Rojak Mamak

Why lah rojak mamak? Err, because I have no specific issue to write about. I may start with telling you about Kiah and her new handbag but tengah2 jalan karang, I might want to talk about that bintang pilem yang pernah fofuler kerana menyerang lakinya kat lokasi kerana disaspek ada scandal dengan pompuan lain tetiba sekarang keluar gambar berlaga pipi bersama pakai telekung matching. Kau ada? Tak ada..kan?

Okeh...gua sudah pulang. Ke tanah tumpah air peluh. Might we also want to wonder why must we call our hometown our tanah tumpah darah?

Darah I memang nya banyak tertumpah kat UK ni...but if I say, UK ni tanah tumpah darah I, sure satgi ada orang organise pasar malam depan rumah I kan? Melayu yang tidak sedar diri ittew, katanya.

Mathematic perjalanan balik kali ini adalah sungguh pintar. Kami bertolak awal pagi...pukul 6 I dah keluar hutan rimba ambik taxi to KLIA. I didn't sleep. By the time I arrived LHR, it is almost my UK bedtime, so I sleep. All in all, I did not suffer much jetlag. The night before I left KL, MC, ahli sukan berjaya tu balik lambat so sebagai partner yang sangat mithali, I tunggu dia balik (dengan burger bawah pokok). When I get ready, dia pun tido. Yeah..memang chenta sejati. When the taxi arrived, one last hug (mata tutup) and I went. That is us. We don't talk much. The longer we stay (in relationship) together, the more I understand and learn to tolerate. Days where I hope things to change (for better) have gone.

Why should I?

There are so many things to be thankful for. I may not have said this but I am grateful for good friends. We may not have known each other for years but I know they will be there for more years to come. Good friends valued more than Burberry.

There are times when I had enough of useless people around me. Menurut kata-kata loyar sabung ayam yang I sangat value macam I value jam Rolex yang I tak ada, kalau benda or orang tak lekat dengan kita, makna nya memang Allah tak nak dia lekat dengan kita. True. So, so true. The last work meeting before I balik UK, this guy yang kononnya orang kuat Menteri Wanita yang tidak Wanita tu making comments on how I should think about finding a new work partner sebab katanya work partner I tak buat apa-apa. I sat through that meeting hoping dia kena langgar bas. When we done, I cakap dengan MB1, if I have to miss the opportunity of millions, then be it. I may not see or get this so called 'millions' but at least my work partner is there for me and together kita makan cucoq udang rupa roti kirai tu. Errk.

Okay...I want to share this. One of you wrote to me asking about my skill of 'knowing' people. I think he/she meant...I can know what sort of people by looking and talking to them. Ayoyo...I tell you, if I am that good, I'll be a bomoh. Some people are gifted with good instinct. I pulak yang jenis...kalau orang tu dah bagi I bad vibe..I may want to give he/she another go...ye lah, just because you don't like what you hear/see, takkanlah semuanya buruk kan? If you ask me, maybe I shouldn't bother at all, because once orang tu dah bagi I bad vibe, Allah will just show me few more round of bad vibe for me to spell out and knock into my thick scalp that manusia tu memang bad news.

So, yes...kesimpulannya..I am such a bad judge of character. But I can guess. And you all can too...alaa, apa susahnya nak mengagak, kan? Had I 'know' people, all is smooth sailing since. My world have basically revolves around care homes and psychiatrict ward. Little that I know that this world is a big care home and psychiatrict ward.

My bff didatangi masalah recently. Well, she finally got guts to addressed it. My bff is a lovely lady that if I could, I would marry her myself. But I am not in her marriage and as much as I like to guess sana sini situ can be fixed to make things better, I am not 'in' it to know what to fix. If we talk to pompuan yang banyak pengalaman (read..tua) their favourite sentence will always be...ohh, I know men too well. Indirectly, they're either trying to tell you they're bohsia yang berpengalaman dengan ramai jantan...or just makcik yang knows one then knows it all. Err, I think if you pernah berlaki berderet-deret macam Nek Wook (ke apa namanya) or Elizabeth Taylor, takyahlah nak claim you know how it is with jantan. Because one jantan can't be the same with all jantan.

Like..level kekeringan hati masing-masing tak lah sama, kan?

To sum up...we always think that with a little exposure and experience, we can be good at what we are doing. If you are talking about car or computer or alat-alat musik, maybe yes. Ko godak lah benda tu bertahun, sure pandainya.

But spending a little or a lifetime with someone will not make you an expert either.Like, you think kawan lama you..tak akan membuat tahik kat you...nak nak pulak kalau bercakap tu disertai dengan ohh I dah buat bacaan yassin, sembahyang hajat dan berwirid segala. Be surprise that they can bite too.

Just because you berbudi dengan orang...jadi despatch hangkut barang nya maka tidak bermakna dia pula akan bermurah hati jadi despatch you ye? Be surprise that macam-macam hal tak masuk akal pun boleh berlaku.

Ini kan pula roomate kita yang kita tahu pijak semut pun..kena pijak sepuluh kali baru mati...rupa2 nya, mempunyai hati yang sama kering dengan askar Belanda kat Batavia dulu. Who would have thought that a person who was once kalau tak sayang banyak, ada la jugak rasa sayang kat you..sama2 bersusah senang, pokai dan loaded bersama tetiba, dalam hati dan pikirannya think nothing but the worst of you.

Ohh..I cannot brain this. And yes, we cannot know everything even how good we think we are.

Aku Masih Dara

Atas arahan Kiah, I pun dok la menonggok tengok cerita ni yang ditayangkan di As So Teruk, Reallllyyy Yeah malam tadi.

Of course I was told to wait up for the burning dialogue and in between, both of us via bbm, buatlah ulasan selari about the movie.

Sebagai anak Malaysia di hoversi, saya idoklah kenal siapa pelakon2 dalam movie ni melainkan yang berlakon jadi mak dan pak some of the leading actress.

Ada lah few scene yang mengundang gelak ketawa saya, antaranya ialah...

1. Bila makpak si pelakon fomfuen yang kononnya adalah berdarah pan asian tu (tapi mak and anak rupa melayu abiss) menanya anaknya dimanakah mereka sekeluarga mau menyambut Xmas. Di Kehell ke atau dgn 'grandma' di Hinglen. Err, actually, sepanjang saja dok hinglen, saya jarang dengar org Hinglen panggil nenek mereka 'grandma'. Depa dok panggil org tua pompuan tu Nan or Nanny. Gituh. Pastu saya dengan Kiah agak mosykil dgn bapak budak fomfuen itu yg sepatutnya berasal dari Hinglen tapi bercakap dgn accent Ladang Sua Betong. Kelakauuu gils gils okayyy?

2. Dalam scene anak tukang jahit yg dok umah flat Pekeliling tapi kalau keluar pi clubbing dressing kalah Chelsea Davy. Scene ini menunjukkan yang mak si fomfuen kaki clubbing ni terjumpa condoms dalam laci anaknya. Terus lah mak panggil apaknya and berdua mereka terkejut badak lantas menyalahkan satu sama lain. Laaa, bukan ke mereka sepatutnya menjerit bak halilintar dan mencari parang membunuh anak mereka yang sundsss ittew? Ohh, sporting nya mak bapak.

3. Err, kelab tiada dara? Pekajaddah nya tu? Walaupun Paris Hilton yang mmg dah kompom takde dara tu, ada ke dia pi masuk persatuan co curricular camtu?

4. The fomfuen yang sungguh kuciwa lah bola menyedari dia bangun pagi lalu terbogel...kononnya dia tak sedar la dia telah dinodai tapi dlm pada tu sempat lah si perog nya membuat lovebite bersepah sepah.....hek elehh, terus pulak nak cari kawan lagi seorang selesaikan masalah dia. Siapa laaaa punya idea tulis script ni?!

5. Pak Ustaz Hensem terus mengucap panjang just because dia ternampak betis?! Wadda....Kiah kata kalau nampak p*** agaknya harus dia si Ustaz tu melompat atas fomfuen itu but I said to Kiah, the urge to pounce maybe subject to the state of the p***. Kalau serabai, ada ke hati? But saying that, orang jantan...apalah yg dia kira kannn? Citsss.

Dan hopkos, bak kata Kiah, dialogue dan adegan yang ditunggu-tunggu, bila pompuan baru insaf tu pi cakap kat pak Ustaz hensem tu yang, sesungguhnya dia masih dara....her burning confession. Err, Dr Lurpak, kitak kedak ya kah masa menerimak lamaran T-Bag?

Ada baik nya kita semua tengok Karoot Komedia....kan? Tak pun, semanis kurma.

Sekian.

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My ayat menyumpah yang terbaru

Trust me, driving in KL/PJ/Subang Jaya ialah sama pancarobanya dengan Camel Trophy challeng (wujud lagi kah iklan ini?)

Saban hari I menyumpah seranah tu belum masuk lagu sumpahan carutan yang terkeluar dek kejutan melampau.

So tonight, whilst taking a break from massive traffic jam, I singgah la kedai DVD haram pujaan hati I kat SS19 Subang Jaya untuk misi perabih pitih.

Terpandanglah I akan movie ini. Disebabkan I bukan peminat cerita antu, maka idoklah I akan beli. Tapi I suka tajuk nya....

So kepada semua mat motor dan mat kereta yang tak berhemah serta kepada para HR officer yang suka mengadu domba rahsia personnel opisnya kat bff laki orang nya, nama panggilan yang seswai untuk you ialah sepert tajuk movie lakonan Aziz Gagap ini.

Sekian.


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What Can Be So Wrong

Some people think that a blog writer can also be a tukang hasut. Like, what you write be read and have consequences.

Ohh baru lah I tahu rupa2 nya ada gak orang pikir kita ni penghasut ye? Kalau le I yang kena tuduh jadi penghasut or orang yang kena hasut just because my involvement in blogs (be it reading it or writing it) maka I sungguh lah akan rasa offended yg gilababs, ye laa....macam la kita ni takde otak kannn...terima je bulat2 apa orang tulis. Setahu I yg bodoh cuma orang yang ingat HIV tu boleh berjangkit melalui papercuts aje. Ohh, sindir misti sindir.

Hari ni adalah hari terpenat sedunia dan juga hari makan paling banyak. But its very productive. Disebabkan gf I dah hapdate maka I terpaksa la update...untuk menghiburkan hatinya. Dia kan stresss PHD nya tak habis2?

Di perchottian kali ini banyaklah jua I dapat info kesah2 rumahtangga orang. Ada yang lakinya berkahwin baru, ada yang lakinya nak berkahwin baru dan tak kurang jua laki yang berpeel terencat akal dengan secara tetiba nya, but it seems that perangai tu dah biasa berlaku, walaupun ia muncul secara tetiba, ianya tidaklah menimbulkan syak wasangka but menyampahlah jugak kannn? Tak penat2 ke kau buat perangai?! Oops lupa....masakan org yang berperangai tahu akan kewujudan perangai nya, ya tak?

Nak kata partner orang, partner I pun lebih kurang cinabeng gak perangainya...tetapi perlulah diinsafi yang bahawasanya, siapalah yang tidak mempunyai perangai cinabeng, kan?

So, over french toast yang sebesau pu*i, chicken chops, roti bom dan footlong sausage (bukan nya dimakan saya seorang diri) maka nasihat berguna dari Ustazah cum lawyer Dr Muhaya telah memberikan input yang sangat berguna...yang perlu juga dicontohi oleh orang2 yang mengalami masa2 sukar dgn sang swomi.

Love span...adakalanya bertahan dlm waktu yg panjang. Ni I rasa laa, centa time mula2 kawan mmg la sebesar gajah zaman jurrasic. Lepas tu rasa centa tu akan mengikut citarasa dan keadaan orang yang bercenta tu. At some point, while we often think that the love has gone, the fact that we can tolerate our other half membuktikan centa tu masih la ada, walaupun ianya suam suam kuku.

If we can bear all the perangai buruk---tak lekat kat rumah, toilet taknak cuci, menarik selimut dgn kasar pabila orang lain tgh tido dan bermacam2 lagi (tapi bila partner kita tu nak pergi berpoya dgn kengkawan utk misi mengumpat, secara tetiba lak kau segar bugar nak ikut kann?) Meaning centa tu ada. Tak dari kita, dari orang tu. Sesikit nasik lemak 50sen pun, mengalas perut gak bila dimakan.

Yang menyakitkan hati kadang2 ialah...when one think he/she is hard done by. Then tengok lah definition hard done by you. Ada orang sokmo mengomplen lakinya tak best, itu dan ini tapi dirinya tu dilimpahi kasih sayang dan barangan material. Iskk, hard done by ke tu?

Ada pulak yang sokmo mengharapkan bini dia seperti bini orang lain yang perfect, ---taktaulah example bini siapa yg dia ambik--- yakni melayan lakinya bak Raja Swaziland, menurut perentah, menutup mata dari melihat benda2 tak centre yang dibuat dek lakinya. Well, in this case, it would be much easier if you bagi list kat bini you kann, apa you nak dia buat demi menggumbirakan jiwa you yang kelihatannya sokmo kacau tu.

Making demands, although macam pukimak bunyinya ....isk....is still a way of making your intention known and for others to know what to expect of you. There is no right and wrong or a dummy guide on how to maintain a relationship apart from what we learn, told and observed.

What I learned from yesterday's brainstorming is, relationship need to have respect as its base. Kalau dah tak ada, baik tak payah. We want our partner to respect us, but we pulak sokmo merendahkan credibility dia.

We sometimes can't understand our partner ways of looking at things but doesn't mean that he and she is wrong. We can't laugh at his/her jokes, we cannot fathom the way he/she she came out with things, but it is still, him/her and respect him/her for it.

Some of us can't take criticism. To you your partner is out to memburukkan you. So, if a casual moan to you is a campaign of memburukkan, sad to say that you really have little to live for.

To draw a final curtain....if we must come to that, sekurang2 nya, cubalah memahami partner you dan perangainya yang you rasa buruk. Ask yourself, berapa banyak dah nice gesture yg you dah buat. He and she might not be perfect but you must remember, he or she, was there for you...(Walaupun most time macam takde)

Ni pun bersambung, tak puas pakai blackberry...

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What is biasa to them but berdosa besar to me...

Hola uols...

Gini lah gaya nya menggantung harap kat blackberry dan aipek untuk ber pesbuk dan ber blog. Nak berbloghop punyalah payah ehhh hai.

Thanks to the tips untuk mengurut tu, but alkisahnya belumlah ada masa nak menyerahkan diri ni untuk dipicit secara intensif.

Masa2 terluang dipenuhi dgn memenuhi jemputan rumah terbuka ---yang hanya terbuka kat orang yang dijemput. Satu hari sampai 2,3 bijik rumah kena pergi. Dah la I ni tak boleh nak makan past mealtime sangat. Perut rasa nak koyak jangan cakap la, lepas satu-satu benda nak dimakan.

Speaking about open house ni, I rasa macam fashion la pulak. Ye lah, hari raya, kalau you nak jamu orang...jamu aje lah bila orang dtg beraya ye dok? Ni macam assign satu hari for all of them people, macam lah hari lain takleh jumpa orang. Pulak tu sepesen je orang buat open house weekend. Sampai 4,5 open house dlm sehari. Yang kena jemput pun rasa mengah memikirkan 8 buah rumah yg kalau tak disinggah, tuan rumah nya kecik ati.

I really think budaya open house ni adalah budaya baru, nak ngikut sultan2 and pak menteri2 jaman I kecik2 dulu. Oohhh...I dulu kemain mengelintin kalau nak pi Sri Perdana punya open house.

Sebagai gf yang mithali lagi buhsan tinggal rumah sensorang, kerja I adalah mengekor MC pergi open house. MC pun macam main paksa dgn senang hatinya me remind I akan segala open house yang patut I pergi.

But all in all okay lah...dapat gak I makan satay bertambah-tambah dengan mengambik kuah kacang dgn haloba sekali. But seriously, I think I have put on massive fat overnight, disamping leher I yg sakit dek banyaknya makan daging.

I nak bagitau uols, benda2 yang menaikkan BP I bila balik Malaya ni. Selain dari teksi drebar yang sokmo taktau jalan...sampai I nak aje cakap, bagi jelah saya bawak teksi pakcik eh. Seriously, why bawak teksi kalau taktau jalan?! Hari ni tadi I naik teksi from jalan sabung ayam ke USJ. Makcik teksi yang banyak angin dok ber burpp burppp sepanjang jalan. Tu satu I perasan, orang melayu ni yang species banyak angin dok meletup-letup tanpa rasa malu. Idok la dia nak cover mulut nya. Maybe they think that belching is okay than farting...but please...so low manners okay? Nak kata excuse me jauh sekali lah kannn? Jangan kata orang, my youngest sister pun dulu masa drive keta dgn I dok ber erkkk erghhhh...selamba aje sampai I tegur, apasal kau ni macam lembu?! Terus dia tak buat dah lepas I menjerit dgn ganas nya.

Then, what is the story with ppl invading your privacy dgn rasa tak bersalah? Dalam flight airasiah tu, orang selamba aje duduk atas handrest you, bersentuh badan dgn kita, main tolak2 aje hand luggage kita. Ek elehhh....so pada satu hari mamat ni susah kena satu das dgn I. Well, biasalah jantan melayu kan suka bercommunicate secara telepathy. Dia masuk aircraft lambat, dia parking hand luggage nya depan kaki I, pastu dia dok berdiri rapat2 sebelah I dgn buat muka sembelit. After few minutes I dah naik rimas because I was practically facing his crotch, I tanya, is there a reason you're standing very close to my seat (ehh, I cakap melayu tauuu, I bukan mcm org pergi UK 2 tahun terus balik ber accent kompius) lantas mamat tu buat hand signal dia nak masuk ke seat sebab dia punya seat adalah seat tingkap.

I pun bangun dan cakap sekuat2 nya, ohh nak masuk...lain kali bercakaplah...saya tak boleh baca fikiran you. Saya bukannya expert dalam telepathic communication ni...

Seperti biasa....bercakap dgn orang yg macam ni, serupalah macam bercakap dgn sardin.

Bersambung...

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Back To Black

Tu diahhhh...perchottian bertemakan lagu Amy Rumah Anggur Peram. Dengan kepanasan yg semulajadi serta jalan-jalan raya yang tidak berpokok, maka saya pun telah kembali kepada kaler au naturel saya yakni hitam legams.

Of course sedara2 saya yang bermulut insuran 3rd party tu love to point out the obvious...balik Malaysia langsung golap kau kono paneh. Takpelah...cakap la apa2 pun. Mak dah tak kessahhhhhh sangats.

Hmm...dengarnya Prince William and Kate ada kat Malaya time ni, ohhh, elok sangatlah. Semoga mak2 datin dan kerabat2 Raja kita mengambil iktibar dari Kate yg sungguh simple dan tak ngabiskan duit rakyat jelata membeli spray rambut bertin-tin untuk membusutkan rambut mereka tu. For the life of me sungguh ku tak paham dimanakah terletaknya kecantikan rambut ala-ala kompleks Dayabumi itu.

Sesungguhnya, sejak tibanya saya di Malaya nan bertuah ni, macam2 berita berunsur cinabeng dlm TV. Benda yg takde nilai berita pun jadi berita. Seperti biasa saya juga adalah rajin menengok TV yang dipenuhi Aron Ajis tu. Ramai pompuan kata dia hensem. Ohh, pada saya...Deddy Mizwar versi muda lagi ensem. ND Lalat laaaaagi ensem.

Oh ya, sementelah saya di Malaya, bolehkah anda tolong rekemenkan tukang urut yg handal lagi murah untuk badan saya yang cheapskate ini? Sila jangan volunteer diri anda (bagi yg jantan serta berbini and kalau tak berbini adalah menggeletis tak hengat)

Stay tune folks (but don't stay at Tune Hotel, ye? Service mcm shiyyal)
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When We Must Ask For Favour....

Selamat sejahtera, kawan-kawan...

I tak ada kucing yang boleh dipenglipurlara kan. I nak bela kucing...but my working hours and style will only bringing RSPSA into my home questioning the welfare of the kucing and charge me for mistreating the pet.

I did something that left me feeling quite liberating couple of days ago...yakni meremove orang dari pesbuk.

Yes, I see pesbuk now as way to keep in touch with frens that is cheaper than phone. Plus I ni set-set mulut berat tapi tangan ringan, so in reality to call, to comment tu agak payah but pesbuk made it easy.

And because I treat pesbuk literally sebagai medan perkahwanan...removing people I no longer see as friends is apt. Friends are important to me...ye lah, I kan kanak2 membesar disekolah asrama...closer I am to friends than adik beradik. But kalau I ni tak reti nak di respect dan dijaga hati...apa perlunya kau di dalam hidup kiewww? Chewwahhh.

Plus, it will...kind of not make me a rude person to them who got removed. Yes, I have started ignoring messages. I for one think that ignoring is rude...and I don't want to be rude to my friend. So bila dah tak kawan dan tak layan...idoklah berasap kekurang ajaran nya, kann? Ishh..analogy bangang from me.

I don't have high expectation. I work with people to know that doing something little for someone can make a big difference. Manusia sebenarnya adalah species yang paling fragile perasaan nya.

Saya memegang teguh konsep...when I do you a favour, anggaplah itu hari you. Of course when you help someone, you harapkan balasan...balasan can be in any shape or form. Kadang2 balasan yang you harapkan tak akan datang dari orang yang you tolong. Tak apa...we helped A...the next day, B belikan kita roti canai. Either way, we produces good deed, it will come back. Kalau tak datang balik pun...berbuat baik lebih lah lagi...nescaya dia akan datang jua.

But what I really hate...okaylah...kita takleh nak paksa orang tolong kita. But sebelum kita nak mengumpat hal orang, memusnahkan harapan orang, kita patut lah consider benda2 kecik orang tu dah buat untuk you. Eeshh...this whole balas budi thing are like the UMNO people. Harap orang balas budi. But trust me, I tak kisah sangat orang balas budi I, tapi kalau you tak pandai nak hormat perasaan I, you all pergilah dok jauh2 dari I ye.

On a another ocassion...lest we forget that the world goes around. I once asked for favour. Orang janji dicapati nak tolong...last-last buat tak tahu. Isk..cakap aje,ah terang2 tak dapat nak tolong I kan? Ni tak...konon nya I must resign to the fact that you orang melayu and orang Melayu memang cenggitu tak suka cakap terang2. Tapi kalau bercakap hal orang suka pulak buat gerang2. Tapi kannnn.....dengan muka tak malu, boleh mintak I tolong jadik despatch.

I ni kadang2 suka main politik jua. I like to show people up to feel better myself. To those yang jahat dgn I, to win over, I buat baik dgn orang tu. Message on the air is...oww, you horrible to me and now you still need my help. Hehee...macam setan je peel I.

Kiah...kau rasa, patut tak aku janji...ye ye, saya boleh jadi despatch awak...lepas tu buat donno aje, macam apa dia buat kat aku? Nak demand tak hengat kannn Mamat tu? Reciprocate tak reti.

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Now...I Was Wrong

Wokeh...I want to revisit that post I wrote about that rapist-bowler man. Well, blame the legal term we still have to call him a rapist. Yes, when you have sex with underage girl, you're a rapist...unless you're married to her.

While I don't think punishment is ever going to 'change' thing, punishment is there for a reason. To show others that certain thing is wrong and when you commit the 'wrong', you need to be taught a lesson or a reminder not to do thing that is 'wrong'.

What I didn't finished my previous rapist-bowler with is that I think the judge is being too 'lenient' to let him off jail sentence. The mitigation factor is acceptable. Yes, he has a promising future. He pleaded guilty. He didn't use force and the intercourse is consensual.

But he still had sex with a child. And that is a punishable offence. What the judge should have done was, yes...considering the mitigation factor, sentence can be reduced, say from 5 to 2 years. Still jail sentence so that others will see that the law is there to protect the child. Yes the girl maybe a horny child but she is still a child.

What we must not do is to judge and punish the rapist for making this mistake for the rest of his life. If we allow one rapist to get away, then there will be no point trying to get the other (rapist) punished.

So, is there anything we can do to stop a child from having sexual intercourse with another child? I am sure some of us have seen many 'raping' scene captured in 3g video. Both committing offender are in school uniforms.

Even they should be punished too. There's 'thing' you can't do as a child. Having sex is one of them. We can't be responsible nevermind know what responsible means.

Sometimes, its true when people say, we should pay for our mistake. Because the payment will then be a reminder for others and for us that same mistake must not be repeated again.


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