Sometime in August, si Semah yang kucing adalah ibu kucing kepada anak-anak kucing saya (errrk?) telah tidak pulang kerumah. Saya ingat lagi yang pada hari itu, saya telah pergi ke sebuah open house. Hmm....saya dan kawan saya ni dijemput oleh adik ipar tuan rumah tu...tapi kesudahnya saya pulak yg dikata memacam...well, that's a different story lah ye. Story yang saya dah malas nak pikir.
Well, si Semah ni adalah teman setiduran saya. There was times when cats were my only companion. Disebabkan anak-anak Semah ni adalah munyit reincarnation, maka Semah la senantiasa diribaan, teman menengok drama Kek Foo tu. So when Semah failed to return terganggu jugaklah fikiran. Setiap malam sebelum tido I will melekap kat tingkap looking out for her. Sedih betul I masa tu. I even told Amma about her and how sad I was. See, I jarang ngadu dgn Amma so bila anaknya yang keras hati ni dah ngadu tanpa ada kemaluan, you can imagine how devastating it was for me, kan?
Perhap I didn't try to look out for her hard enough. Ye la, takdelah sampan nak print poster kucing wanted bagai. I rasa Semah akan balik. Gituh.
Then came the realisation how distant we both of us have been. Since anak2 Semah dah besar dan bersunat dan menjadi manja meleleh-leleh, serta datang nya kekucing rescue yg memerlukan perhatian, maka Semah macam terabai lah sikit. But in my defence, si Semah tu kuat nau mengoroknya and during the day dia akan bersosialan (sambil dapat makan free) dgn kekucings jenjiran I. So masa untuk kami ber quality time tu adalah kureng.
So pada hari open house itu Semah tak balik2 even dah tengah malam....dan gitulah seterusnya hingga sepurnama. Looking for her was a wild goose chase experience for me dgn segala macam lahanat yg bagi false lead. Tat betul tau!
So I learn to live without her in sight. To make the sadness bearable I imagine dia dah mati somewhere. So knowing dia dah tak ada memudahkan urusan pelupusan dia dari fikiran.
I need to get few people out of my mind lately. Orang kata jgn putuskan silaturrahim kann..berdosa. Part mana yang berdoa pun tatau..cepat nau orang jatuh hukum berdosa. Relationships are often complex, kan? Sebaik mana pun orang nampak baik nya kita..lemah lembut tangan lidah segala...but to know Malaysia is to love Malaysia gittew..kawan dulu dgn dia...masuk semak samun sesama then you know what sort of emosi-emosi yang ko kena hadap.
I am a strong believer of..one day things will be made easy. This love of my life...dua tiga purnama juga kami dok hanging on that puny thread of emotions. Perangai dia macam jahanam..but still when your head is in a cloud, you tak nampak apa...or nampak benda yang you nak nampak.
But one day....that's it. Haram sepatah I tak jawab message whatsapp nya..hingga ke hari ni. I terus aje CTRL-ALT-DELETE dia dari fikiran I. Didalam emosi pun dia dah tak ada. Office dia yang dekat dgn Vet Clinic I pun dah tak skodeng lagi. Enough is enough lah, kan?
Yes...you will be the one to initiate a moving on action. Kawan2 hanya perlu memberi perangsang, bukannya paksaan.
Then this another friend....again, I should stop from succumbing to emotional blackmail. I wish one day she realise how childish she have been. I am not perfect myself but all I was, is trying to be a good friend. But nevermind...dalam hidup kita maybe excell dalam hal-hal duniawi or syariat-syariat agama serta meng qualify kan diri kita menjatuhkan hukum or memberi opinion macam lahanat kat orang lain. But kita adalah lemah dalam matapelajaran menjaga hati orang.
Okay..back to Semah. Out of the blue she returned. Bibik I kata ada satu kucen ni dok yak yak kat atas pasir I. I was away that weekend so hari Isnin, I saw this familar cat coming inside my gate. Our eyes met. She started bergolek gelantang atas pasir. I rush out. I called out...she came to me. We peluk peluk penuh emosi..mana Semah pergi etc etc. I brought her inside. A tubby Semah dah lean sikit badan nya. I was so happy.
But after half a day spending time locked inside the house, she rushed out again. She even hissed annoyingly at her once upon a time kittens. Wahhhh. Everyone chasing out after her...well my Bibik la yg paling emo because somehow she must have felt Semah hilang adalah salah dia.
Second day I saw her outside loitering. I brought her back and locked her inside the cage. But she escaped...ala-ala Alcatraz sangat.
What reasoning do I need now to tell me that she no longer wants me? She no longer appreciate the goodness she gets before...and the fact that I need to love other cats too?
Well, she is the one who refuses to understand that every inch of my conscience doesn't revolve around her. Nak jealous tak bertempat! I told Bibik to stop asking her to come home.
So yes, I refuse to be emotionally governed by Semah...or other people who thinks that just because ko banyak budi dgn ku. I have spent all this time alone reflecting...
So bye bye Semah. You know where I am if you want me (or can of Qiut)
Kepada yang dok propah kat orang kata I tak layan dia or layan dia acuh tak acuh padahal evidence wassapdog menunjukkan dia yang jawab macam lembu lemau, apa yang boleh dikata hanyalah...nasib lu lah ye...it is unfair to seize opportunity to tutup kekhilafan senirik gitu. But gua sudah tua...takda masa nak beli-beli jiwa (or friendship) ni.
To my remaining cats....sudah-sudah sorokkan USB stick ku. Pi lah main dgn toys yang aruah opah korang bagi tu.
