Thoughts....and talk.

With the bulan puasa and all, my motivation to hapdate ini blog adalah macam my bowel movement gak...well, tak nak menambah dosa kering-basah pun ada juga. Ye laa..hapdate blog kang nak cakap pasal orang...dalam cakap pasal hal sendiri pun ada gak termasuk cerita orang..and cakap pasal orang kang, kalau tak betul, berdosa pulak dengan orang tu kann?

Speaking of menambah dosa...I am so conscious yang dah ada ni pun tak berkurang-kurang...and the scale is still moving.So dok lah diam-diam kannn...dah le puasa 17 jam melemahkan segala organ badan. Iskk...

I had a chat with my friend today...quite interesting one. We were talking about ourselves. Dia cakap pasal dia...and I bagi opinion sikit and I cakap pasal I, dia pulak bagi opinion.

My fren ni I rasa a long standing series of ketakpuasan hati dgn life partner nya. Sometimes bila banyak sangat ketakpuasan hati, it is hard to be very specific dengan apa yang menjadi punca masalah 'tak puas hati' tu. I have always suspect yang she is not being very direct with him...possibly expecting that he knows what needed and wanted in a relationship.I also suspect that by the time she did talk..or blow her lid more like...what actually did came out is something so irrational even she herself can't comprehend and even wonder after that, apsal laa aku buat benda terencat akal gituh.

Well, ni lah masalahnya bila tak bercakap ye?

I have learned so much from my time with F..ohh yes, that so wishful thinking F..that two people need to talk to know what's the problem is.

We always fell into the habit of thinking that talk less is better. In some situation yes..especially bila kita dengan orang gila. Cakap banyak karang menyakitkan hati..because orang gila can never change, so why bother? To sustain a (work) relationship, we best keeping quiet and talk less. Bila dia tanya opinion, kita kasi. Kalau dia diam tu..maknanya dia okay...so kita pun berdoa lah dia akan okay sehingga bulan penuh balik.

With the husband...men are known to like to talk less because it saves them from lot's of bother. They can be selective bila dia nak cakap banyak...and they will talk more if the subject is about how to make him feel good or how to make life easier for him. But try drawing him to issue yang ada kena mengena dengan kebahagiaan bersama...when all that is lacking is pointing to him, dia akan membuat diam dan hidup dalam gua pala hotak nya.

MC doesn't talk (much) kalau dia bercakap pun..kalau hal yang dia suka..maka dia akan tersangat excited...and kalau dia rasa penat, dia akan diam dan tengok TV. Tak pun dia tidurrrrr.

I don't talk much too...but I made the point to talk about what is upsetting me. Dia dengar. It is coming to 2 years, ada lah jugak perubahan.

Bila orang tak bercakap or tak nak bercakap dengan kita, the best thing to do is to take control, sebab nanti yang merana nya kita. We must know what we want to achieve. Kalau kita tak dapat apa yang kita nak pun, at least we know we had made our point across.

My fren said that..well, banyaklah juga benda yang ada reflect nya pada I and my willingness to sacrifice kat MC. The thing is, between the two, there's only one willing party. Yang sorang lagi tu, nak kata tak willing, well..kalau dia tak willing..manakan ada you dan dia.

We expect so much or even hoping that our love one is just like us yang chenta-sepenuh-hati-dan-mati, we bound to get frustrated when what we give we didn't get (all) back. If we live hoping and expecting, we will be miserable waiting.

People always say, love yourself more...because if you have, you couldn't give a shit if others didn't.Sometimes when we do more its because we want something in it as well. Between me and MC, I traveled more...partly because I want to. There's time when I wish MC is just like me...but, sometimes I do wonder a free spirited person macam dia, kalau dah dok dihadap hari-hari, tak sesak napas kah?

LOve is about being attracted to, getting along well and able to tolerate one another.We may be attracted to biawak ladang gadong and get on...and boleh tahan hidup within close space. The person kenkadang perangai tidak lah lawa mana...tapi dia lah yang kita suka.

Some people just don't know how to change because to them..there's nothing need changing. If we feel strongly about it, we say it. Kalau takde perubahan, then kita buat lah perubahan. It is like, kalau kita syok kat ular yang suka mematuk, kita tahan aje la dgn perangai dia yang suka mematuk tu ye?

Selamat Hari Raya....:)

Love and Lost

Teman tapi tak mesra (but dah mesra sikit since she called...) told me that her area has ran out of Blackberry. They only have Aifong 4. But she said, she is way too clever for Aifong 4. I said, if you like Aifong 4 go ahead lah...

I have been very unreasonable to her. Ye lah, just because one thinks that Blackberry is canggih dan menjimatkan duit lagi cepat untuk bergossip, that doesn't mean that others would agree. Thing is, I am too, too clever for an Aifong. Be it 1,2,3,4. I only just mastered the Aipot. Aipot has little risk for my money yang dah la tak sebanyak mana since mempunyai chenta hati yang berharga £500 cheapest sekali jumpa. (any type of pun is intended here) I often read about people with Aifong running up bills they don't know they have. All this telephone company have big tendency to mis-sold all type of phone contract. Me being clever doesn't help lah kan..buatnya kita dok tekan tu, tekan ini..sekali the bills goes on and on...tak ke mata,hidup dan mulut jadi putih jua?

So, I am sticking to Blackberry. I must admit that before I used to think that Blackberry is stupid and buruk, but now...I just can't live without it and the messenger service. (I love you banyakkk...banyakkk...banyakk...and dia jawab, I love you banyakkk..banyakkkkkkk too...cepat balik ye) Okay..cepatlah muntah.

I lost my father recently. Knowing that he is pretty much on his last leg, I am very well prepared. But the last 2 weeks, I have been awfully sad. I cried everywhere. In my sleep, on a bus, train...tengah buka puasa..tengah makan sahur and tengah main Cafeworld. I cannot bring myself to think and to see any reminder of him. Luckily there's not very much photos of my family that I bring with me here, because I don't want to miss them. There's some, but it was kept somewhere not easy reached.

The subject of love is very broad. I don't love easily but when I do, I love it to death. I can love someone for silly reasons that other would question the motives.

Do we ever wonder why we love the person we love? We can be with the type rupa ada harta pulak kurang, rupa kurang harta pun kurang, rupa and harta ada (tapi kedekut nak mampus) harta banyak perangai huduh, rupa ada perangai puaka and so on?

Do we love our parents because of they are our parents or is there something else besides the facts that they are the parents?

Adakah kita sayang kat laki/bini kita sebab dia tu laki/bini kita and kita terpaksa jugak ada perasaan sayang sebab dah takda siapa lagi yang boleh disayang sebagai laki/bini, walaupun ada ketikanya kita rasa nak gantung diri memikir, apasal la aku kawin dengan hang?

I told you about the 1st guy I fell in love with (and dah mati and boleh done lagi tulis surat kat I kata dia cinta kat I tak berubah, sekaligus mengoyakkan jiwa dan perasaan ku..men eh? Hidup pun menyakit ati, mati pun menyakit ati) I still feel sad sad every time i think of him. There's time I remember every single thing, the happiest time and the saddest time, the convincing love and the heartbreaking words. But he is still the nice young man that I first took a fancy. The nice young man who shows love in his own way. Dalam 100 yang kata, lupakan je lah Mat Siamang yang dah memporak perandakan hidup mu, dalam hati hanya kita aje yang tahu macam manatak boleh nya kita nak buang dia. It was never a clear cut with him....right til the end. In a way, I'm glad that he is no longer around or I'll risk being wondering what if, what if and oh why not, we still love each other and POM...hati patah or happy ever after. Who knows gitu.

Then there's MC. And believe me..I still wonder why....alas, there is things that I love about.

Father...of course, our love to each other, is supposedly unconditional. I am his own. His produce. He probably (given manalah ada technology or things where bapak kan be at the labour room in the early 70's kan?) seen me on my first outing and through the rest. I am not yet a parent and although I can understand the meaning of unconditional love literally, I probably don't understand the extent of love of parent and a child.

Now that he is gone and when he was still around, it is very hard to deny his love to me.He love me not less when I didn't get 5A's in my standard 5 assessment test. He love me the same when my SRP and SPM result is not as good as he had hoped. I didn't return from UK with LLB, he was upset..but his love remain unchanged. I did a lot of things he wasn't happy about, sometimes I got rotans, slapped, maki hamun etc etc...but he still feels the same about me. He said some horrible things but mother always come to his defence and said he didn't meant it. I believe both of them.

I grew up a docile child. I listened to him. I did almost everything he wants me to. In all honesty it was all because I had to. I don't know any other way. I was taught to do as I am told. Most times I was unhappy and angry, but in the end..I just didn't mind...because he is my father.

In all those years of growing up, there is time when I wish I had a nicer father and a different father even. Recent years was worst...I was so determined to make my feelings known to him. Tah hapa sebab, tak tau lah...children liberation ke? Is it because masa kecik tak pernah nak menjawab, dah besar panjang kena jugak menunjukkan hak. Tah apa pekdah dapat ber debate dgn makpak tak tau lah kann?

Now that he is gone, I wish that I never had wished for a nicer and different father...nor that I wish I had a real father somewhere because hard done by child are always the anak angkat and tupp, real makpak yang kayaraya boleh bagi segala game&watch will come to our rescue. Because when things was bad, he still feels the same. He believed in me when no one else did. And I know, he never wish for a different me...however much I have upset him.

I often said to mother, ohh how can you stand him? I should have stick to being a daughter and continue to look at him as god. Husband and wife, as to boyfriend and girlfriends always have complicated relationship.

I wish I could have love my father the same way he loved me. His indifference and unconditional love. I am sure he knows how I feel about him...as he is always, knows about everything.

Sayang Babah banyakkk...banyakkkk.....

Al-Fatihah.

Hantu Kak Limah Balik London

Greetings from Croydon.

Tempat tanah tumpahnya botol molotov cocktail where all the occupants are adapting the idea of Kampung Pisang folks, very literally to fight the ZOMBA. Kita bakorrr, kita bakorrrr aje.

I'm fine. I was unharmed physically but dented emotionally, having witnessed the little budak hitams as young as 10 hammering his way into Tesco Express for goods. The shock of seeing about 20,30 hooded boys congregating in Clapham Junction, the station I had to stop for my connecting train home.

In Croydon I saw smokey building from afar, not knowing what had happened. I saw them gangs smashing shops but that part of Croydon, altercations here and there is like the 6 o'clock drama you tengok kat TV daily. Little that I know there's mayhem in some parts of London.

The day before I called up my ex to ask how bad is it in Tottenham and if dia nya okay. Dia cakap dia okay...so, okaylah kan.

So I got home 3 hours delayed and hungry. I had to duck away from the hoodies gang in Clapham. I thought bus was a safer option not knowing that they are starting trouble in the Clapham Junction High Street. I came out of the station and saw the gangs of boys smashing up Debenhams. I saw this older lady yelling at them but the boys just laugh. I did not see any uniformed authorities. People running past me...and they're the hoodies gang I saw at the station. The ran across the station to where all the shop is. I saw people taking pictures from their mobiles. I walked as fast as I could towards nowhere. I followed the bicycle signpost to Wandworth High Street. I dare not stand and wait for bus. I walked for 20 minutes...in thirst and hunger. From Wandsworth, I took a train back home.

I got home, 10 minutes before Iftar but I was feeling ready to makan/minum time tu jugak. MB was watching news. I saw the thing I just saw at Clapham on the telly. I asked MB, ehh..apa benda tu? MB said, ada riot...teruknya. I said, I just saw them. Infact, I saw them in 2 places, Croydon and Clapham. I said to MB, all of them budak-budak hitam.

Thankfully, I managed to sabar until Iftar. But fasting made me tired that I rasa nak tidur after my mug of Milo. I bbm'ed (promo kepada kawan tapi tak mesra ----- Blackberry adalah cool) MC, bagitau dia I dah buka puasa and penat nak tidur sekarang..and that I just saw a riot. You jangan risau ye sebab I okay...but I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow sebab riot also happened in Croydon, where I work. And I terus tido.

I bangun sahur just for another Milo and thought I should call my mother. But I didn't..because I terus tido balik.

MC told me to stay home and not go to work, sebab katanya kat TV nampak macam ganas. I said, oh nooo...rioters tak kacau orang diorang nak curik TV aje. And MC said, kalau tak kacau orang, why do they beat up that Malaysian boy? I tak tau nak jawab apa. Then I called my mother, and she didn't mentioned anything...so macam biasa I tanya khabar and conversation ended in 3-4 minutes. Ohh..anak mithali.

Until now, I still don't know what actually happened and why it happened. I saw the aftermath in total disbelief.

The culprits are the children. Years ago, I asked not to work in Children Services because I know somehow kids in England..and everywhere for that matter, if not them..the parents are evil reincarnated. (POMM! mampuslah orang marah kat I pas ni kann?) But working in Social Services, you see evils in many shape and form....kecik, mak budak..bapak budak. Parents always think they know what to do with their child, they know what made them tick and they're unlikely want to take kindly to 'orang luar' punya recommendations...nak nak org luar tu takde anak. Ish....

But parents and their child live together....as much as the parents knows their child, sebanyak tu jugaklah their child 'knows' them..and know how to mengaburkan mata makpaknya...well, defensive parents are usually the one who knows the truth but refuse to swallow them.

But hey...saya takde anak....dan apalah yg saya tahu kann?

Saya Orang Bermasalah

Considering that...orang yang beriya-iya call cari you segala..cerita masalah toknek dia kat you selama 2 jam, after a day, you received text message...Nice meeting you, we should it it often. I'm always around if you need to talk. Take Care.

Boleh Kiah? Aku pulak yang diperlakukan sebagai mangsa kecurangan domestic yang memerlukan moral support kengkawan kannn?

Ohh, must I say Kiah, she is one of many (amboii..cakap many..macam lah ramai peminat dalam lemari I kann?) yang pada mereka secara conscious nya macam tak heran, tapi masih berusaha want to be considered dlm circle of my friends yang idok lah besar mana. They keep looking out for you secara subtle tanpa menunjukkan niat sebenar mereka (desperate nak berkawan) tapi sebenarnya, amat bahagia with the acceptance.

Wah, masih ada kah yang begini...gila reputasi...ohh I kawan dgn orang tu, orang ni...walaupun hanya setakat poke-poke dalam pesbuk aje. Peluk cium nya amat jarang malah ada yang tak pernah. These are the people when meeting new friends start talking about you...ohh I know Makji Esah..dia macam ni, macam ni. Masalah nya, Makji Esah jumpa dia pun jarang2.

As much as I ni secara full time nya bekerja dengan orang yang ada masalah tapi tak nak mengaku mereka tu bermasalah dan memberi masalah kat orang, orang2 yang macam ni lah yang I selalu tak tahu nak buat apa...dan secara logik nya, harus dibuat tak tau aje. But lagi kita buat tak tahu, makin the thought of orang tu menjelma-jelma dengan riang nya...ishh.

If you think that I marah dengan orang2 ni, then I like to be stand corrected dgn menyatakan I adalah marah dengan diri I sendiri. Ye laa....orang tu takdelah buat salah (selain dari ber perilaku jobo tak hengat) hanya nak bermesra alam dengan kita aje..so, susah ke sangat nak buat baik, hah?

I attended a friend wedding last week...so I jumpalah kawan I ni yang I jarang keep in touch but we sort of know that we have each others number and will meet when we feel like it. So I asked about this mutual friend of ours yang dengarnya dah balik Msia for good and jadi pelakon drama. He asked me about him (the guy yang dah jadi pelakon ni) and I said that I don't talk to him that often. I said to this friend of mine, I ni dah la bangsa tak cakap banyak...(ye ke Kiah?) and when I do, do make the effort to bermesra alam, janganlah nak laser I..oh, kau dah kaya lupa dah kat kawan-kawan. And this pelakon guy always..I say..ALWAYS tau..buat that horrible remark depan kawan2 yang lain. I am aware of those some would label a Melaka type (jgn marah naaa orang Melaka) the type who have propensity to sumpah you before they shake your hand. I don't mind if we have this kind of unspoken agreement to oiii pundek to each other on a regular basis, but kalau kita pun ber relation ala-ala musim panas di England, would that warrant the over familar friendliness?

Tidak uols...tidak.......

I cakap dgn my friend yang ini...I bukan tak nak keep in touch dgn dia tu, but I tak berapa berkenan lah dgn dia. But I know hati dia baik...but, I tak boleh laaa. This guy pun cakap dengan I the same...ohh I feel you. I pun tak bley ngam lah dengan dia ni...I tried youuuu.

So, again...pada sesiapa yang rasa I tak nak kawan dengan dia...maka ni semua bukan lah salah you ye. Ada yang siap kata I sindir dia dalam blog ni la apa...but I ni bangsa kalau I rasa I dah tak boleh ngam dengan you, ditambah pulak dengan person spec you yang mega perasan tu (yang ni of course lah you tak sedar kann..sebab, cemana disindir orang pun...you tetappppp maintain ke perasanan you) maka my take is that, I akan diammm dan tak melayan saja. Ocassionally when it is less harmful to me, I akan layan you..but more than often bila dilayan, you pulak will go to the extreme dan menyakitkan minda I balik.

Kak Katak is one example. I tak berkenan...but I tak layan nor that I am direct with my piece of brain with her, but when I do...aku pulak yang diper 'rasa' kan sebagai insan bermasalah?

But who knows..mmg I yang bermasalah.

Okay..I nak gi umah AW jap..nak taruk bunga.

Me And My Free Ears

Ingat kah anda-anda kepada Kak Katak tu? Alaaa...that lady from that school on the hill yang sedang buat PHD kat salah satu unibesiti kay West London ini...yeah, that one. Ha'ah..the one who worship the dog poo her husband trod on...cis!

Dimulakan dengan text message 'Hi, Makji, this is me Kak Katak. I hope you're still using this number. I had mine changed last year. Keep in touch ye.'

Memandangkan I ni banyak free minutes texts segala atas ikhsan Vodakpon tu, ye lah..I ni manalah ada kawan nak borak berejammm pun. Sombong lah katakan...tu lah, orang nak kawan dengan kita, kita tak sudi kan, Kiah?

So I called her. Soranya tersangatlah excited. Why lah? Nak kata I ni kawan baik dengan dia tidak lah, kawan cemmolots pun bukan. I remember that we didn't parted well. So apasal pulak dia excited mendengar suaraku yang merdu ni kan, Kiah?

Well, people always assumed yang I ni akan membongkang on my weekends but I was actually on a night shift replacing my colleague yang telah terdepressed atas kematian Amy RumahLabahlabah tu. Ye lah..Amy tu kan pernah masuk rehab kat Spital dekat rumah I ni and my colleague ni pernahlah jadi recovery worker dia. Khelass kau Markonah kerja dengan celebrity nah? Well, talking about omputih and their seribu macam alasan untuk tak masuk kerja. Kucing mati pun boleh depressed seminggu...tu belum lagi makpak mati...ada yang terus tak masuk kerja pun ada.

So Kak Katak tanya, you free tak? Let's meet..we can go makan-makan. Wahh..ajak I makan-makan ye? Layakkah diri ku yang tak berapa pandai ni ber makan-makan an dengan mu wahat budak KTK yang sedang membuat PHD oii?

I told her that I have to go to work, on emergency call...but not going to be that very minute lah...sebabnya I kena kerja malam. Dengan mega enthusiastic nya dia kata, if you are free now, I bley datang tempat you..err kat Twickjahanam tu kan??? (Err, I have since moved..but of course, we are not keeping in touch in any shape or form, manalah dia nak tahu kann?)

Wehh..Kiah, hati I mmg lembut. There is a hint of desperation there, however concealed in her excitement nak ajak I makan. So I pun berkata benarlah...telling her that I am only due at work at 9pm so I have good few hours, if she want to do coffee. Buleehhhhhh katanya, where? (Uishhh, gigih!)

So we met, kat Clapham Junction..ye lah..senang sikit lah I nak gi keroje pastu. Kak Katak said I dah kurus...of which hati I berbunga gumbira sebab masa I kat KL orang kata I gumuks. I felt so tak-tahu-nak-buat-apa kind of thing sebab its not that we can catch up from any last time pun. I don't really know much about her, apart from dia buat PHD and using the facility tempat I kerja foer her research. Oh yeah, I know vaguely about her hubs yang idok lah boleh divangga kan kewujudan nya (if you asked me lah...) and their daughter. But seriously after perjumpaan dgn laki dan kengkawan lakinya, I have no interest even to accidentally bump into him.

But of course, I have high respect for married woman and it will be so impolite not to ask about her husband kann...

' We are having problem now. I caught him 'main mata' dengan perempuan lain. In our house'.

For a second there, I nak tergelak pun ada...with her choice of words. Well, she doesn't strike me as a woman with harsh words..ye lah, some girls kalau tahu laki tak pun boifren dia main kayu 3,4,5 terus akan keluar statement zassstt..like 'si jahanam anjing babi setan toot toot tu pi kongkek etc etc dengan betina lain etc etc...wah, if that kind of words can be cartoon graphic sure kelaur gambar cangkul, parang, babi, api petir segala kannn???

Nak aje I cakap, tak kan lah you caught him 'main mata' aje dalam rumah you? Kalau setakat nak main mata, kat tepi jalan pun boleh...but no, this is not a matter of soft joke.

She offered me more stories..like dia halau her abang sayang kluar dari rumah, but abang sayang menangis pilu dengan kata-kata mana abang nak pergi etc etc. Her abang sayang mintak maaf brokbrekbrokbrek but Kak Katak kata hatinya dah terluka but atas dasar kesian she let her abang sayang kipping on her sofa and this has been been going on for 8 months. So, not in so many words she is telling me, walaupun abang sayang itu telah dinyah kan dari kamar peraduan mereka, abang sayang tetap lagi ada kemudahan berakcangkung makan tanggung ye?

Kak Katak didn't cry, as I had hope her too. I don't know and can't even guess how she is feeling. I didn't say much...ye lah, it is not like she ask me what to do. Lagipun, from experience, orang yang tengah ada masalah rumahtangga ni jarang nak dengar nasihat orang. Funny enough they will ask you for nasihat and when you tell them what you think is the best way forward, they will do exactly what's in their heart/head. So, lebih baik diam..dan ohh..ye ke, kesian nya..ohh, buatlah apa you fikir patut. Only offer that...as your both saving grace.

After lama jugak dia brok brek, Kak Katak look at me and said, you very quiet? Also stupid question to ask since she was talking non-stop dari tadi kang kalau aku menyampuk kau kata kurang ajar pulak. I said, do you expect me to say something? I was actively listening...you needed that, don't you? (Dalam hati kata, belajau sampai PHD tapi duhhhh)

Kak Katak change topic and said, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch...I was busy with my research blablabla and now problem ni pulak...

Errr....okay, one thing never change from our last meeting is that Kak Katak is very deluded. I layan saja...I am not in the mood to berbalas pantun or mencari gaduh.

Okay, the meeting lasted for 2 hours. I collected many info, about her husband's infidelity, her studies that is driving her mad and her daughter coming over for raya. She didn't ask about me at all.

Well, I'm glad she didn't because no information is as good as no existence. She will have nothing to remember about me.

Update Menyampah

Update itu mahu....masa aje yang tak ada.

Some people rajin masak and apa dia masak pun boleh jadi update. Some people kuat derak, so mana-mana tempat dia pergi, dia hambik gambar terus jadi bahan update.

Ada orang suka beli barang...err, barang yang tak semua orang boleh mampu lah. Maybe dia rasa bangga sebab dia telah berjaya menyimpan duit tanpa gangguan sesiapa or maybe dia mencapai kejayaan yang membuah kan hasil yang boleh buat dia mampu membeli barang yang some of us tak mampu itu. Well, benda ni susah nak kata...kalau kita kata dia berlagak kang, maybe dia takde niat dalam hatinya nak berlagak...but, kita pun tahu kan...niat dan perbuatan tu kenkadang tak seiringan. Kita tunjuk benda mahal kita kat orang, bila kita pikir sedalam-dalam nya, apa sebenar makna nya? Kalau tak tunjuk, tak bleh ke?

Ada orang berasa, dia terpaksa 'menunjuk' sebab dia rasa hanya tu lah caranya orang akan perasan kan dia. Menunjuk maksud I bukannya menunjuk benda-benda materials saja...kenkadang apa yang kita tulis, kita cakap pun is a form of menunjuk juga.

Well, tak ada salahnya menunjuk..cuba kita kenalah sedar, bila kita dah start menunjuk maka secara sedar dan tidak, kita dah bagi ruang untuk orang memberi pendapat. Pastu, kita tak bley lah pi buat2 cakap...weih, siapa mintak pendapat kau? Dah kau pun menunjuk dalam ruang yang terbuka kepada orang, mestilah orang pun ada hak juga nak berkata-kata kann?

I sekarang semakin tak berkenan pulak dengan chat box I yang kat belah kanan ni...bukannya apa, I always believe in open communication tapi ada pulak set-set langau taik yang singgah berak sambil menyakitkan hati. Whatever happened to taking responsibility dalam berkomunikasi? Perlukah masuk blog orang dan berbahasa kasar? Kita aje betul dan orang lain salah kah? Kita kan tahu semua orang berbeza citarasa and pendapat? Just because kita tak sokong apa dia sokong, nak marah2 plak. Cemana nak jadi politician camtu? Pastu bagi komen jadi anonymous. Weh....

And please lah...those who comments yang tak kena published, must I tell you I detest profanities. You nak kata hal kak Mah & Abg Jib, tak yah sebut sebut body part orang tu ye...itu kah mentality you? This is the type yang nak mencarut, carut hal dalam kain seluar makpak orang. Tak gi sekolah meh?

Sekian.

Update

Semenjak dua tiga menjak tutup I dah terbuka ni....(and thanks to MB jugak yang pi cakap kat orang yang kerja I ni, selain dari buat kerja yang berbayar, I juga ada kerja tak berbayar bersiaran sendiri dalam bilik I) I perasan juga I dah jarang-jarang menghapdate ini blog. Contrary to what Kiah speculated yang I ni ahsyik mahsyiok bercenta sampai lupa tanggung jawab nafkah batin kat dia dan Ani BNS tu...by the way, Ani tu really is not in the position to demand ye? Kang aku demand kau tulis blog sendiri...ado kau maso?

But, I have asked the kakak blogger glamour tersohor ittew not to reveal my real self. Elok lah orang tak kenal, kan?

Bebaru ni...semasa I tengah menjadi ular jelmaan kat Tate Gallery tu, I terserempak dengan seorang artis Malaysia yang glamour (zaman I dok Msia lah dia famous, now tak tahu laaa) yang sedang menyorong pram. I didn't think much of it until masa I dok dalam bus 14 sensorang, I dok tertanya, ehh, bila masa lak dia beranak..bila masa lak dia kahwin? Dia ni kira anak orang bangsawan gak, so tak mungkinlah dia nak buat process AI dan beranak sensorang...and being the anak bangsawan, idoklah dia nak cari income dengan menjadi ibu tumpang ni kan? Plus, I don't think she is the type yang suka-suka nak babysit anak orang..so tengok rupa baby tu yang chantekk, I rasa mestilah baby tu anak dia. Wah...balik je rumah, I pun tanyalah hosmet I yang juga adalah rakan senegerian penyanyi fofuler ittew. Hosmet I pun tatau..ye lah..dah kerja siang malam, bila masanya nak ambik tahu hal orang kan? Hal kucing pun belum tentu kita tahu lagi...URTV ka, Kak Pora ke..all the kak-kak kaki gossip under those silly pseudonym kat sokabar Malaya pun takdak. But kalau betul lah dia tu dah kahwin and dah beranak, maka I pun tompang happy lah naa? Ye lah..muka set baik-baik camtu, dapat ex laki pun macam haprak, bercenta dgn anak orang kaya pun tapi dok jadi barang perhiasan takde commitment pun, takde jadah nya, so kalau ada jantan yang nak..kahwin aje lah kan? Dah la kita ni makin lama dah nak sama umur dengan Madonna, ye tak?

Ohh..ni lagi satu nak cerita kat you all....bebaru ni masa I pulang ke gagang...I went and see this old guy yang juga bapak kepada kawan I. Well, me and his son is not that close but got acquianted during my short ASTRO stint, so adalah 2,3 kali I pi rumah family nya kat BD yang dipenusi rumah orang mega kaya tu. This friend of mind, bapaknya walaupun I think baya-baya my father..bapaknya is the young old man type...yang set-set kuat la lagi, main golf nyanyi karaoke segala. So since I'm in the neighbourhood, I thought I go and say hi, since anaknya kata..gi lah jumpa bapak and mak nya. Since orang kat KL sekarang kan memakai system buat appt dulu sebelum kau bunyikan bell pagar rumah ku, I called his house and instead of ngajak I makan nasik kat rumahnya, he arranged his driver to picked me up and off I was driven to some 5 star hotel for Hi-tea. This old boy memang interesting orang nya..ye lah..dia ni set-set orang belajar over-the-sea jaman ubi kayu, so yes, his creativity in managing interesting conversation really appealed to me (perlukah I cakap, I prefer orang tua-tua? Ish...)

Masa dia hantar I balik rumah MB, when I salam and cium tangan dia..ye lah..dia dah macam bapak kita kan...and he macam orang putih la juga kiri and kanan my cheek, dia cakap...if I am 20 years younger, I'll marry you for sure.

POMMM! I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or nak katok kepala licin nya dengan payung. Sampai sekarang I masih unsettled.

Kuning Itu Tidaklah Bersih Sangat Punn....Kan?

Before I returned, there was this big news about BERSIH. There is this huge majority of Malaysians who believe that our voting system is not as 'clean' as it should be. I for once, believe that. I grew up in a small town witnessing cash handouts to warrant a vote.

But siapalah yang tak BERSIH sebenarnya ni? Shall we point to the one who accepted handout and pangkah the party everyone think tak BERSIH?

It is best if I don't talk about Malaysian political scenario because I know noughts. But it is very apparent that all the so called pembangkang mahupung yang tidak bangkang adalah kaya dan raya.

Who is Anwar Ibrahim to call Mahathir a maha zalim when he mercilessly toppled Ghaffar Baba and calling him an old git? There are all practically the same, although I have slightly more admiration to Tun Mahathir.

Since the Cameronian took over, we saw many students rallying in the streets of London. The Police is there to make sure the civillian like me yang nak pi keja naik bus tube segala ni are safe.

What was observed during the reign of Party Tidollah and prodigal SIL is that MaLAYSIAN have better freedom in many things. That's a good signs albeit weak leader. They can blog about every single thing that crossed their mind.

We should speak up about things that we believe need to be put right....like membayar tol dengan banyak nya and kenapa ticket MAS sangat mahal padahal yang naik nya adalah orang Malaysia (tetappp ni ada kepentingan sendiri)

Tetapi, bersihkan lah diri kita dulu sebelum kita bersihkan orang lain.

Banyaknya Soalan...

Banyaknya persoalan.....

Soklan satu...Kiah, jikalau kita sedang holiday dengan yang tersayang, adakah kita patut menghapdate blog kita sekerap yang mungkin?

Soklan dua...mengapakah kita tidak memakai tali pinggang ketika memandu sedangkan kita tahu, airbag saja tidak mencukupi untuk memanjangkan sikit nyawa kita..dan bila kita ni semasa memandu adalah berfeeling Hamilton gamaknya, biarlah membawak keta kancil sekali pun...

Soklan 3....kalau ada orang volunteer nak bersihkan negara kita, kenapalak kita rasa takut kalau kita rasa kita dah bersih kan? Kasi la aje...

Soklan 4...apakah kebaikannya menayangkan cerita hantu, one after another dalam semua channel berbahasa melayu (hantu) dan pelakonnya yang menjadi hantu mahupun mak bomoh adalah serupa dengan cerita hantu yang baru habis tadi?

Soklan 5, adalah bas dan lori kontena 20ft dan 40ft boleh menggunakan lane laju di Lebuhraya KL-Seremban? Wehh....tu hari dah mati sampai dekat berpuluh orang, tidakkan kita belajar lagi?

Nanti saya sambunggg naaa....

Malaysian Hospitality

I will have to endure another trip, so entry ini adalah ditulis dengan bahasa yang berpada-pada.

Often I say, going on MAS is only when it is awfully cheap....like below 500 pounds cheap. I am not related by blood or through marriage ties with MAS employees so relatives rates is not even an option. I do the domestic routes only because I can't stand AA sukatipakmaknekatuk dia meng alter timetable.

I asked MC, you perasan tak all the cabin crew semua stock-stock pakcik makcik? For someone who don't make up, I think I look far more better than our kakak kain ketat.

All in all, I still stand by what I have said all along. Dear MH, provided you're going extremely cheap to cater for the cheapskate traveller macam I or manalah tau tetiba ada pulak Chief Pilot ke leading steward ke (walaupun receeding hairline) nak kawin dgn I.....I think for now, biarlah I kayakan si Emir Arab tu ye?

MH1 is senyumlah kepada Pax seplastik-plastiknya......pastu bila kita mintak Diet Coke buat muka macam kita nak mintak sebulan gaji dia.

MH2 is served the food even when your pax is soundly asleep. Campak ajelah snack pack tu atas badan orang tu ye?

MH3 is don't bother checking on the pax. Love up kakak tudung can facebook on her Iphone all that 13 hours.

MH4 is orang putih is heaven on earth. Treat them right. Let them have a reclined seat all the time sehingga susah orang belakang nak makan.

MH5 is avoid making eye contact with pax. It will guarantee you a restful shift.

MH6 is, nobody forced you to work so why giving us the look like you have knife behind your neck? Please lah.....go pencen voluntarily.

MH7 is a national carrier aircraft, bukannya academy polis ye. So tak payah la nak berfeeling pengawas sekolah ke polis traffic pulak.

Sekian.

Love Me......(for my imperfections)

Believe me, there is at least 2 unpublished post before this posting. It is going to come out soon but Kiah and Ani (not their real name) dah buat gertakan emosi yang yo yo an...maka, in between kerjaku yang menimbun, ku hapdate jua.

I really don't have good stories to tell. Nak cakap hal ehwal semasa, nanti ada yang fakta lari lintang pukang. I hardly see people and there goes any source of gossips. Lagipun, apalah sangat gossip yang ada kat sini? I don't know any laki orang yang ada affair dibelakang bininya walhal bininya dok lah promote ke mithalian lakinya dalam blog (oopssss!!!)

Nak cakap hal-hal agama macam Bob Lokman tu? Hal agama kan tersangat sensitive...I ni dah le kena tuduh kaki tonggang segala, so apalah credential yang ada yang pi bagi nasihat-nasihat kat orang? Saying that, I dah banyak tengok orang yang dok berdakwah secara online ni...after quoting sabda Rasulullah SAW...a minute after, terus caci maki orang. Tidak kah itu bertentangan dengan kelembutan Rasulullah tu dalam berdakwah? And tidak kah kita tahu lagi yang manusia ni...memang senantiasa melakukan kesalahan????

Kiah bukan nama sebenar, as you all can see in my chatbox atas tu, dah ugut nak mogok lapar. Her mogok lapar is as good as lentent abstinence...so I think, until I come out with something...she would most probably bermogok laparkan her thoughts for more expensive bags yang boleh menjamu satu perkampungan (anak) orang asli.

I have been..and still am, very busy tahap dewa dewi ni.Kerja makin banyak dan nafsu kerja makin kurang. My mind is always somewhere else. I no longer bringing work home (sebab ada orang lain dalam rumah) and resolution after bulan 4 tu hari...memang tak nak dah bawak balik balik kerja ke rumah lagi. Rumah adalah untuk tido, tengok TV dan masak meggi.

I am now, much to Kiah annoyance...very much in love and much to many,many people disapproval too, doing silly things for love.

Often we say, we don't know what become of us when we are badly struck. Silly things that we do and why we do it. We become cruel too..at a point when love blinded our heart.

But are we really silly and blind? Semua orang lah cakap camtu...buta lah..jadi bodoh lah. Nak kata kena bomoh takdelah jugak kann...and I'm not referring to some Lombok genuine cases where some kena calit minyak or kena asap sampai yang rupawan macam Angelina Jolie pun boleh syok mati dengan yang serupa Acappan tu. Errkkk...

We make silly choices. There's plenty of good options but nak jugakkkkk yang menyeksa jiwa raga. All this for unexplained happiness your chenta have the effect on you.

Walaupun chenta itu kadang2 tak perfect e.g. takde pun nak kasik kita birthday present...bunga jangan harap lah kan??? Or bila kita cakap kat dia..I rasa nak makan Nasik Briyani and dia jawab...eh, jauh lah tempat tu...(boleh camtu?) tetapi kerana chenta, kita menutup mata saja.

Dan kita buatlah statement menyedaphati berbunyi...Love, for their imperfections.

So my friends....nama sebenar and nama tipu....please love me for my imperfections ye? Udah-udah lah ngutuk aku. Tak baik tau.....

Laterssss.

Slut and A Willing Prat

So now kita semua dah tau yang Ryan Giggs la jantan pemain bola nya yang telah membuat affair dengan one of the model ex gilpren seorang lagi pemain bola dibelakang bininya.

Hish...you might wonder with all the money they made, si footballer-footballers dalam UK ni dok menghunggun gilpren sesama sendiri aje. Like John Terry, si ex gilpren team mate dia jugak yang dihambik nya.

Well, I'm sure dengan sesiapa pun Ryan Giggs tu nak ada affair, be it belakang bini ke or depan bini dia ke, tu dia punya pasal lah kannn? He got money...dia pun hensem jualah ada nya. Kalau dia kacau I pun, I akan nak juga. Ye lah..I ni bukannya set-set pujaan ramai jantan, so kalau Ryan Giggs la yang nak, bodoh la kalau I tak nak kann, Kiah?

But yang tak best nya...alih-alih salah orang pompuannnnnnnn lah jugak.

The model he was having the 6 months affair with is branded 'slut' by many. So, adakah ini bermakna kalau kita ada affair dengan laki orang, we are automatically a 'slut'?

How dare you single woman...go and having sex with a willing prat?

Of course in some cases, the gold digger sort is immediately obvious. Remember Ashley Cole dengan hairdresser yang I rasa si Ugi kucing anak haram Kiah pun lagi chantekk. She had sex with AC masa kawan tu tengah mabuk dan muntah-muntah, pahtu..dia pi cakap kat sokabar (hahh..nampak la sangat nak buat duit from kiss and tell) yang dirinya yang tak lawa tu tak berdaya menepis si Ashley Cole ittew. Pastu bley pulak cakap...dia kesian kat Cheryl Cole tu. Ciskek kann pompuan camtu!!! Matikk la emo.

This Welsh girl...a former Big Brother contestant memang lah lawa....so dia ni takdelah yang set-set nak hadap duit boipren gitu. She should have known better yang Ryan Giggs tu laki orang..but, ye lah..kalau dah terjatuh chenta...laki orang,bini orang pun terjadi juga. So what, she is single...surely Ryan Giggs yang ngorat dia. Bukannya Ryan Giggs tu kena paksa pi kongkek dia kann? And..she got called 'slut'?

Single woman yang ada affair dengan laki orang pun...selalu lah kena label sundal bagai kann? Tapi, kalau laki orang tu tak willing, maka adakah ianya semua salah si pompuan itu?

Kalau laki ada affair dengan bini orang/gilpren orang pun..maka si pompuan tu jugakkk lah yang akan menjadi sundal nya, bukannya jantan tersebut. Ishhh....

Kesimpulannya.....we can always declare that we meant no harm, we did nothing wrong etc and etc...but once you commit something that is universally doesn't seems right to others, be ready to get called all sorts. If you walked out of your husband citing the unhappily married as the reason, maka siap lah satu Paroi Jaya akan mengata. But your husband can run as far as he can to the furthest pejabat kadi, few times with any girls older, similar and younger age with or without your permission...I bet he can still attend kenduri kahwin at his wife's kampung with his head (and tail) head high.

As usual....I don't have a point.

Banyak Chenta & Banyak Gila

This guy is having an affair with a girl he knows long, long time ago. Gilpren lama katanya..but dia also kata dia kena kahwin dengan bininya sekarang atas arahan keluarga. Okay..fair enough. We still live with strong beliefs that, kalau kita melawan kata makpak kita, maka tak berkatlah hidup kita nanti. Well, betapa selfishnya makpak kita tu kan...nak kita ikut kehendak mereka bab-bab jodoh ni. Just because diorang suka, kita kena ikut suka jugak ke? Pastu kalau kita tak nak karang, mulalah kata...berkat hidup kalau kahwin dengan jodoh pilihan makpak. Makpak ke akan hidup sekali dengan orang yang mereka jodoh kan tu?

Well, that is another story la. But just because you tak kahwin sebab chenta, you ada excuse besar untuk beronggeng dengan kekasih lama you? Yang kekasih lama tu pun...can't you not see what is happening? Takk...kita pun nak ikut bermusuh dengan bini kekasih kita tu. Hek illa...doh doh doh!

People tend to excuse what blatantly is wrong doing, when they are so blinded by love. Laki/bini kita orang ambik...and kita lupa pulak, yang kena ambik tu pun sebenarnya rela diambik dan kita bermusuh la dengan sipencuri laki/bini kita tu. Some even excuse the affair they're having with their ex, err ada tau yang macam ni. Nak kata dia salah, dia rasa dia betul. Kadang-kadang, kita pun rasa dia betul but bila kita pikir balik, apa ada hasilnya pada kita, adakah perbuatan kita tu betul?

Perempuan yang sorang ni adalah sedara saya. Dia adalah sangat lawa dijaman mudanya. Dia taklah tua sangat pun, just dia sudah disambar oleh jejaka hensem ini sampaikan dia tak sempat nak hambik SPM.Pun pilihan keluarga...macam Camelia kena kahwin dengan Ehsan. Ye la..mula-mula chenta lah kann...anak Gabenor, siapa yang tak nak. Hensem lak tu. Suami sedara saya ni bukanlah anak Gabenor, tapi dia anak orang berharta lah. Tapi ingat ye...datang dari keluarga berharta, tidaklah bermakna orang yang kita kahwini itu berharta jua. Lambat laun kalau tuan punya diri itu umpama biawak, family nya yang berharta jua akan naik menyampah...

Then this man (suami nya yang dari keluarga berharta tu) just jatuh terperosok pulak masuk satu kumpulan dakwah...dan sejak itu dia mula berfeeling orang alim gituh and terus dengan laju bak bas express kat Malaysia mengikut sunnah nabi, yakni mencari bini yang nombor 2. Cam siyalllll la sangat. Kerana chentakan suami, si isteri pi lah meminang bakal isteri no.2 dan mengikut rombongan lakinya pi kahwin dengan pompuan itu. Marah sungguh family isteri isteri pertama yakni sedara saya itu. Tapi apakan daya...kita aje yang marah, bini si tupai alim gatal tu tak marah pun. Pun begitu, the suami nya itu hanya pandai berbini tapi tak reti nak sara bini tapi masih tetappp menyombong macam Muammar Gaddafi. Life got so bad and from 2 household kena jadi satu, with 2 wife sharing a house dengan anak menciyak-ciyak....kalau dah laki tak bekerja, apalagi kerjanya kalau tak membuat anak kann? Dengar ceritanya, they have been asked to vacate the house (in fact, so many houses after that) sebab takleh nak bayar sewa because none of them are working. Bila ada sedara mara nak bantu, si suami can say..kalau you ambik bantuan maka jatuh talak. Ciss. If that were me, maka melompat-lompat I nak buat something so that the talak can jatuh maka aku boleh nyah dari hidup nya.

But the wife still.....sabar, sabar. Masih sayang kat suami baghal nya. Sampai semua sedara mara kata, kau peluk lah suami kau..hiduplah kau dalam batu (quoting what the suami said..ulat dalam batu boleh hidup) Iye? Habis tu, ulat dalam batu tu ada kena pakai whisper ke tiap-tiap bulan Bang oiii? Pampers anak? Nevermind pampers mak-mak kannn?

Gila chenta ke..bangang to the high heavens tu?

Yang hidup menahan hati kerna chenta pun ada jua...kekasih hati perangai cam puaka or getting involved with the impossible. It is always about two people...when one can't function properly, one need to make the honest decision. Despite the madness, we still have one very functional nerve in our brain that will tell us the awful truth. That's why when do something, we know when and where things aren't right.

Do the right thing while we still can. (Kiah, lawan lah or simbah lah Bapakmu dengan cuka getah...)

Update Yang Boring

And I wish the introducer had warned me off, on how addictive it can be.

When we first joined, we cringed over the number of friends we have. For some reason we feel that our facebook reputation is depending on how huge our friends list are. We are so desperate that we want to be friends with our friend's neighbour.

Adakah ramai kawan juga menjanjikan kebahagiaan? Entah lah...I am more happy being occupied with the games, honestly.

Status update adalah beraneka kisah...dari kisah kelakar hingga ke kisah yang boleh membuatkan you nak remove situkang tulisnya masa tu jugak.

The thing is, the FM will prompt you 'what's on your mind'. Sebagai manusia yang mempunyai macam-macam tatacara kerja kat kepala, harus banyak rancangan dalam kepala...and we literally writes whats in our mind, inadvertantly not realised that we are capable of thinking aloud too., sekaligus menimbulkan macam-macam kontroversi.

We like to assume that 'we are what we write' kadang-kadang. I do hope this is not right, although ada jugak orang yang kononnya nampak sensible dimata kasar (dan rabun) kita, tapi bila keluar status hapdate nya, ciss...kuat berdrama rupanya!

Ada yang suka menunjuk perasaan dalam status update nya...dan melemparkan rasa marah that when you read you pun rasa, eh dia ni...apesal tak pi bagitau kat orang tu sendiri, pi nyalak kat pesbuk pehal??? This are the people who claimed dia ni jenis-jenis pendiam and tak cakap banyak, tapi sekali marah (versi pesbuk) hah, world wide web pun bergegarrr (kata dia lahhh)

Tapi..bila dah lama tak update status karang, orang ingat kita dah mati pulak kan???

Now with the latest application dalam pesbuk, where people can know where you're at, lagi lahhh privacy kita menjadi semakin longgar. Kita pi McDonald, kita checked-in kat McD. Kita gi kedai jual seluar dalam pun, kita bagitahu kat orang. Ada tu, in my bed pun dia nak bagi tau. Weh...kalau tempat glamer ampun lah jugak kann?

And what is the point of all this actually? Kita nak orang tahu apa yang kita buat ke, or kita adalah penggila gadget terhebat? Nevertheless it is fun to read...boleh la kita perhati hidup orang kan?

Ward Round 1

Makcik Seripah Rohani berusia 80'an dan tinggal seorang diri dirumahnya di Kampung Tulang Rimau. (Iya,tempat ni memang wujud you all....) Suami makcik Seripah Rohani, also known as Makcik Sherry sudah meninggal donia beberapa tahun yang lalu. Makcik Sherry ada beberapa orang anak manusia dan juga beberapa anak ayam, kambing, lembu dan kucing.

Disuatu pagi subuh yang heninggggggg.....Makcik Sherry sebagai muslim sejati, bangun pagi untuk ber wudhuk for subuh prayers gituh. Rumah Makcik Sherry adalah bagak (ikut standard kampung laa, dah bilik airnya adalah attached bersebelahan dengan dapur, berlantai kan simen. Menurut Makcik Sherry, pagi itu adalah sojukkk sepoti biaso dan dio pun bejalan macam biaso ke bilik air eh. Itulah kali terakhir Makcik Sherry berjalan macam biaso.

*****

Seripah Hasnah atau Makcik Hannah Montana adalah anak sulung Makcik Sherry. Sebagai orang N9 yang hobinya dok colah ketiak omak, Makcik Hannah Montana tinggal tidak jauh dari rumah Makcik Sherry. Tugas Makcik Hannah Montana ialah membasuh kain kotor dan menghantar lauk untuk Makcik Sherry on a daily basis, walaupun Makcik Sherry selalu berkata pada anaknya Hannah Montana, takpayah lah ekau susah susah....omak masih kuek and bulehhh nak masak. Masak la untuk laki kau..tu yang ponting eh....err, potang karang, kau masak apo yo? (ishh..jahatnya mulut saya menambah ayat yang last ini)

Seperti biasa, Makcik Hannah Montana, dalam pukul semilan pagi waktu Malaysia dan Kolo Pilah, menghantar kuih kodok untuk Makcik Sherry. Hari ni Makcik Hanah Montana bangun awal, so sompek lah nak membancuh topung mo ikan bilihhh. Kalau tak tu kan, kalau Makcik Hanah Montana bangun lambek sobab malam tadi tengok Maharaja Lawak (Makcik Hanah Montana adalah penyokong kuat budak n9 ittew) maka Makcik Hannah Montana akan membeli nasik lomak ajo....(tak koso den nak buek seniri do...lecehhh, mano nak cari daun pisang bagai sekarang ni, pokok pisang belakang nunn dah habih diratah dek boghuk..) ----ini juga saya yang membawa mulut.

Makcik Hannah Montana mempunya kunci spare rumah Makcik Sherry. Selopeh dio memboghi salam...(manolah omak ni...omak, bedoso tau tak jawab salam, kata hati Makcik Hannah Montana) dan Makcik Sherry tak jawab, makan Makcik Hannah Montana memecah masuh menggunakan kunci spare itu.

Dari jauh kedengaran suara Makcik Hannah Montana....Ya allah...omakkkkkk, kenapo ni makk....Liyeh...Liyehhh (nama jiran sebolah Makcik Sherry) copek telipun spita...copek Liyeh...copek...!!!!! Maka Pakcik Alias rumah sebelah pun panggil la ambulan.

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Hari ini saya sangat boring, maka saya pun berjalan-jalan dalam ward. Apa saya buat dalam ward spital ni? Saya menjadi part time suster ngesot menjaga mak saya. Saya perhati, orang sakit dan orang yang jaga orang sakit semuanya dah berkenalan antara satu sama lain. Saya aje yang munyit sumbang. Maka saya pun gagahkan diri dan kaki.

Makcik Sherry terlantar atas katil dengan unipom hijau (baju orang sakit). Tangan dan kaki Makcik Sherry bersimen dan berbesi. Dah lah Makcik Sherry ni size zero, bila dah patah riuk cam tu, terserlah keazab sengsaraan kesakitan yang ditanggung oleh Makcik Sherry. Maka saya pun tegur...

Uwan...apo kono ni Wan...laaa hai...(sambil mengusap simen kaki Makcik Sherry) Belum sempat Makcik Sherry bukak mulut...Hannah Montana anaknya memetirrrr

Hah..ni lah omak kan...pengajaran ni Mak. Nak bobuih mulut Anah (Hannah Montana membahasakan dirinya, kantoi nama sebenar youu....) ajak omak duk mo Anah..omak dogeyyyyyy (emak degil) sekarang sapo yang sengsaro mak..sapo???

Makcik Sherry...allahhh...allahhh....dengan sayupnya.

Saya pun pandang Makcik Hannah Montana dengan terkezutnya...meminta kepastian. Makcik Hannah Montana menyambung...ni lah deh, Acik dah ajak dok mo Acik, omak tak maunnn...sayang na nak ningga an ghumah. Tahan deh dok sensorang...hah! tejolopuk deh jatuh lam lik air, maso nak amik air semayang. Nasib baik acik poei ngantar sarapan...dah kochutttt den lamo ateh simen lik air tu. Kuaso tuhan lah Acik maso jumpo tu masih benyawo (eh..makcik drama nya...) tepakso panggil orang spita datang angkek masuk ambulan..tu pun omak masih yo mengoluh 'omak lum semayang subuh laie ni haaaaa'. Acik kobar an, Omak jatuh ni, sampai tak buleh bangun, adolah yang patah ni..poei spita lu..nanti qadha' an lah semayang tu...kata Makcik Hannah Montana kepada saya. Menurut Makcik Hannah Montana, Makcik Sherry telah dibawa di spital Pilah tapi setelah dia didapati cedera amat teruk, maka dia telah dibawa ke spital besar.

Makcik Hannah Montana meneruskan perleteran terhadap omak nya yang terlantar itu. Antara kata-katanya termasuk omak dogey, omak tak kesian kek Anah, lopeh ni omak duduk lah mo Anah...nanti apo lak kato orang, di pikir eh kito ni tak nak jago omak etc etc etc.

Saya pun senyum kat Makcik Sherry dan berkata, Uwan..bawak bersabar yo Wan...berdoalah yo, biar copek baik.


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Moral dari cerita diatas....perlu dingat ye, orang yang sakit dan terlantar ini besar anxiety nya, so janganlah masa ni digunakan untuk meleter dan melaserrr. Senyumlah dan berilah kata-kata motivasi untuk orang yang sakit tu cepat sembuh.

Walaupun Makcik Sherry dah jatuh patah riuk, dia masih conscious yang dia belum sembahyang subuh. Saya yang tak patah kaki tangan ni, tak hengat pun nak sembahyang...insaffff nya saya.

Ciptalah technology seperti Careline (in UK) dimana orang tua yang dok sorang diri ada device yang boleh dipicit untuk meng alert pusat bantuan dengan serta merta. Alat ni selalunya dipakai seperti rantai. Orang tua-tua ni macam kita..ada pride dan akal mereka sendiri, kalau mereka selesa dok rumah mereka walaupun sorang diri, sokong sajalah hasrat mereka itu. Kang kalau dipaksa pindah, pastu tak happy, kang mati..maukah kita tengok mereka mati dalam keadaan tak happy?

Semoga Makcik Sherry cepat sembuh. Amin.

p/s Watak Liyeh diatas adalah rekaan saya semata-mata...tah sapo-sapolah yang Makcik Hannah Montana panggil mintak tolong telipin ambulan...entah-entah Makcik Hannah Montana telipon line kecemasan dengan henpon nya...kan?

May Day

I must thank you all....for those who keep on logging in walaupun takde hupdate. For your best wishes too.

Pada Kiah yang tak menyindir-nyindir mintak hupdate.

The last couple of weeks wasn't a good one but I'm glad that in many faces of adversity, there is also some happiness found.

This is a very quick update, I should say. Thus it is very important that I write about those who has helped to make things easy for me. I need to eat and sleep as this was the only two things I didn't do well for the last fortnight.

My friends are not many...but they are the ones you can't trade for money (only Anuar Zain or some chosen designer henbegs)

Kepada Ani bukan nama sebenar dan Kiah nama glamour yang digunakan untuk buat kerja terkutuk...thanks for the kind words during my sleepless days and nights. Thanks for the husband who is also my senior (I do hope your wife make you read this!) who willingly let the wife to see me and allow the liberty of me using the khidmat supir untuk lari berjumpa buah hati.

Kepada Kiah....for you this time, I shall spare my real feelings about the anak katak (yg reganya boleh menjulingkan mata but apa kejadahnya tak kalis air, spending all that money kannn?) but trust me..I will blog about it soon.

To Makji Eton,Lukman & Diva Parits, who cares too much.....with your prayers, maka ku dapat flight last minutes.

To MB's....in so many ways never stop caring...(walaupun sempat suruh ku make sure selimut berlipat and buang sampah sebelum gi airport)

To the one I love...from the day we kissed til today...for just being there, tak cakap banyak but to just hold my hand and smile, and make me feel better. (still...you tak boleh baca blog saya ye..)

To Allah the almighty....for the energy, for the blessing...and for the patience I thought I was losing.

See you soon.

Update

You remember the guy I told you about...yang kata suka kat I pada suatu zaman batu dedolu, tapi pastu kata his illness is holding him back. Tetiba now bila dah jumpa kat pesbuk, dah beranak hempat berbini satu lagi...(err, I rasa I lagi lawa dari bini nya..but hey, pompuan tu musti ada kejelitaan dalaman yang haku takde kann?)

Pada suatu malam yang I tak boleh tido beberapa hari yang lalu....err, dua tiga menjak ni memang saya susah tido tataulah pesal, saya sedang sibuk memasak dalam cafe saya kat pesbuk tu. Tetiba saya dapatlah message...dari this guy. I pun tak lah perasan my online status, maklum lah pakai notebook MB1 maka kita dah terlambat lah nak buat aksi-aksi disconnected kann? So, start lah berborak as in dia tanya satu...I jawab satu. I really don't see the point of being friendly or the need to keep in touch with him for that matter. Dia kan dah kawin...lagipun maybe pada dia dia ada hak untuk berkawan-kawan, apa pulak kata bininya nanti kann? Mula-mula tu boraks pasal biasa aje. Tanya perkembangan terbaru masing-masing. Then of course lah nowadays kalau siapa je boraks dengan I, I akan bagitahu plan yang I nak balik menetap kat KL for good...tapi rezeki aje belum ada lagi. So dia pun..macam sedara-mara I yang lain..tidaklah excited dengan plan I tu..kononnya economy Malaysia tu teruk la, itu la ini la. Ish..kalau economy teruk, takdelah orang beli henbeg, beli kasut & beli bling-bling in a heartbeat kann? Dia cakap la, stay where you are lagi bagus. Then I cakaplah actually dengan economic climate kat Europe ni memang la good time I patut balik pun dengan government buat cuts sana sini...but then I cakap, I got other reason too. Bapak I tak berapa sihat...anak2 buah dah makin besar and Mak I bukannya nak rejuvenate nak jadi muda kembali..so dengan banyaknya perkhabaran sedara-mara yang meninggal 2,3 menjak ni..hati I adalah gundah gulana jugak kan?

Then of course, chenta hati ku ada disana...walaupun dia tu kenkadang ada srupa takde aje kiranya. But, I miss having my gossip session with Kiah & Co, walaupun Sally benci tempat tu tapi demi I dia sanggup la turun padang dan ngabiskan tissue kedai tu. So, he start telling me about his work and his plans (dia ni dari jaman dulu banyak plan) and I sebagai penduduk Eropah ni bagilah pandangan walaupun apalah sangat idea yang boleh dicurahkan oleh seorang Social Worker yang hari-harinya dipenuhi dengan menyumpah dan disumpah orang? Then tetiba dia kata...ohh I selalu tempat ni (tempat I tinggal suatu masa dulu) and everytime I lalu kat situ, I akan teringatkan you. I pun cakap...ohh, ye ke? Ingat you kat I ye? Dia pun jawab...you, mana I boleh lupa. Hmmmm. Sebagai seorang wanita tulen yang bak kata Kiah, can't make up her mind (neither can make up her face..in my case) hati kecik I ni adalah jugak unsur perasannya memikirkan, adakah kau mau coba menggatal dengan ku? But knowing him yang memang peramah dari jaman muda nya...he is very sociable even dengan kucing kurap yang memakai sari pun.

After that I just leave it at that...nak sambung borak takut jadi lain. I ni dulu nak kata suka gila kat dia, idok le Kiah oii...but dia ni orang senegeri I, I kenal adik beradik & mak nya and dia ni memang la jantan berwawasan...speaking of which, one reported finding in KL yeah? Gossipp...gosiipp...(tapi, malaslah nak buang masa cakap pasal dia ni) and had he asked me I would have said yes. Masa tu, kuciwa dengan yang dah mati & MC, so sidia ni lah jantan mithali..tapi apakan daya berpenyakit yang sampai sekarang I tak pernah tanya apa sakit nya. Allergic kat aku kot, kan? Takpelah...maybe he is just being himself. Dia kan peramah dan baik hati. Tapi sedangkan pantai boleh berubah (oleh Tsunami) apatah lagi hati orang...oh, shall we use RPK as a perfect example...tak ngaku dah kan...yang dia dok menghoyan dalam blog tu ada bukti tu hini, dia lupa ka? Oh, he is an empty vessel anyway..tengoklah perutnya pun.

Oh ye saya nak tanya, selain dari jalankerjadotcom tu, ada ke website lain yang boleh saya cuba nasib saya cari kerja sebagai orang gaji kepada Raja Nazrin? Ye lah, saya ni takde kengawan millionaire yang saya boleh tepon..cik bagi saya jadik pasycoteri cik bley..maka kenalah menggunakan avenue-avenue portal cari keroje ni kan, Kiah?

***masih jealous dgn orang kat Norway ittew***

Aku, Dia & Henbeg

Once upon a time ago....I bought an ARMANI bag. Rega nya...boleh la I balik KL dua kali. Tapi masa tu, KL pun balik upon invitation (and lepas Amma tanya banyakkk banyak kali) and bila ticket kapalterbang mega murah. Gangguan perasaan lenlain (MC) belum ujud lagi masa tu. Errr, dia nya ada...tapi belum timbul dari dasar Sg.Congkak. Sebenarnya, ni saja nak bagitahu that this is one in few times yang I jadik mangsa 'sucker for advertistment'. I am so kedekut (with myself) hanya tuhan sajalah yang tahu. Ada jugak benda branded yang I terbeli (beli dalam keadaan sedar dan tidak) yang hanya dipakai sekali saja pastu tersimpan dalam lemari and I think I spent longer time regretting the purchase than admiring it.

Now I will tell myself, as much as segala bag dan clothing tu chantek-chantek...unless if there's nothing else that my money can be spent on, maka bag elbi, shernel, gucik,malbiri etc etc...can stay pretty in the window. Daripada kita spend 5 ribu untuk bag yang nama nya serupa anak katak tu, baik kita beli tepon blackcerry and pastu kita takyah komplen gf kita kat oversea tu hanya ada one sided affair je dgn kita. Ngertikkk?

Semalam I kluar bersama Image Consultant I...aka my hosmet. I cakap dengan dia, meh la ikut I pergi Central London...I nak gi survey henbeg ni, and I malu masuk kedai bagak2 ni sensorang. Ohh, I ni kurang konpiden sikit. This must have been satu pondan KLCC yang punya angkara, masa I nak gi beli perfume long time ago. I nak belikan hadiah hantaran my sister masa tu so begrudgingly, I ni disuruhlah pi ke KLCC yang macam glamer tapi takde apa tu. I can't remember what clothes had I put on but I know I dressed comfortably for me. Si pondan cipan bermuka tepong gomaks tu adalah penjaga counter perfume tersebut. Maybe I'm not good enough for him to layan so dia pun tak lah kacau I dok terbongkok-bongkok tengok perfume tu. I pun mintak lah samples sprayed on papers for me to choose. Barulah pondan tu berbunyi and start talking about the perfume and its range. I just smiled at him yang cara dia bagi info tu macam lah I ni tak pernah keluar Paroi Jaya. So I complimented that the perfume smells nice. Dia punya respon 'kalau you dengar berapa harga dia..mesti you terkejut'.

Hmmm. Betul lah orang kata kann, kalau anxiety you sedang tinggi, maka coping mechanism you adalah menjadi defensive tak tentu pasal. Masuk KLCC is macam masuk panggung wayang 10 minutes after the movie had started. Macam2 orang ada kat situ...macam-macam fashion statement and personality statement. Personality statement wise, ye lah..org kerja KLCC nak tunjuk lah kat orang yang datang kat KLCC yang dia tu kerja KLCC yang dipenuhi syarikat minyak atar tu kan? Maka bermulalah adegan defensive I dengan pondan tersebut. I look at him, terkejut? Kenapa? The small 50ml dekat 1000 ke? Not even 100 apparently but I was so annoyed and keep on questioning him. Why would I get shock to hear the price, what made you think that etc etc. Do you talk to people like that? Do I look like I can't afford 1000 worth of perfume? I become so arrogant with my points to derogate him he had to called his supervisor amoi yang tercungap-cungap nak cakap orang putih tu. I cakap dengan that pondan...your cheap foundation only deserved to be concealing scars on my bum. Too bad you're using it on your face. Sungguh tak perlu..tapi siapa suruh kau berlagak dengan aku tadi???

So yesterday I braved up to enter boutique-boutique henbeg yang reganya only Kiah & Sally wouldn't even want to waste their breath to moan about. Their salesgirls are exceptionally nice. Well, they have to. But they're also professional who will not tolerate shit from Mak Datin or Paria Paria Interlok yang rasa duit diorang tu sama besar dengan kereta Alphard. I left the boutique feeling.....even if I have that much of money spare, I will think again. It is good to work hard and aim hard. It's an obscene spending...unless kita taruk duit spare kita 10 hengget bawah bantal selama 3 tahun. I will need a strong mind to execute the decision to buy, walaupun duit tu duit I sendiri.

I bought one handbag recently yang beratus gak rega nya (yang masih ku sesalkan hingga ke hari ni kerna aku berjaya membuat salesgirl tu berjaya memporak peranda kan akal n fikiran ku) spent months carrying around KL mengundang compliment kengkawan yang tak pernah nampak I bawak henbeg. Love the compliments though..but, perlukah aku hidup sebagai pesakit epilepsy everytime aku bawak henbeg tu jalan kaki? It really restrict my peace of mind. Dengar aje enjim motor or everytime I walk passed people yang bertopi kledar n ber spek hitam, hati ku rasa macam buat ward round spital mental. Ohh tidak. You spent all that money for that?

Mulai dari hari itu..henbeg adalah untuk pi kenduri kawin n jumpa kawan2 yang tak memerlukan ku naik public transport sajork. But having said this...I am happy to do the shopping on behalf of my dear friend yang sedang dalam manic despressive state tu. At least dapat la aku merasa membuat tayangan perdana dengan paper bag berjenama tu. And I still cannot understand why la kita perlu ada henbeg lebih dari satu? With the crime rate kat KL, branikkkk ke kau?

Poco Poco, Lompat Lompat & Liwat Liwat

Okay....what can I write today??? Err, I don't like Malaysian Banks. But again...I may need their mercy when I don't have big cash to pay something outright. But I hate unnecessary politics in banks. The Manager seems to be holding the control, sesuka hati makpak nya. If he/she likes you..you get the loan. You get to open an account. Better still if you're related and teh tariks together on regular basis. I just wish they have policies like all the banks in UK. As long as you fulfil their (the bank, the ombudsman) requirement...you're in business. If they say...your result is in 5 working days, and 5 working days it is. Nothing religious about the banks here. There is no Mary Mother of Jesus banking scheme nor Star of David financing system. The only thing..if this can be class as discrimination is they like you if you're known to them for years. Like, if you bank with Barclays and trying to get mortgage through Llyods, maka Lloyds will not favour your application secepat kilat. But seriously, I cannot complain. Because as much as I disagree with lots of things...I need them Malaysian banks. But my patience is now wafer thin ice.

So, another guy went dead in that anti-corruption premises. Why? Only he (the dead man) can answer that. Did he climbed up to the window and jumped? So what to do to remedy this next time? Anti Corruption office must only be a single storey building? Ye lah...kekuatan mental orang zaman sekarang kan sudah sama lembut dengan kek chippon? We have one side of people who is eager to haram kan everything under the sun. Yoga lah..poco poco dance lah. Benda sekecik camtu pun nak semakkan kepala. Orang cacat, orang sakit mental kurang perhatian tak nak pulak ditolong..kan?

Well, we can all think can we? What is right and what is wrong? Like..ajak reporter tengok video seks tu bagus ke..when semua cerita yang ada unsur hard core sex kena banned tayangan nya? Ohh, I am not Anuar Ibrahim big fan ke supporters ke. I think the man is deluded. Dia pun dulu orang UMNO yang kerja nya menjatuhkan orang..so, sekarang orang nak jatuh kan you. Terima aja lah kan? Gi lah dok diam2 atas bukit tu. Duit you pun dah banyak...takyah lah nak bertanding and nak jadik PM. You pun dah tua..sakit belakang..sakit tu sakit ni. Tak habis-habis orang cakap liwat-liwat.

So apa patut kita buat sekarang? Sorang Ustaz kat Peghak kata..jangan pi rumah orang bukan Islam masa celebration raya depa. Jangan joget poco-poco sebab tu macam sembahyang orang Kristian. Agaknya..kalau ada gagak mana introduce Zumba lagi lah orang kata kita nak puja Raja Swaziland pulak kann? Nak tutup aurat pun sekarang you must make sure your tudung takde rhopa macam tudung kepala Mary Clarence Sister Act tu. Ish..tu lagi I takleh paham...kalau kita pakai salib sebesau tali kapal tu la baru nak meniru kann? No, kita tak payah lah buat apa-apa...tengok ajelah orang nak jadi pandai dan semakin taksub dengan ilmu agama nya. I ni ilmu tak banyak...so dok dendiam aje lah kan?

Love is about...hurting.

This two person is madly in love (kata mereka laaaa) the guy is married and his other half is a divorcee. They have been going out for a while...and in the end, the woman realised that she has had enough of being the other woman and started making plans...on her own. Enough is enough she said. And this guy, upon realisation that this woman is leaving and the thought of her being gone is killing him...finally plucked up the courage to end his loveless marriage. Of course hurting the wife..ye lah, teriba je pi cakap kat orang tu ko rasa ko tak bahagia and mahu blah...you ingat tak pecah belah kah hatinya???

The two got married and live in a place where nobody knows them. Happy. Tow lovers finally reunited and start anew. Two years ago, his wife caught him in bed with another woman. They have since went separate ways.

We often think that we are madly, crazy and insanely in love with the other person, that's kind of enough to build something and to warrant a good relationship. Everything seems so right when we feel so loved.

I read, I heard and I know about people having another relationship out of their present one. All for various reasons. I knew about a couple yang dua-dua nya pun ada affair. How they managed that, loving up others pastu balik ngadap laki/bini masing2 pun tak tahu lah.

Ada yang ber affair sebab kurang kasih sayang....but bila ditengok life mereka tu, it is either the other one is too busy paying attention to the practical part in their marriage. Ye lah, kalau the laki kata he is lack of kasih sayang from wife, lupa pulak dia nak pikir yang anak dah 3, orang gaji tak ada..wife pun kerja, so kalau terabai pun..bukannya terabai kat benda-benda tak berfaedah kan? The man expect the wife to be so super and the wife assume the husband to at least understand. Ohh, tak tahu ke kita yang untuk mendapat apa yang kita hajati..kita kena berkata-kata? Bukannya menggunakan teknik telepathy macam Kiah..pastu meradang sendiri.

Ada yang bangsa dah malas nak berkata-kata...sebabnya berkata-kata pun tak kan jadi apa. So the only to make things works is to adapt dengan perangai orang yang tak mahu berubah tu. Some people memang tak tahu nak berubah...but having think and said that, perlukah kita berubah kalau tak ada benda yang patut diubah? Kenapakah kita mesti mengharap orang yang berubah mengikut kita?

Some of us are very lucky that things come landing nicely on our feet. People just worship the ground we walked on and love us warts and all. People hurt themselves for us and they do crazy things. Kita tahu dan kita biarkan saja...janji apa yang kita mahu kita dapat. Jahat kah kita? Tidak juga...(sebab kita rasa kita tak salah apa-apa) but...if we love someone so much, why are we hurting them?