la. Ish..kalau economy teruk, takdelah orang beli henbeg, beli kasut & beli bling-bling in a heartbeat kann? Dia cakap la, stay where you are lagi bagus. Then I cakaplah actually dengan economic climate kat Europe ni memang la good time I patut balik pun dengan government buat cuts sana sini...but then I cakap, I got other reason too. Bapak I tak berapa sihat...anak2 buah dah makin besar and Mak I bukannya nak rejuvenate nak jadi muda kembali..so dengan banyaknya perkhabaran sedara-mara yang meninggal 2,3 menjak ni..hati I adalah gundah gulana jugak kan?

Then of course, chenta hati ku ada disana...walaupun dia tu kenkadang ada srupa takde aje kiranya. But, I miss having my gossip session with Kiah & Co, walaupun Sally benci tempat tu tapi demi I dia sanggup la turun padang dan ngabiskan tissue kedai tu. So, he start telling me about his work and his plans (dia ni dari jaman dulu banyak plan) and I sebagai penduduk Eropah ni bagilah pandangan walaupun apalah sangat idea yang boleh dicurahkan oleh seorang Social Worker yang hari-harinya dipenuhi dengan menyumpah dan disumpah orang? Then tetiba dia kata...ohh I selalu tempat ni (tempat I tinggal suatu masa dulu) and everytime I lalu kat situ, I akan teringatkan you. I pun cakap...ohh, ye ke? Ingat you kat I ye? Dia pun jawab...you, mana I boleh lupa. Hmmmm. Sebagai seorang wanita tulen yang bak kata Kiah, can't make up her mind (neither can make up her face..in my case) hati kecik I ni adalah jugak unsur perasannya memikirkan, adakah kau mau coba menggatal dengan ku? But knowing him yang memang peramah dari jaman muda nya...he is very sociable even dengan kucing kurap yang memakai sari pun.

After that I just leave it at that...nak sambung borak takut jadi lain. I ni dulu nak kata suka gila kat dia, idok le Kiah oii...but dia ni orang senegeri I, I kenal adik beradik & mak nya and dia ni memang la jantan berwawasan...speaking of which, one reported finding in KL yeah? Gossipp...gosiipp...(tapi, malaslah nak buang masa cakap pasal dia ni) and had he asked me I would have said yes. Masa tu, kuciwa dengan yang dah mati & MC, so sidia ni lah jantan mithali..tapi apakan daya berpenyakit yang sampai sekarang I tak pernah tanya apa sakit nya. Allergic kat aku kot, kan? Takpelah...maybe he is just being himself. Dia kan peramah dan baik hati. Tapi sedangkan pantai boleh berubah (oleh Tsunami) apatah lagi hati orang...oh, shall we use RPK as a perfect example...tak ngaku dah kan...yang dia dok menghoyan dalam blog tu ada bukti tu hini, dia lupa ka? Oh, he is an empty vessel anyway..tengoklah perutnya pun.

Oh ye saya nak tanya, selain dari jalankerjadotcom tu, ada ke website lain yang boleh saya cuba nasib saya cari kerja sebagai orang gaji kepada Raja Nazrin? Ye lah, saya ni takde kengawan millionaire yang saya boleh tepon..cik bagi saya jadik pasycoteri cik bley..maka kenalah menggunakan avenue-avenue portal cari keroje ni kan, Kiah?

***masih jealous dgn orang kat Norway ittew***

Aku, Dia & Henbeg

Once upon a time ago....I bought an ARMANI bag. Rega nya...boleh la I balik KL dua kali. Tapi masa tu, KL pun balik upon invitation (and lepas Amma tanya banyakkk banyak kali) and bila ticket kapalterbang mega murah. Gangguan perasaan lenlain (MC) belum ujud lagi masa tu. Errr, dia nya ada...tapi belum timbul dari dasar Sg.Congkak. Sebenarnya, ni saja nak bagitahu that this is one in few times yang I jadik mangsa 'sucker for advertistment'. I am so kedekut (with myself) hanya tuhan sajalah yang tahu. Ada jugak benda branded yang I terbeli (beli dalam keadaan sedar dan tidak) yang hanya dipakai sekali saja pastu tersimpan dalam lemari and I think I spent longer time regretting the purchase than admiring it.

Now I will tell myself, as much as segala bag dan clothing tu chantek-chantek...unless if there's nothing else that my money can be spent on, maka bag elbi, shernel, gucik,malbiri etc etc...can stay pretty in the window. Daripada kita spend 5 ribu untuk bag yang nama nya serupa anak katak tu, baik kita beli tepon blackcerry and pastu kita takyah komplen gf kita kat oversea tu hanya ada one sided affair je dgn kita. Ngertikkk?

Semalam I kluar bersama Image Consultant I...aka my hosmet. I cakap dengan dia, meh la ikut I pergi Central London...I nak gi survey henbeg ni, and I malu masuk kedai bagak2 ni sensorang. Ohh, I ni kurang konpiden sikit. This must have been satu pondan KLCC yang punya angkara, masa I nak gi beli perfume long time ago. I nak belikan hadiah hantaran my sister masa tu so begrudgingly, I ni disuruhlah pi ke KLCC yang macam glamer tapi takde apa tu. I can't remember what clothes had I put on but I know I dressed comfortably for me. Si pondan cipan bermuka tepong gomaks tu adalah penjaga counter perfume tersebut. Maybe I'm not good enough for him to layan so dia pun tak lah kacau I dok terbongkok-bongkok tengok perfume tu. I pun mintak lah samples sprayed on papers for me to choose. Barulah pondan tu berbunyi and start talking about the perfume and its range. I just smiled at him yang cara dia bagi info tu macam lah I ni tak pernah keluar Paroi Jaya. So I complimented that the perfume smells nice. Dia punya respon 'kalau you dengar berapa harga dia..mesti you terkejut'.

Hmmm. Betul lah orang kata kann, kalau anxiety you sedang tinggi, maka coping mechanism you adalah menjadi defensive tak tentu pasal. Masuk KLCC is macam masuk panggung wayang 10 minutes after the movie had started. Macam2 orang ada kat situ...macam-macam fashion statement and personality statement. Personality statement wise, ye lah..org kerja KLCC nak tunjuk lah kat orang yang datang kat KLCC yang dia tu kerja KLCC yang dipenuhi syarikat minyak atar tu kan? Maka bermulalah adegan defensive I dengan pondan tersebut. I look at him, terkejut? Kenapa? The small 50ml dekat 1000 ke? Not even 100 apparently but I was so annoyed and keep on questioning him. Why would I get shock to hear the price, what made you think that etc etc. Do you talk to people like that? Do I look like I can't afford 1000 worth of perfume? I become so arrogant with my points to derogate him he had to called his supervisor amoi yang tercungap-cungap nak cakap orang putih tu. I cakap dengan that pondan...your cheap foundation only deserved to be concealing scars on my bum. Too bad you're using it on your face. Sungguh tak perlu..tapi siapa suruh kau berlagak dengan aku tadi???

So yesterday I braved up to enter boutique-boutique henbeg yang reganya only Kiah & Sally wouldn't even want to waste their breath to moan about. Their salesgirls are exceptionally nice. Well, they have to. But they're also professional who will not tolerate shit from Mak Datin or Paria Paria Interlok yang rasa duit diorang tu sama besar dengan kereta Alphard. I left the boutique feeling.....even if I have that much of money spare, I will think again. It is good to work hard and aim hard. It's an obscene spending...unless kita taruk duit spare kita 10 hengget bawah bantal selama 3 tahun. I will need a strong mind to execute the decision to buy, walaupun duit tu duit I sendiri.

I bought one handbag recently yang beratus gak rega nya (yang masih ku sesalkan hingga ke hari ni kerna aku berjaya membuat salesgirl tu berjaya memporak peranda kan akal n fikiran ku) spent months carrying around KL mengundang compliment kengkawan yang tak pernah nampak I bawak henbeg. Love the compliments though..but, perlukah aku hidup sebagai pesakit epilepsy everytime aku bawak henbeg tu jalan kaki? It really restrict my peace of mind. Dengar aje enjim motor or everytime I walk passed people yang bertopi kledar n ber spek hitam, hati ku rasa macam buat ward round spital mental. Ohh tidak. You spent all that money for that?

Mulai dari hari itu..henbeg adalah untuk pi kenduri kawin n jumpa kawan2 yang tak memerlukan ku naik public transport sajork. But having said this...I am happy to do the shopping on behalf of my dear friend yang sedang dalam manic despressive state tu. At least dapat la aku merasa membuat tayangan perdana dengan paper bag berjenama tu. And I still cannot understand why la kita perlu ada henbeg lebih dari satu? With the crime rate kat KL, branikkkk ke kau?

Poco Poco, Lompat Lompat & Liwat Liwat

Okay....what can I write today??? Err, I don't like Malaysian Banks. But again...I may need their mercy when I don't have big cash to pay something outright. But I hate unnecessary politics in banks. The Manager seems to be holding the control, sesuka hati makpak nya. If he/she likes you..you get the loan. You get to open an account. Better still if you're related and teh tariks together on regular basis. I just wish they have policies like all the banks in UK. As long as you fulfil their (the bank, the ombudsman) requirement...you're in business. If they say...your result is in 5 working days, and 5 working days it is. Nothing religious about the banks here. There is no Mary Mother of Jesus banking scheme nor Star of David financing system. The only thing..if this can be class as discrimination is they like you if you're known to them for years. Like, if you bank with Barclays and trying to get mortgage through Llyods, maka Lloyds will not favour your application secepat kilat. But seriously, I cannot complain. Because as much as I disagree with lots of things...I need them Malaysian banks. But my patience is now wafer thin ice.

So, another guy went dead in that anti-corruption premises. Why? Only he (the dead man) can answer that. Did he climbed up to the window and jumped? So what to do to remedy this next time? Anti Corruption office must only be a single storey building? Ye lah...kekuatan mental orang zaman sekarang kan sudah sama lembut dengan kek chippon? We have one side of people who is eager to haram kan everything under the sun. Yoga lah..poco poco dance lah. Benda sekecik camtu pun nak semakkan kepala. Orang cacat, orang sakit mental kurang perhatian tak nak pulak ditolong..kan?

Well, we can all think can we? What is right and what is wrong? Like..ajak reporter tengok video seks tu bagus ke..when semua cerita yang ada unsur hard core sex kena banned tayangan nya? Ohh, I am not Anuar Ibrahim big fan ke supporters ke. I think the man is deluded. Dia pun dulu orang UMNO yang kerja nya menjatuhkan orang..so, sekarang orang nak jatuh kan you. Terima aja lah kan? Gi lah dok diam2 atas bukit tu. Duit you pun dah banyak...takyah lah nak bertanding and nak jadik PM. You pun dah tua..sakit belakang..sakit tu sakit ni. Tak habis-habis orang cakap liwat-liwat.

So apa patut kita buat sekarang? Sorang Ustaz kat Peghak kata..jangan pi rumah orang bukan Islam masa celebration raya depa. Jangan joget poco-poco sebab tu macam sembahyang orang Kristian. Agaknya..kalau ada gagak mana introduce Zumba lagi lah orang kata kita nak puja Raja Swaziland pulak kann? Nak tutup aurat pun sekarang you must make sure your tudung takde rhopa macam tudung kepala Mary Clarence Sister Act tu. Ish..tu lagi I takleh paham...kalau kita pakai salib sebesau tali kapal tu la baru nak meniru kann? No, kita tak payah lah buat apa-apa...tengok ajelah orang nak jadi pandai dan semakin taksub dengan ilmu agama nya. I ni ilmu tak banyak...so dok dendiam aje lah kan?

Love is about...hurting.

This two person is madly in love (kata mereka laaaa) the guy is married and his other half is a divorcee. They have been going out for a while...and in the end, the woman realised that she has had enough of being the other woman and started making plans...on her own. Enough is enough she said. And this guy, upon realisation that this woman is leaving and the thought of her being gone is killing him...finally plucked up the courage to end his loveless marriage. Of course hurting the wife..ye lah, teriba je pi cakap kat orang tu ko rasa ko tak bahagia and mahu blah...you ingat tak pecah belah kah hatinya???

The two got married and live in a place where nobody knows them. Happy. Tow lovers finally reunited and start anew. Two years ago, his wife caught him in bed with another woman. They have since went separate ways.

We often think that we are madly, crazy and insanely in love with the other person, that's kind of enough to build something and to warrant a good relationship. Everything seems so right when we feel so loved.

I read, I heard and I know about people having another relationship out of their present one. All for various reasons. I knew about a couple yang dua-dua nya pun ada affair. How they managed that, loving up others pastu balik ngadap laki/bini masing2 pun tak tahu lah.

Ada yang ber affair sebab kurang kasih sayang....but bila ditengok life mereka tu, it is either the other one is too busy paying attention to the practical part in their marriage. Ye lah, kalau the laki kata he is lack of kasih sayang from wife, lupa pulak dia nak pikir yang anak dah 3, orang gaji tak ada..wife pun kerja, so kalau terabai pun..bukannya terabai kat benda-benda tak berfaedah kan? The man expect the wife to be so super and the wife assume the husband to at least understand. Ohh, tak tahu ke kita yang untuk mendapat apa yang kita hajati..kita kena berkata-kata? Bukannya menggunakan teknik telepathy macam Kiah..pastu meradang sendiri.

Ada yang bangsa dah malas nak berkata-kata...sebabnya berkata-kata pun tak kan jadi apa. So the only to make things works is to adapt dengan perangai orang yang tak mahu berubah tu. Some people memang tak tahu nak berubah...but having think and said that, perlukah kita berubah kalau tak ada benda yang patut diubah? Kenapakah kita mesti mengharap orang yang berubah mengikut kita?

Some of us are very lucky that things come landing nicely on our feet. People just worship the ground we walked on and love us warts and all. People hurt themselves for us and they do crazy things. Kita tahu dan kita biarkan saja...janji apa yang kita mahu kita dapat. Jahat kah kita? Tidak juga...(sebab kita rasa kita tak salah apa-apa) but...if we love someone so much, why are we hurting them?